Meet Tony & Tina. Tony first caught Tina’s eye a few miles west of Dayton where she was perched in a suburban Oak tree. He kept flying up from the ground and beating his wings and then gliding back to the ground in a down-turned spiral. Tina admired the large blackish spots on his inner coverts and decided Tony was six ounces of all man.
Soon after, Tony scouted the neighborhood for housing and located something just right. It was the crotch of a tree 19-feet from the ground. Both Tina and Tony worked together to build a cute nest made of loosely woven twigs, weeds, grass, and pine needles. “But I can see the ground through the bottom of the nest,” Tina said to Tony, who was drinking a Miller Lite after a long day. “Shouldn’t we make it stronger?” But Tony only ruffled.
One night soon after, Tina laid an egg. A cute white egg that was followed the next morning by another cute white egg. By day Tina flew around town on errands while Tony minded the eggs, and by night Tina collapsed exhausted on her eggs while Tony worked the night shift. One day they noticed an enormous black dog. They could see him through the bottom of their feeble nest. He barked at Tony and Tina. And barked and barked. Tony and Tina exchanged glances and decided to move a few miles east to Huber Heights.
Tina thought about her two abandoned eggs as she and Tony loosely gathered the twigs, weeds, grass, and pine needles that would be the foundation of their new home in guess where? The crotch of a tree 19-feet from the ground. “There’ll be other eggs,” Tony cooed. Tina looked around. “But I can see the ground through the bottom of the nest,” she pleaded once again. “Shouldn’t we make it stronger?” But Tony only ruffled.
A few nights later Tina laid an egg. A cute white egg that was followed the next morning by another cute white egg. Except two days after that the neighbor’s weed eater startled Tony and Tina from their nest and both eggs fell through a hole in the nest floor. “There’ll be other eggs,” Tony cooed. Tina rolled her big black eyes.
A few nights after that Tina laid an egg. A cute white egg that was followed the next morning by another cute white egg. By day Tina flew around town on errands while Tony minded the eggs, and by night Tina collapsed exhausted on her eggs while Tony worked the night shift. Fourteen days later the first egg hatched! And it was so adorable, observed Tina, just like a miniature Tony! Except with poky yellow fur and a giant alien eye.
And the next day the second egg hatched. Both Tony and Tina worked so hard that first week to regurgitate enough pale-yellow crop milk for their babies. The second week Tony and Tina worked together to collect buckwheat, corn, peas, and weeds to regurgitate to their babies. At night Tina would fall asleep exhausted with the Princeton Review Guide To Best Colleges propped against her cinnamon-brown belly.
Two weeks later their kids flew the coop. “There’ll be other eggs,” Tony cooed. Tina hit him with the back of her iron skillet.
But Tony was right, and a few weeks later Tina laid an egg. A cute white egg that was followed the next morning by another cute white egg. By day Tina flew around town on errands while Tony minded the eggs, and by night Tony worked while Tina collapsed on her eggs wondering why she didn’t go to the Barbizon School of Modeling back when she had the chance.
And so the summer passed with that batch of babies – and then one more batch of babies. When fall blew the leaves from their tree, Tony and Tina abandoned their nest to join a larger flock of friends wintering in Riverside. Tina clucked with her friend Bernice who had spent the summer as a single parent dove in a rickety nest in Stillwater Junction. The truth of the matter was: it didn’t sound half bad to Tina.
So when part of their flock decided to pick up and migrate to Memphis, Tina resolved to leave Tony and join them. “But there will be other eggs!” Tony pleaded as he fluffed up his feathers. “That’s what worries me,” said Tina, preening the white tip of her graduated tail.
Tina’s wings produced a fluttering whistle when at last she swept up in the sky to begin her 538-mile journey. Tony watched her grow smaller against the white horizon. Then he spotted a cute little number two limbs over. Tony flew up from the ground and beat his wings and then glided back to the ground in a down-turned spiral.
Isn’t that just like a man? I hope Tina lives it up on Beale Street. Tell her not to fall in with those ducks at the Peabody Hotel, though. I hear that’s a rowdy bunch.
We have mourning doves in our yard too but we call them George and Gracie.
I am sure Bernice has coated her single momhood tale with a sugary sweet gloss that hides all the rough & dark patches. I kind of hope Tina changes her mind. At least Tony was providing for and helping take care of the brood. And personally, I think Tina has a shot at being a plus-size model, she should check Barbizon out.
On another note, I too have loved those boots for as long as I can remember, only in brown.
Fer chrissake, that Tony was just out for a little tail.
finally, a childrens book for adults. charming charming charming.
That’s beautiful.
Great writing, my friend!
Barbizon! (snort!)
Dear Bossy,
Divine story telling! “Tina’s wings produced a fluttering whistle when at last she swept up in the sky”. I love this imagery!
…Did I ever tell you how much I LOOOOOVEEEEE doves. If I could own one without my cats eating it, I totally would. But then, it would prolly just fly the coop like Tony and Tina’s broods. Ungrateful brats.
Go Tina.
Me thinks bossy is a cute white egg.
I was waiting for BOSSY to come in and rescue Tina and her babes. I’m not so good with Dove Stories I guess.
o_0
Snort! Barbizon School of Modeling….
Tina should have dumped Tony after the first nest and headed to Barbizon. She could have gotten frosted tips and learned how to properly crimp her plumage.
You had me at six ounces of pure man.
Very cute and funny…
I never realized how fickle birds could be with their love.
Good for Tina!
Such a sweet story, told in a way only BOSSY could tell.
Tony sounds like a hunka-hunka burning love. Just the kind of steady, helpful man every woman desires.
If my babies looked like that, I would eat them, just to not have to look at them anymore.
This isn’t code for bossy’s flying the coop, is it?
You have a fun mind. A bit scary, but fun. Thanks for sharing it.
Six ounces of pure man. ~SNORT~
I think Tony & Tina’s fallen eggs may have starred in a “this is your brain on drugs” commercial if I am not mistaken??
Obla di, Ob -HICCUP!- la ad, eh.
If I were Tony I would demand a DNA tests on those eggs. Just what kind of errand is Tina running?
Tony needs to look into getting a little cover for that pecker…or Tina God Forbid…haven’t you heard of the pill…over populating..our tax dollars..blah blah blah
Tina – you’ve got to learn, babe.
Baby birds are entirely freakish. It amazes me that make it to adulthood as often as they do.
How lovely
Bossy is impossibly clever and darling.
Anytime you need help making a graphic of cascading birdie eggs, you just let me know!
I’ve been reading you now for a few months and never commented before because in the face of your awesomeness anything I say would just confirm the dork that I am.
Happy Mofo Delurking Day!
Aw, that was so good. The best. I’m going to go read it again.
Typekey is mean to me, but I am being brave because of the Great Massive Delurking Conspiracy. Your story was so much better than the story of their wedding.
Isn’t that just the cutest alien eye you’ve ever seen!
Reminds me of the Billy Joel song about Brenda and Eddie.
Two weeks later? I’d go for that after the day I’ve had!
Awesome. Even though that baby bird is sorta freaky. I love the way you can write about something so ordinary and make it funny and sweet all at once.
Bossy rocks.
Bossy!
I’m from Dayton! I’m in Dayton right now! Maybe I’ve even seen T&T and their freaky baby flying around somewhere!
Maybe Tina should consider hooking up with Bernice. There will be no more eggs.
Tina and Tony’s not very bright third cousins, (twice removed) build a nest in one of our wreathes once. The “kids” shit all over everything. And I heard the mama bird say, “Damn it, We can’t have ANYTHING nice around here.”
She was right.
Tony and Tina- have you been to Vegas recently?!
Thanks for the kind comments, because I was thinking the exact same thing about your blog… 😉
I love this!! Thank you for this sweet laugh today. I’ll think about it in those moments of my day when I’m ready to fly the coop.
I would totally buy this.
Correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t Bernice Bert’s bird on Sesame Street? Another childhood myth cruelly shattered! Oh, never mind, she’s a pigeon. Whew!
If I owned the Discovery Channel I would TOTALLY give Bossy her own nature program. With complete creative control. Can y’all IMAGINE. I mean, I am cracking up just THINKING ABOUT IT A LITTLE BIT. It would make those cute little meerkats look like boogers.
So funny and so cute!
I did that play many moons ago. But there were no birds. Or iron skillets. But a fake pregnancy belly? Oh yeah.
Best blog post I’ve read in a long time! Lovely and inspiring! Thank you!
The photo of the dove baby is gorgeous! I had a pet dove for nearly 19 years – doves are such beautiful creatures! (not terribly intelligent, but beautiful nonetheless!)