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Where Bossy Dresses Like A Bag Lady And Eats Bad Marsala.

Bossy needed eight days of supervised bed rest in order to tell you about her Two-City Spring Break College Tour Extravaganza Part Two: New York City.

Bossy doesn’t have to remind her readers reader just how much she worships New York City. And its Cream Puffs. And its Toe Steps.

And even though this particular visit to New York was as pleasing as root canal without anesthesia, who is Bossy to complain who is Bossy when not complaining:

Bossy’s alarm went off at 4:15 in the morning and minutes later they were crammed in the family car.

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Once in the city Bossy’s teenage son was dropped off in Washington Square Park where lots of NYU students were off to their morning classes:
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Next Bossy and her husband and daughter pulled their car into a parking lot adjacent to their East Village hotel. It cost $100 a night. The parking lot. The hotel room was way more but Bossy was certain it was going to be totally worth it. Just as soon as they could check-in. At three in the afternoon.

In the meantime they decided to stroll around the Village. Bossy’s husband diligently checked the weather forecast before leaving home — and he reported to Bossy that it was going to be mild in the low seventies! Which is why Bossy wore a skirt with no stockings and shoes with no socks and a shirt with no coat and a head with no brain – and why Bossy was so happy to find out that in fact the precise New York City temperature was this:
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To kill time Bossy and her husband and daughter went strolling around Soho because Bossy loves to get inspired by all the trendy natives sporting the latest designers.

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And here Bossy’s husband pretends he is getting paid millions of dollars to be the new Gap model like Bossy’s actual real-life friend Dermot Moolruny Mulroney. After Bossy snapped this photo Bossy’s husband nailed himself to the wall above the summer chinos:
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Next the family went to a very fancy Japanese restaurant:
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And this is Bossy after finishing that five-gallon drum of Sake:
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Then it was check-in time at the hotel! Three and a half minutes later it was check-out time at the hotel!

Bossy has only one word to describe the hotel they booked online: Holy Crap. Bossy isn’t one to name any names but she certainly hopes you avoid all hotels between 208 and 210 E. 14th Street.

And add to that list the Union-nay Air-squay Inn-nay.

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After forty minutes spent online in Starbucks and forty dollars worth of Tall Café Mochas, Bossy’s husband located a new hotel, only sixty-two blocks away from their car! And this new hotel room was really nice — with plenty of space between the zipper and the cell phone compartment for a family of four:
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And they lived happily ever after. After the Wardrobe Malfunction. You see friends friend, Bossy hasn’t come clean about the real reason she was in a foul mood in New York. The real reason she was in a foul mood in New York is because she didn’t pack the right clothes. And in addition to packing all the wrong clothes she was freezing and so had to wear the entire contents of her Skyway Roller Suitcase all at once!

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No matter, the next day was warmer and passed without incident. Unless you count the Marsala poisoning, or the part where Bossy was stalking this girl because she liked her hair and was almost socked in the jaw after stealing this photo of the girl at a coffee bar:
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Also? Bossy thinks it was Zooey Deschanel:
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Later that evening when Bossy and her husband and daughter and son had exhausted New York City they hit up Magnolia and macked on some cupcakes:

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The Moral Of The Story Is: Check This Site For New York Weather. That – And Burn All Gauchos.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  2. Bossy is slumming in her very own comments section to say: Thank you Getzby, but Magnolia’s Chocolate Icing is the new brown.

  4. I’ve been reading your blog for weeks now and I think Bossy’s very FUNNY. I especially appreciate your college tour and the realistic parenting commentary. Plus, really, you look fab in the brown outfit. I’m not a real gaucho lover, but they work on tall women. I know– you don’t think so– but as a tall redhead who wears lots and lots of brown, I laud your original look.

    Thanks, Bossy, for the laugh. Now you can get rid of the strike through over the word readers. I make at least two.

  5. “Go Fug Yourself” might find you and it could get messy! Bossy should hide (but not in New York)

  7. So funny. I know what day you’re talking about. I deforested my legs that morning thinking I’d wear capris. Ha. Fortunately I was close to home and could change.

    If you can take a little bossiness from another person, I have two bits of advice.
    1. R7 to Trenton and then New Jersey Transit
    2. Priceline

  8. I learned the hard way about booking hotel rooms on the internet. We drove from Vegas to Albuquerque NM and stayed at a place on I-40. We were scared to go to sleep! All the other hotels (even Motels) were booked up or we would have moved too! My husband had to put a towel down on the shower floor before he would even step into it — it was concrete (yes, that was no typo — it was concrete! Gah!) and cracking all over the place! Me? I said you’ll just have to deal with me not taking a shower today, hon!

    You really do have to wonder how some of those places can get away with the descriptions they use online, huh?

  9. Yeah. It’s me. God.

    Was your post to my blog to say that my writing is deadly or just the situation? I just have to know. Maybe if bossy doesn’t like me I should hang it up and go home. Sigh. Well, I still like Bossy! So there.

  10. Bossy, bossy, bossy, it’s about time I made it over here and, after reading this one entry alone, I know I have to return soon. You are a hoot, woman. I’m LOL.

    I just returned from Seattle and my daughter-in-law got me to use Hotwire for a one-night stay in an “unnamed” hotel – she’s done this before and persuaded me to go for the “3-star” category. I got lucky and ended up in a mega business suite and wished I had someone to share it with! Next time do Seattle and we’ll split the bill :>)

  12. Well, I grew up in New York and it is my educated opinion that it is great to live in New York but that visiting is hell. One has no home, no respite from the constant trekking around and schlepping stuff…even when one lives there, one always ends up asking “is it worth going all the way back uptown for my coat or shall I freeze for the rest of the day?” When I was in school I would stop in on people I knew to get a break from schlepping, there were not as many Starbucks and Gaps to hang out in back then…imposing on friends is cheaper. If your son goes to NYU you can impose on him and God alone knows how many roommated he’ll have.

  13. Dear Lord, I am starting to think you would be the best next-door neighbor of all time. The gossip! The intrigue! The swapping of crappy hotel tales!

    Except you would not be allowed to take pictures of my hair when I was dejectedly sipping my morning coffee by the dirty kitchen window. Even if I looked like Zooey D.

  14. It’s fun down here in the Comments Section. Bossy thinks it may be a few degrees warmer and definitely sunny. Oh the Joys – Bossy has a pair of gauchos she can sell you real cheap. She thinks she may have pooped in them though – just as soon as she realized she was in New York without Anything Cute.

  15. First of all, you have reeeaaaaaalllly long legs, so stop complaining. Secondly, thanks for the hotel tip. Bad hotels in NYC are totally pshawable.

    Third! I could be that girl you were stalking because of her hair! Yes! I look like that, kind of! Except for the Tom Cruise Ray Bans circa 1986 or whatever.

    And BOSSY? You had the *perfect* excuse to go shopping. *Perfect* Especially if your male model husband booked that pshawable hotel room.

    Do you not know about this sort of thing? Must blue girl come to NY and teach you this sort of stuff?

    That would be fun! I’ll bring the vodka!

  16. Dear Blue Girl: Bossy went in and out of three florescent-lit dressing rooms and it did not bode well for her rotten mood, she can tell you that.

    And a winter’s worth of bad habits have done nothing for Bossy’s waistline and she couldn’t locate The Muumuu Store.

    Jenn: Bossy is the best next-door neighbor of all times. Just ask the neighbors on both sides of her who don’t speak to Bossy.

  17. “And a winter’s worth of bad habits have done nothing for Bossy’s waistline and she couldn’t locate The Muumuu Store.”

    I hear ya there. Although you don’t look like you need a Muumuu Store at all. I like that word: Muumuu.

    🙂

  18. Bossy, you should be on the Travel Channel. Holy crap, this was a hilarious post.

    You could also star in an updated remake of the classic Sci-Fi movie, Mars Needs Women in Gauchos.

  19. Bossy is extremely pee-in-your-pants funny. That’s how I rate blogs these days. One small leak stream that only soaks slightly? or a whole, requires-Depends-to-read gush? And girl, I hate to see what you’d do with varying shades of camel . . .

  20. You look very “Annie Hall” in your brown outfit, and well, it’s NYC.

    What’s in the backpacks? Didn’t people think you were terrorists or something? They’re kind of jumpy in NYC.

  21. You’re not keen on brown? Cafe au laite? It’s the perfect outfit, giving an overall appearance of khaki, battle wear for the mom [with kids] about town.
    Cheers