Who remembers when Onlineshoes.com offered to give Bossy a free pair of Danskos? Well, let’s just agree that was the saddest day in Onlineshoes.com’s entire online shoe life.
You see, Bossy perused the new arrivals page and sent away for these strappy pups:
But after wearing them around the carpeted areas of her house, Bossy thought better of sandals and decided she should exchange them for Dansko clogs. So Bossy got on the phone with the agreeable Onlineshoes.com, where got on the phone equals Christ on the cross don’t you know by now how much Bossy hates talking on the phone? So she emailed them. They gave Bossy the thumbs-up for an exchange, so once again Bossy perused the new arrivals page and sent away for these:
And a few days later the shoes arrived! And Bossy got them out of the box and slid her feet in! And in and in and in. They were too big:
Yes, the new green Danskos were too big even though they are the exact size of Bossy’s old Dansko clogs, where exact size equals sister mercy only transvestites wear shoes this big.
So Bossy researched why Danskos now fit differently, where researched equals she phoned her friend Pam, where phoned her friend Pam equals Bossy emailed Pam and invited her to dinner.
Pam informed Bossy that Danskos are now made in China and there are many complaints about the inconsistency of sizing, where many complaints equals Pam and her friend Arlene.
So Bossy got back on the phone which was really an email with Onlineshoes.com and explained the situation, and Onlineshoes.com was all, “That’s perfectly fine if you need to exchange your clogs for a smaller size You totally insane freak of a bored person.”
But. Then. Guess. What. Happened. And. Hello. One. Person. Left. Who. Still. Cares?
Onlineshoes.com discontinued the green clogs! So once again Bossy was back perusing the new arrivals page, and she has this to say: never in the history of online shopping has there been this much perusing. Bossy broke a sweat perusing.
And then she settled on these:
Bossy is currently awaiting their arrival. Speaking of Danskos and Onlineshoes.com, there are still a few hours remaining to enter this giveaway. The winner will be announced tomorrow.
MariaV saysMarch 16, 2009 at 9:31 am
I would have given up long before you did. You’re a tropper.
Cat saysMarch 16, 2009 at 9:48 am
I HATE talking on the phone, too. Email is my most perfect tool of communication. I sometimes email or chat with people in my own house.
L saysMarch 16, 2009 at 9:55 am
I stopped ordering things a long time ago. It never turned out to be what it looked like when ordering. I got tired of returning things. Now I just run to the mall.
RuthWells saysMarch 16, 2009 at 10:19 am
Aw, I liked the green.
Aimee saysMarch 16, 2009 at 10:22 am
I liked the green too. But at least you got invited to Pam’s for dinner to discuss.
Keetha saysMarch 16, 2009 at 10:27 am
That kind of made me tired reading, but hey, good luck on getting clogs that fit.
well read hostess saysMarch 16, 2009 at 10:38 am
No need to enter, people. The Well Read hostess is going to win those Danskos because oh my freaking heck her dogs are barking.
Grandma J saysMarch 16, 2009 at 10:57 am
Pam seems to be the “go to” person when it comes to getting the low down on Danskos.
Is that guy on the right trying to play footsies with Pam?
janet saysMarch 16, 2009 at 11:05 am
Your poverty party must be suffering with all these shipping charges!
Little MIss Sunshine State saysMarch 16, 2009 at 11:23 am
Thank Goodness that was Bossy’s Husband’s hand in the old Dansko. I looked too quickly and thought something scary happened to Bossy’s foot over the weekend.
Shoe shopping gives me anxiety. But those Dansko clogs sure look comfortable.
kate saysMarch 16, 2009 at 11:31 am
sister mercy katydidnot would like to give BOSSY shoe shopping lessons. because six pairs of shoes purchased in less than 20 minutes in nordstrom rack. more. than. once.
Momo Fali saysMarch 16, 2009 at 11:45 am
Bossy, you are an inspiration. I’d have likely given up by now. Where given up equals taken the too big clog and hit myself over the head with it.
Unemployed Susan saysMarch 16, 2009 at 11:54 am
Can they still be considered clogs if they’re not open in the back? I’m not sure how I feel about this.
Lesley saysMarch 16, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Oh dear god. Inconsistent sizing is a pet peeve of mine. If I buy Item A in size whatever, it had better be the same fit every subsequent time I buy it. (Because once I find something I like, I stick with it. I am nothing if not loyal!)
David saysMarch 16, 2009 at 12:37 pm
This is why the only things I buy online are gift cards.
Cactus Petunia saysMarch 16, 2009 at 1:01 pm
It almost makes ya want to go barefoot, doesn’t it?
apeetsmom saysMarch 16, 2009 at 1:15 pm
China??? REALLY? I am so disappointed.
The Domestic Goddess saysMarch 16, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Ted Danson came for dinner?
Vanessa saysMarch 16, 2009 at 1:19 pm
THIS is why I hate online shopping for clothing or shoes…. anything that needs to be tried on.
However, I still want to win the Danskos, of course.
earthmother saysMarch 16, 2009 at 1:25 pm
When earthmother became the proud owner of her first pair of Dansko clogs (the same pair that now resemble bossy’s old pair of Dansko clogs), the super-patient-intelligent-and-kind sales person at the Walking Company (clever name for a shoe store, no?) informed earthmother that “each pair of Dansko shoes are unique and must be tried on for a true fit.” And so, earthmother had to try on three pairs of the same clog in the same size before she found her one “true fit.” Phew!
Earthmother commiserates with bossy. And, hello, onlineshoes.com? What’s with discontinuing your green “New Arrivals” clog after, like, five minutes?
Andrea's Sweet Life saysMarch 16, 2009 at 1:27 pm
Now lets hope the size of the NEW clogs is what you actually need. I think Dansko will have to pay for clean up when Bossy loses her mind.
Reeb saysMarch 16, 2009 at 1:33 pm
I’ve only shopped for shoes online once when the shoe type was in my head (and online!) but not available in any walk-into-it real store. With fear and trepidation I ordered, and pretty much swam in my first size guess. Fortunately the second size guess was right.
Immediately thereafter I broke my little toe and haven’t been able to wear the beautiful new shoes since.
Bossy, give sizing clues to the Lucky Winner. As if that would help.
Stacey Ball saysMarch 16, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Who knew that getting a pair of clogs could be so difficult? They seem like such a simple shoe!
Suzanne saysMarch 16, 2009 at 2:04 pm
Okay First.. David! hahahah Porn? hahahah – I got nothing
Second… AAAAACKKKK! I hate shopping. Those Green clogs would stil be sitting on my living room floor.. or I would be at the mall buying really thick socks.
Good luck on the new size Bossy!
Ms. Cranky Pants saysMarch 16, 2009 at 2:07 pm
I think Bossy has a much bigger problem: she’s WAY overdue for a leg wax. Poverty party be damned. Oh wait, that was Bossy’s Husband’s forearm. *whew*
Domestic Goddess (in training) saysMarch 16, 2009 at 2:48 pm
I’m really excited to win the giveaway if for no other reason than to inspire Bossy to write a blog entry about women whose feet are larger than drag queens’ feet, because I am pretty sure neither clog would fit these suckers.
Susan saysMarch 16, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Forget the shoes. I want that dining table. It is EXACTLY what I want and can’t find.
p/f saysMarch 16, 2009 at 3:31 pm
Okay, I went to buy a pair of Danskos a couple of weeks ago, and the back of the shoe isn’t supposed to fit the back of your foot, it’s supposed to be loose like a clog. But your shoes may have been even more than loose, but that was weird to me. Why would I want my shoes to look any bigger than they need to be?
Also, the store I went to sold Sanita shoes – which is the company that used to make Dansko – I came home with a Mary Jane made by Sanita based solely on the fact that they were a tiny bit cuter.
blackbird saysMarch 16, 2009 at 3:42 pm
I’d enter, but WHATTHEHELLSIZEWOULDIORDER?
Bossy\'s Friend Martha\'s Sister saysMarch 16, 2009 at 4:12 pm
Oh, Oh, Oh,….. same issue with my “ugg-a-likes” AKA emu’s. I ordered them and they arrived in a beautiful Aussie flag waving box and are… MADE in CHINA and don’t fit and are already falling apart after trying them on for all of 2 minutes, I have to send them back already! My new idea is to send cash with my friend to Australia to get an authentic made in Australia knock off!
P.S. the Emus for my daughter were fine… big but they will grow into them, sturdy enough to last till they out grow them.
Lisa saysMarch 16, 2009 at 4:49 pm
Oh my GAHHH!!!
#18 made me fall off my chair!!
Your are so funny.
joeinvegas saysMarch 16, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Is that Pam telling you to put the freekin’ camera away?
So, what size of the new ones did you order? And if the new recommendation is that you try them all on, well, lots of returns in the future. Looks like you better find a store you can sit down in and try them on and well, sorry they cost sooooo much more because a store needs to pay store rent. Ahhhh
The Chocolate Lady saysMarch 16, 2009 at 6:06 pm
Hey – it’s me – Heart Shaped Hedges (poking Bossy as she says, “who the he…???”…ME, from Laguna Beach, CA during your Road Trip!!!)
Ive got a new blog, thus the new name…but anyways….
I bet the folks at online shoes AND Dansko are so darned glad they are getting all this free publicity from you, LOL.
Come live here so you can just go barefoot!
Helena saysMarch 16, 2009 at 6:32 pm
Dearest Bossy, I remember it as if it was yesterday when I was a girl and the first day of every spring my mother would take me (and all other mothers in the neighbourhood would take my friends) to the clog factory around the corner from where we lived. We would buy new clogs and the factory owner would be so happy for the business that he gave us all lollipops and crisps. In terms of shoe sizes it was sligthly easier than ordering them from China since we could try them on. But I’d still say buy Swedish… they might cost a bit more but you can trust the sizes to be the same every time you buy. I love clogs!
Kay Bryan saysMarch 16, 2009 at 6:37 pm
So THAT’S what is up with the sizing. I have about 3,000 pairs of Danskos (cause they never truly wear out) and I too, have noticed inconsistant sizing for awhile. I am mad at Dansko because of this. MAD MAD MAD! Like a rabid dog mad, sort of. I am also MAD MAD MAD because they don’t make all the shoes in my size (dainty 35, yes it is true. . . if only the rest of me was a dainty size) – I am definately rabid dog mad about his issue. Do the Dansko peoples read your site? Please send them my comments because I am just too lazy to do it myself. And it is hard to type when you are rabid dog made cause the spittle flies all over the keyboard and makes the keys slipperyyyyyyyyyy. Please keep us informed on your Dansko saga.
P.S. – The closed back ones do slide up and down a bit on your heel – that is ok, don’t worry, they won’t hurt you. It is the CLOG WAY.
Emily saysMarch 16, 2009 at 6:54 pm
So Danskos are like snowflakes – no one is the same…
Florida Sue saysMarch 16, 2009 at 8:00 pm
Any phone hating, clog loving, crazy person is a friend of mine. Well, I wish was a friend of mine. Cheers.
Christina saysMarch 16, 2009 at 8:54 pm
Good grief. You know there is an outlet in Jennersville(45 minute drive) where you try on as many as you want and pay half price. Only snag is that all the sexy ones aren’t there and they are slightly flawed. That’s two snags. Love you Bossy. Drink to spring on Friday!!!!!!
Pam saysMarch 16, 2009 at 9:55 pm
Cecilia Tidlund of Clogmaster is the czarita of custom clogs, check out her website here: http://www.clogmaster.com/
Or read Cecelia’s compelling tale at the NYTimes: http://tinyurl.com/d9domp
I really like Helle, the Spanish clogs with little metal grommets and decorations.
Once, passing thru Neiman Marcus I saw the [Italian] clogs of my dreams, wooden with orange flowers, made by Car Shoe, now owned by Prada. I couldn’t afford the $375 pricetag but have thought of them ever since…………
If you want to get authentic Danish clogs, now that Dansko aren’t, try Sanita.
One can never have enuf clogs in their closet.
I bought some clogs at the Jennersville outlet, near Longwood Gardens. They were SUPER FLAWED but after Rick ripped the backs off and made some modifications they seem to be okay…………….
Chesapeake Bay Woman saysMarch 16, 2009 at 10:03 pm
I could be wrong, where “could” = “am, usually,” but this might mark the first instance of two consecutive Bossy mathematical equations in one sentence.
A Bossy mathematical equation is Where x = y ,and y is really less than but *not* equal to x.
I’m going to put my brain on ice now, where “brain” = “vast wasteland” and “on ice” means “never to think about math again but laughing at Bossy’s math nonetheless.”
Spruce Hill saysMarch 16, 2009 at 10:04 pm
I have a few pairs of Keens and they are never the same size. They are very inconsistent when they make them. Humm wondering if they are made in China too?
Meg saysMarch 16, 2009 at 10:14 pm
Um, I liked the sandals…
Michelle saysMarch 17, 2009 at 8:29 am
I also have two pairs of Danskos in different sizes. Now I know I’m not completely and utterly wacked out. They are worth the hassle…but sorry about the discontinued green ones 🙂
magpie saysMarch 18, 2009 at 3:31 pm
Crap. Now I know why the ones I ordered didn’t fit and I had to give them to MY BROTHER. So do I order that same size and pray? Or a bigger size and cry?
Christina saysMarch 18, 2009 at 4:21 pm
CHINA!?!?! Are you freaking kidding me?!?!
Auds at Barking Mad saysMarch 18, 2009 at 7:06 pm
I really like those clogs. I mean really. But I really hate buying shoes made in China. *sigh*
Just Jamie saysMarch 19, 2009 at 2:07 am
Those green ones are so much cooler than green Crocs. They must exist *somewhere* … right? Right?
kim at alllconsuming saysMarch 19, 2009 at 8:00 am
You know, some might say that the fact you had Ted Danson come over for dinner was a little more exciting than the whole clog thing. I’m just saying.
Jane E saysMarch 19, 2009 at 11:49 am
OMG- I’m sitting on a pair (ok -not actually sitting ON) of Dansko “confetti” clogs because I’ve worn Dansko clogs for years, ordered online from Burmar shoes, they were too big, I was too embarassed to send them back, tried putting lambswool in the toes and that didn’t work so there they sit and me on them. Sigh. Adoring you-
Supenzype saysApril 22, 2009 at 7:56 am
hm. really like it )
Ms. Loqa saysApril 29, 2009 at 6:09 pm
I used to work at a clothing boutique that sold both Danskos and Sanitas. I was given a thorough lesson in differentiating between the two. Apparently, Dansko clogs were manufactured by Sanita up until a few years ago. The change in manufacturer might account for the difference in size you experienced. Neither company acknowledges this relationship on their website (okay, so I only spent a few minutes looking), but I did find confirmation of this story here: http://www.eurowalking.com/Dansko_Sanita_Information_s/56.htm
Lindsey Cochran saysMarch 12, 2010 at 2:44 pm
Hey, did your Danskos ever arrive? I’m authoring a “clog blog” over at http://www.everycloghasitsday.typepad.com, and I’d love to feature your saga if you’re up for it.
jonny saysApril 7, 2010 at 11:05 am
if you wanted clogs you should have had a peep at http://www.lottfromstockholm.com