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i am bossy

Newsletter: Month Thirty-Six.

crate

This is you after we brought you home that first day. We had just driven over four hundred miles, pausing at every rest stop along the way so you could climb from the car and worry over the sound of the tractor-trailers rolling down the turnpike.

You were one of many, and Bossy essentially had the pick of the litter. She wanted a female, so that eliminated a handful of pups. She didn’t want the bold puppy, or the disinterested puppy—so that left you and your sister. Bossy wasn’t alone in the decision—she brought her daughter and her mother along, who sat in the sweltering Ohio sun weighing various things such as What does it mean when a puppy trips over pachysandra?

Bossy and her daughter and mother couldn’t make a decision, and so they retired to a nearby motel, where they swam in the pool and made lists weighing the two dogs and their temperaments.

Finally Bossy’s mother had a genius idea. “Flip a coin,” she said.

And so Bossy and her daughter and her mother took turns flipping a coin, and here is the important life lesson they learned about a ritual that seems arbitrary: when you flip a coin you are secretly rooting for one result over the other, and then you have your decision.

Bossy and her daughter and mother realized they were all routing for you—which could have something to do with the sweet way you shadowed the threesome, just like it could have something to do with the fact that the breeder mentioned you would never be much of a drooler due to your elongated snout.

Bossy and her mother and daughter returned to the breeder’s house early the next morning to drive you away toward your new home. They put you in the crate pictured above which was woefully small, and you complained for exactly three minutes before issuing a dramatic sigh and collapsing in a heap.

Once home, you seemed slightly disappointed by Bossy’s property and its lack of a pond, just as you were suspicious of a household that didn’t contain at least six other Danes:

porch-floor

But soon you realized there was in fact another Dane within the family, she was just a little more smiley and had a habit of walking on two hind legs:

in-arms

And although Bossy’s house didn’t amount to much in square footage, it did feature a back porch that allowed you to oversee the various family activities while keeping you a screen’s width away from the scary wildlife that freaked you out. Like ants.

on-porch-chair

You were doubling in size every few minutes, and the family realized they were in a foot race to introduce you to every situation you would eventually encounter while you were still easily manipulated with a leash and collar. So you learned how to ride in a car, and learned to walk down bustling sidewalks—and you became socialized, playing with neighboring dogs and cats:

with-kitty

And you learned that ponds were no competition for plastic baby pools, and the water you could bite as it dribbled from the end of the garden hose:

baby-pool

In fact you learned so many things those first weeks that you required naps that stretched across entire afternoons:

crashed

Bossy and her family began teaching you to sit and to stay and to lie down and to relieve yourself on command—and sometimes these lessons were so tedious you looked forward to those moments you could play nursery:

big-baby

baby-duck

And in no time at all you understood what it meant to be a good citizen of the family:

tucked

You liked to be right in the middle of things, and fancied yourself very useful when it came to helping out with tasks, such as homework:

homework-helper

You also came to realize if the family was going to have to withstand enormous poos and the perpetual puddles emanating from the water bowl, you were going to have to step-up your potential to entertain the hell out of everyone:

entertaining

crazy-head

on-lap

Even if entertaining the family meant exhausting yourself right down to the scratchy pads of your enormous paws:

comfort

So on this, your birthday, Bossy and her family would like to sincerely thank you for picking them that sweltering day three years ago. Please accept the following coupon, good for a homemade biscuit and a chew toy. Because if you eat one more computer cord Bossy is driving you back to Ohio we love you.

dog-coupon2

Reader Interactions

Comments

  6. my Belle will be 36 months on July 9. She also had a fondness for computer cords as a pup. Now, she seems to be too lazy to do much of anything.
    Right now , I think she knows I’m typing about her! She’s looking at me like “Hey, I know I’m the center of your universe!”

    Happy Birthday Stella.

    Reply

  8. If you look just at the bottom of the “onporchchair” picture, Stella’s paw looks EERILY like a human hand. Just saying.

    Reply

  9. Awww…. I love my dog, Jack – half boxer, half lab; I remember when we brought him home he had all this *loose skin*… we had no idea he’d double in size every few days. *sigh*

    Now I love Stella, too.

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  10. Awwwwwwww. This was very DOOCE’esque.

    But better – because I have a fondness in my heart for this dog. STELLA.

    The picture of her butt in your face…reminds me of Marley. He does that too. Its not very charming. But we love him anyway.

    Dogs really are the best.

    Reply

  13. OMG! I was so setting myself up for completely different story and ready to burst into tears at work.

    It’s her BIRTHDAY! Thank goodness. Happy Birthday!

    Reply

  14. One of your best posts ever! Probably because I love dogs, and I love BOSSY, so you really couldn’t go wrong with this one. Seriously, this post rivals Pioneer Woman’s posts on Charlie. Really, really sweet. And that’s a stinkin cute horse you’ve got there too.

    Reply

  15. I want to squish her face! And then I want to use her as a giant pillow. And then I want to smell her feet because I bet they smell like humongous Fritos. And no, that’s not weird at all.

    Reply

  21. She’s so adorable, I’m jealous I want another puppy. I have friends who breed Great Danes in Colorado, the puppies are always so cute.

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  28. Omigod those are absolutely adorable pictures and although my dog is the most handsome dog in the world I am not sure that your dog is not tied for first place!?

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  31. My sister’s husband solved the “which puppy should we take” problem by taking both puppies(he got a discount on the second one). Of course, these puppies were Boston Terriers, so the taking-up-space issue was not a problem. Happy B-day, Stella.

    Reply

  32. Happy Birthday Stella!

    My Elder Hound is 14 this year. Not quite as entertaining as she was when she was three, but we still love her.

    Oh, and Stella? Ants freak me out, too.

    Reply

  34. sooo cute! But now my dog is going to wonder where the hell her “baby book” is. And you’re not kidding…you’re little girl DOES like to wear pajama pants, doesn’t she:)

    xoxo
    tcb

    Reply

  41. we have been going around and around about getting a dog but this may have pushed me over the edge. how adorable. happy birthday!

    Reply

  42. Happy Birthday Stella, you cutie you!
    We should introduce your to our Tanner The Slobber Dog, but he might teach you bad habits like eating spackling paste.
    On second thought…
    Just enjoy your b-day!
    Becky

    Reply

  43. Happy Birthday Stella, you cutie you!
    We should introduce your to our Tanner The Slobber Dog, but he might teach you bad habits like eating spackling paste.
    On second thought…
    Just enjoy your b-day!
    Becky

    Reply

  44. Awwwww….that is just the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen. I’d wondered how old she is when you would post pictures of her in the past. Happy Birthday to youuuuuuuu, dear Dane dog. (I don’t know her name)

    Reply

  45. Bossy’s Dane isn’t just great, she’s the sweetest bundle of puppyhood on four legs! And by the way, you were smart enough to come home with only ONE. Last time I did that, had to get TWO!

    Reply

  50. Happy Birthday Stella!!

    Dear Darling Stella, I love all your photos. My favorite? Glad you asked, it’s the one where you are mooning your bossy mom on the couch.

    Reply

  52. Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!!

    Feliz Cumplianoz Stella (bella)!

    Add me to the list of peeps that have never seen a puppy that huge…but oooooooo soooooooooo cute!!

    I love me some puppy breath!

    Reply

  55. Hallie said: “I bet her poo is as big as my weiner.” Cannot. Stop. Laughing. (because I am an 8 year old boy…)

    Happy birthday, Stella!!

    Reply

  58. Awwwwwww…what a sweet baby girl!

    I’m a sucker for cute dogs, and so I have been foisted out of lurking status to pucker my lips, crinkle my brow, and say awwwwwww.

    You, your family, and your dog, are all just the sweetest. Really. My favorite family in the blogosphere (with the G’s over at Derfwad Manor in a solid second.).

    Thanks for the happy, sweet thoughts. Oh, and on that note; should have sent love and cheers for the SIL post, but didn’t know how to say it. There it is. =)

    Reply

  60. You HAD to get her, she’s the only Dane that can stand on her head on the coach.

    Happy Birthday Stella !!!

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  62. Happy Birthday, Stella!!

    This makes me miss Bear, my Mastiff who died last year. *sniffle* He was huge like Stella! I remember the gangly teenage trippin-over-lines-in-the-sidewalk stage very well!

    Curious…is (or was) Stella hyper? I have heard that Danes can get a bit crazy during the puppy stage. True/False?

    Both Mastiffs we had spent most of their lives upside down w/ their “solar panels” pointing to the sky. 🙂

    Give Stella a big smooch and an extra hug for me!

    Reply

  64. Bossy’s Dane isn’t just Great, she’s exceedingly lovelier with each passing year!

    Happy Birthday, Stella!

    Reply

  66. That pic of her on the green cushion makes her paw look like a human hand. Also, is that carrier pink? Or is it just he lighting? Can I get one like that for my daughter?

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  68. Our dog turns 3 tomorrow!! Although we did not get him until he was 10 months old. My biggest regret is we didn’t spring his brother from the pound too. I still feel bad 🙁

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  70. …Hello Bossy! This post is priceless, as is you and Stella…

    …”Rappy Rirthray Relra!” =:0P

    …My fav’ is your lil’ girl in her pj’s holding baby Stella – too cute!

    …Blessings… :o)

    Reply

  72. Do you have to make us fall in love with every member of your family? Lets see: bossy, bossy’s husband, bossy’s son, bossy’s daughter, bossy’s brother, bossy’s mom, bossy’s dad (who makes the steak sauce), bossy’s sister-in-law, bossy’s friend Martha and now…Bossy’s dog, Stella. Fine…now I love her too.

    Reply

  73. Baby pictures of puppies with their peeps are the best, especially when they are ironically ginormous puppies like Stella. She really is GREAT. Cannot get enough of her. This is one of Bossy’s most charming posts ever!

    Reply

  76. I was so afraid this was going to be like last post where you ended it saying that your dog had passed away. Thank God!

    Happy Birthday puppy!

    Reply

  82. Ahhh, a Birthday for your youngest child!

    Happy Birthday Stella!

    Thanks Momma Bossy for sharing your wonderful pup with the world! Danes are one of the best dogs in the world….

    Hope the computer cord, errr I mean birthday treats were tasty!

    Reply

  85. First, I have to say when I read “I bet her poo is as big as my wiener!!” in a comment above I was frightened… then I realized they meant wiener dog.

    Secondly, what a gorgeous, hilarious, well-loved dog. Happy birthday, Stella.

    Thirdly, with a 45-pound pit/dalmatian and a nearly 80-pound pit bull as a reference, I do not envy your poo picking up duty and I hope she doesn’t sleep on your bed (but I understand if she does–dogs are so good for cuddling).

    Reply

  87. What we won’t do for our animals.. thank you so much for not dressing her up in some sort of tu-tu – She is much to grand for that lowly humiliation. I love your blog – been reading about 6 months – first time posting – you’ve become a fave!

    Reply

  89. J’ADORE it when ginormous dogs think they are lap dogs, just cracks my ass UP! And the one where he is laying w/ his butt in the air? Hallmark card. Love it.

    Reply

  93. If you’re going to write a 36-month birthday letter to Stella, then shouldn’t you run it with a picture of one of your kids balancing something on his or her head? Parallelism requires it.

    Reply

  98. Hey Bossy
    This is about the sweetest thing ever and the pictures of Stella are awesome. As you know I cried when she left,as I always do when my babies leave.She not only found her little niche in the world but she has become a Star. When you decide to get her a playmate come on back to Ohio. I would love to see her, you, and your daugher again.Give Stella lots of birthday kisses from me. Kitty and all the paws at DaneAcres

    Reply

  100. This is precious and makes me wish we could have a dog..man’s true best friend..

    Great photo journal of the life of our dog…

    Dorothy from grammology
    remember to call your gram
    grammology.com

    Reply

  102. Oh thank heavens, it’s her birthday. I just wrote my cat’s obituary earlier this week and I thought I was going to end up crying all over again over the death of a pet. Well, I did cry a little, but I’m a softie for pets. Congrats on your pooch’s birthday!

    Reply

  104. I enjoy reading your blog. I don’t remember how I found it, but it was during your travels across the country. I think you rock.

    Reply

  105. Something happened to my comment. It was attributed to ms picket to you, who I am sure had very nice things to say as well. I hope she’s not mad.

    Reply

  115. For a minute I thought I was on that other website! Happy belated birthday, Stella! Makes me miss my Westie!

    Reply

  117. We picked Buck from his *twin* (ish) by debating the merits of a cute white spot on the left or right shoulder. Right won. Now we wish we had gotten both, since right is so great.

    Reply

  118. AAAAAAWWWWWWW!! How sweet! I have totally been wanting a Dane. As soon as my hubby and I settle on a house, we are totally getting one. That way my boys will have the best playmate in the world!!

    Happy Birthday, Stella!! You totally keep rockin’ the hot collars! And pick out the biggest treat you can find!!

    Reply

  119. Awwww. I want one.

    Except not a dog.

    A cat. But one that sleeps on her head like that.

    Happy birthday, Stella!

    Reply

  121. stumbled across your site- LOVE it btw- and? i have THREE GREAT DANES that we rescued: Loki, Heidi and Tucker. (and one little shih-tzu named Winnie- bless her heart 🙂 – LOVE THEM ALL. any Dane owner should be considered BLESSED. 🙂 also? i will be stalking your page incessantly from now on. 🙂

    Reply

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