Young Bossy never thought much about legs or hair or leg hair until a very catchy commercial began airing all over Bossy’s childhood:
Wearing what these days would pass for ski pants, four energetic girls high-kicked their legs across the television screen singing, “We wear short shorts!”
The commercial was for a hair removal system, which, according to the advertisement, consisted of a cream you spread on your legs like butter that dissolved pesky hair and facilitated the confluence of women who enjoyed dancing in the street.
Needless to say, young Bossy became curious about this product, which seemed infinitely easier than the alternative: a sharp blade applied at a mysterious angle, narrowly preventing death.
So young Bossy and a few of her friends who also didn’t need to shave experimented with this product. The results ranged from a burning sensation to spotty removal, and Bossy quickly ran out of the Monk’s patience required to apply a cream to what is best described as the acreage of her legs.
In Bossy’s limited childhood experience, removing the hairs on one’s leg with a cream was about as effective as baking a cake in an Easy Bake Oven, which is to say both results were underdone.
The next time shaving entered young Bossy’s sphere was in a conversation Bossy was having with her mother. “Why would you want to shave when you don’t need to?” Bossy’s mom pleaded, detailing Bossy’s age as well as the invisible blonde hairs on Bossy’s legs as proof. “But they’re not invisible,” Bossy argued. “They glisten in the sun.”
Bossy’s mom may or may not have acquiesced, but one thing she made very clear: one should never shave their leg above the knee. “Shaving the hair above the knee is unnecessary and causes the hair to grow in funny,” Bossy’s mom declared.
Enough said. Hair growing in funny is something most people fear the whole of their lives. “David Bowie shaved his eyebrows and they never grew back right,” was something beyond an urban legend in Bossy’s life — because it was legend in the suburbs too.
“If you shave a Golden Retriever, the regrowth will become an unmanageable mat of hell,” was another such thing. As if what was once a dog would become an unkempt bush:
With these threats lessons as Bossy’s guide, Bossy began shaving with razors. And her life passed uneventfully. The end.
Except it’s not quite the end. Because Bossy had a daughter of her own. And one day that daughter removed the pacifier from her lips and asked if she might begin shaving. Okay, maybe Bossy’s daughter wasn’t quite that young at the time, but like most milestones in parenting, it sure felt that way.
“Why would you want to shave when you don’t need to?” Bossy pleaded, detailing Bossy’s daughter’s age as well as the invisible black hairs on her legs as points of proof. “But they’re not invisible,” Bossy’s daughter argued. “They glisten in the sun.”
Like Bossy in her own childhood, Bossy’s daughter retreated into this parental argument for a small span of time until her peers could provide the necessary information and support.
So in effect, one day Bossy was taking a shower in the one bathroom shared by the entire family and it looked like this:
And the next day Bossy was taking a shower in the one bathroom shared by the entire family and it looked like this:
It was a new thing. A new thing come to live in Bossy’s family shower, and it went by the name of razor. But you can call it Bossy’s daughter’s razor for short. And there it was hanging on the shower wall.
And that’s the conversation that Bossy and her daughter had about the introduction of shaving into her daughter’s life, which is to say: no conversation.
Bossy and her daughter have made up for that lack of conversation since, though, in their incessant review of this and that razor, weighing things like effectiveness and convenience.
Often razors confuse Bossy and her daughter. Often the razors feel cheap like disposables but they carry a heftier price tag and encourage the purchase of replacement blades. Bossy and her daughter can never remember what they’re supposed to buy when they’re in the drugstore and so have become fans of the true disposable razor.
Enter the Venus Embrace and Passionista Fruit Satin Care. As something of a razor expert by virtue of the fact Bossy has been shaving for a bazillion years, Bossy agreed to try out these two products and proffer her opinion. Well two weeks have passed, and Bossy is here to offer the following very thorough and scientific review: you use them, it removes hair. And in a less punishing, smooth shave way
Enter you. The Venus Embrace would like to give one lucky Bossy reader a $50 Visa gift card for answering one simple prompt: Share a tip for tackling tough “firsts” conversations with your kids.
Good luck Bossy readers!
Rules:
No duplicate comments. You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods:
a) Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post
b) Tweet about this promotion and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post
c) Blog about this promotion and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this post
d) For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about an alternate form of entry.
This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected.
The Official Rules are available here.
This sweepstakes runs from 5/21 – 6/30.
Be sure to visit the Venus Brand feature page on BlogHer.com where you can read other bloggers’ reviews and find more chances to win! If you have a first-time shaver in your home, you should check out some of these great tips from Venus Embrace!
Sandy Shoes says
May 21, 2012 at 8:52 amHave it in the car.
Ilana says
May 21, 2012 at 9:07 amJust dive in and do it. Once you start, it just seems easier.
Thanks for the link to the tips. My baby, I mean just turned 11, keeps talking about shaving.
juliet says
May 21, 2012 at 9:08 amThis isn’t an entry because I’m not a mom, but your post made me think of my own “first experience” with shaving. I wanted to do it so badly but was ridiculously impatient and so instead of waiting for my tired mom to muster up the energy to show me I took out her electric razor and went to it. Then I went to show her. She looked at my legs and said “You know you are going to have to keep shaving now.” I didn’t know.
My question is, honestly: Does the venus really work? I have had bad luck with those kind of razors. I like the Mach3 myself but it’s SO EXPENSIVE.
Tina says
May 21, 2012 at 9:18 amI’m looking for advice in how to start those firsts–my boys are all under 8, so I’ve not had many of them. BUT, I do have a science background and tend to be over blunt with biological aspects, so we’ve done more then some have already. But oh, so many more firsts to have. I like the “have them in the car” tip.
Chris says
May 21, 2012 at 9:22 amOur best conversations have been in the car – no eye contact needed.
My best lectures are delivered while they’re sleeping. I’m awesome when my audience is comatose.
I learned that technique from my Mom who never spoke to us about periods, sex, shaving, sex, plucking or even sex.
Ris says
May 21, 2012 at 9:23 amI think having those conversations in the car is a great tip! You can avoid direct eye contact but have them confined to a small space
mcconk says
May 21, 2012 at 9:34 amMy advice for the “first” conversations is to keep an open mind, and be sure and listen to the other person’s (your kid’s) point of view! They always think we haven’t been there, even though we have!
krg says
May 21, 2012 at 10:04 amlooking forward to these answers
Rochelle says
May 21, 2012 at 10:11 amAs my daughter is now 14, we’ve had our fair share of “firsts” conversations. And the thing my husband and I have always done is age appropriate honesty. Every time. She still tells us a lot of things about her life, so I think we’re doing OK!
Linda says
May 21, 2012 at 10:33 amWe just keep hammering at things at random. If we’re watching TV and we see behavior that’s not OK, we tell them that it’s not OK. My kid has recently pleaded with me to stop telling him to not smoke. He will never smoke, geez Mom.
I won’t stop.
bdaiss says
May 21, 2012 at 10:57 amYes, yes, and yes to all of the above. Cars are awesome for those conversations. Age appropriate honesty is the only way to go. And the old Nike adage of “Just Do It”. Because, it’s only gonna get worse if you don’t.
Kizz says
May 21, 2012 at 11:11 amI’m not a mom but I have a lot of mom friends so discussion of how to have discussions abounds. Just today a friend was talking about her young kid masturbating and how to keep it from being something the kid does at school without putting a shame marker on it. I suggested that the act be labeled as “special.” So special you wouldn’t want to share it with just anyone so you keep it private, in your bedroom.
I also heartily agree with the car thing. So much easier to have those conversations in the car than at the dinner table.
BossysMom says
May 21, 2012 at 12:00 pmI hate to admit it, but I left all of these conversations up to the peers. And yet my kids and I have a solid truthful keepin’ it real kinda relationship. Go figure, whatever works.
Jodi says
May 21, 2012 at 12:05 pmA lot of good conversations started in the car with my 21 year old daughter.
monstergirlee says
May 21, 2012 at 1:19 pmSo far with my 9 yr old son, I’ve been able to open a conversation brought on naturally by a friend’s lack of father at home (his bio father is a sperm donor) and I like to ask leading questions, and we’ve had some good talks. And that one, was in the car – yay for car conversations!
Thanks for a chance to win!
Mami2jcn says
May 21, 2012 at 1:22 pmMy daughter is too young still (she’s 2) but I remember my mom reading “Where do I come from?” with me to teach me about the facts of life.
mami2jcn at gmail dot com
Mami2jcn says
May 21, 2012 at 1:23 pmtweet–https://twitter.com/#!/mami2jcn/status/204623391003643904
monstergirlee says
May 21, 2012 at 1:23 pmTweeted!
https://twitter.com/#!/monstergirlee/status/204623079375257600
Carroll says
May 21, 2012 at 1:26 pmAdd me to the “in the car” chorus. So much less threatening for the kid who can continue to gaze sullenly out the window while taking in every word. And Mom (or Dad) can keep a cheat sheet down on the far side of their lap to be sure that all pre-rehearsed salient points are fully covered.
I’m also a fan of the indirect leading question — as in “A friend of mine is worried abut her kid because…” or “I read an article about…”
Also — be sure you’ve applied a good strong dose of deodorant because you *will* sweat!
tracey says
May 21, 2012 at 1:28 pmPractice saying the anatomically correct names for ALL body parts (girl and boy) as soon as they’re born because your 11 year old is not going to ask you about sex if you’re calling genitalia pee-pee’s and diddles and whatever cutsie names exist for female parts. What DO people call them, anyway? Nevermind. I don’t want to know.
Anna Marie says
May 21, 2012 at 1:46 pmSo far the only thing I’ve had to tell my daughter about is how babies come out – and since she was a c section I took the easy explanation and told her I had an operation. Not looking forward to the day she asks how babies get IN.
Elena says
May 21, 2012 at 1:47 pmI think it’s important to be honest,calm and respectful when talking to your kids about body parts etc.
Elena says
May 21, 2012 at 1:48 pmhttps://twitter.com/#!/ElenaIstomina/status/204629692496609280
Jami says
May 21, 2012 at 2:12 pmAlways have used correct names for body parts – ALL body parts.
I’ve always started any of the ‘necessary’ conversations with “Have you got a few minutes to talk? Yes, it’s important. No, you’re not in trouble, and I’m not going to stop asking. So, when you have time, we can talk and then I’ll stop bugging you.”
My son is 16 and my daughter just turned 11. He’s been shaving (face) for a couple of years. She’s been shaving (legs/pits) for a couple of months. Both started shaving because they needed to get rid of unwanted hair.
Stephanie says
May 21, 2012 at 2:30 pmmy daughter is only 4 mos old but when gets older im going to teach her to be honest and to be happy !
Stephanie says
May 21, 2012 at 2:31 pmhttps://twitter.com/#!/akronugurl/status/204640242626609154
Rosa says
May 21, 2012 at 2:36 pmWhen my daughter was a teenager, I remember being very supportive and always having open communication. This made it easy to discuss any growing concern.
Melissa says
May 21, 2012 at 3:07 pmLet your husband do it has been my strategy so far!
erin says
May 21, 2012 at 3:52 pmHave not had many first talks yet, but here is what my last one was…”What is that smell…hey you need to wear deodorant.”
Olivia says
May 21, 2012 at 5:39 pmAs usual, this Canadian is not eligible for this contest but Olivia wanted to add her two cents worth by saying make sure the kid is old enough to talk properly. I remember a 6 year old asking my then 4 year old (after my 4 year old had *shudder* shared the information I had given him on how the new baby would come out), “What’s a BEGINA?”
Steph says
May 21, 2012 at 5:48 pmWith my eldest daughter, she unknowingly brought up the subject of periods. She came into the kitchen while I was doing dishes and asked me what a period was…I then asked why she wanted to know..evidently they were talking about it on the Golden Girls. The discussion went well until she informed me that she had asked Grandma while they were watching it and she, of course, told her to ask her Mom when we got home!
courtney b says
May 21, 2012 at 6:09 pmthanks for the giveaway! my advice would be to talk WITH them not TO them!:)
courtney b says
May 21, 2012 at 6:11 pmtweet
https://twitter.com/#!/MeandBells/status/204695336323780608
amy pugmire says
May 21, 2012 at 6:37 pmI know they have a assembly at school when they are the right age but I would love to sit down and have a coversation with my kids when i feel its the right time. I do have a book to help as well.
amy pugmire says
May 21, 2012 at 6:38 pmtweet
https://twitter.com/#!/1amypugmire/status/204702607682453505
Lanette says
May 21, 2012 at 6:47 pmWell, I can give advice on how NOT to do it…DON’T do it immediately after being awoken from a sound sleep at 1 AM by inquisitive 9 year old daughter who wanted to know if a boy really had to do “that” to a girl to “get a baby in there?????” Still have no idea what I told her in my half-sleeping stupor.
Dorrie says
May 21, 2012 at 7:25 pmHere’s a tip for extending the life of your razor blades. You have to scroll to the bottom of the post.
http://dianagibbs.typepad.com/stampin_with_di/2010/10/drinkin-with-the-bff.html
April was in CT now CA says
May 21, 2012 at 7:29 pmSend them to your spouse!! LOL
janet says
May 21, 2012 at 7:48 pmDon’t give more information than is asked for. (And don’t end your sentence with a preposition.)
anna pry says
May 21, 2012 at 8:28 pmjust be straight-forward, honest, and keep a sense of humor when talking with your kids
thepryfamily@gmail.com
Kelly D says
May 21, 2012 at 8:46 pmMy daughter is only 4, but I keep my explanations simple and always remind her how pretty and smart she is!
Kelly D says
May 21, 2012 at 8:47 pmtweeted
https://twitter.com/kellydsaver/status/204735164268560384
Her Ace in the Hole says
May 22, 2012 at 12:26 amSince the only thing I understand in the rules is to post here, HERE WE GO.
1) Explain to your child that the best first time to use hair removal cream is on their father on the eve of his wedding day to a new stepmother. Tell the father he is getting a leg massage. He won’t suspect anything until the child and their cousin start laughing hysterically. Then he will rush to shower and children will learn that that cream stuff really works.
2) Be honest with children about shaving. Let them know that when they become 39 years old they will have suspicious dark hairs growing down the inside of their legs. These MUST be shaved off. We will call them “leg hairs”. Not pubes.
Julie says
May 22, 2012 at 1:51 amOnly answer what the ACTUALLY ask.
i.e. – no need for a history of sexuality from Adam and Eve through Snooki, when it’s entirely possible that when they asked “where did I come from” they ACTUALLY meant, “which hospital”
anash says
May 22, 2012 at 8:48 ami tell my kids the truth in due time about things and i know they will always trust me to tell them truth which sometimes hurts!
anash says
May 22, 2012 at 8:48 amTweeted:
https://twitter.com/#!/anashct3/status/204916317252354048
Thanks for the chance to win!
email: anashct1 [at] yahoo [dot] com
Erin says
May 22, 2012 at 9:09 amIt began on a warm day in spring when tank tops were finally okay to wear to school, according to Mom. A nasty boy in my fifth grade class was out by the monkey bars that I was happily swinging on with my friends. Suddenly, I hear his raspy voice from behind me, “Why do you mow that lawn!” I was appalled. The rest of the day I wore my sweatshirt because apparently I was a hideous underarm hair monster. I came home crying that day, and my Mom and I sat down in my room and talked it out. She was caring and understanding and made me feel okay about becoming a “woman” even though I could not figure out, for the life of me, why becoming a “woman” meant growing hair in dumb places like your underarms. She brought me into the bathroom and explained how to keep from getting cut with the razor and using conditioner instead of soap to make sure the skin stays soft after shaving. I came down to dinner that night a new “woman” and from that point on I mastered the art of shaving. Have these conversations with your daughters before something this embarrassing happens to them and they will love you for life…or just be there when it does happen and be kind and understanding.
DawnA says
May 22, 2012 at 10:15 amTalk in the car. It is much easier when you aren’t looking at each other especially for boys. Plus, if you wait until you are far from home they can’t really escape.
Shanna J says
May 22, 2012 at 11:25 amI think honesty is the best policy. Our kids come to us for truth not to get the run around. I’ve had a couple of conversations in the car and some more lengthy face to face talks too.
Ima Nideeut says
May 22, 2012 at 12:14 pmI send my kids to blogs for important information. Otherwise, I use post-its or text messaging.
Suzy says
May 22, 2012 at 7:44 pmThe most Important part of this post involves the picture of the 4 women at the top. When women were actually represented as real woman, with curves! When men whistled at them instead of yelling out EAT A SANDWICH.
I’d forgotten what we looked like!
Chris Lie says
May 22, 2012 at 11:27 pmHi, your blog really touches me, have been reading it for awhile… Just wanted you to know about a website i started ReadYourBiblesChurch.com… It’s a place for Bible study guides.. I also put a forum in that can be viewed from a mobile device.. I couldn’t find where to contact you privately so I’m commenting, hope that is okay.
God Bless!
Jenn.
Kim says
May 23, 2012 at 6:07 amWhat’s wrong with you people? Don’t you know: kids know everything and parents know nothing! Duh.
Just know that they are as embarrassed about it as you are and if you don’t tell the truth and they find out, they will never open up to you again.
I also love the car ride talks. Even better, I pretend to be engrossed in my driving and listen to the other kids in the truck. I always offer to drive.
Christie says
May 23, 2012 at 11:00 amI’ve found it’s best to first find out what they know, or think they already know, and go from there. I want to make sure that my kids get the final word from me but I know that they hear a lot of things at school, etc.
TanyaK says
May 23, 2012 at 1:06 pmRepitition is the key. Keep bringing the sensitive stuff up at random times and then (eventually) it becomes less embarrassing for them. Also, it’s amusing for me!
sandra says
May 23, 2012 at 6:58 pmMy 11 year old and I have just been talking about shaving. She wants to. Badly. I told her I was 11 when I shaved mine first. Used my Granddads facial razor at his house one weekend when my family stayed over. I sat on the counter and shaved up to my upper thighs. My mom played tennis and shaved past the skirt line. Hence I did too. Probably going to let my daughter shave this summer. Her legs are pretty hairy and it’s bugging her. Not sure which razor to get her. Hopefully I win this one and problem solved!
Does this comment qualify? haha
Lauren says
May 23, 2012 at 10:24 pmI’m not here for the giveaway, but just wanted to say that my mom always told me the same thing: YOU MUST NOT SHAVE ABOVE THE KNEES. I believe the assumption was that a good girl doesn’t reveal anything “up there.”
Linda Stewart says
May 24, 2012 at 9:18 amA special day out … just Mom & daughter to have those special ‘first’ talks. Doesn’t matter what the talk is. If it’s a first then make it a special day.
Mary says
May 24, 2012 at 9:37 amI too enjoy car conversations keeping them short and sweet. I also am a big fan of randomly saying, “Don’t do drugs!”, “Don’t smoke!”, “Don’t be morally impaired!”. They just laugh and promise me they won’t. So far so good.
Kelly Massman says
May 24, 2012 at 1:43 pmI don’t have any teenage girls–just a boy, but I think it is good to be interested in their lives and be willing to make time for them… Thanks for a chance to win and have a great day!
kmassmanATgmailDOTcom
Tina says
May 24, 2012 at 3:29 pmuse humor
bagel and cheesestick
Amy Tong says
May 25, 2012 at 4:51 amLOL…I totally enjoyed your review….Thanks for the good laugh.
Here’s my entry for the giveaway:
It is certainly not easy to be a parent, especially tackling those tough “first” conversations with my kids. But the best way I prefer is openness and be honest and straight forward. That’s the way I preferred to be treated, so, I’ll do the same with my kids.
Amy [at] utry [dot] it
Amy Tong says
May 25, 2012 at 4:51 amtweeted: https://twitter.com/uTry_it/status/205944161164206080
Amy [at] utry [dot] it
Chesapeake Bay Woman says
May 25, 2012 at 7:24 amUse humor.
A bottle of wine helps too.
(For the parent, of course.)
Jen Wolery says
May 25, 2012 at 1:26 pmChicklet and I had an interesting week. I suppose anyone who has a nearly fifteen year-old daughter has interesting weeks all the time… but life with Chicklet is probably a bit more… um… how to put this…hmmm… challenging? Entertaining? Hilarious?
It’s my own fault. I think. Maybe it’s my parent’s influence as well. I am a child of the sixties. My parents spent a huge amount of my formative years on college campuses… in the sixties. We lived in a desegregated neighborhood during the civil rights movement, and although my mother would never burn a perfectly good Montgomery Ward brassiere, she was definitely on board with the feminist movement. All kinds of people passed in and out of our lives. My parents were not exactly hippies, but they were a curious mix of beat-generation mixed with Midwest farmer-ethics, with a generous helping of military experience stirred in and then garnished with whipped transcendentalism and a feminism cherry on top. Yes… I know.
My parents were the ones living in the middle of a huge city with ducks running around in the backyard and a Do-It-Yourself submarine in the garage. I’ve been called weird my whole life, and I suppose it’s true.
I was raised in a home where people spoke openly about damn near everything. I don’t recall any subject of potential conversation being taboo. I made a promise to myself and to my kids that I would be the kind of mother that would encourage her kids to talk to her about whatever was on their minds… and they pretty much have.
Chicklet took this practice to a new level.
We were in the car driving, as we do hours every week. We stop for a restroom break at a Shell station. I’m sitting in the car listening to the radio when she bursts out of the gas station and runs to get into the passenger seat. The look on her face has me wondering if my sweet and xenophobic baby has snapped and just held up the place. She’s jittery and nervous, smiling too broadly and looks so excited she might jump out of her skin. I haven’t seen her like this since she spent a twelve hour road trip swilling a case of Red Bull and eating a pound of Twizzlers.
“Mom, you’ll NEVER guess what I just did!!!!”
(I’m beginning to get worried – maybe she actually DID just jack the place…I check the rearview mirror for blue lights before I turn to look at her.) Her pupils look normal, but her face is flushed and I look for evidence of a Red Bull can or Twizzler wrappers hanging out of her pockets…or cash… lots of cash… maybe even a squirt gun since she’s terrified of my real firearms. A picture of my sweet daughter holding up a gas station using a purple super-soaker flits across my mind.
“Hmmm… I ‘m sure you’re right…uh… what did you do?”
Chicklet twists around in her seat and bounces slightly, “You know those machines in the restrooms?”
“You didn’t break a tampon machine, did you?” I ask.
“Nooo. Not THOSE kind of machines…the OTHER kind of machines”
“What are you talking about?”
“The OTHER machines, Mom… the you-know-what (whispered) machines…”
“You broke a condom machine … did it fall off the wall or something?
“NO! I was sitting in there and saw the machine and I was reading it and I’ve never seen one before and I was curious and I….”
“You’ve never seen a condom machine before?”
“No – I mean yes, I’ve seen THOSE machines before, but I’ve never seen one of THEM – so I bought one and I wanted to see what it was like and I tried to buy another one because they were different, but the other side was broken or something and it didn’t work so I only got one.” (This is all said in teenaged-girl machine gun rapid hyper-speak)
“Oh… so what did you think of it?”
“I haven’t opened it – I wanted to open it with you – first I’m going to read everything on the package.”
I can’t believe it – my daughter, who has put off reading anything not specifically assigned for a class credit is engrossed in every bit of fine print on both the box and wrapper of a colored and strawberry flavored condom, purchased for seventy-five cents from the local Shell station women’s bathroom… I’m thinking if I could get Orwell’s “Animal Farm” printed on cheesy truck-stop birth control products, she’d get an “A” on her next book report…
“It says that you should not store this in a warm place like a glove compartment or in a wallet… so why in the movies do boys carry them around in their wallets for years and years? That doesn’t seem very smart.”
“And who told you that those boys are smart?” I ask.
She ignores me and goes on, “It says it shouldn’t be used if you have latex allergy… do I have a latex allergy? I don’t want my hands to swell up or get hives or something or have an allergic reaction – what would I tell people?”
“You’ll be fine, just don’t eat it or rub it on your face.”
She looks at me sideways and continues, “It also says that you shouldn’t open the package with scissors or a knife or even fingernails… so how do you get it open?”
“Use your fingertips and tear the corner of it gently.”
She is now silent and just looks at me accusingly… like at forty-something years old and after having three children, I shouldn’t know how to open a rubber wrapper. I look back at her and say, “Yeah, I’ve seen it done before… in a health documentary. It’s science, ya know.”
She follows my instructions carefully and pulls the flaming neon-red condom out of the wrapper, being careful to hold it far away from her body as if it were a venomous scorpion and squeals, “It’s wet! Why is it wet? EW! It’s so… so… WEIRD!”
She is totally freaked out and disgusted and although I don’t say a word, I’m very happy about her level of discomfort. At this time we both notice the scent of artificial strawberries filling the car. She looks at me and asks the question that I know is coming, “Why would it be strawberry flavored?”
I just look at her, raise an eyebrow and then look out the windshield. Just keep the car between the lines and keep going. The answer comes to her – out of the corner of my eye, I can see it tiptoe across her face. Her eyes get wide, her nose wrinkles in disgust, “Oh. My. God! EW! EW! EW!”
At this point I can’t decide if I’m in Heaven or Hell. On one hand, I’ve got a daughter who is totally disgusted with the idea of any activity that would include use of this item – which at her age is a very good thing – on the other hand… well… I guess there really isn’t a down-side after all. Having looked at the wrapper when she discarded it, I decide to push it a little further, knowing full-well that what comes next will clinch the deal that she’ll remain a virgin until she’s thirty-five.
“Unroll it,” I tell her.
“What??”
“Just unroll it.”
The extra-extra large condom unrolls. It looks like a huge wet red chili pepper – even empty, it looks intimidating as Hell. It looks angry. It looks the symbol of all things scary to a teeny-tiny teenaged girl. She screams and throws it out the window as I settle deeper into my seat, smile, relax and continue the drive home.
mitzi says
May 25, 2012 at 1:59 pmJen Wolery, IMHO. you win this contest hands down. Awesome story.
Brandy says
May 25, 2012 at 6:03 pmBe honest. be open. Be conversational.
Tenntrace says
May 26, 2012 at 8:56 amFirst, all conversations in the car – that way there is no eye contact and more things get said. Also, when having the “shaving discussion” with female children, do not mention that shaving creme is an option. This causes it to become a necessity, and repeated trips to the store because they’ve run out and CAN”T shave without it, no matter how much you tell them that you’ve used soap for years without damage. This in turn compounds the cost of shaving with fancy razors with expensive blades by adding the cost of fancy smelly shaving cremes.
Tiffany Winner says
May 26, 2012 at 3:58 pmI think if you have a good relationship with your kids as they’re growing up, all important conversations will come much more naturally.
thismomwins@gmail.com
Rebecca Graham says
May 27, 2012 at 3:08 amI have boys and I let their dad tell them the “firsts”.
Jessie C. says
May 28, 2012 at 12:22 amBe honest and realistic are best tips from my experience.
tcarolinep at gmail dot com
Jessie C. says
May 28, 2012 at 12:22 amhttps://twitter.com/tcarolinep/status/206963439799779328
jill says
May 28, 2012 at 9:08 amI don’t do subtle. My daughters know that I’ll give them a straight answer. And I try to give my girls all the information beyond an emotional response. I want them to see the big picture and how actions are linked to things they may not have acknowledged at first glance.
Kristy says
May 29, 2012 at 9:08 amBe honest and keep your sense of humor.
Shelley says
May 29, 2012 at 11:31 amWhat “would pass for ski pants” today!
Laura A. says
May 29, 2012 at 6:08 pmin the car, yes please and thank you
Teresa says
May 29, 2012 at 6:51 pmBeautifully written post.
The hairs gleam in the sun…that’s a problem when you’re a teenager. Years down the road, it’s more like, The hairs gleam in the sun…Well, so what? It’s kind of interesting looking.
Tootsie Farklepants says
May 30, 2012 at 1:25 amMy tip with difficult conversations with the kids (where difficult oftentimes equals…uncomfortable) is total honesty. They’re going to get so much crazy, mixed up information from their peers, they should get the truth from their parents.
Tootsie Farklepants says
May 30, 2012 at 1:32 am@Jen Wolery ….“You’ll be fine, just don’t eat it or rub it on your face.”
OMG I think I pee’d my pants. I will remember this forever.
Heather says
May 30, 2012 at 5:08 pmwith ice cream. everything is better with ice cream
Memphis Steve says
May 30, 2012 at 6:09 pmI once had a company promise to send me a penis enlarger on the condition that I review it on my blog. I was bored so I agreed and sent them my home address. They never sent the enlarger, so I reviewed it anyway and said it didn’t work. I think that was fair.
Carol says
June 1, 2012 at 12:28 pmAge appropriate straight-up is my style. My kids have never been fearful to ask any questions…including those to my very formal father in law, “Pop, do YOU have a penis?”
Melissa says
June 1, 2012 at 1:42 pmMy mom waited forever to acknowledge the fact that I needed to shave my legs.
I wish she had introduced me to the world of “shaving” much sooner, so many more clothing options
Amanda C says
June 1, 2012 at 2:03 pmGreat post Bossy!
Since I have two sons, I kinda leave “the firsts” conversations up to their Dad. lol Oddly enough, the oldest is already shaving. UGH! Neat give-away! Thanks! 
Amanda C says
June 1, 2012 at 2:07 pmAnd I tweeted about it: https://twitter.com/mandorac/status/208620535108739074
Thanks again!
Philly says
June 1, 2012 at 8:04 pmBossy, you’re losing me. Where you be at lately?
Kate says
June 1, 2012 at 9:49 pmAsk them WHY. My parents made me write a detailed report on why I wanted to wear makeup when I started begging.
Amanda Sakovitz says
June 2, 2012 at 12:30 pmbe patient and understanding. Share with them a personal childhood/teenage memory of your own!
Amanda Sakovitz says
June 2, 2012 at 12:30 pmhttps://twitter.com/aes529/status/208958825456349184
Jessica says
June 4, 2012 at 12:07 amWhat is this? We haven’t heard a decent post in ages, now we are given this lame advertising post? Boo. What the heck are you doing with your life? I hope you’re not worrying about perfecting your complexion or teeth whitening or whatever. I miss the posts about eating popcorn and heart scares, pedastool tables and flat tires, figure skating and Christmas carols, turkey dinners and apartment hunting comedies. Bossy, wake up! P.S. Dooce is seriously dumb. I hope you’re over her ridiculous blog. I blame you for the time I’ve wasted reading her nonsense. I do, however thank Pioneer Woman for linking me to your site…even though it has seen much better days. – a sometimes reader in Texas
Caroline says
June 4, 2012 at 7:42 pmBe as honest as you can and answer questions simply and without judgement. And then give them your blessing, your absolute permission and encouragement, to remain innocent as long as possible
Marnie says
June 5, 2012 at 10:48 amJust had the “You’ll have to do it several times a week forever” conversation with my daughter about 6 months ago. That stopped her, until summer came along again (GAH, the GLISTENING!). After another discussion about options, she chose waxing. Love it. But I know it will come up again. (But, I still shave, forever.)
Tina M says
June 5, 2012 at 11:56 amMy daughter is too young. I’m going to teach her just be herself and honest
Tina M says
June 5, 2012 at 11:56 amhttps://twitter.com/HappyTina0115/status/210037419905531905
souphead says
June 6, 2012 at 12:04 pmmy daughter is only (almost) 11 months old so…not much advice on firsts here.
A, if you stand and walk instead of walking on your knees your knees won’t get so bruised.
souphead says
June 6, 2012 at 12:06 pmtweet tweet tweet
https://twitter.com/souphead/status/210402164630237187
Kris says
June 6, 2012 at 3:59 pmIt is easy to talk with kids to tell them about life… it is natural and they should be talked with frequently over the years. Just tell the truth, treat them with respect, and trust that they are smart enough to understand.
In regards to shaving, that is a cultural thing that we do to “fit in” to society, and that is how I will explain it.
KDSyrjala @ gmail.com
Deb Anderson says
June 10, 2012 at 9:55 amtweet
http://twitter.com/tnshadylady/status/211818723726733314
steph says
June 10, 2012 at 2:03 pmmy tip is to have the conversation over a meal so you can process while you chew!
steph says
June 10, 2012 at 2:04 pmhttps://twitter.com/DesMoinesDealin/status/211881258442178561
Erika says
June 12, 2012 at 8:36 pmMy daughter is only (almost) two, so we haven’t had those big conversations yet, but when we do, I hope to be honest and listen well.
chambanachik@gmail.com
cw says
June 15, 2012 at 7:52 pmjust try to be open and honest about everything so it doesn’t feel awkward or embarassing….instead it is just part of life.
sy says
June 17, 2012 at 4:48 amtweet: https://twitter.com/syytta/status/214278203315982336
songyueyu at gmail
sy says
June 17, 2012 at 4:51 amMy mom always start with sharing her own experience with the situation, it was good to hear her story and relate to them,
songyueyu at gmail
Debbie B says
June 17, 2012 at 9:18 pmthings like shaving are simply a fact of life – just be open and honest – sharing a mother -daughter day helps too!
debbiebellows (at) gmail (dot) com
Karina Lee says
June 19, 2012 at 5:34 pmmy daughter is still a baby so I haven’t had to have any “talks” with her yet
karinaroselee at gmail dot com
Karina Lee says
June 19, 2012 at 5:34 pmhttps://twitter.com/karinaroselee/status/215195815399010304
Sandy says
June 20, 2012 at 4:32 amKids ask questions! About everything! When they do, answer them. Honestly, briefly. If they want more information, they’ll ask more questions. Don’t overload them with information they didn’t ask for. Example: 5yo asks, “Mama, where do babies come from?” Mom launches into long, detailed explanation. Kids says, “Oh, Stella’s new little sister came from the hospital.” If it’s inconvenient to answer their question when they ask, say, “I’m not sure. I’ll have to think about that, and we’ll talk about it later.” or “This isn’t a good time for me to answer that question. We’ll talk about it later.” And do that! Keep it short, or you will hear their eyeballs clattering around in their heads! We have 8 kids, and they all talk to us all the time about everything!
Christina Tong says
June 21, 2012 at 3:40 amTackling tough “firsts” conversations with my kids is not too easy, but I would have the conversation with him/her personally and be honest, also share my past experience, he/she would be interested to listen and learn.
ctong2[at]gmail[dot]com
Christina Tong says
June 21, 2012 at 3:42 amI tweeted about this promotion: https://twitter.com/ctong2/status/215711087872577536
ctong2[at]gmail[dot]com
LAMusing says
June 22, 2012 at 12:16 amGreat post! My mom the same shaving conversation with me when I was young. That is to say none
I don’t have kids so I don’t have to think about those firsts
Norma says
June 22, 2012 at 12:18 amMy daughter was pretty easy – just try not to be uptight (I was on occasion) and it’s much easier
LAMusing says
June 22, 2012 at 12:24 amTweet! https://twitter.com/LAMusing/status/216022974321528832
Gina M Maddox says
June 25, 2012 at 1:36 pmI think being open with your kids is my best advice. Thanks for the chance to win!
gina.m.maddox (at) gmail (dot) com
Gina M Maddox says
June 25, 2012 at 1:36 pmtweet-https://twitter.com/CrazyItalian0/status/217310290394615809
Betty C says
June 28, 2012 at 12:57 amShaving is one of the easier conversations I think. At least my daughters didn’t ask to start shaving way too early. Now the conversations about sex and periods were much more difficult. My mom was too embarrassed to discuss it easily so it was hard for me too. I tried to make it part of my ordinary conversations and I think it succeeded fairly well.
maria cantu says
June 28, 2012 at 4:35 pmI am honest with my daughter about everything.
Kerry says
June 28, 2012 at 7:49 pmWhen we have one of those ‘firsts conversations’, I just make sure my kids know that they can ask me any questions.
Cori Westphal says
June 28, 2012 at 11:19 pmI’d have to say that honesty is the best policy in any ‘first’ moment. Be honest and be comfortable and your kids will trust you!
coriwestphal at msn dot com
Cori Westphal says
June 28, 2012 at 11:26 pmTweet: http://twitter.com/coriwestphal/statuses/218545811167002624
coriwestphal at msn dot com
Betty C says
June 29, 2012 at 11:20 amTweet – https://twitter.com/willitara/status/218725332050640898
Tabathia B says
June 29, 2012 at 11:37 amDon’t be afraid to tell them you don’t know something, but be prepared to find the correct answer
tbarrettno1 at gmail dot com
Tabathia B says
June 29, 2012 at 11:37 amtweet
https://twitter.com/ChelleB36/status/218728560834252805
tbarrettno1 at gmail dot com
Jammie says
June 29, 2012 at 6:20 pmBe honest! We are very open with our daughter, so conversations like this are not hard. sweepmorey at gmail dot com
Jammie says
June 29, 2012 at 6:21 pmtweeted https://twitter.com/mommysdizzy/status/218831473443217408
Debra F says
June 29, 2012 at 9:16 pmMy best tip is to approach the conversation and answer only the questions your child has at the time – don’t overwhelm them with information they may not be ready to deal with.
angie lilly says
June 30, 2012 at 9:41 amMy mom had the best policy about 1sts when I was a kid and if I had kids I would do the same: if you are old enough to ask, you are old enough to know. This goes for anything from shaving to sex to drugs whatever. Don’t let your kids be misinformed because you are afraid they are too young to know the truths.
angie lilly says
June 30, 2012 at 9:42 amI tweeted here: https://twitter.com/MsTofuFairy/status/219062852231766016
Julie says
June 30, 2012 at 11:26 amMy daughter is a teenager…quite honestly I was “nervous” about tough
first conversation…took the plunge and found she wanted to know things..this helped ..I believe being honest is helpful
thanks