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Please Excuse Bossy For Not Posting About This Whack Job Earlier.

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Is anyone else watching The Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo? How about: is anyone else watching The Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo six months after the first season originally aired even though you’ve already seen all the episodes three times?

Bossy, put your hand down.

The focus of this docudrama is Patti Stranger Stanger, who was Director of Marketing for the dating service Great Expectations before realizing there was a hole in the dating service market, and that hole went a little something like this: millionaire men are willing to pay a cross-eyed matchmaker a boatload of money in exchange for outdated advice and an introduction to a girl who only wants you for your checking account.

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Here’s how it works: women who want to be a part of the Millionaire’s Club database audition for Patti Stanger, which entails parading around Patti’s office in plunging necklines and stiletto heels because Patti Stanger only wants Millionaire Club women who are smart. Smart with ironed hair.

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And the millionaires gain membership to the Millionaire’s Club only after they throw out their previous misconceptions about dating, such as One Must Reveal One’s True Personality.

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Many of the millionaires have a history of falling victim to their own missteps, such as selecting women who are below their age range. The men confess they are ready to settle down with a mature someone in her thirties or forties.

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Until Patti introduces the millionaire to a room full of potential dates in their thirties and forties and then the millionaire is all, “How about that 23-year-old over there? The one with the stiletto heels and ironed hair? Because some girls at 23 are old souls.”

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The Millionaire Matchmaker will launch its second season soon, so it’s not too late to climb aboard the Crazy Train.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  3. Bossy needs her own segment on the The Daily Show to do tv reviews. I love watching this show – it makes me feel so incredibly normal…and glad that I am not in the dating pool.

  6. I need another show like I need a whole in my head. But, I would watch a show about paint drying if it were on Bravo.

  8. did you see the one about the roller-skating guy? who lived in a hotel room? (and not even a nice hotel, but a really skanky one)
    he had his own roller-skating Boogie Fever video. oh, it was a great train wreck.

  13. I watched this show with my brother … because every other channel was mysteriously off the air. His comment: “I’ve seen a caulk factory and they didn’t have that much silicone!” This show takes “crazy exploitation” to a whole ‘nother level!

  14. I’ve not seen it but must admit I’m going in search of it because any program with a character named Oy, Pam’s in.
    Pam also would like to know if she draws a line on her chest with a black marker will cleavage ensue?

  15. I love this show. Its hilarious to see how clueless these millionaire’s are. But Patti seems to know what she is doing, she seems to pick the person who best clicks on the dates with the millionaires. Plus it’s not about hooking up, she has that whole “no sex” clause which has lost her millionaire clients. So… doesn’t everyone deserve a little love? Even men on the hunt for trophy and/or starter wives…

  16. Bossy, thank God for tv so we can live vicariously through other peoples’ experiences. I like that show. Patti does have some valid points when she is counseling people. Some of them may have been smart in making money, but a lot of them are way clueless when it comes to acting like humans!

  17. My mom & sister got me hooked on this show. I don’t watch it often (b/c I don’t have – gasp! cable)

    But I’ve seen this show and it’s awesome! I can’t pull myself away. And I can’t wait for new episodes! Bring on the crazy! The very wealthy crazy

  18. I Tivo’d this trashy show to watch late into the night, when only my personal demons and shadows could judge me. I always aspired to be a millionaire myself, but after watching a legion of these wealthy losers, I realized I don’t really want to ever be associated with them. My personal favorite was the “sex toy” tycoon, with the stripper pole in his room.

    Winner.

    SA

  19. You save me so much time and energy. I just read one of your posts in under a minute and I don’t have to waste all those hours watching this putrid crap and rotting my brain.

    Oh, and sorry about your brain. Thanks for taking yet another one for the team.

  20. So, seriously, millionaires that can’t find their own gold-digging dates?

    How much of a loser do you have to be to fall into that category?

    I could almost see it if she were really setting them up with smart, genuine women. They might be hard to find for a millionaire in the city.

  22. Hilarious… I could tell exactly who she was from your artistic portrait of her before I even scrolled down to read. Nicely done! (I think it was the rectangle shaped head.) I love this show… I love watching people who think they are a lot smarter than they actually are. And take themselves WAY too seriously. It makes for hilarious viewing.

  25. The blonde “Jolie-lookalike” (as if) scared me. Her eyes, or lack thereof, are what did it.

    Hey look, she doesn’t even show cleavage. Took me three looks at that photo to notice. I’m just so riveted by the eyes, or the locations where eyes should be. Bossy, I’m going to have nightmares now while I snooze at my work computer!

  26. It seems to me that Bossy is the Bravo demographic…or maybe that Bossy’s tv only gets Bravo? Or that Bossy is on the Bravo payroll? Or maybe the B in Bossy stands for Bravo?

    sidenote: how does one get to be a millionaire matchmade with the husband one has already chosen…who does not happen to currently be a millionaire? Now THAT’s a show I’d tune in for!

  27. I did see the show when I was home on maternity leave watching daytime television. Is it me or does she look a bit like Monica Lewnisky?

  31. Bossy, whaddya think it would be like to actually WORK on this show? Yep, that would be me. I’m a semi-retired (actually washed-up because I have 3 kids ages 6 and under) reality tv producer who spent some truly glorious, mind-blowing, whacked out moments with Patti and a talented slew of editors trying to make sense of the mayhem. I guess it worked. Kinda…
    I’d tell ya more but someone might kill me.
    LOVE your stuff…YOU should be a reality tv star…:-)

  32. Sadly, it doesn’t matter how much money these millionaires have (which is, I’m guessing from what we’re calling them, millions) they can’t buy themselves, or the dating pool of girls or Patti a CLUE.

    Or me either, apparently, since I’ve seen every episode. And am very excited to learn from Bossy that there’s a new season on its way. Because nothing says “good TV” like the kind that leaves me FEELING EMPTY INSIDE.

    Woot!

  33. I love the one where she yells at the girl about her hair too. NOBODY LIKES A GIRL WITH CURLY HAIR. Man, she’s funny. And she’s always asking for more cleavage. Love it.

  34. omg, i loveHATEloveLOVE this show. it’s TURRRRIBLE. second season, hi!

    oh, and bossy would do well to remember that not all women carry their brains in their skulls. some of them carry their brains in their bras and lips.

  35. This is the stupidest show ever. And, I have seen every episode multiple times.

    The sad thing is she herself would not meet the standards she sets. Her standards are pretty goofy and random anyway.

  36. Did Bossy read the Salon article on the director of programming for Bravo. Very interesting.

    That last one was not the Angelina Jolie look-alike, was she? If Bossy thinks so, Bossy needs to schedule an eye exam.

  42. dear bossy,
    you have done the pop-culch universe a trudat service with your dissection of the stangest i mean strangest reality show of all time i don’t care what they come up with next.
    i will be tivo’g the first episode of the new season (wkg at airtime whenevah all the night time um yeah) because who doesn’t love a good midair jet crash when the oaccasion arises so to speak. seriously i can’t just can’t stop any suggestions?
    much obamalove,
    j

  44. Okay, the Patti Stranger/Stanger comment was seriously the funniest thing ever written, especially because my vodka-addled mind kept reading it as Patti red-lined Stranger, Patti Not-redlined-Stranger.

    Seriously, no matter how you spell it, she is STRANGE.

    (My girlfriends think it is the best idea in the world for me to attempt to join this “Club.” I’m pretty sure I need new friends who think I am worthy of something other than nerdy, socially challenged, rich nerds.)

  46. Bossy should also check out such reality shows as Real Housewives of Atlanta and Flipping Out, if Bossy really wants to be entertained.

  47. This show is crazy. I watched it once and felt like I had opened my head and poured the leftover halloween candy in—the candy that sucks that no one wants—and my brain rotted. It is utter filth, and oh so entertaining. In a way that is weird.

  48. Bossy,
    I thought I was the only one watching this. I am so glad I have a counterpart. You have accurately captured the essence, er, I mean CRAZINESS of this show. And yet, I cannot turn it off.

  49. Isn’t that like pandering or pimping or something gross. It is a show not to my taste based on your review. I wonder if the millionaires are still millionaires now with all the stock market grief and if the “smart girls” are still interested in these guys if they aren’t the millionaires anymore.