Bossy is once again bringing sexy back with her support hose. In fact, Bossy is bringing sexy so far back that the chair just collapsed under Sexy and Sexy has fallen into a heap on the porch floor.
Bossy is wearing her support hose again because two days ago Bossy’s right foot suddenly swelled to the size of a grapefruit. Or maybe it was more like a bocce ball. Or perhaps a balloon that is twisted into the shape of a hippopotamus.
The point is her foot was swollen. At first Bossy thought it was a spider bite, but then she thought Blood Clot! Because: hi, have you met Bossy?
Wearing the support hose seems to help—just like propping the foot on a pillow seems to help. Other things that help: lying prostrate watching Kimora Life In The Fab Lane.
In fact the only thing that doesn’t seem to help Bossy’s condition is standing for long periods of time. Or walking. Or shopping for teacher gifts or driving late daughters to school or trying to locate new tomato plants, which leads us to our next Things That Make You Want To Drink Gin Straight From The Cat Bowl exhibit.
This is Bossy’s tomato plant that she bought last month from a local farmer, and it is exactly like the other eight tomato plants in Bossy’s garden, and here is what the plants have in common: they are all diseased:
Bossy isn’t sure what happened. One day they were thriving and advanced in size and were covered in buds and Bossy’s Friend Martha was all, “Oh I wish my tomato plants were this impressive.”
And the next thing Bossy knew her plant stalks grew spindly and the leaves turned inside out and the tomatoes got all like this:
So now Bossy has to go looking for new tomato plants and put them in the ground a month behind schedule, which really interferes with Bossy’s mid-July plan to be eating gazpacho from ingredients grown entirely in her own garden including the olive oil pressed from Bossy’s own olive tree and—sorry, was someone typing something? Bossy must have nodded off for a minute because she was just dreaming she lived in Tuscany.
Back to the smelly cat bowl gin story: it’s time for Exhibit C.
This leopard represents the spotty Internet service Bossy has been experiencing for the last two weeks. Bossy isn’t sure whether it’s her service provider or weather interference or root rot.
Anyway, spotty Internet service isn’t such a big deal. Lucky thing Bossy doesn’t blog for a living. Oh, wait.