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We Interrupt This Regularly Scheduled Bossy For A Letter To John Cusack.

Dear Husband,

I know you are in Park City Utah to promote your new movie – Grace is Gone – at the Sundance Film Festival. And I understand it’s a film about a myopic patriot who loses his wife in the war against Iraq and has to figure out a way to break the news to his two children while dealing with his newfound negativity toward national policy. Which is great and everything but doesn’t exactly explain why the Production Department has you all dressed up like Kevin Spacey:
Sofa

But anyway. I know the issue of the Iraq war is a very trying subject for you – especially considering you’re a student of Noam Chomsky so when answering interview questions you tend to string together big words like, “egregious political act.” Believe me I know all that. But sweetie – you look tired:
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And kind of… mad? Seething actually. Is it because I tease that your smoker’s cough sounds like a 120 hp Twin Cam Harley? Is it because you had to film every scene of Grace is Gone with those two child actors and not – off the top of my head – your girlfriend Diane Lane?
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I bleed for you, pumpkin. And if you were here I’d do that thing you love with the thing on the thing. Doesn’t that sound nice Mr. Grumpy McGrumperton?

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Love, Bossy.

This Is A Video Of Cusack At Sundance Refusing To Pose For Photos Which Bossy Didn’t Find Half As Disturbing As Cusack’s Emerging Bald Patch.

And In This Article Cusack Distinguishes Between An Angry Polemic Movie And An Antiwar Movie And It Makes Bossy Hot When Cusack Uses Words Like Polemic.

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  3. bossy, he looks like the cryptkeeper. he either smokes a lot of grass or starts drinking when his feet hit the floor.

    sorry dear.

  7. Found this entry on a Google search – truly hilarious! I had heard he quit smoking though. Might account for the extra pounds.

  8. Forget the paunch. You should take a peek at his senior high school picture, circa ’83. My college roommate went to HS with him, during which time he had no jaw. She even made out with him a few times (lackluster reviews.)I know exactly where his childhood home is, too (but not because I asked).

    Wow…I sound like a very dangerous stalker now. And I really only liked him in ‘High Fidelity’ and ‘Say Anything’. Besides, his best bud is Jeremy Piven, Misogynist Extraordinaire.

  9. God, I am so, so sorry…I just realized that I majorly dissed your HUSBAND. I made all that bad stuff up, honest. He looks great and always has, reportedly kisses with just the right amount of tongue, has never met Jeremy Piven, and ALL of his films over the years have been BRILLIANT.

    My deepest condolences on Ms. Lane. He’ll come around; they always do. They’ll both realize that their thing is just a fleeting thing-on-the-thing thing, and will begin to pine for their true soulmates at home.

    Hang in there.