Wake up when your alarm goes off at six a.m. Never mind that the clock reads seven – know that it’s six o’clock right down to your mitochondria. Live in similar denial all day. And for weeks after.
Tell your five-month-old puppy to go back to sleep, carefully explaining that this silly clock exercise was originally enacted in 1918 as a way of conserving electric power. Calculate the true time in your head at all times. Never feel guilty when you don’t get around to making your daughter’s lunch until well after her blood sugar level has dropped to her ankles. “It’s actually only our two o’clock,” you say, pushing the peanut butter sandwich across the hospital stretcher.
Defend your piles of dirty laundry and dirty dishes by reminding everyone that you lost an hour. Peruse Scottsdale realty websites and dream of living in a state whose clocks remain unaltered. Parallel plan: research how to build a kwanset hut on the equator, where day and night are always evenly distributed.
Decide to campaign against Daylight Saving Time alongside those wild and crazy Sephardic Jews in Israel, who need to recite their Slikhot prayers in the early morning hours during the month of Elul.
Lastly, consider the possibility that Ben Franklin, who conceived of the whole saving daylight concept decades before it was put in effect, was actually
an ass of infinite proportions.
Mr Farty saysMarch 9, 2007 at 5:26 pm
Mr Farty agrees whole-heartedly with Ms Bossy. Despite the best efforts of our politicians, no amount of legislation will make the sun rise one minute before it’s damn well good and ready.
Tempted to pedantically point out that day length does in fact vary with the seasons, even at the equator. But not much and they don’t waste their lives faffing about with the sundials. So I’ll keep schtum.
Adorable Girlfriend saysMarch 10, 2007 at 11:10 am
Bossy knows quite the little bit about the Jewish lifestyle and laying tefilah.
almostinfamous saysMarch 10, 2007 at 9:18 pm
i always thought something was wrong about that kid.
can you imagine the type of guy you need to be to fly a kite in a thunderstorm at a time when there were no hairdryers?
shayera saysMarch 10, 2007 at 10:35 pm
I like to mess with my own mind during the time change. I randomly go around the house changing clocks at different times. Right now, my watch and microwave have already springed ahead. They’re mocking the left behind losers. I totally caught my microwave sticking it’s tongue out at the stereo.
Michael Bains saysMarch 11, 2007 at 8:48 am
As if there weren’t already enough reasons I’d vote for you for President!
Excellent take on a STOOPID subject.
slouching mom saysMarch 11, 2007 at 12:31 pm
Bossy’s apparently still got her game on, daylight savings time notwithstanding. But hmm, now I see that Bossy wrote this on Friday. So I guess the jury’s still out on whether Bossy in DST is the new and improved Bossy, or the caffeine-deprived, addled, foggy Bossy.