Help Wanted: National Nuclear Security Administration Chief.

Dynamic semi-autonomous Agency looking for self-fire-starter to spearhead national security campaign through the military application of nuclear energy.

Job Duties

• Strategic management
  
• Policy development and guidance
  
• Budget formulation
  
• Intelligence activity
  
• Counterintelligence activity
  
• Counter to intelligence activity i.e. deposit top-secret nuclear information in Los Alamos crack houses
  
• Legal matters i.e. defending your ass after your pet researcher Wen Ho Lee distributes nuclear warhead data to China, or after four other employees steal electronic data containing classified information.

Job Skills

• Must be crooked as a rattler in a cactus patch.

Interested candidates should contact:

This Is The Full Story Behind Security Chief Linton Brooks’ Forced Resignation. And More To The Point, Who Names Their Kid Linton Anyway?

Send Job Applications Here.