Today Bossy is writing a resume for a friend who shall remain nameless, and that friend is Bossy’s mother. Hi mom!
Bossy has tinkered with plenty of these things and has this to say: resumes are all about putting your best foot forward. Your lie-covered foot.
We’re not chatty: we have strong interpersonal skills. We didn’t look something over: we provided editing and proofreading support. We didn’t place phone calls: we identified and cultivated lateral relationships.
We tracked and established and fostered and managed and assessed and prepared and supervised and maintained and solicited and promoted and analyzed.
Which leaves Bossy with one remaining question: why are we so unemployed?
Sue says
May 9, 2008 at 11:02 amWow, how come there are not 500 replies yet? Here’s why Bossy’s mom is not employed: she’s not 21 anymore. No funny way to comment on age discrimination. It starts around 40 for women.
Hotdog says
May 9, 2008 at 11:10 amI think you’re so fecking unemployed because you didn’t use rose scented paper for your resume.
Momo Fali says
May 9, 2008 at 11:13 amShe’s not unemployed, she’s without gainful employment.
amy says
May 9, 2008 at 11:15 amI think the reason bossy’s mom is so fecking unemployed is that it has something to do with her blue-toned skin!
Audubon Ron says
May 9, 2008 at 11:18 amI wish I were half the person I am on my resume.
Madness says
May 9, 2008 at 11:21 amMadness will answer your one question with ONE WORD … George (as in Dubya Bush)
RuthWells says
May 9, 2008 at 11:29 amI am a crackerjack networker. What kind of work is she looking for? Email me.
RuthWells says
May 9, 2008 at 11:32 amOh, the answer to the question is that resumes don’t win jobs, networking does.
Audubon Ron says
May 9, 2008 at 11:37 am…oh, forgot to mention. I have a position I need to fill. I’m actually not retired, semi-retired (10 hour days semi-retired). I have a job, a good one. I need a personal assist with just everyday good ole fashion life skills. I need a person to make coffee, keep the supply cabinet full and take the blame for everything I screw up. Should be simple.
Grandma J says
May 9, 2008 at 11:40 amDon’t forget to mention that Bossy’s mother has been the CEO of her own life for years. That makes Bossy’s mother over qualified for most positions.
Melanie at Beanpaste says
May 9, 2008 at 11:43 amYou know what she needs? A little synergy. You need to facilitate/develop/leverage some synergy. And do let me know where you find some.
Anna Lee says
May 9, 2008 at 11:45 amJob searching can be so tedious and exhausting! I’m in my 2nd month of searching and trying to keep my motivation up is getting harder and harder. Good luck for you and your mom!
All Adither says
May 9, 2008 at 11:47 amBossy’s mom is employed. She’s like Ellen’s mom, popping up here and there to amuse an audience.
amber lee peace says
May 9, 2008 at 11:48 amAge discrimination does happen earlier for women because women were “putting their careers on hold” to stay home with kiddies. Employers see this and think that the woman is out of touch with how the working world currently is. Sadly, this is true in my experience. I hate working with women who have been SAHMs for the past 10 years.
But I’m 23 and have a lousy paying job (which is why I’m working three). Tech is where it’s at. I’m a religion major. When I do finally get a job in the religious sector – recession proof.
Foolery says
May 9, 2008 at 12:19 pmI have a job, but that’s just what I “play on TV.” In my REAL life I’m an unpaid smart aleck looking for a paying position. I feel her frustration; all of the GOOD smart aleck jobs go to really old deejays with funny hair.
Good luck Mom of Bossy!
Melissa says
May 9, 2008 at 12:20 pmBossy’s mother is not unemployed. Bossy’s mother is on hiatus.
Biddy says
May 9, 2008 at 12:57 pmthanks bossy…
after the last couple of days i’ve had, i really needed a laugh…
maybe i should send my resume to you…hmmm
Howard says
May 9, 2008 at 12:59 pmBecause of the lies! The horrible, horrible lies! I’ve wanted to put a resume together that was complete and under honesty just to see what happens.
Cactus Petunia says
May 9, 2008 at 12:59 pmPersonally, I prefer to call it “freelancing.”
Jami says
May 9, 2008 at 1:10 pm“Outsourced on a semi-permanent basis predicated upon mitigating societal circumstances.” Please. NOT “unemployed, middle-aged and female”.
Been there, done that!
manager mom says
May 9, 2008 at 1:32 pmWow.. you must have a nice relationship with your mom. My own mom thinks I am a complete moron, I doubt she’d let me write anything on her behalf.
David says
May 9, 2008 at 2:33 pmGoing by the picture, you also smurfed.
Amy says
May 9, 2008 at 3:37 pmIt’s totally smurfism I’m pretty sure smurfs are covered by the EEOC. I’d call your senator.
Chesapeake Bay Woman says
May 9, 2008 at 3:55 pmAs an HR person who has seen millions of resumes, I can’t stress the importance of something that will catch the attention of a dim-witted HR person who has a stack of a million resumes to review.
Therefore, I recommend putting, “I am Bossy’s Mother” as a job title and bullet-pointing her responsibilities in said position, including commenting on Bossy’s blog.
And please let me know if that works. I want to be able to add “full time blog commenter” on my resume and have it get me somewhere other than on my tail in a chair in front of my computer 24/7.
Laura says
May 9, 2008 at 4:33 pmBossy, let’s not forget that we also lead interface all the time too.
Meg says
May 9, 2008 at 4:33 pmYou wanna know why? Because we HR folks can see right through the euphemisms and read ’em for what they really are. But never fear, because chances are, we used the same ones on our resume, too. Put another way, it takes one to know one.
dgm says
May 9, 2008 at 4:50 pmBossy’s mom isn’t unemployed; she’s just an active member of the leisure class.
Just Jamie says
May 9, 2008 at 5:13 pmYou left out downplayed.
Can’t rub it in that we’re so effective at completing all of those glorious verbs.
Who me? Aw, it’s just a little something …
Dani says
May 9, 2008 at 6:01 pmI think this comment quote sums it up
“Employers see this and think that the woman is out of touch with how the working world currently is. Sadly, this is true in my experience. I hate working with women who have been SAHMs for the past 10 years.
But I’m 23”
We live in a world where 23 year old breast obsessed twerps think they know more about life than woman who have bred.
*rolls eyes so hard gets a crick in neck*
natalie says
May 9, 2008 at 6:55 pmwow…you sound so important. and your mom…i would so hire her if i had a need for someone with her skills!
Jenn @ Juggling Life says
May 9, 2008 at 7:01 pmYou’re Bossy–order someone to hire her.
Dawn @ Coming to a Nursery Near You says
May 9, 2008 at 7:02 pmremind me to have you do my resume – IF I ever return to a real workforce.
jennie says
May 9, 2008 at 7:06 pmI think it’s because you forgot to use the word “proactive”.
Adorable Girlfriend says
May 9, 2008 at 7:09 pmAG is a whiz at CVs and job hunting. Let me know if I can help.
Cheri says
May 9, 2008 at 7:20 pmBossy’s mom is a Smurf disguised in business attire.
tj says
May 9, 2008 at 8:53 pm…Could Bossy’s mom quite possibly become Bossy’s assistant? No? And we could call her “Mother Bossy” or call her “Big Bossy” and you “Lil’ Bossy”, and she could be a guest contributor here and share Bossy childhood stories, and Bossy elementary school photos, and…and…the list goes on and on… I’m sure there’s room somewhere on the Bossy corporate ladder… ;o)
…And yeah, what’s with the smurf in a business suit up there?
…Blessings Bossy… :o)
Kelley says
May 9, 2008 at 8:56 pmAll Bossy’s mother needs is some gloves and a pair of opaque stockings…
HRH says
May 9, 2008 at 9:29 pmIt’s those awful shoes. Because NOTHING else explains it. NOTHING.
Chesapeake Bay Woman says
May 9, 2008 at 9:52 pmI echo tj above.
And also, thank you.
Imaginina says
May 10, 2008 at 12:40 amIt’s all about the verbs!
Manic Mommy says
May 10, 2008 at 9:25 amHasn’t she initiated, or implemented, reinvigorated, overseen, or overhauled anything lately?
Make sure she’s LinkedIn as well…
mrs. blogoway says
May 10, 2008 at 10:41 amI’ve always thought the resume is absolutely useless. Everyone exagerates their skills and accomplishments so much on them. I know I always did. Tell your mom good luck and happy mothers day!
Dharmamama says
May 10, 2008 at 11:31 amDid your mom make you remove the “fecking”?
Meg says
May 10, 2008 at 7:23 pmI think your mom needs to help you make more movies about John Cusack! Did you see his interview on Bill Mauer?
Meg says
May 10, 2008 at 7:25 pmAnd come on over everyone, and see the lyrics to my “Blame It On Your Mother” song.
janelle says
May 10, 2008 at 11:14 pmI tagged you
ms picket to you says
May 11, 2008 at 12:08 amI officially hire Bossy’s Mom. For anything.
‘Cause I am good that way.
Moi says
May 11, 2008 at 12:30 amIs it because you forgot to synergize?
Meghan says
May 11, 2008 at 1:27 amThe trick is to lie-coat both feet.
Happy Mother’s Day, Bossy.. and, Bossy’s Mom.
Dorothy Stahlnecker says
May 11, 2008 at 3:36 amIn order to get a job today, you have to be sarcastic (act like I owe you a living) always be late, and leave early…because you have an errand to run. In other words your mom is over qualified with good qualities. Tell her to loosen up and be brat and they’ll hire her all day….oh an don’t seem like she really wants to work…
My best,
Dorothy from grammmology
remember to call gram
http://www.grammology.com
Surcie says
May 11, 2008 at 8:12 amHappy Mother’s Day, BOSSY!
Kevin Charnas says
May 11, 2008 at 1:33 pmHHAA!! And the line that was just BULLSHIT that I ALWAYS used in interviews when asked the question, “What do you think is your biggest fault”??
Me, “My biggest fault….hum…Let’s see…(as though I had never thought about this question before…so, with crinkled brow I answered)…I suppose my biggest fault would be that I push myself too hard.”
I know, I just threw up in my mouth too.
And I ALWAYS got the job. Of course, I slept with everyone interviewing me, but that’s beside the point, don’t you think?
moo says
May 11, 2008 at 2:52 pmMy mom is also unemployed, but actively seeking employment. Hello recession! Hello undervalued baby boomers! SO nice to see you!
ourcrookedtree says
May 13, 2008 at 10:00 pmIt’s all about presentation ?
Carlye says
May 4, 2011 at 8:44 amI feel so much happier now I understand all this. Tkahns!