If the Farmer’s Almanac is a wealth of information then their following rule of thumb is a white trailer trash cousin:
The human arm is approximately ten times longer than the distance between your eyes.
Of course Bossy thinks the Farmer’s Almanac probably never met Kate Moss.
Here’s how it works: Imagine you see a barn in the distance. And imagine that you know the barn is 100 feet wide. And if you know the barn is 100 feet wide how come you don’t know how far away it is? Never mind: you don’t know how far that barn is but you want to know. You need to know.
OK — so you hold one arm straight out in front of you with the thumb pointing up. Close one eye and align the edge of your thumb with the edge of the barn that is 100 feet wide but who knows in lord how far away.
Do you still have the thumb and barn aligned? Good. Now without moving anything, switch eyes. Your thumb perspective will jump sideways and the distance it moved will help you determine the distance to the barn!
Bossy understands. She’ll wait right here while you dive head first into one of these:
All better? OK — The Farmer’s Almanac wants you to imagine that your thumb jumped about five times the width of the barn — which everyone and their grandmother knows is 100 feet wide. So that means your thumb jumped about 500 feet.
We interrupt this equation for Bossy’s A.D.D. Question of the Day: What is the ratio of the length of your arm to the distance between your eyes? If you answered ten than you clearly haven’t had enough Martini.
So — to determine the approximate distance of the barn multiply 500 (the distance your thumb perspective shifted) by the Constant 10 (the arm to eyes ratio). Which equals 5000 feet! Which is like one-two-three-thousands of feet!
The following diagram illustrates the equation. Happy figuring!
Bossy Is Willing To Admit Maybe They Describe It Better Over Here.
Get-off saysJuly 10, 2007 at 11:13 am
I wonder if I “seem” bigger to other people when they are drunk? That would explain a lot of things.
EvolvingRevolver saysJuly 10, 2007 at 12:14 pm
oooh. I don’t think I could repeat that process, even sober.
You can call me, 'Sir' saysJuly 10, 2007 at 12:26 pm
For the time it took you to finish the math and the martini, you could’ve walked to the barn, stolen a chicken, fried it up, and had yourself a picnic.
Nancy saysJuly 10, 2007 at 12:42 pm
your foot is the same length as the distance from your elbow to your wrist.
Try it, I know you will.
Christine saysJuly 10, 2007 at 12:51 pm
Thank God I clicked on the link. I was thinking you actually made the diagram yourself. Nice Kate Moss pic though.
Noelle saysJuly 10, 2007 at 1:27 pm
Was this in the chapter of how to make something as hard as you possibly while assuring a complete lack of accuracy?
Howard saysJuly 10, 2007 at 1:33 pm
So how much are you selling the Almanac for?
Joy saysJuly 10, 2007 at 1:38 pm
I do have ADD and the martini glass sounds good. So what did the farmer say?…Seeee…
Andrea saysJuly 10, 2007 at 1:43 pm
Ow. My head hurts from that. I definitely need a martini now.
vuboq saysJuly 10, 2007 at 2:09 pm
mcewen saysJuly 10, 2007 at 2:12 pm
Lummy! It’s enough to give a brain a headache even without the Martini!
Phoenix saysJuly 10, 2007 at 3:08 pm
Does it change it if I have wine instead of a martini?
Jodi saysJuly 10, 2007 at 3:44 pm
I tried to comprehend this post, but I found myself distracted by all the stuff in the sidebars, the ads, your use of color and bolding as well as the general lack of humor.
Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
ryc: The photo is 100% NOT photoshopped … just old and scanned.
Krissie saysJuly 10, 2007 at 3:54 pm
Or I could walk up to the barn and count the steps… Wait? Why would I wanna go to the barn anyway? Just pass the martini, please.
Jen M saysJuly 10, 2007 at 3:58 pm
Bossy – you need to get busy and go get your PhD in something. Seriously. Wayyyy too much brain power in there. I’ll make my martini a gin and tonic.
Biddy saysJuly 10, 2007 at 5:01 pm
is that anything like A-squared + B-squared = C-squared?
oh forget it…bring on the Grey Goose
Mr Farty saysJuly 10, 2007 at 5:08 pm
And now I have to climb two garden fences to get my thumb back.
Shit, you’re funny. I don’t care what the reviewers say.
Queeny saysJuly 10, 2007 at 5:23 pm
I haven’t seen a barn in about 30 years minus the life expectancy of a chicken with half the forehead span of Kate Moss. When I do, though, I’ll consider testing this theory.
Ang in TX saysJuly 10, 2007 at 7:09 pm
Lordy, I want to be you for a day… How do you come up with your (?)– shenanigans,mischief, antics or whatever you want to call it. You are a hoot and a holler!
Domestic Goddess saysJuly 10, 2007 at 7:37 pm
That’s not fair! I didn’t know there was going to be a test!
This reminds me of that exam question, “There are two trains traveling at a high rate of speed…”
moi saysJuly 10, 2007 at 8:20 pm
Look, I pitched up here today because I was told there’d be martinis. Instead, there was math. To whom do I direct my complaint?
Oh, The Joys saysJuly 10, 2007 at 8:51 pm
bossy is making my head hurt. What the hell is bossy trying to tell me?
Oh – I’ll be in philly from 7/15 – 7/18… how ’bout dat?
girlplease saysJuly 10, 2007 at 8:53 pm
that lower pic of that stick figure totally looks like an erect penis shooting laserbeams out of it’s hole.
flutter saysJuly 10, 2007 at 9:37 pm
stella saysJuly 10, 2007 at 10:35 pm
i am so not smart enough for this shit.
bossy. i’ve been waiting for your praise over my photoshop skills at Zenproof? have you not any kudos to give???
Ang in TX saysJuly 11, 2007 at 12:18 am
Bossy! I bought one of your over priced, but darn worth it t-shirts, I can hardly wait to wear it on a cattle ride– Who’s the Boss? LOL— Yippeee, Skippee!
Okay, I should retract overpriced for when the Cowboys see “I am bossy” across my chest they will more than likely fall off there horse in laughter!
They are a buy compared to anthropologies…Therefore Stella you buy one too! We will look good together!
We should all buy enough bossy t-shirts that she could ditch some of tacky web ads, use of colors, etc. and run for presidency!
Bossy, please, please have a little fun on Executive Privilege with President George Bush this week. Hugs & thanks for your humor! ang
rb saysJuly 11, 2007 at 3:21 pm
A day later I was still privately giggling about this post (I’m a mathematician) so I had to come back here and leave you a comment. Which is, “hee!”