Many of you have emailed, expressing curiosity over Bossy’s skin care routine, where many of you equals someone, once, and the poor dear was myopic. Bossy will now tell you everything she knows about skin care, which could fill a book! A razor thin book the size of a gum wrapper.
Let’s begin with a look at Bossy without any makeup:
The first thing Bossy does every morning is grab a clean washcloth, which she dunks under the hottest water possible, wrings out, and allows the steam to do the rest:
Bossy believes in clean white washcloths, like she believes in clean white pillowcases and clean white rooms devoid of everything but a platform bed, hot coffee, and an ocean view. This is because colored washcloths and pillowcases have too much dye and are potentially irritating to the face and Bossy is totally making this up as she goes along because for all she knows white is a colored dye too.
The next thing Bossy does is apply this moisturizer.
And then, if Bossy is going outside, she applies whatever sunblock she found on sale:
Speaking of the sun and the face, Bossy believes in shade like she believes in white rooms devoid of everything but a plank desk, two sawhorses, a laptop, and a pendant lamp. Just ask Bossy’s friends Martha and Amy who roll their eyes when Bossy not only rents one large canvas beach umbrella but two so she can overlap them because as it turns out Bossy doesn’t just believe in shade she believes in deep shade.
As an alternative to classic sunblock, Bossy applies this tinted moisturizer which contains it’s own SPF 20. Bossy uses only the smallest amount of this tinted moisturizer because Bossy believes in thrift like she believes in white rooms devoid of everything but a Viking stove, a long deep countertop, and an open shelf containing one wooden bowl and spoon.
The trick to stretching this small blob of tinted moisturizer is this:
Bossy believes in the makeup sponge like she believes in white rooms devoid of everything but a porcelain basin sink and a stone floor. Bossy simply runs the end of this makeup sponge under the faucet and wrings the excess water out. The damp sponge helps to thin out the moisturizer and provides a light-handed application.
When Bossy needs to call in the big guns — as a random example when she has been up too late in a pub listening to an Irish band play Wild Rover — Bossy will instead use a classic foundation, applied with the same makeup sponge that was all the rage last paragraph:
These aren’t the cheapest products in the drugstore aisle, but Bossy sticks with what works and uses them so sparingly it evens out over time, where evens out equals do you think anyone will notice if Bossy goes back to bed in her room which isn’t white or spare?
At night, Bossy repeats the whole steaming washcloth scene. She doesn’t use a makeup remover or wash her face with soap, she simply applies and reapplies the washcloth until it is dark with the day’s lipstick and mascara and hi have you met Bossy the lazy bum?
And Bossy’s final bit of skincare advice: keep hands off the face. Your hands and other peoples. People’s. Peoples’. Does anyone know a good hangover cure for too much Wild Rover?