That is the precise moment Bossy’s alarm goes off every day. And this makes Bossy especially happy because at that exact time in the morning her bedroom looks like this:
First she stumbles into the adjacent bathroom and checks to make sure her face is still there:
And then she admires her sexy negligee:
Sadly it gets worse:
And then Bossy falls down a flight of stairs and turns on a light in the living room:
Then she goes into the kitchen and turns on this:
When the tap becomes scalding hot she fills this:
Bossy waits for the kinetic energy of the water molecules to accelerate the vibrations of the surrounding cup’s atoms. Then she applies a little New Math:
commutes to work walks down a short hallway and notices the bathroom door ajar:
Finally Bossy enters the Family Room where her loyal
deer dog enthusiastically jumps up to greet her:
And then Bossy fires up her Heart Light:
And there she peruses
the BBC website People online while drinking her weight in Vanilla Nut Roast.
Dr. Monkey saysOctober 10, 2007 at 9:46 am
Thanks for the exciting peek into the morning of Bossy.
Laura Owen, Chalfont, PA saysOctober 10, 2007 at 9:48 am
Bossy-love your eyebrows! I thought to myself, nice brows b/f you dissed them. 6 a.m.rolls around way to quickly around here too……….
Mrs. Fussy Fussypants saysOctober 10, 2007 at 9:52 am
Bossy you are the best. The Queen of the Blog!
threeboysindc saysOctober 10, 2007 at 10:02 am
Just discovered you through your ode to Dooce. You are my new favorite blogger.
All Adither saysOctober 10, 2007 at 10:04 am
It’s a picture book of BOSSY’S life! Love it.
I have pancake boobs too. Actually, mine are more like guitar picks.
Laurenne saysOctober 10, 2007 at 10:10 am
Ahhh… I KNOW! It is so hard to get out of bed when it is dark outside.
vuboq saysOctober 10, 2007 at 10:10 am
6AM is too dark. I would take photos of myself when I first get up in the morning, but I’m scared I would break the internets.
Janice in TX saysOctober 10, 2007 at 10:10 am
Ultra Pasturized Half & Half? Now that’s fancy!
Andrea saysOctober 10, 2007 at 10:16 am
Waking up when it’s still dark is yucky. And I agree, you have great eyebrows.
You can call me, 'Sir' saysOctober 10, 2007 at 10:18 am
Wait a minute….you’re drinking from a different mug! It probably isn’t even chipped!! You lied!!!
Diesel saysOctober 10, 2007 at 10:23 am
I don’t know how to quit you, Bossy.
Miss Britt saysOctober 10, 2007 at 10:28 am
You really wear a shirt?
Or are you like Reality TV and editing reality for the viewers to hide your pancake boobs?
Don’t you watch Survivor Bossy? Pancake boobs are IN!!
BOSSY saysOctober 10, 2007 at 10:28 am
Same mug — it’s just lit with those very special Radioactive Computer Monitor Waves we will soon learn are also deadly.
Jess saysOctober 10, 2007 at 10:31 am
Bossy, you are so wonderful. I have a similiar routine, except my alarm clock is a little blonde with too much spunk in the morning.
super des saysOctober 10, 2007 at 10:34 am
I love your dog because every time I see her she is in that pose.
orangeblossoms saysOctober 10, 2007 at 10:39 am
Without coffee the world would simply stop. Kaput. No more. Also, my cats are far more enthusiastac in the morning than that huge deer of yours. Of course, they’re hungry, too….
mp saysOctober 10, 2007 at 10:40 am
I LOVE LOVE LOVE to sleep when it’s cold..all bundled up…but my hubby never keeps the temp quite right in the house 🙁 I HATE getting up in the dark 🙁
Juliet Pennay saysOctober 10, 2007 at 10:40 am
I heart Jake Gyllenhal. I’m pretty sure he’s my husband, but doesn’t know it yet.
How come you look so damn cute in the morning? Not even a little puffy! …Wait…was this STAGED?????
qt saysOctober 10, 2007 at 10:53 am
Loving this even though my alarm goes off a full hour before yours – I require soft voices and strong coffee for at LEAST the first two hours of the morning….
And also? I heart the mug.
Lisa saysOctober 10, 2007 at 11:07 am
the crazy person in me needs to come over and clean up your desktop right now. I can’t even look at the photo.
You and your dog, however, are lovely =)
Ree saysOctober 10, 2007 at 11:17 am
Early dark-thirty. Yuck.
Falling down stairs. Yuck.
that dog? I love.
blackbird saysOctober 10, 2007 at 11:45 am
Bossy doesn’t pee upon arising?
Good thing she’s well hydrated.
Audubon Ron saysOctober 10, 2007 at 11:51 am
Hey, that’s a heck of a lot better than hunt’in coons at three in the morning. You want to see stumbl’in. I got diaper rash two days ago from falling into a hole and getting my shorts, not undies, wet. Gonna get that coon.
I call my wife wake-up Queen Nefertiti awakening from her tomb.
sue saysOctober 10, 2007 at 11:53 am
Bossy’s husband isn’t as lucky as Sue’s husband, because Sue wears head-to-toe flannel from September until June. And occasionally during Summer, if it gets below 80.
joeinvegas saysOctober 10, 2007 at 12:01 pm
Is that dog stuffed? It appears in the same pose in so many of your photos, randomly positioned around the house. I do admire your red desktop, most people use photos or something.
The Domestic Goddess saysOctober 10, 2007 at 12:03 pm
That sounds suspiciously like my morning, except my house ain’t painted those purty colors, my dog is about 50 lbs smaller and my hair doesn’t look that good. The glasses are the same. Oh, and I drink tea.
Elizabeth saysOctober 10, 2007 at 12:05 pm
Even at the crack of freaking dawn, you have an interesting life 🙂
Avitable saysOctober 10, 2007 at 12:19 pm
I wear that exact same ensemble.
Moi saysOctober 10, 2007 at 12:39 pm
Ahh, Bossy. I love when we get to sneak a peek into your life. My morning routine consists of me telling everyone to be quiet and not to laugh as I stumble and fall into stuff.
Moi’s husband gets to see how his t-shirts look on me. But the flannel will come out this winter. It will be hawt.
MetroDad saysOctober 10, 2007 at 1:03 pm
Clearly, Bossy and BossLady have been shopping for sexy negligees at the same store.
Cindy Z saysOctober 10, 2007 at 1:13 pm
Thanks for sharing your morning! Pancake boobs… too funny mine are more like weighted pendulums that keep hitting my knees. Now how is that for a visual? 🙂
Shayera saysOctober 10, 2007 at 2:22 pm
Parts of my morning ritual include turning on radios in all three rooms of my “palatial” apartment.
And turning on my monitor while brushing my teeth. Which somehow guarantees that toothpaste spots have to be cleaned off the monitor.
Jen M saysOctober 10, 2007 at 2:24 pm
We get up at the same time. I like your ritual better. Mine involves squinting while freebasing coffee and waking up seventy-four children. At least, that’s how many I see until my contact lenses unpeel from my eyeballs.
sarcasm abounds saysOctober 10, 2007 at 2:41 pm
If you turn the above post into a pop-up book for the blogging uninitiated proletariat masses, I think Bossy can live on easy street…
P.s FYI – the HOA for easy street is a bitch…
Nilsa S. saysOctober 10, 2007 at 2:44 pm
This post confirms Bossy and I are on the same wavelength (I am totally flattered!). I was just composing tomorrow’s post about my daily routine. From the perspective of caring for my pooch. Though, I left out one thing I’ll share with you here. My favorite sleepwear as of late is a pair of scrubs my boyfriend bought me. He works in the medical field and wanted me to feel included (I have scrub envy).
madmad saysOctober 10, 2007 at 2:50 pm
How come boys never close the door? (Or flush, for that matter. Or even aim right, while we’re at it…)
Jenny in MN saysOctober 10, 2007 at 3:00 pm
Love your blog. My dog sleeps in the bed with me and hubby – hears alarm and does the stretch, shake, scratch and stare. So much for the snooze button! If I don’t get up in 30 seconds, he jumps back onto bed and lays down on my legs. Black Lab, but thinks he is 7lb lap dog…Keep telling him it is LAB, not lap. My hubby is even luckier – I wear men’s boxers (bike short style) and tank top to bed. No twisting..love it – even though it isn’t considered sexy. Hey, sleeping is a one person activity in my book anyhow.
Teryn saysOctober 10, 2007 at 3:01 pm
Your dog is making the same face I make if anyone tries to make me open my eyes before 8 a.m.
Amanda saysOctober 10, 2007 at 3:02 pm
Ah, the Gyllenhaal jaw, I used to rock the Jon Baker upper lip, a largely underappreciated feature thanks to the overhyping of
amanda saysOctober 10, 2007 at 3:02 pm
Ponch, overhyping of Ponch.
Mrs. G. saysOctober 10, 2007 at 3:07 pm
bossy has cute glasses.
Brando saysOctober 10, 2007 at 3:10 pm
Much, much more entertaining than the Today Show!
whit saysOctober 10, 2007 at 3:18 pm
I don’t drink my bodyweight in coffee every morning. I drink the weight of someone much, much heavier. I drink Dom DeLuise.
soNOTcool saysOctober 10, 2007 at 3:26 pm
Your alarm clock looks the way mine sounds. NEEEH NEEEEH NEEEH NEEEEH.
maggie saysOctober 10, 2007 at 3:26 pm
Hah – your “desktop” looks like mine – it drives my husband nuts.
Mary Alice saysOctober 10, 2007 at 3:29 pm
Wow…that looks a little like Mary Alice’s life…only she gets up at 5:00 am and wakes up two teenagers and then at 5:40 she drives around picking up more teenagers and takes them all to practice. What’s more fun than a minivan filled with teenagers at 5:45 am? Ummm a minivan filled with surly pit vipers…that’s what.
Kristin saysOctober 10, 2007 at 4:18 pm
So… that’s the beginnings of a bossy post? Love it! And at least your sweats have a hem… mine are cut off sweats. My husbands loathes them…
Desiree saysOctober 10, 2007 at 4:32 pm
Bossy-I love your blogging style. You never cease to amaze me with your mad skilz. You can make the most mundane and ordinary thing seem positively entertaining! Thanks!
Noelle saysOctober 10, 2007 at 4:38 pm
My eyebrows go wonky first thing in the morning. It’s like they’re glued that way through sleep. I’m glad I’m not the only one who has no shame about chipped earthenware.
Phoenix saysOctober 10, 2007 at 4:49 pm
You have to get up at 6am to post for us. That is dedication if I’ve ever seen it.
OMSH saysOctober 10, 2007 at 5:07 pm
Add in one shower + 3 kids + 1 drive to 2 schools + 1 return home + 2 cups of coffee + 1 computer = my every morning.
mcewen saysOctober 10, 2007 at 5:42 pm
Just an idea, but have you ever thought of waiting until dawn breaks, then you won’t have to go mooching around in the dark!
Velvet Verbosity saysOctober 10, 2007 at 5:47 pm
Bossy, don’t you know it’s abnormal to be so funny when the SUN AIN’T ROSE YET?
I’m just sayin.
Leaf, probably... saysOctober 10, 2007 at 5:52 pm
At least your alarm goes off. I’m beginning to suspect mine occasionally flicks itself off to laugh hysterically at me when I realise I have 35 seconds to get to the bus stop and no clean clothes.
Mr Farty saysOctober 10, 2007 at 6:29 pm
BOSSY has to wear an ankle tag? What was BOSSY’s special crime?
Nin saysOctober 10, 2007 at 7:30 pm
Bossy’s life looks exhausting
Kim saysOctober 10, 2007 at 7:34 pm
good morning Bossy!
I’ve got a little project going on, come check it out 😉 Only people with warped, er, I mean, a keen sense of humor will get it, I think you are one of us.
Kim saysOctober 10, 2007 at 7:36 pm
Yes, I begged you to come to my site…I posted a shameless plug. As my husband says, “I have no readership”..but I did get a visitor from Kaula Lumpur (so exotic I cant even spell it!)
I feel like Lucille Ball when she joins the Salvation Army band and sings, “Friends of the Friendless”..remember that?
Laurie Foolery saysOctober 10, 2007 at 7:59 pm
Bossy: cool alarm clock
Foolery: somewhat reliable internal clock
Bossy: pancake boobs
Foolery: kindergarten chest
Bossy: orderly dog
Foolery: explosion of cats
Bossy: neat and tidy desktop
Foolery: never mind
I’m not sure this relationship is gonna work out, but I’m willing to try.
Crystal D saysOctober 10, 2007 at 8:28 pm
Bossy – I am updated, updated and updated. I will follow Bossy where ever Bossy may go.
flutter saysOctober 10, 2007 at 9:08 pm
i think I am in love with you and your fantastic eyebrows
flutter saysOctober 10, 2007 at 9:09 pm
i think I am in love with you and your fantastic eyebrows
MammaLoves saysOctober 10, 2007 at 9:59 pm
You’re so good. I need light outside my window to get up–unless I’m getting up to fly some place exotic.
Melissa in NZ saysOctober 10, 2007 at 11:38 pm
One of my eyebrows also behaves badly in the morning.
EGAD BOSSY! Was so engrossed I forgot about the cheese sauce on the stove behind me. Bossy is a very bad, very entertaining influence. Lumpy!! Speaking of which, I dream of pancakes, but have great big grapefruits instead. Sigh.
Suebob saysOctober 11, 2007 at 12:23 am
We have remarkably similar big blonde sleepy dogs. Goldie isn’t a Dane but they look enough alike…
Hey hey, 65 comments. Remember when I predicted you would become huge? And it wasn’t from all the half and half.
annie saysOctober 11, 2007 at 1:21 am
If you don’t have to actually shower and leave the house, WHY on Earth are you up SO early?!
I’m way sexier, I flat out wear a sweatshirt and sweatpants to bed.
Theresa saysOctober 11, 2007 at 5:35 am
6 a.m., what kind of ungodly hour is that to be getting up? That shouldn’t be allowed, after all it leads to animal torture by shining a flashlight on poor sleeping dogs. Hasn’t Bossy heard the saying about letting sleeping dogs lie?
wakeupandsmellthecoffee saysOctober 11, 2007 at 5:47 am
What are you complaining about, woman? You’re thin and tall and practically wrinkle-free. And I wish my eyebrows looked like that in the morning.
Mimipz5wjj saysOctober 11, 2007 at 7:44 am
Well, it’s better than being woken up at 5am by a screaming two year old that needs to GET UP NOW!!!!!!!
Gloria saysOctober 11, 2007 at 9:51 am
But Bossy, why even bother waking up at 6am? Horror upon horror, stay in bed!
Bossy waking time is my sleeping time. On good days. On extremely good days I don’t sleep until the sun comes up.
Dawn @ Coming to a Nursery Near You saysOctober 11, 2007 at 10:05 am
Hey, that’s what time I get up too. Only my alarm clock looks alot like my oldest, middle and youngest child, all rolled into one nearly 8 month old, clawing at my back, face, neck, head, chest – whatever’s handy.
Love the post, as usual 🙂
savia saysOctober 11, 2007 at 11:51 am
Is it wrong that I’m absolutely mesmerized by the water coming out of your tap. It’s just so…bendy.
Ruth Dynamite saysOctober 11, 2007 at 7:12 pm
For a second there I thought you were going to make Nescafe with your hot tap water. Pfew.
Of course I knew that Bossy’s fully brewed.
mimi saysOctober 12, 2007 at 2:45 am
How bad does it suck that it’s so DARK in the mornings now? Also, dark in teh middle of the night while Mimi prowls the internets in her very sexy flannel jammies, university sweatshirts, and poky eyebrows on …
Kelly saysOctober 12, 2007 at 1:37 pm
Hey, I have the exact coffee maker. But I’m strictly an Italian Roast bitch.
VDog saysOctober 12, 2007 at 10:44 pm
We have the same coffee maker, too! I think if you got married in the early-mid 2000’s you have this coffee maker.
Funny morning, Bossy. LOVED the flashlight on the Dane part.
Biddy saysOctober 15, 2007 at 5:46 pm
really bossy, a denim shirt? surely the sexy bossy could come up with something better than a denim shirt…say, flannel?
cate saysOctober 15, 2007 at 10:43 pm
you just made me pee my pants, funny lady! alas, people would pee my pants from fright if i photographically documented the horror that is my morning routine…so let’s not go there…
Anna saysOctober 16, 2007 at 5:50 am
Sitting here in my own dark thirty madness I am LAUGHING!!!! Love it.
Unemployed Susan saysFebruary 5, 2009 at 8:39 pm
This is the post that made me fall in love with Bossy a little.