Bossy’s slippers were a birthday gift from Bossy’s mom six years ago, and if you think they look too new to be six-year-old slippers you’d be sadly mistaken because Bossy’s slippers are a scientific marvel: they were cloned.
Just over two thousand days ago when Bossy opened the parcel containing the new pair of slippers, she didn’t think they were that great. They were cute and orange and all. But: slippers. What’s the advantage of slippers over a nice pair of tube socks made threadbare in the heel for traction?
But Bossy’s mom was all about the slippers, proclaiming they were the greatest she’d ever known in the history of Domestic Footwear because:
- they’re warm but not too warm
- they’re easy to put on but not so easy they fall off
And other slipper propaganda. And then a few days later Bossy’s mom showed up in Bossy’s living room with the cloned pair of orange slippers in Bossy’s size. “This is the very last pair!” Bossy’s mom announced triumphantly as Bossy tried to figure out what in hay she was going to do with four of these things.
But all Bossy has to say about her slipper ignorance is: when Bossy was a child she spake as a child, but when she became a man she put away childish
tube socks things.
As it turns out, Bossy wears these slippers every day, all day—which means just because Bossy throws a fancy party for one hundred close friends with tables of epicurean aperitif doesn’t mean Bossy has to wear real shoes, because Bossy will be the frizzy one over there by the wine table wearing orange slippers. Just ask Bossy’s friend Amy.
In fact, Bossy wore her slippers so enthusiastically, this was the result:
Which is why recently Bossy finally retired her first pair of slippers and held a debutante ball for the cloned pair, an event which took place on December 26th because let’s face it—there’s nothing special about Christmas day compared to these slippers.
Here’s the deal: they’re Boiled Wool, which believe it or not isn’t half as delicious as it sounds. They take wool and whatever whatever the point is they no longer make Bossy’s slippers. And
readers reader? Bossy has looked.
Not to mention Bossy’s slippers are manufactured by a German company:
Kitz-pichler. And so it’s difficult to get information about their current line of slippers, even after Bossy pushes the link for mehr details.
No matter. Bossy’s done the math, and the way she has it figured, the clones should last Bossy until she is fifty. And then she will die. The end.