Once upon a time, young Bossy was dating a man much older than herself. Not that Bossy was a man. But, that man was a man. And he was older.
And that man decided everything in his apartment should be either black lacquer or white lacquer. And no that man wasn’t gay. And yes that man had an apartment while Bossy was still in high school. See sentence about older.
Anyway. Enter Ikea:
As luck would have it, Ikea — brimming with black and white lacquer — decided they would open their very first U.S. store only a stone’s throw from Bossy’s boyfriend’s apartment. Assuming a stone could actually be thrown the 16 miles Bossy’s boyfriend routinely navigated his Mercury Capri between the Ikea Customer Service Department and his garden apartment, where he would curse warped laminate:
And speaking of the Customer Service Department, it wasn’t too long after Ikea came to the U.S. that Bossy learned she had a friend who worked at her very Ikea branch:
And so one time, Bossy was shopping at Ikea and her cart was loaded for bear. Except it wasn’t bear, it was Expedit and Malm. When suddenly Bossy’s friend Damey ran up to Bossy and pointed to one of the items in Bossy’s cart and said, “You probably shouldn’t get that.”
And that item was this:
It’s an Areca Palm, and at the time, Ikea sold these specimens for a price so cheap they were practically disposable, which is to say Bossy already had several of these trees dying throughout her house:
And do you want to know why Bossy’s friend Damey warned Bossy she probably shouldn’t buy the Areca Palm?
Because Ikea had purchased all of their Areca Palms from some wonderfully warm and fertile island or country or one of those places, and according to Bossy’s friend Damey, once those island pedigree palms were settled into their new homes throughout the Philadelphia area, something additional would reveal that the customer hadn’t paid for.
And that something additional was this:
That’s right, tarantulas were wrapping themselves around the root ball of the palm tree before shipment, and they were emerging once situated in their new homes.
There’s lots of stuff that doesn’t make sense here. For instance how did a tarantula stay hidden under dirt for day upon day of foreign shipping and Ikea tent sales? Most likely it’s an urban myth. But that doesn’t stop Bossy from still thinking there are spiders tucked inside the soil every time she’s in Ikea eyeing up their plants.
Bossy can sum up her thoughts about this predicament that is likely an Urban Myth in this way: Bossy bought a palm at Ikea last week. Smaller, though.
Which is what today’s Ten-Word Tuesday Challenge is all about. In exactly ten words, can you tell Bossy about an Urban Myth that has stuck with you, regardless of its fake state, through the years?
And be sure to check back later today for the best Urban Mythiest comments on the web.
Lynn says
June 12, 2012 at 1:49 amSwallowed gum takes eight years to pass through your gut.
Teresa says
June 12, 2012 at 2:05 amIn Florida they say people get baby alligators as pets, then tire of them and flush them down the toilet. Whereupon they get into the sludge water outside and thrive, but, missing the comforts of home, swim back up through the pipes and into someone’s toilet.
Don’t believe me? http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Want-To-Hear-Your-Favourite-Urban-Legend/108661
Mike D says
June 12, 2012 at 7:45 amEating Pop Rocks while drinking coke causes an exploding belly.
sue j. says
June 12, 2012 at 8:37 amwoman gets unidentified rash. snake babies hatched in expensive raincoat.
Meg at the Members Lounge says
June 12, 2012 at 9:04 amLightning comes through phone during storm. Nice try, Mom.
Lori says
June 12, 2012 at 9:09 amSpider eggs in Bubble Yum gum. I felt them crunch!
Little Miss Sunshi.ne State says
June 12, 2012 at 9:18 amBrother says it takes 3 days to digest Dunkin Donuts.
Don’t take shower during lightning storm.It could be shocking!
Florida nursery trees have snakes waiting to jump and bite.
Elizabeth says
June 12, 2012 at 9:32 amStaring in a mirror in the dark – see Bloody Mary.
Cupcake Murphy says
June 12, 2012 at 10:40 amFlashing headlights to signal other lightless car = they shoot you.
Cindy in Walla Walla says
June 12, 2012 at 10:43 amSperm + Sour Cream at Taco Shell. Still can’t eat there.
dobes says
June 12, 2012 at 10:55 amSnake in bag of salad. VERY careful opening those!
amy says
June 12, 2012 at 6:10 pmRat pieces in Coke cans equal no soda ever.
Beth says
June 12, 2012 at 8:10 pmNew bras can be infested with bugs causing nipple putrification.
amyp says
June 12, 2012 at 9:40 pmUnder my parked car at the mall: Achilles tendon slasher.
Amy says
June 13, 2012 at 10:43 amTaking a shower during a lightening storm or talking on the phone during a lightening storm.
Ally Bean says
June 13, 2012 at 4:09 pmSnake in the toilet at night. My nether regions exposed.
Tina L. says
June 13, 2012 at 7:59 pmEarwigs crawl through ears while people sleeping. Pain/death ensue.
Chrissy says
June 13, 2012 at 8:51 pmTwo towns over, girl gets frozen hotdog stuck in hooha.
DawnA says
June 14, 2012 at 10:15 amNO bath/shower during lightning. Bats fly into long hair.
Kate says
June 14, 2012 at 12:47 pmOMG I thought snake babies hatching in raincoat actually happened to my step sister!!!!
Jenny from Mommin' It Up says
June 14, 2012 at 9:11 pmCrossed eyes will stay that way for life,
Carol M says
June 15, 2012 at 9:19 amHate to break it to some here, but my mom received a terrible electric shock while talking on the phone during a storm. Lightening hit the wire, it traveled through the house, blew out some plaster in upstairs bedroom wall. Mom on phone in kitchen got a huge shock, screamed and threw the phone.
Jami says
June 15, 2012 at 3:38 pmCracking your knuckles will make them really big and arthritic.
dobes says
June 18, 2012 at 6:57 am#22, I was SURE when I read that one that it’s true. Thanks for confirming. Maybe the shower one is true, too.
kathy says
June 20, 2012 at 12:20 pmbone stuck in throat in Chinese restaurant…
a cat bone
Jamie says
June 20, 2012 at 3:16 pmShoes thrown over phone lines = someone was murdered right there.
Her Ace in the Hole says
June 26, 2012 at 8:03 pmWe MUST INCREASE OUR BUST exercise. It worked for Bossy.
Her Ace in the Hole says
June 26, 2012 at 8:08 pmTo #14: my mother once saw New Orleans dude with razor blades on toes of shoes kicking tourists. more than 10 words. sorry.
Polly Ononmous says
July 2, 2012 at 6:34 pmYou have to wait 20 min. after eating to swim.
formerlyfun says
July 7, 2012 at 11:56 pmFavorite urban legend, making money blogging;)
Kate520 says
July 11, 2012 at 11:23 pmBlack widow spiders in greasy, ratted beehive hairdos. Totally creepy.
Kate520 says
July 11, 2012 at 11:28 pmNecking couple,
escaped killer,
hook hand dangles
From car door.