The other day Bossy had occasion to be in the baby aisle of Target, where occasion equals farting around the store so as to avoid going back to the office. And yes Bossy now has an office. An office which is dressed as a reception desk without walls.
Anyway. So there Bossy was, wandering around the baby section, when it occurred to her how much things have changed since Bossy’s own kids were little.
Case in point:
It used to be you’d lay your baby on a blanket in the middle of the floor until such time you needed to move said baby to a different blanket on a different floor.
But now babies recline in two-position swings with a five-point harness and detachable toy bar featuring an elephant humping another elephant:
There was a time babies were placed in rigid chairs where they would slide beneath the tray which had two settings: On the chair, and off the chair.
But now there are high chairs with padded infant inserts and six height adjustments, with non-marking lockable caster wheels.
Which brings us to this:
The only thing Bossy used to require of her stroller was a handle in which to hang the bag containing the wine bottle that was often heavier than the baby, threatening to topple the whole works backward. But now strollers are named things like The Jeep Liberty Sport X with all-terrain inflatable tires and a built-in toddler cup holder which solves the whole wine thing completely.
And speaking of wine:
There was a time when babies drank from things called cups, which they would pull to their lips while drawing the liquid across their tongues. But this practice has apparently been made obsolete by a colorful twist of silicone.
And speaking of leakage:
Which brings Bossy to her final example, perhaps the only advance in baby technology that Bossy supports:
Renee saysJune 5, 2012 at 1:41 pm
Ha ha ha! I knew this would be a hilarious post and I am not disappointed!
Jess saysJune 5, 2012 at 1:42 pm
IMHO those are rhinoceroses humping, not elephants.
teri tighe saysJune 5, 2012 at 1:46 pm
Yeah, anyone having babies these days is overloaded with crap. I’m old school and we survived just fine without all this new “baby finery”!
Tootsie Farklepants saysJune 5, 2012 at 1:51 pm
When I was a baby, my “car seat” consisted of my high chair tied with very strong rope to the head rests of the front seat of my dad’s work van. Viva la 1970’s!!!
Mary K saysJune 5, 2012 at 2:10 pm
Welcome back, Bossy! We know your “day job” interferes with your “real job,” but we’ve missed your wonderfulness. Thanks for brightening a rainy NW day!
WebSavvyMom saysJune 5, 2012 at 2:16 pm
–>You’ve been missed.
Catherine McP saysJune 5, 2012 at 2:56 pm
Thankyou, this was hilarious! All that new stuff is just plain ugly. When the strap on the good looking older high chair breaks…dish towels!, White cotton ones to be exact
Meg at the Members Lounge saysJune 5, 2012 at 3:37 pm
I like it when BOSSY is all common sense. Not to mention linking wine and babies together!
Sandy Shoes saysJune 5, 2012 at 3:38 pm
We’ve missed you! Great post. It’s been dreary here all day until just now, when I read your post!
Jami saysJune 5, 2012 at 4:37 pm
And don’t even START with the slings and straps and seats and conveyance contraptions that are attached to a parent’s body in order to hold a baby. Like the parent’s arms and hands used to do.
Marta saysJune 5, 2012 at 6:11 pm
I was hoping I’d get a little plastic animal porn at the end of my workday. Thank you for that. I haven’t see though, do they make asian babies yet?
KathyB saysJune 5, 2012 at 7:47 pm
Wonderful post, Bossy. My daughter’s first car trip, in 1975, she snoozed in a laundry basket on the floor of the back seat at my feet. And slept in a dresser drawer at her grandparents’ house.
No stroller had a backpack she sat in until she got too big and could walk.
I don’t know how anybody ever knows a baby’s diaper needs changing now. Saggy obvious with cloth 🙂
Ellen saysJune 5, 2012 at 11:03 pm
So funny! A friend had a baby a few years ago and apparently strollers are now referred to as…”travel systems”. Who knew?
Hope the new job is going well.
ps I was looking at the Bossy Family Tree the other day. Are you planning to resume that project? I loved it!
Jennifer from Your Toy Portrait saysJune 5, 2012 at 11:13 pm
My baby is four, and even since SHE was an infant they’ve come out with some nonsense — have you seen the squeeze-pouch-that-dispenses-into-attached-spoon situation?
Jenn @ Juggling Life saysJune 5, 2012 at 11:35 pm
So are you saying we should throw out the baby stuff we saved for our grandkids because it’s obsolete?
Vintage Bossy. It’s good to have some of that.
Kimi saysJune 6, 2012 at 12:16 am
You missed toys. As in, when I was a baby, we played with stuffed animals, pots, pans, and cardboard boxes. And now my son plays with stuffed animals, trucks, pots, pans, and cardboard boxes in a room full of brightly coloured plastic and wooden toys
Kimi saysJune 6, 2012 at 12:17 am
ooh…but I forgot to mention that i found this post hilarious. Me and my rude mouth, sorry.
Laurie saysJune 6, 2012 at 4:00 am
We’ll be seeing this in Best Of Bossy for sure. Great post! Tell Marta that they ARE making Asian babies too! It’s a whole new world!
Denise saysJune 6, 2012 at 9:27 am
As a brand new grandmother who has been ranting her ass off about these new fangled baby thingies can I just say hahahahahahahahahaha and hellz yea, it’s come a long way — maybe a wee bit too far.
Except that black baby thing, that’s good. I like that part.
Momo Fali saysJune 6, 2012 at 9:38 am
My daughter’s high chair had phone books and pillows and all kinds of things to keep her in the seat and she still slid off. How are children supposed to get their first head injuries now?!
dexter saysJune 6, 2012 at 11:32 am
The diapers I wear today are so much more comfortable then the ones I wore as a child
Dara saysJune 6, 2012 at 3:28 pm
Man, I miss me some Bossy!! Thanks for making me smile!
Olivia saysJune 6, 2012 at 6:36 pm
Being a new grandmother, Olivia is confounded by carseats that have an expiry date!
An expiry date!! For carseats? Olivia doesn’t even read expiry dates on food!
Olivia’s own kids sat on a bench in a van – with no carseats, no seatbelts and not even bolted to the floor – Olivia’s DH got the bench from a wrecker’s and stuck it in the van.
Olivia herself rode around in the back of open pickups.
Olivia and her kids are lucky to be alive – but they have a lot of neat stories to tell!
mrs. g. saysJune 7, 2012 at 12:13 am
Was anything ever recalled back in the day? Nah. Is childhood even worth living without a Johnny Jump Up and a walker on wheels for speeding around the house?
Good to have you back, Bossy
KathyB saysJune 7, 2012 at 4:57 pm
Johnny Jump Up was the best!
Chesapeake Bay Woman saysJune 7, 2012 at 8:11 pm
A coworker brought her new baby to the office the other day, and the only thing I recognized in the whole pile of gizmos, gadgets, bottles, and feeding equipment was the actual baby herself. The Coach diaper bag (where bag = larger than my suitcase) was the cherry on the sundae–the sundae I’ll be ordering from the corner of the nursing home cafeteria, where evidently I’ll soon be enjoying three square meals a day based on how ancient I felt after that whole experience.
(When I was a baby, my car seat was the same car seat my mother sat on: the front seat, with no seat belts. The End.)
This is definitely a Very Bossy post. Thank you.
Cactus Petunia saysJune 8, 2012 at 5:32 am
That made my day. The “umbrella” stroller, cloth diapers, even the high chair…but the little black babies? Priceless!
Lily saysJune 8, 2012 at 8:45 am
My aunt had an umbrella, but not in diapers yet.
Jenny from Mommin' It Up saysJune 10, 2012 at 2:13 pm
Oh, Bossy. I still want to be you when I grow up. But anyhoo.
When I had my first child eight years ago, the dr. who checked him out of the hospital gave us one piece of advice. “When you need to put the baby down, put him on the floor. He can’t fall off the floor.” Ta-DA! I think that dr. would also love this post.
Kellie @ Delightfully Ludicrous saysJune 10, 2012 at 7:44 pm
All those contraptions, just to make Mum and Dad feel fashionable. I’m relatively sure baby couldn’t care less if his high chair is only marginally less complicated than a space shuttle.
Anjale Perrault saysJune 12, 2012 at 12:03 am
Oookay, cracking me up yet again. WHICH is why I’ve nominated you for the Versatile Blogger award.
Stop by FreeTheMom.com to check out the details.
~annie saysJune 12, 2012 at 11:56 am
Also new on the diapers are full sets of teeth and “Size 6.”
Charlie saysJune 18, 2012 at 2:24 pm
Just catching up on blog posts and thought I’d give your readers a laugh… Check the link below for a glimpse at my first stroller. You might wanna wear shades. It’s the Mad Men of prams.
Bridget saysJune 25, 2012 at 9:58 pm
Laughed out loud – great post!
Her Ace in the Hole saysJune 26, 2012 at 9:28 pm
Yay for Bossy! And yay for 1970’s babies, like me, who rode in convertibles with their dads! And no car seat!
We sure were crazy back then.
I learned quickly to put my babies on the floor when the first one decided to roll off the bed and become wedged in between bed frame and nightstand.