Beg Bossy’s pardon, but readers reader? Did you say you wanted to hear about Bossy’s slippers? Because you don’t have to ask Bossy twice. Nine times, maybe. But never twice.
Bossy’s slippers were a birthday gift from Bossy’s mom six years ago, and if you think they look too new to be six-year-old slippers you’d be sadly mistaken because Bossy’s slippers are a scientific marvel: they were cloned.
Just over two thousand days ago when Bossy opened the parcel containing the new pair of slippers, she didn’t think they were that great. They were cute and orange and all. But: slippers. What’s the advantage of slippers over a nice pair of tube socks made threadbare in the heel for traction?
But Bossy’s mom was all about the slippers, proclaiming they were the greatest she’d ever known in the history of Domestic Footwear because:
- they’re warm but not too warm
- they’re easy to put on but not so easy they fall off
And other slipper propaganda. And then a few days later Bossy’s mom showed up in Bossy’s living room with the cloned pair of orange slippers in Bossy’s size. “This is the very last pair!” Bossy’s mom announced triumphantly as Bossy tried to figure out what in hay she was going to do with four of these things.
But all Bossy has to say about her slipper ignorance is: when Bossy was a child she spake as a child, but when she became a man she put away childish tube socks things.
As it turns out, Bossy wears these slippers every day, all day—which means just because Bossy throws a fancy party for one hundred close friends with tables of epicurean aperitif doesn’t mean Bossy has to wear real shoes, because Bossy will be the frizzy one over there by the wine table wearing orange slippers. Just ask Bossy’s friend Amy.
In fact, Bossy wore her slippers so enthusiastically, this was the result:
Which is why recently Bossy finally retired her first pair of slippers and held a debutante ball for the cloned pair, an event which took place on December 26th because let’s face it—there’s nothing special about Christmas day compared to these slippers.
Here’s the deal: they’re Boiled Wool, which believe it or not isn’t half as delicious as it sounds. They take wool and whatever whatever the point is they no longer make Bossy’s slippers. And readers reader? Bossy has looked.
They’re all:
Not to mention Bossy’s slippers are manufactured by a German company:
Kitz-pichler. And so it’s difficult to get information about their current line of slippers, even after Bossy pushes the link for mehr details.
No matter. Bossy’s done the math, and the way she has it figured, the clones should last Bossy until she is fifty. And then she will die. The end.
Dara says
January 17, 2008 at 11:14 amShit-house-mouse!!! (I can say that in German, but to write it out in German is not in me).
I wanted those slippers for Christmas. Instead, I received a pair of fuzzy hot pink slippers, which I will not ever ever ever wear.
I like my boiled wool with soup.
diesel says
January 17, 2008 at 11:17 amI think the 3rd ones down are the ones the astronauts wore on the moon.
Sarah is Ok says
January 17, 2008 at 11:20 amSo…um…your mom was right? And I don’t think anyone else on the history of blogs ever included the words “melting wad.”
Grandma J says
January 17, 2008 at 11:20 amUmmm…can I have that safety pin (if you’re not using it)? I can never find one when I need one. That one looks sturdy.
Momo Fali says
January 17, 2008 at 11:23 amMy favorite lipstick was discontinued, and I was all, “WHAT?! You can’t do that!”, and they were all, “Uh, yeah we can because we’re a big corporation and we don’t care about the little guy.”
I ended up going to European on-line auction sites to find it Desperate times call for desperate measures. I bought every last bit available in the European Union and now I have a big ol’ stash of it. Big corporation can’t screw this little guy outta my lipstick…EVER. I have enough lipstick to last 100 years.
Sewmouse says
January 17, 2008 at 11:24 amhttp://www.zappos.com/n/p/dp/18620156/c/6462.html
Maybe those would be an alternative?
corrie says
January 17, 2008 at 11:31 amDid Bossy already Ebay? or Shopzilla? I am feeling your pain!!
madmad says
January 17, 2008 at 11:40 amWell, I certainly hope you don’t die! How would we all get our daily laugh? Garnet Hill doesn’t have any that work? If all else fails, I find the backless ones stay one better if you’re wearing socks. Which kind of defeats the purpose a little, but no one said life would be easy, and sacrifices must be made sometimes.
corrie says
January 17, 2008 at 11:40 amP.S. I just had a trip to the twilight zone at Ebay/Germany trying to see if there were any listings… from my scientific inquiry (w/ ltd German) I am sorry to report ….no
KL says
January 17, 2008 at 11:46 amFine. I’m soooo not a spammer. Whatev.
http://www.hutstuebele.de/Walkpantoffeln_von_Kitz-Pichler.html
Tootsie Farklepants says
January 17, 2008 at 11:50 amI think I’m wearing those tube socks.
David says
January 17, 2008 at 12:00 pmA friend gave me some funky electric blue sock/slippers a couple decades ago – they had rubber tread on the bottoms – and I wore them until they fell apart. They were the best I ever had.
Phoenix says
January 17, 2008 at 12:02 pmThe holes are a little sad. I hope you don’t die Bossy. Maybe you need to take a trip to Germany and see if you can find someone who makes them. But maybe you should make it soon, because if you go when they are all holey and try to show them off, people will just point and laugh.
Foolery says
January 17, 2008 at 12:02 pmIs/are epicurean aperitif, um, table-able? Or were we still speaking German?
Peg says
January 17, 2008 at 12:08 pmBecause you think your slippers will last until your expiration date, this probably won’t help but if that doesn’t work out, get Bossy over to zappos.com for another pair of cool footwear. Like you, I am very picky about my casual wear and it has to be just right. I have many “gifts” that I tried to be happy about but immediately buried in the back yard.
Christine says
January 17, 2008 at 12:11 pmTwo words: duct tape.
Chesapeake Bay Woman says
January 17, 2008 at 12:12 pmHoley Slippers, Bossy-Man! Quick! Back to the Bossy Cave before Bossy-Man steps on the Sinister Snow Wad and has more to contend with than cardiomywhatsithy.
Avitable says
January 17, 2008 at 12:15 pmIt’s time to learn to hover instead of walk. The slippers will last longer then.
All Adither says
January 17, 2008 at 12:28 pmI have a crush on your slippers. But I’m madly in love with mine. They’re the booty fleece kind from LL Bean and they’re the bomb.
Shelly Kang says
January 17, 2008 at 12:28 pmDarn! But thanks for sharing what info you have, and the story, and thanks for the link. They’re still totally rockin’ slippers!
Noelle says
January 17, 2008 at 12:38 pmI’m glad to have confirmation that holes in socks only add to traction. If only my kitchen floor wasn’t so cold!
Junebug says
January 17, 2008 at 12:41 pmBut…but…I’m fifty…I have a nice pair of slippers.
Hilary says
January 17, 2008 at 12:44 pmApparently there’s a man (Mr Heinz, hehe) you can email – check out this link to the manufacturer’s site. http://www.gottstein.at/gottstein.php?container1=menu&active=patschen&container2=patschen_middle&container3=patschen_right
Maybe you could send him the picture and ask him if you could still get some? They’re in Austria. I speak German, so could help you if you like?
Hilary
Stacey says
January 17, 2008 at 12:47 pmYou might try looking for a similar style by the company Haflinger. Also German, also boiled wool. The slippers I have from them have a cork base, but I’ll bet they make kinds similar to that one, too. I think it’s the orange that makes yours so perfect.
Strizz says
January 17, 2008 at 12:48 pmhas Bossy explored this alternative? http://tinyurl.com/25zf56
magpie says
January 17, 2008 at 12:49 pmI confess to loving a pair of Ugg slippers. I do not, however, EVER where them out of the house. Because they are, after all, UGLY.
magpie says
January 17, 2008 at 12:51 pmThat would be “wear”, not “where”.
Heather says
January 17, 2008 at 12:55 pmI feel your pain. I wear slippers everyday as my feet are freezing and my office is freezing and my slippers got coated in fiberglass so I had to throw them away so I went to the store to buy new ones and found the perfect ones and when I got them home and eagerly opened the box to put my new slippers on I had transposed slippers that I had been trying on into wrong boxes and the box I had purchased and brought home had two non-matching slippers.
Melissa says
January 17, 2008 at 12:57 pmI love slippers, and yes, they must have backs to them. And yes, I also buy in bulk when I lu-uve something and simply feel terrified that I may never find that thing again when the original wears out. (Sigh. Should’ve done that with a pair of silver tag Levi button fly jeans, but had no money back then…)
terri says
January 17, 2008 at 1:06 pmLOL Oh Bossy! love the slippers!
You should see mine! lol..I haven’t the heart to throw them out…BUT you’ve inspired me to do so,
just give me a few days(month)or so to say goodbye! lol
PS..more puppy pictures on my site!
C'tina says
January 17, 2008 at 1:20 pmhttp://www.plowhearth.com/product.asp?section_id=0&department=0&search_type=normal&search_value=slippers&cur_index=2&pcode=9743
C'tina says
January 17, 2008 at 1:22 pma slipper party, a BIG slipper party!
http://www.plowhearth.com/productform.asp?section_id=0&cur_index=1&search_type=normal&search_value=slippers&department=0&category=0&price=0&imagesoff=0
The Domestic Goddess says
January 17, 2008 at 1:27 pmI abso-smurfley LOVE those slippers. Must.Find.Them!
I am a slipper-addict also. In fact, I wear mine just about everywhere. I even accidentally wear them to THE SCHOOL for parent meetings, HSA meetings, conferences, school picnics, etc. All of the sudden someone comments, “OH! I LOVE those!” And I’m all, “Whaaa?” And I look down and my face turns a nice shade of magenta.
http://www.llbean.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/CategoryDisplay?page=shearling-flip-flops&categoryId=47946&storeId=1&catalogId=1&langId=-1&parentCategory=503444&cat4=503422&shop_method=pp&feat=503444-tn
dgm says
January 17, 2008 at 1:36 pmPlease tell me they sheer the sheep before they boil the wool.
Jenn @ Juggling Life says
January 17, 2008 at 1:36 pmSlippers as proof that mother knows best; perfect.
mothergoosemouse says
January 17, 2008 at 1:38 pmFunny what we latch onto and won’t let go. I had a pair of Keds in high school that were also literally falling apart, and yet I insisted on wearing them to practice for six hours a day. They repaid me with shin splints.
Patricia says
January 17, 2008 at 1:38 pmSince Bossy is not in need of new slippers but her fan base seems to sorely be…these seem to be the closest match to hers but not in that awesome orange colour (but then again, we can only attempt to emulate the classiness that is Bossy but we will never ever BE Bossy!):
http://www.sierratradingpost.com/p/,74678_Wesenjak-Slipper-Moccasins-Boiled-Wool-For-Men-and-Women.html?cm_mmc=PaidPlacement-_-NexTag-_-WNEXT8-_-Wesenjak_Slipper_Moccasins_-_Boiled_Wool_-_For_Men_and_Women
golden says
January 17, 2008 at 1:41 pmI emailed the guy Mr Heinz and asked if there any US retailers.
Anyone else spend the last half hour of their lunch looking for orange German slippers for Bossy? LOL!
psychophant says
January 17, 2008 at 1:41 pmIt looks to me like the thread came out and the binding came loose. Why not just sew them back together. Take them to somebody who does alterations, or a shoe repair place.
cate says
January 17, 2008 at 1:42 pmthe only thing better than the taste of boiled wool is the smell of boiled wool! mmmm….
those look seriously comfy! i’m sorry for your loss, and i hope the clones were imparted with longer lasting power!
psychophant says
January 17, 2008 at 1:49 pmWhoa! I just checked out Sierra Trading Post and it looks like Patricia has saved the day. I’m getting a pair in turquoise.
Manic Mommy says
January 17, 2008 at 1:52 pmShould I worry that my two boys love to steal my fuzzy pink slippers and walk around in them? Cause the huz is (worried, I mean, not wearing them).
me says
January 17, 2008 at 1:56 pmwe all love our bossy!!!! she posts every day, she’s funny, witty and the BOMBdiggity, and can i just ask, why is everyone in love with dooce, when there’s a bossy alive????? HMMMM???? not to say there can’t be both but I don’t understand why bossy isn’t the NUMERO UNO BLOG, like, EVER!
Surcie says
January 17, 2008 at 2:05 pmSurely one of Bossy’s fans could sew her up a nearly identical pair. I mean, I watched Project Runway last night. I know those sewing-types can work miracles.
feefifoto says
January 17, 2008 at 2:07 pmHas Bossy considered prostrating herself at her mother’s feet and apologizing copiously for doubting her mother’s judgment, in the hope that perhaps Bossy’s mother withheld one more pair of slippers against the day she might be able to say to Bossy: “Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyaaaah nyah!”?
Jake says
January 17, 2008 at 2:17 pmMy mom is the SAME way! Every christmas she asks for a pair of slippers but they have to have a closed back, they have to be light blue, they have to be fuzzy but not too fuzzy, you know. And when we get them for her, she’s like “oh… they’re… nice”. And then wears them all year, wants another pair the next year because the holes she made in them, and gets upset when they don’t make that slipper anymore. Yessss.
SparklieSunShine says
January 17, 2008 at 2:17 pmThis totally cracked me up. I hope you got enough help finding new slippers and that the ones you have now last foreva!
Biddy says
January 17, 2008 at 2:29 pmif bossy comes to abilene, biddy will sew up the retired pair for her
Catherine says
January 17, 2008 at 2:54 pmBoiled wool, also German
http://doddsshoe.com/shopsite_sc/store/html/brands-haflinger.html
Jillian says
January 17, 2008 at 3:11 pmBoiled wool is felted, right? If you know someone who knits, they might be able to make you a pair! Maybe minus any traction on the sole, though. (I don’t know anything about additional materials w/regards to shoes and such.)
OHmommy says
January 17, 2008 at 3:26 pmI am a slipper snob too.
Ugg slippers keep my toes warm and I love them. They are ugly, not too bulky, warm, don’t fall off, just about the perfect slipper in my eyes.
Jennifer says
January 17, 2008 at 3:37 pmWHY oh WHY do they always discontinue to good stuff?!?! I see that someone already suggested LL Bean…they stole my comment.
peppermint t says
January 17, 2008 at 4:04 pmI accidentally wore my slippers to Thanksgiving dinner last year (at my own house). I noticed about halfway through that I hadn’t changed to real shoes, but I found that I really didn’t care.
And my slippers aren’t as cute (or as German) as Bossy’s.
islaygirl says
January 17, 2008 at 4:25 pmi feel exactly the same why about my dear, departed German slippers (they had half a sheep on one, the other half on the other.) they disintegrated at some point during my pregnancy. i’m still not exactly sure what happened, because it happened during the months when i couldn’t ~see~ my feet.
janet says
January 17, 2008 at 5:25 pmI really did not expect a post on slippers to be entertaining. But I read it right through to the end. And it was!
I may just start wearing slippers again.
Mr Farty says
January 17, 2008 at 5:40 pmWhy do I get the feeling that if BOSSY needed a reverse-angle tri-phase fusion-powered laser-guided ice-maker, her readers would track one down for her? In orange.
Because they (and by “they” I mean “we”) would.
Auntie Lenie says
January 17, 2008 at 5:54 pmWell, you have another year before the clones wear out, but in the meantime you should really try the open back Haflingers. They have AMAZING arch support for a pair of slippers. I can’t walk barefoot in my house without ouchy arches, but the Haflinger slippers make me smile. I have two pairs- just in case someone comes over and needs to wear a pair of slippers……. Ya know, if someone comes over and wants to half linger….
Wendy says
January 17, 2008 at 5:59 pmNow, THAT is the best post on slippers I’ve ever read (yes, the only one, too)!!
To replace said slipper:
1. Buy a lamb
2. Feed the lamb….you get the idea, the timing may work out just right for when you need the next pair.
Enough about slippers, where’d ya get that cool side table the slippers are on??
Laura says
January 17, 2008 at 6:00 pmAhhh man, that’s sucks. RIP Bossy’s slippers. Orange ya glad they lasted as long as they did?! Try craigslist too Bossy, you wouldn’t believe what that site has. And you can try craigslist in Germany.
Annie W says
January 17, 2008 at 7:03 pmUmmm…bring the slippers to a shoe repair to be re-stitched???
Mrs. G. says
January 17, 2008 at 8:18 pmOnly BOSSY’s slippers would be deemed marvels of medical science.
Amy says
January 17, 2008 at 8:30 pmI love that site that KL gave you cause you get to use freetranslation.com which makes shopping even more fun. One of the reviews claims “My son sweats very strongly at the feet. Yet with these slippers, the no more problem is. It dresses it also without request,” which is I think the highest compliment one can give a German slipper while sounding like that guy from Silence of the Lambs.
Alli ~Mrs. Fussypants says
January 17, 2008 at 8:48 pmmelting wad….
oh where the jokes could go.
Queeny says
January 17, 2008 at 9:20 pmWay to go, Bossy. You’ve given me yet another reason to envy you.
Redneck Mommy says
January 17, 2008 at 9:54 pmAnd I thought I was pathetic when I “accidentally” (read: made a conscious choice not to put on real shoes) went to the farm, slipped and found my precious lime green sheep skin slipper deep in well, sheep shit.
Oh, woe is me. I couldn’t find a replacement so I did the unthinkable. I scraped off the crap, scrubbed the suckers (trying hard not to wreck them) and then pretended it never happened.
My husband doesn’t understand my devotion to my shitty slippers, but then he doesn’t get a lot of things. (Kinda why I like him, wink, wink.)
I’m gonna wear those slippers until someone pries them off my cold dead feet.
Carrisa says
January 17, 2008 at 10:03 pmHave you tried Toms shoes? They look just like what you had.
http://www.tomsshoes.com/
Plus each pair you buy, a pair is donated to a needy shoeless person.
Oh, The Joys says
January 17, 2008 at 10:27 pmPlease to tell me mehr about das slipperz.
Jen says
January 18, 2008 at 12:26 amI hear you on the slippers–I can’t abide having my heels all exposed and vulnerable.
Jen
Haley says
January 18, 2008 at 12:53 amSorry to hear of the death of you most valued footwear, I feel your pain and was bemoaning my own lack of a good pair of slippers today.
Hope you meet your new foot(soul?)mate soon!
anastasia beaverhausen says
January 18, 2008 at 1:39 amSuh-weet Baby Jebus on a cracker, Bossy! I would SO wear those shoes. Even to church. Or work. Where can I obtain them?
anastasia beaverhausen says
January 18, 2008 at 1:40 amSuh-weet Baby Jebus on a cracker, Bossy! I would SO wear those shoes. Even to church. Or work. Where can I obtain them?
anastasia beaverhausen says
January 18, 2008 at 1:40 amSuh-weet Baby Jebus on a cracker, Bossy! I would SO wear those shoes. Even to church. Or work. Where can I obtain them?
anastasia beaverhausen says
January 18, 2008 at 1:41 amSuh-weet Baby Jebus on a cracker, Bossy! I would SO wear those shoes. Even to church. Or work. Where can I obtain them?
anastasia beaverhausen says
January 18, 2008 at 1:42 amoops…sorry
dexter says
January 18, 2008 at 7:40 amKitz Pichler was a shortstop for the Philadelphia A’s in the 1920’s. he only played 2 seasons because he broke his neck attempting to play wearing slippers with spikes on them.
Jadie says
January 18, 2008 at 12:03 pmBossy, do you not know any knitters who can make you some wonderful slippers in whichever shape or color you want
Not me though, I don’t know how yet….
Hippo Brigade says
January 18, 2008 at 1:04 pmHoly crap. That was the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. Thanks for the giggles.
nancypants says
January 18, 2008 at 2:14 pmBossy, don’t die at fifty. You are depressing me.
Guess what? I think I’m going to BlogHer. Might I get to meet the inimitable Bossy? Might I get to meet the inimitable Ree? Might you get to meet the inimitable me? Yes, you might. Aren’t you excited? I am too. And I meet me every morning. In the mirror. (It’s not as glamourous as it sounds, believe me. It involves messy hair and a scary wild eyed look.)
annie says
January 18, 2008 at 8:04 pmI have your standard Fuzzy Slippers.
I stocked up this year and got 5 pairs, as sometimes my feet hurt so if it’s not too warm I will wear them around the house even in summer, with my shorts and ankle socks.
Why do people find this so amusing?
kate says
January 19, 2008 at 1:20 pman advantage to dying early i guess.
Cesar says
January 19, 2008 at 4:08 pmHey Miss Bossy,
I posted this message yesterday, but I accidentally placed it in the wrong category.
I found some nice alternatives for your slipper collection.
Make sure to browse slowly and don’t make any haste decisions on preferences.
Please Enjoy!
Cesar
http://spluch.blogspot.com/2007/09/ugly-slippers.html
sparx says
January 19, 2008 at 7:05 pmHmmm… and I thought that slippers weren’t going to be that big a deal for people, and then I read your comments! I’ve yet to find the perfect pair, one day they will come to me. Oh yes they will.
Kristabella says
January 19, 2008 at 7:34 pmI want to wear slippers all day, every day. Or flip flops. Except when it is cold and snowy outside. Because I like my toes. They hold the flip flops on.
Amanda says
January 20, 2008 at 3:14 pmI am still bent out of shape no one gave me slippers over the holidays.
erin says
January 20, 2008 at 9:48 pmI’m wondering if your tube socks have stripes, and if so, what color?
smaragdalge says
January 21, 2008 at 11:05 amDear Bossy,
I am german and maybe I can help, please try this link:
http://www.hutstuebele.de/Walkpantoffeln_von_Kitz-Pichler.html
smaragdalge says
January 21, 2008 at 11:07 amGee, sorry, maybe I should post the english version:
http://www.hutstuebele.com/slippers_for_children_and_adults.html
Jenny says
January 21, 2008 at 3:50 pmTwo words: Hot glue.
Altissima says
January 21, 2008 at 6:45 pmAre these they?
http://www.hutstuebele.de/s01.php?shopid=s01&cur=eur&sp=de&ag=3&pp=aa&bnr=15154