Maybe it wasn’t such a swell idea to introduce the New Year’s Eve custom Bossy had seen hours earlier while prostrate watching The Poseidon Adventure.
In one of the opening scenes of the movie, the SS Poseidon’s passengers gather in the dining room to celebrate New Year’s Eve by singing Auld Lang Syne, which they accomplish while holding hands in one continuous human ribbon that weaves around the hall. And not just regular hand holding, but this style:
Bossy thought this would be a neat thing to incorporate into her friend Martha’s New Year’s Eve party, even if the smallish guest list didn’t quite produce a ribbon effect as much as, maybe, a rib.
So why wasn’t this a good idea? Because the SS Poseidon capsizes at the conclusion of Auld Lang Syne, ass over head—much like Bossy did after Martha’s party flickered into the past tense.
Here are just a couple of reasons the SS Bossy capsized:
While looking through digital photo files, Bossy found this picture of her daughter and niece taken a few hours ago in 2003 — and they still had Chiclet teeth.
And small creamy heads:
Meanwhile, Bossy’s 2003 head? At the time she was trying to manage her own hair with a series of random buns pulled at odd angles all over her head. Bossy used to refer to these as her nubs.
Bossy is capsizing because her nubs and the chiclet teeth and the Krispy Kreme hat were just breaths ago, where breaths equal six years. And she’s capsizing because she hasn’t learned this decade yet, and because she still doesn’t even know what to call this decade, except maybe the ohhhhhs, as in Ohhhh Won’t It Be Weird To Live In The 2010s?