JOIN BOSSY'S OLD SCHOOL BLOG ROLL!

i am bossy

Bossy’s Excellent Road Trip: Sunglasses 3, Bossy 0.

sunglasses3

The following is all the news not fit to report: Bossy left her new aviator sunglasses at Bossy’s close and personal friend Her’s house. The sunglasses in the above photo are her new sunglasses, purchased a few hours ago at a truck stop. The convenient thing about these new sunglasses is they manage to rub her eyelashes raw while bloodying the backs of her ears.

Bossy lost her sunglasses because ddjeiekdlllslwk it’s a very long story and involves a pasture, flames, and a hastily borrowed sweatshirt meant to entice Cowboy Josh with its manure stains sexiness. Bossy is talking about the very same hooded sweatshirt which features a kangaroo pocket now housing Bossy’s previous sunglasses; the same hooded sweatshirt that hangs in a coatroom on a ranch one thousand miles from Bossy’s road weary eyes.

But it was a worthwhile optical sacrifice, as Bossy had a blast hanging with the punks and cataloging their many emergency room trips. And Bossy picked up useful camera tutorials from her friend Ree, such as how to quickly adjust the exposure speed with the flick of a thumb, and how to remove the lens cap before photographing your subject.

And after two days and twenty-seven minutes sleep, Bossy once again propelled out the door onto the open road:

dark-drive

Which is approximately the exact moment the fog descended:

fog

Unfortunately for Bossy, the fog amplified the isolation and it magnified the desolation and before you knew it, Bossy was on the phone to her mother and oh my gah where is the closest cardiac surgeon and what kind of helicopter will they use to airlift Bossy to the nearest facility?

But after two hours of distraction delivered via XM radio’s comedy channel, Bossy realized she wasn’t alone. Not even close. After all, she has her trusty sleeping bag friend:

bag-seat

Eventually, give or take a hyperventilation episode or two, the fog lifted and the landscape began to transition:

nm-landscape

After a total of ten driving hours, Bossy reached her New Mexico destination, and guess what? It’??s a hotel! Bossy wants to take a shower watch TV jump on the bed poo bathe in bubbles eat read sleep. And that’s just in the first three minutes:

Tomorrow: Scottsdale Arizona.

hotel-bed

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. You’re not alone. But, at least on my screen, there are some funky dingbats in your post. Go toward the light Bossy 🙂

    Reply

  2. So you went to Dallas, PW’s and now Santa Fe? That Hotel Room is prettier than my bedroom. Perhaps I oughta check out the Holiday Inn Select.
    I’m telling ya, Tarzhay has nice sunglasses that don’t hurt your eyelashes or backs of your ears.

    Reply

  3. i have some super cute sunglasses that would be perfect for bossy. only, i left them in abilene when i made the trek to see you.

    if you were going to be anywhere longer than 3 hours, i’d mail them to you

    Reply

  6. your mama (aka mr lootiatto) will expect a kinder gentler bossy about the loss of glasses! 3 pair within a few days. And watch those truck stops, they will grow on you. The divineness of those rigs was what brought me to driving the big ones.

    Reply

  8. you either have gotten some sun on your checks or are really pissed about the sun glasses! How I want to take my girls cross country. bfms (bossy’s friend Martha’s sister…)

    Reply

  9. Fantastic!!! I hope your hotel room has one of those beds that you put the quarters in and it vibrates. You have my permission to use my entire 9 bucks from your tip jar for that purpose!!

    Reply

  12. Oh.Em.Gee. VUBOQ totally *hearts* New Mexico ever since he spent one crazy college summer collecting scorpions with one of his professors (WHAT WAS HE THINKING?!?!). AND! You are, like thisclose to Scott-o-Rama! Teh Excitement!

    *smooches*

    Reply

  13. I think it will be interesting to see how many pairs of sunglasses you go through on your Excellent Road Trip!

    If we’re betting, I say 10.

    S t e p h e r

    Reply

  15. I’d say those cheeks must still be burnin from your day out burnin grass on the ranch, or maybe windburn from hangin your head out the window to keep awake??
    Great read, am cathing up here
    Enjoy the hotel perks!
    Will see your 10 pair of sunglasses ‘Stepher’ and raise it to 12…

    Reply

  16. You could all be like “Mr. Sleeping Bag, you’re my very bestest friend and you always know just what I’m thinking,” and draw a happy face on him a la Tom Hanks on that shipwreck movie and talk to him and be BFFFFFs.

    Reply

  17. You’re definitely not alone. It just feels that way until you realize we all feel alone most of the time, too – and we’re all at home. Hang in there. It will get easier.

    Reply

  18. Enjoy Scottsdale! It should be beautiful this time of year! Getting excited that you’re almost to California!! Oh – btw – I hear Phoenix cops ticket cars with out of state plates like CRAZY! So keep to the speed limit!

    Reply

  23. Just think — you could be lifecasting this, and we could all BE THERE when you take a shower watch TV jump on the bed p–

    oh I can’t go on

    Reply

  25. Have your thumbs started “talking” with each other as you drive?? That’s usually a good indication it’s time to pull over and catch a snooze. What an awesome adventure. Thanks for taking us all with you!!

    Reply

  28. I say leaving the sweatshirt and glasses at Ree’s was all a ploy…..so you have an excuse to go back to see Josh again!

    Come on, just swing by on the way back!

    Reply

  31. Maybe in addition to the Saturn sponsorship you should have been aiming for a sunglasses sponsorship too!

    Reply

  35. wow…I hope you have been taking your Metamulcil and maybe a colace or two…

    Anyway, have a nice poop.

    Clear the bowels, clear the mind.

    I think Freud said that..

    Reply

  36. I once, on a long trip shepherding students across Italy (and sharing dorm accommodations), had a cabin to myself on the overnight ferry to Greece. I walked into the room, closed the door, and said aloud with glee, “I’m sleeping in BOTH bunks tonight!” I hope you slept on every inch of that bed and now feel rejuvenated.

    Reply

  39. I read “poo bathe bubbles” as “poo bath”. For a moment I got a little scared and thought perhaps you needed 40 more house of sleep in the next 24 hours but then I realized I can’t read.

    Happy trails!

    Reply

  40. Bossy – I totally get the “OMG I’m going to have a heart attack alone here on the road and I will die and someone will steal my car and my iPod and chuck my pathetic corpse into a well somewhere and my darling husband and wonderful children will be left motherless and I will never be heard from again!!” thing.
    Just remember – we all adore you and are with you in spirit so just feel the fear and do it anyway! You Rawk!
    (sorry to be so serious – but that anxiety stuff can be hell!)

    xoxo Bonnie

    Reply

  42. The good news is, all of your Google ads are now for sunglasses! So we can all get new sunglasses like Bossy! Yay!

    Boy, I bet Wisconsin sounds reeeeaaally far away right now. Rest, friend.

    Reply

  47. At least the sunglasses weren’t another expensive pair…I always leave expensive stuff that I might take off at home.
    Just remember when you are on those long stretches that you are almost home to someone.

    I can’t wait to hear about the parties out west. Did I miss Orlando…?

    If Saturn had equipt you with a CB you could have a blast….”trucker, trucker”…Keep on truck’n Bossy.

    Reply

  49. I want to know who else is with you. You obviously have someone strapped to the hood in order to take that picture of you and Wilson the Sleeping Bag. (OK, there’s a joke to be made about “sleeping bags”, but I’m not going there considering how much sleep you’re NOT getting.)

    Reply

  50. Denise can relate. I still have her sunglasses from Monday’s trip to the church! She hasn’t really needed them though because we have been busy having rain and tornadoes. Lucky you missed that. That NM picture sorta looks like Mars if you blur your eyes a little bit, but I can’t really talk. Dallas looks like a pancake with a Dandelion sticking up out of it.

    Reply

  51. Paul and I once drove thousands of miles, and he left MY sunglasses behind THREE times. I’d brought two pairs with me, but he was doing all the driving and had not brought any sunglasses with him so he borrowed mine. He left one pair in a restaurant bathroom. He left the second pair on top of the car. I bought a third pair (for myself, but for him to borrow) at a rest stop and we don’t even KNOW where he left those behind. Finally I bought him a very tacky neon tie-dyed pair and of course he never lost those.

    Reply

  54. Well Bossy~ I would think a night ALONE without having to be “the polite overnight guest” would be a relief!! Not that Bossy can’t be polite … but it can be an effort. Hurray for you to be alone and catch up on some sleep!!

    Keep us posted thougth THE MINUTE you start up your road trip again!

    Reply

  56. Sorry about your sunglasses. Maybe you can get some more comfortable ones in Cali. Hope your CD is working for you…I forgot to test it out before I gave it to you.

    Reply

  57. OK….my Blog circle of reading is WAY too small. I read on PW about her “visitor” and saw all your pics during the burnin’ day. Then I end up here a day later, & read about your adventure. WHAAAAT? Too crazy!

    I live down the street from June Cleaver Nirvana/HRH so I’ll bake you some cookies for the road if you come to our neck of the woods in TX!!

    Reply

  58. Since you didn’t stop by the coast of NC, would you please swing up to SW South Dakota? I am at my mother-in-law’s house, surrounded by brown cornfields. So signs of spring here yet. Thank God for internet access.

    Reply

  60. Please get a good pair of sunglasses again. I’ll appeal to
    your vanity and say that those
    inexpensive(although interesting
    aviator) sunglasses are going to give you lots of eye wrinkles..

    did that work ?

    I totally think that during any
    driving, good sunglasses are
    not a luxury, they are a necessity.

    Just like some sleep in that hotel room.

    Kate

    Reply

  61. Hope the wildflowers are spectacular. You picked a perfect time to come through the desert.

    We’re looking forward to seeing you in LA, even though we come off as a bunch of flakolas.

    Reply

  63. Your relationship with low lying fog sounds like mine with blizzards. Hyperventilation, one last phone call to my mother to tell her my dying wishes and to tell her to pray that we don’t die of snow storm or that I don’t die of lack of oxygen, full on panic attacks…

    Glad you survived the fog. And I guess you could have always just turned around and gone back through the insidious fog and asked Ree for directions to her Dad’s office if you really needed a cardiac guy because if you really need a cardiac doctor, what’s three more hours of weather related, panic induced constricted blood vessels?

    You must be exhausted. You are going to love your own bed more than you ever have after all of this. :^D

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *