Who remembers when Onlineshoes.com offered to give Bossy a free pair of Danskos? Well, let’s just agree that was the saddest day in Onlineshoes.com’s entire online shoe life.
You see, Bossy perused the new arrivals page and sent away for these strappy pups:
But after wearing them around the carpeted areas of her house, Bossy thought better of sandals and decided she should exchange them for Dansko clogs. So Bossy got on the phone with the agreeable Onlineshoes.com, where got on the phone equals Christ on the cross don’t you know by now how much Bossy hates talking on the phone? So she emailed them. They gave Bossy the thumbs-up for an exchange, so once again Bossy perused the new arrivals page and sent away for these:
And a few days later the shoes arrived! And Bossy got them out of the box and slid her feet in! And in and in and in. They were too big:
Yes, the new green Danskos were too big even though they are the exact size of Bossy’s old Dansko clogs, where exact size equals sister mercy only transvestites wear shoes this big.
So Bossy researched why Danskos now fit differently, where researched equals she phoned her friend Pam, where phoned her friend Pam equals Bossy emailed Pam and invited her to dinner.
Pam informed Bossy that Danskos are now made in China and there are many complaints about the inconsistency of sizing, where many complaints equals Pam and her friend Arlene.
So Bossy got back on the phone which was really an email with Onlineshoes.com and explained the situation, and Onlineshoes.com was all, “That’s perfectly fine if you need to exchange your clogs for a smaller size You totally insane freak of a bored person.”
But. Then. Guess. What. Happened. And. Hello. One. Person. Left. Who. Still. Cares?
Onlineshoes.com discontinued the green clogs! So once again Bossy was back perusing the new arrivals page, and she has this to say: never in the history of online shopping has there been this much perusing. Bossy broke a sweat perusing.
And then she settled on these:
Bossy is currently awaiting their arrival. Speaking of Danskos and Onlineshoes.com, there are still a few hours remaining to enter this giveaway. The winner will be announced tomorrow.