Deborah Jean Palfrey is the D.C. Madam facing federal charges for running a prostitution ring in our nation’s capital.
Servicing 10,000 clients in a thirteen-year period, Deborah Jean Palfrey ran her business from her California home. Pausing only for the occasional half-hour break, Palfrey’s day stretched from 8 in the morning to 11 at night, while she continuously made and received customer phone calls that typically lasted under three minutes each.
Her recently released phone records reveal that her clients were doctors, lawyers, congressmen, technology professionals, lobbyists, college professors, Capital Hill staffers, sports insiders, activists, and government contractors — the majority of them married and living in Maryland and Virginia’s leafy suburbs.
Deborah Jean Palfrey was the quintessential successful small business owner. Which is why it’s so sad that this became her internationally syndicated press shot:
So Bossy thought she would help her out with her Photoshop
hack job mad skillz.
The first thing Bossy needs to address is the flyaway hair. Bossy selects the eyedropper tool to establish the background color and then replaces the fly-away hair using the paintbrush tool:
This is the result of the first change:
Next Bossy needs to get rid of the Copyright. This is
absolutely illegal fine
calling the police worrying:
Now we have this:
With the copyright removed What copyright? Let’s give her eyes some attention. First open a duplicate layer:
Then select the dodge tool.
Then open a new window for the Duplicate Layer so you can magnify the eye in order to work on it. Press your little circle thingy all over the eyeball to bring it to life:
This is a certain D.C. Madam after her right eye has been manipulated. Look at the difference between that and her
corpse eye left eye!
Next Bossy will give the
tart entrepreneur a new lipstick color because Bossy’s friend Martha says subtle lips are in and if anyone knows subtle it’s Martha because here she is:
Anyway. First we need to select the lasso tool:
Next we need to lasso all around the lips:
Then we need to get our asses over to the Replace Color window:
Grab the first eyedropper tool and click it in the field of color you want to replace:
Bossy used the same technique to change Deborah Jean Palfrey’s shirt color and this is what we have so far:
Poor Deborah Jean Palfrey. It’s hard work arranging
all that fecking those escorts but Photoshop contends you don’t have to look sleazy exhausted. So Bossy grabs the dodge tool again to reduce the dark circles under her eyes:
Then she adjusts her dodge tool settings:
And once again Bossy gets busy dotting the area she needs to lighten:
This is Miss Palfrey after
jail time the under-eye bags are removed:
Next Bossy fiddles a bit with Deborah Jean’s smile and voilà the completed before and after comparison:
The Domestic Goddess saysJuly 20, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Your mad skillz astound me. You should work for vogue and make all those anorexic models…well, more anorexic looking. She should be proud you made so many awesome improvements. Snoop Dog would be proud.
Brat saysJuly 20, 2007 at 2:16 pm
I saw the resemblance to Snoop right away, but thanks to your awesomeness, you really brought it to the forefront.
Your patience astounds me.
kara saysJuly 20, 2007 at 2:20 pm
wow you have mad skillz! I’m impressed.
Les~ saysJuly 20, 2007 at 2:35 pm
G-to-tha-izzirl, you have buggin` photoshop skills!
Brando saysJuly 20, 2007 at 2:37 pm
I wish you wrote the Photoshop documentation.
The Snoop gag was a great ending. Well played.
stella saysJuly 20, 2007 at 2:39 pm
stella saysJuly 20, 2007 at 2:47 pm
now HERE’s a photo challenge for you:
given the much more respectable photo on the left, any chance you could help my drunk face from falling on to that mic?
evolving revolver saysJuly 20, 2007 at 3:06 pm
Tre Magnifique!! A shortcut?? Play around with the “clone stamp” and the “band-aid / healing tool”. These things make saggy under-eye transformation and erasure of (ahem) copyright stamps a snap! No more messy eyedropper tool!
I would like to see you work on J-lo’s budunk adunk next…
CableGirl saysJuly 20, 2007 at 4:10 pm
Ok. I think I just peed a little.
You are too fucking funny, woman.
Her Grace saysJuly 20, 2007 at 4:52 pm
Oh. I was waiting for a big finish, but I wasn’t expecting that. Bravo.
RachelW saysJuly 20, 2007 at 5:03 pm
OMG. I don’t know why other people even bother blogging. You are definitely the master!
Lori saysJuly 20, 2007 at 5:26 pm
You are a genius!
orangeblossoms saysJuly 20, 2007 at 6:03 pm
It’s been said, already— GENIUS. Bossy is da blog genius.
Don’t you wonder if she ever got any?
I’m just saying….arranging all that f*ing might have made her…. well, anyway.
Surcie saysJuly 20, 2007 at 7:43 pm
The big reveal cracked me up. Apparently, she has a hormone issue, but girl can tan!
Jennifer saysJuly 20, 2007 at 7:50 pm
I was all paying attention and stuff, thinking “Maybe I should write some of this down.” Then I got to the end – does anyone know how to get red wine stains out of an i-mac?
maggie saysJuly 20, 2007 at 9:00 pm
Bossy – you are a Photoshop Master. Or should that be Madam?
Diesel saysJuly 20, 2007 at 9:03 pm
Watching you learn photoshop is like watching the Lawnmower Man gradually go from being retarded to being a super-genius.
Mrs. Davis saysJuly 20, 2007 at 11:01 pm
Delurking to say: Bossy is a genius.
Nancy saysJuly 21, 2007 at 1:06 am
You definitely have the bloggin’, photoshoppin’, makin’ us laugh skills!
Great post …..again!
Adorable Girlfriend saysJuly 21, 2007 at 10:07 am
I need the mad skillz. How do I get the mad skillz, when I barely can find a boyfriend at this age?
Criquette saysJuly 21, 2007 at 10:04 pm
Me next! Me! Me! i want a Bossy Extreme Makeover!
tongue in cheek saysJuly 22, 2007 at 12:34 am
The ending was spectular!
Bossy you have the best punchlines!
nutmeg saysJuly 22, 2007 at 10:55 am
I’m e-mailing you a whole lot of pictures of me. I’d like to look like Cher please.
Oh, The Joys saysJuly 22, 2007 at 2:45 pm
Hot DAWG yer good.
Biddy saysJuly 22, 2007 at 2:56 pm
i have so much to learn from you, my dear Bossy…
whymommy saysJuly 22, 2007 at 9:50 pm
Bossy, you are a GENius.
Plus, I thought of you when I opened up photocorelshopdraw or whatever it’s called today.
I was just photoshopping my pajama-clad self out of an adorable baby shot to put on my blog, but I felt POWERFUL.
Mr. Fabulous saysJuly 23, 2007 at 7:19 pm
From now on I want you to touch up all my head shots.
BOSSY saysJuly 23, 2007 at 8:35 pm
Mr. Fabulous: When you say that it sounds so dirty.
Everyone else: thanks for your support. Especially since Bossy still can’t “Magic-Wand” a pimple away. Serious Oy.
joeinvegas saysJuly 24, 2007 at 11:02 am
Are you a teacher in real life? Or do you get paid by the column inch? Nice details, thanks for the learning.
Miz Booshay saysJuly 27, 2007 at 8:02 am
Thanks so much for the tutorial…
and the laughs!!!
You are the funniest blogger I read, I like you wicked, wacked sense of humor.
Have a blast in Chicago.