Hi. I’m John Kerry. I graduated from Yale University and Boston College Law School, served two tours of duty in Vietnam where I was awarded a Silver Star, a Bronze Star, and three Purple Hearts – I was a top prosecutor in Massachusetts before serving three consecutive terms in the United States Senate where I provided health insurance for millions of low-income children, improved public education, protected our natural environment, strengthened my state’s economy, and gained a striking resemblance to Abraham Lincoln – and my sorry ass still lost the Presidential election to a drug-addicted frat boy with dirt-low approval ratings.
And now with only six more calendar days until the important midterm elections I decide to call the troops dumb.
My fellow Democrats, I have but one suggestion: