Maybe because Christina Aguilera and Nicole Richie delivered their babies this past weekend, Bossy woke up wondering what Jennifer Lopez is going to name her Bay-Bay-Lo when it is finally born in another twenty-seven-and-a-half months.
Celebrities enjoy ample creative license when naming their children. The name can be delicious, like Bob Geldof’s Peaches, Gwyneth Paltrow’s Apple, or Sacha Baron Cohen’s Olive.
The name can be a place, like Ireland (Alec Baldwin) or Brooklyn (the Beckhams). Or it can be a place in time, like Memphis Eve (Bono).
It can be a body of water, like River (The Phoenix family) or Ocean (Forest Whitaker).
The name can be useful, like Satchel (Mia Farrow) or Moon Unit (Frank Zappa)—or the name can be fleeting, like a Rumor (Demi Moore) or a Chance (Larry King).
The name can make the baby an instant icon, like Angel (Eddie Murphy) or Princess (supermodel Jordan).
The name can be a color, like Amber (Simon LeBon) or Hazel (Julia Roberts). Or it can be many colors like Alice Cooper’s Calico.
The name can establish that the baby is born with a job, like Moxie Crimefighter (Penn Jillette) or Sailor Lee (Christie Brinkley). Or the name can determine an absence of a job, like Kyd (Tea Leoni).
The name can be a confusion of images, like Sage Moonblood (Sylvester Stallone) or Poppy Honey (Jamie Oliver).
And the baby’s name can even dkdkoe fkdoejr fkfkopepew like Prince Michael II/Blanket (Michael Jackson).
But what will J Lo & Marc Anthony name their baby? Bossy’s best guess is Marco Tho-lo.
Kathy says
January 14, 2008 at 11:25 amI was going say you can’t get more creative than Dweezil and Moon Unit, but Moxie Crimefighter is pretty… unique.
we_be_toys says
January 14, 2008 at 11:28 amThey DO look like bronze-colored corpses – what’s up with that?
Oh, The Joys says
January 14, 2008 at 11:29 amYou are the nuts. And I love you.
Momo Fali says
January 14, 2008 at 11:33 amWell, if it’s a girl, I think her name should be Cleopatra. Oh wait, I’m thinking of Mark Antony.
Sarah is Ok says
January 14, 2008 at 11:41 amLook at tall the research that went into this. How impressive.
Junebug says
January 14, 2008 at 11:49 amHow about “Brave”?
Phoenix says
January 14, 2008 at 11:51 amBossy, you need to add one name though, because I heard she’s having twins. How about Marco Tho-lo & Jennyo Lo? Just a thought.
Carmen says
January 14, 2008 at 12:01 pmhey, I have an idea…With the last name “Anthony”, how about “Hip” or “Foot”.
You know…”hip and the knee”.
Oh, never mind. I need another cup of coffee before I start suggesting baby names.
On a bright note though, rumor has it that they’re having twins, so maybe they’ll have 2 chances to get it right with the name!
Melissa says
January 14, 2008 at 12:07 pmsigh. whatever happened to the good old days when people used names. Like John or Carol or Margaret or Steven?
My money’s on “Selena” if it’s a girl. J-Lo owes her one.
The Domestic Goddess says
January 14, 2008 at 12:07 pmJeebus. Whatever happened to nice, neat little baby names, like Mike or Jennifer? Hey, I wanted to name my daughter Daisy (husband nixed it, though he liked Bo for a boy) or Lily or Zinnia. I am totally into flower names for girls.
I used to love Forrest. Then Gump came along and ruined it for me forever. Sigh.
Karen Sugarpants says
January 14, 2008 at 12:24 pmSilly celeb rumours are that she is having twins – a boy and a girl.
What does Bossy suggest for names if that happens?
Flea says
January 14, 2008 at 12:25 pmMarco Thol-Lo? Bwahahaha!!! I like. Makes me wanna have more kids just so Bossy can name them.
The Mom Bomb says
January 14, 2008 at 12:26 pmI used to tutor a kid named “Latrina”.
The worst are the cutesy first-last name pairings. Like “Stormy Meadows”, the girl I attended high school with (that’s CA for you). Or my high school bio teacher, Harry Dick. That’s right. How much did his parents hate him?
peppermint t says
January 14, 2008 at 12:43 pmI wish my name was Moxie Crimefighter.
Grandma J says
January 14, 2008 at 12:46 pmYou are so clever! That required a lot of research I bet.
I knew a Harry Butt…and a General Pancake in high school.
If it’s twins, being one of each maybe she should keep it simple like Boy-lo and Girl-lo, or He-lo and She-lo.
This is nuts! I’m off to Jack-In-The-Box.
Hey…….maybe she can name them after Jack.
mr.lootiatto says
January 14, 2008 at 12:47 pmI just happen to remember when Bossys mother named her “The Boss”(later to be grabbed up by a fellow from jersey).Her father always called her recalcitrant,but her mother didn’t think it had a ring to it.
And of course her grandparents called her shana madala (sp?)
Manic Mommy says
January 14, 2008 at 12:47 pmI worked with a girl named Brandy Alexander.
Also Rob Morrow (from Northern Exposure) named his daughter Tu – as in ‘The sun will come out…’.
Really, it’s tu, I mean True – http://home.comcast.net/~mcnotes/morrow.html
Foolery says
January 14, 2008 at 12:49 pmIf it’s fraternal twins may I suggest “Accessoree” and “Replaceable”? Because I fear that’s what they’ll be when there’s a sale at Prada and they are relegated to the back of the closet.
Manic Mommy says
January 14, 2008 at 12:50 pmOh, oh, oh! and there’s a politician in NH named Dick Sweat. Every few years you see campaign posters for Dick Sweat. Awesome.
Hotdog says
January 14, 2008 at 1:09 pmI CANNOT BELIEVE YOU FORGOT THE WORST’EST’ OF THE STUPID BABY NAMES – – – –
Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee – Jason Lee & Beth Riesgraf
how could it get any worse than that?
qt says
January 14, 2008 at 1:24 pmdude – I am still in shcok that I coul dbe named Moxie Crimefighter…
tracey says
January 14, 2008 at 1:27 pmI heard about the other deliveries this morning on the radio and it made think about the same thing!! Only I didn’t blog about it and you did ;0)
Whit says
January 14, 2008 at 1:47 pmI think she’s having twin boys. They can be Enrique and Ricky Martin.
Karla ~ Looking Towards Heaven says
January 14, 2008 at 1:57 pmoh for goodness sakes! I was gonna say Marco J-Lo. Too similar to yours!
I can’t really talk. People probably see the names of my kids and roll their eyes…
blessings,
Karla
You can call me, 'Sir' says
January 14, 2008 at 2:12 pmGosh, it’s not as though adolescence isn’t tough enough without the burden of an idiotic name. $10 says Princess grows up weighed down by constant disappointment and ends up a stripper/pornstar/Price-Is-Right hostess.
Jen M says
January 14, 2008 at 2:16 pmI’m going to guess there will be a name in there where you have to roll the r. And they will, every time they say it.
Michael says
January 14, 2008 at 2:26 pmDoes it matter? The kid will never want for anything, other than a mother and a father and a happy home life. I was going to point out Pilot Inspektor, but someone beat me too it.
I recommend they name it spoiled bitch or rich entitled idiot, since that’s how it’ll probably grow up.
How much easier would it have been if the Hilton’s had just named Paris “Stupid Whore”?
flutter says
January 14, 2008 at 2:29 pmoh those children…
Avitable says
January 14, 2008 at 2:33 pmBossy, I need your help naming my future child, which will be coming some point in the next two years maybe.
Any ideas?
Kait says
January 14, 2008 at 2:58 pmYou forgot about Shannyn Sossamon’s little boy Audio Science Clayton! That’s a classic name if I’ve ever heard one.
Marie says
January 14, 2008 at 3:14 pmYou missed Pilot Inspektor. Can’t remember whose kid that is though.
MinivanBohemian says
January 14, 2008 at 3:18 pmWorst baby name ever, really has to go to Drea de Matteo’s baby girl, Alabama Gypsy Rose Jennings. How white trash is that?!?But then the dad’s name is Shooter Jennings. So stupid baby names run in the family.
My dad wanted to name me “Cora Evette” but then he was only a dumb 18 year old kid.
heart shaped hedges says
January 14, 2008 at 3:21 pmI dont know what the name will be (or the sex), but my bet is they go for a totally, ethnic, latin name….
Maria Margarita Juanita
Roberto Jose
Something like that, because they seem to really be focusing on their latin music right now, so, that’s my vote
heart shaped hedges says
January 14, 2008 at 3:24 pmby the way, for some funky names, check out the names of the Geldorf/Yates/Hutchence kids…..
Fifi Trixibelle
Peaches Honeyblossom
Little Pixie
Tiger Lily Heavenly Hirani
and, the Willis/Moore bunch….
Rumer, Scout and all that….PLEASE!
Redneck Mommy says
January 14, 2008 at 3:36 pmhehehe.
Marco Tho-Lo. Best baby name ever. I’d like to see them top that.
APeetsMom says
January 14, 2008 at 3:39 pmYou make me laugh! Very Funny!
Jane says
January 14, 2008 at 4:14 pmI think I’ll let you name any and all of my future children.
Angela says
January 14, 2008 at 4:21 pmI actually went to school with a poor soul named Flash Gordon. His parents were so cruel. He moved after third grade. I don’t know what became of him, but I’m afraid it wasn’t good.
Mrs. Chicky says
January 14, 2008 at 4:36 pmIf you figure out what they should name their kid maybe you can think up some clever names for mine. I’m stuck. I’m actually considering Moxie Crimefighter, for chrissake.
Susan @ One-Woman Show says
January 14, 2008 at 4:36 pmCeleb baby names can be EVEN MORE out there than the ones you’ve already mentioned! You know, like Michael or Christopher; Emily or Sarah — MAYBE EVEN COMBINED! TOGETHER!
I shudder just thinking about it. What would that leave us minions if we couldn’t read about a cute Peaches Apple Cobbler in US Weekly?
Meg says
January 14, 2008 at 4:54 pmThere was a girl in my high school class named Penny Nickel. We called her “six cents.” True story!
greengirlwannabe says
January 14, 2008 at 5:03 pmi heard they are having twins…in that case, we need two names :0 we have people in my neck of the woods….their last name is “popp” and they named their kids “soda” & “loli”. OMG!
Heather says
January 14, 2008 at 5:08 pmOne thing that’s obvious – a celebrity baby name can’t be normal. I’m voting for GiGi.
Cre8Tiva says
January 14, 2008 at 5:08 pmfunny honey bunny boo hoo hoo do you think i am…blessings today, rebecca
Adorable Girlfriend says
January 14, 2008 at 5:27 pmI saw they name it something fun like Smurfette. Who cares about tradition! Tradition is for suckers.
All Adither says
January 14, 2008 at 5:51 pmI knew an O.K. Doke. That’s gotta beat Fifi Trixabelle.
Leaf, probably... says
January 14, 2008 at 5:52 pmPersonally I have my money on Green Overalls Lopez
sparx says
January 14, 2008 at 6:01 pmGoodness me.
Dorothy Stahlnecker says
January 14, 2008 at 6:05 pmWhat in the heck gives with these weird names?
These people can’t do anything normal..I feel very sorry for most of them. It’s nearly impossible for any of our stars today to have a regular life.
My best,
Dorothy from grammology
remember to call gram
http://grammology.com
Mr Farty says
January 14, 2008 at 6:05 pmJello’s preggers? I thought she’d just let herself go.
Kylie and Jason. Obv.
Steph says
January 14, 2008 at 6:08 pmBossy’s readers are hilarious… “Stupid Whore” Hilton. That shit cracks me up.
anne nahm says
January 14, 2008 at 7:12 pmI still can’t believe the teasing ‘Shiloh Pitt’ is going to get.
NellyFrittata says
January 14, 2008 at 7:16 pmI like the director Kevin Smith’s daughter’s name: Harley Quinn. Cute, right?
Also, a noncelebrity, but I know a radiologist named Dick Head. You would think he could go by Richard, but he actually is kind of a Dick.
Jenn @ Juggling Life says
January 14, 2008 at 7:25 pmI’m betting Bennifer is off the short list.
Jake says
January 14, 2008 at 7:28 pmhaha Love this entry.
Anna says
January 14, 2008 at 7:28 pmThere’s a girl at the school where I teach named Euphanasia. I shit you not.
Chesapeake Bay Woman says
January 14, 2008 at 7:28 pmPugsley if it’s a boy; Wednesday if it’s a girl.
That is a picture of Gomez and J-Lo, right?
Surcie says
January 14, 2008 at 8:15 pmIt’s not like he can’t afford a tube of concealer. Imagine how much more corpsey he’ll look after the baby comes! And I seriously don’t think the mister will be able to handle having somebody else cling to the missus.
Jenni says
January 14, 2008 at 8:39 pmRemind me not to eat when I’m reading your posts and comments. I just had chicken parmesan come out my nose!
kym b says
January 14, 2008 at 9:52 pmYou totally forgot my favorite family of names! Robert Rodriguez (movie director) has 5 kids ~ 4 boys named Rocket, Racer, Rebel and Rogue and then a girl named Rhiannon. Dude is just asking for trouble.
Oh, I knew a Richard Munch in high school, mean parents.
Not the Queen says
January 14, 2008 at 10:05 pmMarco Tho-lo? Ha! Too funny!
There’s a kid whose parents named him F**k-a-ho. Seriously. That’s the kid’s legal name. His parents are in jail…for other reasons.
mothergoosemouse says
January 14, 2008 at 10:29 pmI can’t even make a smartass remark – I’m too impressed by how you’ve assembled all of those freaky names in such a semblance of order.
Half-Past Kissin' Time says
January 14, 2008 at 10:43 pmYeah, that Blanket thing…Isn’t that child abuse?! WTF?
Half-Past Kissin' Time says
January 14, 2008 at 10:44 pmUm…sorry about that WTF thing…I tried to delete it (too late).
Laurie says
January 15, 2008 at 12:11 amWe can’t forget the mean, mean, mean non-celebrity parents of race car driver Dick Trickle. If you’re a Letterman viewer you know I’m telling the truth. (And it would be a first.)
Michael Bains says
January 15, 2008 at 6:49 amI’ve always thought that “Epiphany Stifled Bains” would make for a nice legacy.
Good thing I can’t have kyds, eh…
Queeny says
January 15, 2008 at 6:59 amThey’ll probably sell the naming rights to the highest bidder. We could be looking at the first Lexus Anthony or Jimmy Choo Lo. Who knows?
David says
January 15, 2008 at 8:35 amI just can’t get over Hazel. Who names their kid Hazel? Unless this girl is drop-dead gorgeous (though the odds are in her favor) Ms. Roberts better get ready for the “you ruined my life” speech as soon as adolescence hits.
motherbumper says
January 15, 2008 at 8:39 amMARCO!
William says
January 15, 2008 at 9:18 amI am guessing Mary Elizabeth Mastorontonio Rivera.
Adorable Girlfriend says
January 15, 2008 at 10:28 amMaybe the kid will take after her loose morals and it should be called:
Juno
ali says
January 15, 2008 at 11:35 ami actually *love* the name Ireland. i think it’s so pretty!
motherbumper says
January 15, 2008 at 1:35 pmTho-lo! *splash*
I’m gonna do this until your anti-spaminator blows up real good.
Amy says
January 15, 2008 at 2:26 pmMaybe they’ll surprise everyone on earth and go with actual names (creating a celeb trend of using real names! how unusual!) like Maria and Thomas or Jane and Edward.
neocleo says
January 15, 2008 at 3:12 pmMarco? Tho-lo! Dammit you’re funny! I’m agog with wonder at your genius for making tough situations humerous without diminishing them in the least.
AND I’m happy to know your daughter is recovering so well.
Keep on being bossy, Bossy.
Little Miss Sunshine State says
January 15, 2008 at 3:26 pmMy dad knew someone named Candy Kane and I knew a Justin Case.
Let a sibling name the twins. The girl could be Deniece and the boy could be Denephew.
Strizz says
January 15, 2008 at 4:21 pmMy Aunt taught school to a little boy named Rayce Carr. Maybe Jlo should name her baby that or is she having twins? I bet her mother is all up in that Brooklyn style. Maybe she will name them Miami and Orlando. Wouldn’t that be cute. Aii POPPI!
PixelPi says
January 16, 2008 at 7:42 amJust FYI, even though Demi & Bruce’s girls have unusual names, I believe they are Rumer (after the British author Rumer Godden) and Scout (from To Kill a Mockingbird.
Although Rumor would be a good name for just about any celeb’s offspring.
Dawn says
January 17, 2008 at 10:24 pmThis isn’t famous – but I had a student named Miracle Precious Lastname.
mjohnson says
January 18, 2008 at 7:52 amI realise it is a bit late for a correction, but Jordan – supermodel W.T.F. She is at best a glamour model, maybe a reality TV ‘star’. Supermodel! You can’t go on a catwalk with double F cup breasts (I’m not sure how you measure in America so I’ll just say stupid big – silicon sacks.) Those things are only designed to take the equivalent weight of a five day old lamb. Any more than that and they collapse.
P.S. Euthanasia lol
Haley-O says
January 20, 2008 at 12:37 pmthis post is a thing of brilliance! Had to compliment you on it! Awesome.
I just HAVE to know, though, what you make of Jason Lee’s son Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee!? 
Johanna in NZ says
February 13, 2008 at 12:30 amThere was a baby at the hospital where my youngest was born, named Mycool Dude. I bet he changes it by deed poll when he’s old enough.
Tne Mad Penguin says
January 14, 2010 at 12:59 amIn primary school I had a classmate whose last name is Daniels. His first name was Jack. Guess what the parents have been drinking when he was born?
Though this doesn’t beat Moxie Crimefighter.