You are looking at Bob Lefsetz, a legendary crank who blogs about the music business, or lack thereof, and early this morning he quit.
Bossy has been a big fan and dedicated reader of Bob Lefsetz’ newsletters for a long time, even before Bossy had the chance last year to meet him for a hike in the canyons that surround Los Angeles.
Bossy was devastated to learn Bob Lefsetz was quitting. How else could Bossy find out about the scam of concert ticket prices and the racket of record deals? And then Bossy noticed the date of his post. April first.
One spring day when Bossy was a kid, her mother picked her up from grade school. Bossy can count on one hand the number of times this occurred in the sixteen years Bossy was otherwise required to take two subways to school, uphill, both ways.
The list of times Bossy’s mom gave her rides to or from school looks approximately, exactly, like this: that time Bossy had an eye appointment to get her first pair of contact lenses, that time the temperature dropped below zero and Bossy thought it was fun to break off her wet icy hair in clumps, that time John Lennon died.
So there was Bossy’s mom waiting in front of Bossy’s grade school. And this is the vehicle she was waiting in:
Bossy climbed in the car and, after a dramatic pause, Bossy’s mom began talking. “It’s really a shame about your school district,” Bossy’s mom said. “But it’s not sooooo bad if you think about it, because at least you’ll still get two weeks of summer vacation.”
Bossy had no idea what her mom seemed pained to tell her, even as Bossy’s vulnerable heart dropped at what sounded like a deviation from the nearly three months of summer vacation Bossy was accustomed to.
This might be a good time to explain that Bossy’s mom is able to lie in the same way some people can win the Nobel Peace Prize for their human rights’ efforts in China.
Which is to say very effectively.
“You knowwwwww,” Bossy’s mom continued. “I’m sure you heard Philadelphia decided kids need to go to school through the summer months — but the good news is you still get two weeks.”
If there is a stress test administered to children, Bossy is pretty sure it includes the above sentence.
But before Bossy’s blood could fully pool at the base of Bossy’s cerebellum, Bossy’s mom said, “April Fools!”
Bossy can sum up what this particular joke did to her in this way: It’s about the only thing Bossy remembers from grade school.
Which is what today’s Ten-Word Challenge is all about. Even if it’s not Tuesday! In exactly ten words, can you tell Bossy about an April Fools’ joke you pulled off on someone else or was administered to you?
And be sure to check back later today for the best April Fools’ jokes on the web!
Mom101 says
April 1, 2012 at 11:10 amTold the kids they had school today. 4 year olds are so easy.
(But here’s my very favorite: http://www.coolmomtech.com/2012/04/hunger_games_app_for_kids.php)
Mom101 says
April 1, 2012 at 11:10 amAPRIL FOOL’S! I used more than 10 words!
Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food says
April 1, 2012 at 11:30 amI hate April Fools’ Day. I’m hiding inside until tomorrow.
Bobbie says
April 1, 2012 at 12:35 pmCalled my mother’s friend to tell her she had died. She thought I was making an April Fool’s Day joke. (Twenty-five years ago today. Miss you Mom!)
Cindy in Walla Walla says
April 1, 2012 at 12:40 pmSwitched sugar — salt. Grandmother stoically ate salty cereal. Feel bad (still).
Janell says
April 1, 2012 at 2:51 pmSon got me good. “Mom, I’m sick”. Right before school.
Allegra says
April 1, 2012 at 3:09 pmHung 9’x12′ ”Going out of Business” sign on Automall billboard
Allegra says
April 1, 2012 at 3:10 pmPut flour in men’s room powdered soap dispenser at work.
dobes says
April 1, 2012 at 3:50 pmSwitched salt for sugar. Mom’s sister called to announce engagement as Mom sat down with tea. “Bleeecccccchhh!” said Mom.
dobes says
April 1, 2012 at 3:52 pmLeft stickie on colleague’s monitor telling her to return a call. She dialed # and asked if Mr. Beare was in. “You do know this is the zoo,” came the response.
Harbormom says
April 1, 2012 at 5:04 pmdaughter was due March 7. Born April 1. Fooled me!
GBS says
April 1, 2012 at 5:24 pmHey! April Fools jokes are VERBAL! Switching flour for soap and salt for sugar is just mean.
krg says
April 1, 2012 at 6:43 pmhope bossy is not fooling us that she is back.
Maggie says
April 1, 2012 at 9:50 pmHusband had son exclaim long-awaited Girl Scout cookies arrived. Not!
Old Married Lady says
April 1, 2012 at 9:52 pmTold hubs I was leaving. He said hasta la vista.
(we are still married today)
MomQueenBee says
April 1, 2012 at 10:16 pmHere comes Grandma in her bathing suit! (Never gets old.)
Catherine McP says
April 1, 2012 at 11:45 pmPuts paper inbetween sandwich meat and cheese, always works. Suckers!
Chris says
April 2, 2012 at 8:11 am“We’re thought we would drop in for breakfast. Come open the door.” (phone call to out of town college student son at 9 a.m. on Sunday.) (It was funnier for us than him.) (Sorry, more than 10 words.)
gk in mi says
April 2, 2012 at 8:34 amSimilar to dobes: Had coworker call zoo & ask for Mr. Lyon.
Arli says
April 2, 2012 at 9:03 amTold everyone I was joining the Army (at age 46)!
Alison says
April 2, 2012 at 10:12 amTold my son refs decided Buckeyes actually won Saturday’s game.
Domesticus says
April 2, 2012 at 12:26 pmSomebody substituted vodka for the water in our music director’s water bottle. It wasn’t me!
MIME says
April 2, 2012 at 1:35 pmRubberband around kitchen sink sprayer, whomever uses faucet gets wet.
helenel says
April 2, 2012 at 3:01 pmKids asked for PB&J. They got pickles, butter, and jelly.
kathy says
April 2, 2012 at 4:50 pmFor my big bother who died suddenly March 23 ( remember Bossy, the one who looked like Martin Mull’s younger brother)? Makes me P B And J Peanuts Beets and Jelly
kathy says
April 2, 2012 at 4:54 pmAlso says my car stolen parked over at my Nana’s
krg says
April 3, 2012 at 8:41 pmdaughter made me think she voted bush. bi#ch. love her!
Charlie says
April 4, 2012 at 4:44 pma woman took my dreams
and put them back
upsidedown.
Tootsie Farklepants says
April 5, 2012 at 1:46 amSecretly drove coworkers car around the corner. Had client call as police to inform joyriders had just been pulled over, was it stolen? (can’t do this in 10 words)…hilarity (and vengeance) ensued.
elz says
April 6, 2012 at 10:22 amOh, Bossy’s mom, that’s terrible. And awesome-I’m using that April Fool’s joke next year on my kids. Bwah hahah
shonna says
April 12, 2012 at 5:50 pmI was due any day with my second child. My friend worked on the floor above me. After alerting everyone in her office (but her) and feigning not feeling well at lunch, I called her to exclaim that my water broke, can she get me to the hospital. After screaming the news to her office, they yelled back, “April Fools!”
Her Ace in the Hole says
April 12, 2012 at 5:54 pmPretended I was official. Husband paid thousands in parking tickets.
julie says
May 18, 2012 at 10:11 ammy bday! Dad called HR and they “fired” me. GOTCHA!