Yesterday Bossy’s day ended up in the toilet and Exhibit A represents the Why.
It’s the hair. It’s been 114 days since Bossy’s last haircut—and do you know how one day your hair is perfectly fine, but the very next day your haircut is over? Completely over—and there’s no hair product in the world to save this hair because. Over!
Well that was Bossy’s hair 64 days ago.
But on the 65th day Bossy decided to make a hair appointment. Since Bossy can’t afford her Italian boyfriend, she decided to go to a local salon.
No, crazy—not that local salon! Because, pffft, ruined hair.
Also: Bossy tried that salon but they didn’t have any available appointments.
So Bossy booked an appointment with her second choice, and she decided the appointment would be for highlights only, figuring she could evaluate the stylist’s competency to cut
frizzy mops hair once she was inside the door. Optimistic Bossy prepared for her appointment by assembling photos of her desired hair color.
The stylist was very nice and she readily accepted the task of transforming Bossy’s roots with the help of appropriately placed highlights and six tons of aluminum foil.
There was some talk about applying additional lowlights, but Bossy scoffed at the idea and warned that above all else, she didn’t want to look ashy.
Well. In no time at all Bossy was settled into her salon chair while the stylist applied the highlights. After the highlights were rinsed from her hair, a deep conditioner was applied, and then Bossy was stuck under a dryer to blah blah activate the something blah.
When the timer chimed, Bossy’s hair was once again rinsed—but all during the process Bossy was purposefully kept from the large mirrors that flank every wall. And so it was at this point that Bossy asked to go to the ladies’ room so she could
pee study the damages.
Bossy didn’t like what she saw because she saw Ashy. Tons and tons of ashy with a side of ashy. So Bossy’s stylist told Bossy she could apply a few more blonde highlights to counteract the effect of the lowlights she applied. Lowlights. She applied. Oh yes she did.
And so Bossy climbed back in the chair while the stylist applied a few more highlights. And then the hair was rinsed, which was when Bossy realized a total of four hours had lapsed, and also a week and a year and a lifetime.
So Bossy decided to depart the salon with wringing wet hair so she could see her husband one last time before they both died of old age.
Once in the car, Bossy decided to look in the rearview mirror so she could evaluate the final color. Unfortunately the only person peering back in that rearview mirror was a country music singer. Because apparently the stylist’s idea of “applying a few more highlights” is dipping Bossy’s head in a bucket of bleach.
Here is the proof:
It may delight you to know that the reason the above picture is foggy is because the camera couldn’t adjust between the arctic temperature of the salon and the hellacious temperature of the car.
And because you probably think Bossy is exaggerating about her new hair disaster, she is providing the following non-foggy photographic evidence taken a few moments later: