JOIN BOSSY'S OLD SCHOOL BLOG ROLL!

i am bossy

Bossy Is The New Columbo. Only Gassier.

columbo-bossy

The Columbo part: This little detective story begins two weeks ago when Bossy’s farm-grown tomato plants decided to turn themselves inside out. To restore Bossy’s faith in her garden, she planted rows and rows of zinnia seeds, which promptly emerged from the soil and began to thrive:

baby-zinnias

But then one day Bossy woke up, which is quite the mystery alone—and in this case, she woke up and drifted out to her garden where she discovered that many of her thriving zinnia plants had been chewed down to the neck:

beheaded

At first Bossy considered the possibility that a certain house wren was the perpetrator, as she collected the furnishings necessary to transform the newly vacated kids’ room into a home office:

bird

But then Bossy spied the following suspect within close proximity of the crime scene:

rabbit

Before Bossy issues the Miranda Rights, any opinions?

Next: the Gassy part. Yesterday Bossy attended her annual Block Party, which actually encompasses six blocks and should be referred to as the annual Blocks Party—but in whatever case all Bossy is saying is pulled pork, thai noodles, shrimp kebabs, chicken satay, devilled eggs, ziti, brownies, mojitos, mojitos, mojitos.

Bossy can’t wait to tell you more about the annual Blocks Party, just as soon as she inserts a catheter between her fifth and sixth rib and withdraws the
potato salad.

car-seat

Reader Interactions

Comments

  4. Ooh, bunnies.

    My dad was growing sweet peas one year – started them in the solarium, transplanted them and a few weeks later they were munched by a mother bunny and her baby bunny. Dad wanted to shoot them. Literally, with the .22. Mom wouldn’t let him so he gave up on the sweet peas.

    Then the bunnies missed the memo on getting between my mother and her roses (i.e. – don’t do it). Mom wanted dad to shoot the bunnies. He refused so they lived with the bunnies and chicken wire.

    The end.

    Reply

  5. Oh, yum! Is there anything better than a mojito? And look at the size o’ the pitcher! Lucky that fancy chair has some seatbelts.

    Reply

  7. Love the bench seat next to the alcohol! Why is Bossy not sitting there with a big drink in her hand?

    Why isn’t Fiesty sitting next to Bossy on the bench seat with a drink in her hand? Oh yeah, I live 1/2 way across the country… my invitation must still be in the mail??

    I am surprised “Bunny stew” was not on the list of food. I have a vision of Bossy being Elmer Fudd like with a rifle…

    “Shhh… be very, very quiet, I am hunting rabbits!”

    You crack me up!

    Reply

  8. Plant marigolds in front of the tomato plants/Zinnia plants. Rabbits do not like marigolds so they stay away.

    Or you could plant lettuce in front of the plants and then the rabbits will eat the lettuce and not your tomato or zinnia plants.

    Good luck removing the potato salad.

    Reply

  9. Between the rabbits and the deer, I have pretty much given up on getting anything to grow at my house.

    We attended a birthday party yesterday. I ate potato salad AND baked beans. You do the math.

    Could I have one of those mojitos?

    Reply

  10. BUNNEH!!!! vuboq took a cute bunneh photo yesterday! And, now, he is considering furnishing his apartment in the “Late Model Car Seat” style. Retro! Comfy! Srsly.

    Reply

  11. Bunny!

    I was thinking it might be a deer.

    We have TONS of bunnies in my neighborhood. It makes walking the dog an exercise in not getting my arm pulled from the socket.

    Well, OK – maybe not TONS. That would be many, many bunnies. But we have lots.

    Peter Falk is lookin’ a little… Bossy. Maybe gassy.

    Reply

  13. That sounds like my type of town! We enclosed our vegetable garden with chicken wire type fencing and so far the bunnehs have kept themselves OUT.

    Reply

  16. Damn bunnies. My veg patch is fenced, but the baby found a way in. Decimated my Swiss chard seedlings and half of my string bean plants.

    $#%^&*&*(*&^%$@#$$%^&#@

    Reply

  18. Is that the She-Hulk’s thongs drying on the line there? And I understand that the potato salad will ultimately take care of itself.

    Reply

  19. Oh, Bossy. I feel you on the rabbits. Try this – http://www.liquidfence.com . It smells like Coyote urine, well, because that’s what it is. Once you get used to the smell, you will get used to having pretty garden again. You can also try to convince your pony, er, I mean dog to pee on the garden, to the rabbits it instills the same fear as the coyote urine. 🙂

    Reply

  20. I feel your pain. I found a bunny last night in my garden happily munching on my cucumber plants.

    My kids won’t even let me yell at the rabbit to scare him away. They get hysterical if we start to hum “kill the wabbit.” They argue that we can buy cucumbers at the store and the bunny can’t.

    xoxo, SG

    Reply

  22. Hmmm. I don’t think either one would have had anything to do with the diseased tomatoes.

    That nibbling looks more like bunny than bird. Birds are more likely to eat a bite or two from ALL your plants. Bunnies are more likely to eat the heads off of your plants, one at a time.

    The rear seat from a mini-van, repurposed as blocks party seating? Stunning, absolutely stunning. The seatbelts must be for the people who get out of hand.

    Reply

  25. Damn bunnies. The ones in my yard flip me off whilst eating my National Pickling Cuke plants. The stupid cats just sit by the garden, napping and licking their license plates.

    I’d recommend some more Mojitos if you’re planning to do that whole cath procedure yourself.

    Reply

  26. It’s been my experience that nothing in the plant family will stop a determined rabbit. Try wire reinforcements.

    And be grateful you don’t live in Michigan, where not only the rabbits but the squirrels will eat your vegetables. And those bastards can climb. My neighbor puts her single tomato plant under a contraption that looks like a bird cage.

    Yes, squirrels do so eat tomatoes. They prefer to take three or four bites and then move on to the next one.

    Reply

  29. that car seat on the ground reminds me of when we were younger and poorer, and used to put a Baby Weber on the front stoop of our apartment because we didn’t have a deck and our jerky landlord wouldn’t allow us to use the backyard. it drove him crazy but he couldn’t figure out a “legal” reason to ban us from doing it.

    Reply

  30. Those damned bunnies think they’re soooooo cute, but I know they are the ones who dashed my kids’ hopes and dreams by eating their sunflowers right down to the dirt. Down with Bunnies!

    That Columbo photo is going to give me nightmares.

    Reply

  31. That first photo is damn scary. Don’t do that again. LOL

    The bunny did it. My dad knows some good recipes for baby bunny. Just let me know if you want one. (Sorry people I grew up in southwestern VA where anything on four legs is considered fair game for dinner…) I know for a fact the bunny did it. The bird wouldn’t take the time to decapitate all your plants, just nibble on a few.

    My dad totally had a set of jump seats (the plastic kind with the handle bars on the sides that stuck up like the steering bars in a plane) bolted in the back of his pickup truck that we rode in when we were young. (Those were back in the days when they would actually let your kids ride in the back of a truck, even on the interstate. Sad, huh?)

    BTW, where is my mojito? or four?

    Reply

  33. my goodness! ive never seen a MOJITO BOWL quite that large!

    exciting!

    i could eat a whole dozen X 2 halves – of deviled eggs. MM MM GOOD!

    in fact, i’m pretty sure i did at my own wedding 🙂

    Reply

  34. Garden tip for ridding yourself of bunny chew-fests. This requires some vigalence, but it’s completely non-toxic to animals, the soil, water runoff, or humans — as long as you don’t touch sensitive skin.

    Procure some habanero peppers from the produce department. Put them in a blender with hot water. Carefully strain the liquid and put it in a spray bottle. Carefully dispose of the strained mess, because if it comes in contact with, say, um, your EYES it will stink like a son-uv-a-bitch.

    Now, spray those plants that you want the rabbits to stay away from. If it rains, get out there and spray again.

    When the curious bunny thinks, “Salad time,” she will have a peppery surprise awaiting her. She may try again, but will eventually steer toward something else, like grass.

    Reply

  36. Yum. I love mojitos. And margaritas. I KNOW they’re different, but they REMIND me of eachother. One excellent bit of advice: do NOT switch to red wine when the mojitos/margaritas run out. Bad, bad things will happen…

    Reply

  38. Now’s the time where you consider calling Charlton Heston and prying that gun from his dead hands.

    And then you realize that bunny is too cute and you don’t believe in killing.

    And then you take its picture.

    Reply

  45. Oddly, our neighbor’s rabbits LOVED our marigolds. Ate them clear down to stubs four times before we busted their little behinds for good. Their owner was so embarrassed she put them into a kind of rabbit purgatory with an actual lock-with-a-key on it.

    Varmints. What-ya-gonna-do? (Maybe if you left out the Mojito bucket, they’d get…distracted…?)

    Reply

  46. Well, I only have two solutions;
    A fence or a gun.
    It just depends on how serious you are about your garden and/or how much you like bunnies.

    Reply

  51. …Hello Bossy! Wow, folks down the road from us have the same patio set! Only it’s on their front porch… ;o)

    …You oughta get with ‘Foolery’ up there – word on the street is she has a fox that you could possibly borrow. Have a fox around and cute lil’ fuzzy wuzzly wabbit is hist’ry! (*insert sinister laughter here*) :oD

    …Something about the thought of Columbo with gas makes one cringe… :o/

    …Beano blessings…

    Reply

  52. The bunny knew you were all angsty about doing the Sophie’s Choice on your zinnia seedlings so he thought he’d fix that there problem for you. By eating them. Aren’t you relieved?

    Reply

  56. After fighting for years against the white-tailed foe who create tomato topiaries in my veggie patch, I have thrown in the towel and given up on my green thumb. Nothing fazes a hungry deer. Not zoo-poo, nor well trained sporting dogs nor even (aghast) urine of the 5 yr old sky-writer next door. The deer have won!

    Compared to bunnies, deer are golly green giants with appetites to match.

    And it looks like your block party has the same stadium seating as ours! Does your block party also feature little boys masquerading as the local volunteer fire fighters, willing to show off there newest, shiniest hook and ladder to the block? Little boys don’t really grow up. Their toys just get bigger and more expensive.

    Reply

  59. Bossy, though you say that you’re not a nature photographer, I would have to say you take great photos. I love the rabbit shot the best! 😀

    Reply

  61. Where I grew up, you could measure the fun by the number of minivan seats at the party.(Only partially true, as the mini wasn’t introduced until well into my adolesence. A shame, really, because the van seat was much safer than those alum. folding chairs with the weaving…you knew Fat Uncle Frank was going to bust through one every time…why didn’t he know?)

    I may or may not have attended a party where there was living room furniture ON THE PORCH. (it isn’t that I am ashamed to admit to attending such party, it is just that I may have been too drunk to remember actually being there…either way!)

    Can’t wait to hear about the “Blocks” party.

    Reply

  62. Bossy, that picture of you as Columbo is just wrong!

    I think bunny stew might be appropriate…ok, ok, I wouldn’t really eat bunny stew. Not on purpose, anyway. Bunnies are cute but all they do is eat inapropriate things like all the phone wires in your house, and poop. And that’s it.

    Reply

  64. My grandfather used to plant his vegetables in rings from peanut and coffee cans. The cans made mini fences that the rabbits couldn’t get through.

    But since your plants are already in the ground. I’ve had luck with using mothballs as a rabbit deterrant. Just through them out in the garden around your plants. The rabbits HATE the smell and wander off for more pleasant smelling gardens. Since mothballs sublimate (basically go from a solid to gaseous state skipping the liquid part) they are not enviromentally harmful in the garden other than as an annoyance to pesky wabbits!

    Reply

  65. Bossy’s commenters are almost as funny as Bossy herself! The she-hulk thong comment about made me fall out of my chair I was laughing so hard.

    That is one cute bunny. She does look well-fed, though. Sorry about your plants. Cute point one commenter’s kids had about Bossy having more options for flowers and food than Mr. Bunny.

    Reply

  67. Yes my dear, let me tell you about bunnies. Oh so cute. But did you know, they make a lovely pie too. Oh yes, we have been mocked ov’r the years, but a good fat rabbit pie makes for the lack of vegetables and is mighty tasty with a gin and tonic.
    Cordially yours, Mrs. McGregor

    Reply

  68. I think rabbits are cute as hell, but I totally admit that I squirted one with the hose after I saw it stalking my vegetables three days in a row. I haven’t seen it since!

    There is guilt, but it’s sort of outweighed by the satisfaction of still having plants in my garden 😉

    Reply

  69. 1) I think the dogs, cats, chickens and fences kept the bunnies out of the gardens of my youth. (I have not attempted an adult garden in bunny territory.)
    2) Why isn’t Bossy my neighbor, all cool with her van seat next to the booze like that. We could be BFFs.

    Reply

  71. Well, I am having to fire my miniature dachshund. I caught two rats up in the birdfeeder yesterday and showed the brazen hussies to Scooter. He just turned up his nose, because they weren’t squirrels. How can he ignore his heritage???

    Reply

  72. I think I’d just pretend the potato salad wasn’t there rather than deal with catheter…

    Bunny is all cuteness. Perhaps gas will drive him away.

    Reply

  73. Bad, bad bunny! That bunny and Bossy both got big bellies… (sorry Bossy!).

    You make me laugh, girlfriend. Thanks for visiting me too!

    Hugs
    Your fellow-Dane devotee
    BB

    Reply

  74. your block party sounds WAY more fun(ner) than ours, which was actually just a band set up on a trailer in a parking lot that wasn’t even shut off to traffic. My town has a WEIRD sense of party. and blocks. and ya know… SAFETY.

    Also – the kid’s already gone?

    Reply

  76. Bunny stew? Or…as I’m learning in my hillybilly neck of the woods
    bar soap all around the plants. Plain old dove or ivory or even something cheaper if need be. Bunnies and deer alike hate the smell and the farmers around me use bar soap to help protect their plants.

    Reply

  78. That banner is reminicent of a used car lot. Then again, so is the van seat. Those + mojitos + shrimp kebabs + deviled eggs = my kind of party!!

    Reply

  79. Are you sure those aren’t my lilies? They look identical to my once beautiful, almost ready-to-bloom lillies! I think those critters are like mice…for every one you see there, there are hundreds more hiding. Shoot ’em….that’s what I say! Darn things.

    Reply

  80. I am currently waging war with deer… similar garden carnage to the bunnies apparently. My latest tactic has been this nasty sludge called Liquid Fence… it is a miracle potion, but good lord, if you’ve got any sort of sensitive gag reflex, wear a mask. Works like a charm.

    Reply

  81. B – is that, umm, a STRAW in the mojitos? Me like big, big straw in big, big mojitos …. just for me!

    Reply

  82. Rabbits are a gardening nightmare only to be defeated by chicken wire fences, bb shot, or predator urine. I’ve never been brave enough to try the last two, so I’m always concocting absurd fences. They do the trick, but the aren’t pretty.

    Reply

  83. PS If you want to get high tech, you could try an invisible electric fence around the garden; then you’d just have to catch and collar the rabbits with the shocking receiver to keep them out. Perhaps a summer job for Bossy’s daughter?

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *