The above photo represents a stack of DVDs from Bossy’s local library, and hello one person left who doesn’t know Bossy and her friend Martha are watching DVDs in the middle of gloriously temperate afternoons better spent gardening because Bossy and her friend Martha are halfway through a 5-day cleanse to reset their bad habits, where bad habit equals watching DVDs in the middle of gloriously temperate afternoons.
The first DVD Bossy and Martha watched was The Office, starring the multi-talented Ricky Gervais, who has perfected the art of the charming git:
Bossy wasn’t two minutes into Episode One when she announced she would do Ricky Gervais in a heartbeat — and speaking of heartbeat, hi Bossy’s dad! How’s the humerus?
Anyway. Ricky Gervais isn’t handsome in the classic sense. He’s not even classically handsome. And yet there is something about him besides his amazing humor and smarts, which Bossy refers to as reason enough.
And then Bossy realized the additional reason for her crush: it’s his eyeteeth:
Eyeteeth, otherwise known as cuspids or canines or dogteeth or, the news gets worse, fangs, are located on both sides of the mouth between the incisors and the premolars.
Bossy has a real thing for eyeteeth, specifically pokey eyeteeth. When explaining why to her friend Martha, which was a little like preaching to a choir already singing a song of Eyetooth Love, Bossy was quick to point to the example of David Bowie:
Although, speaking of David Bowie, it looks to Bossy like he’s had some work done to his classic smile in the intervening years:
And, hey, did you know we were still speaking of David Bowie? Yes we are, because Bossy is too protein deprived to think of paragraph transitions. Insert sentence transition here Bossy always sort of wondered how tall David Bowie is, and this morning while perusing google she found the definitive answer:
Then Bossy’s friend Martha corroborated Bossy’s pokey eyeteeth fetish by providing the example of Aimee Mann:
And about those two previous photos? Bossy admits it became easier to find Aimee Mann images on google after Bossy stopped spelling her name Ammee Maaann. Hello, hypoglycemia.
corrie saysJune 10, 2009 at 10:23 am
I will agree with Bossy that striving for perfection (especially with teeth!) somehow backfires!
But whatever that something is…that is “reason enough” for Bossy falls short for this mama! But my reasoning hasn’t been affected by a cleanse…careful of those fruit carbs I guess!
The Cheap Chick saysJune 10, 2009 at 10:28 am
EAT SOMETHING. RIGHT NOW. Although I hate to admit, your near-starvation does make for hy-freakin-sterical posts. None the less, EAT REAL FOOD NOW!!!!
lora saysJune 10, 2009 at 10:30 am
yesterday a friend of mine and I were talking about how both our sons have very pointy eyeteeth and we both think it is way sexy in men and is it okay to think that your baby boys have sexy mouths?
Kelly saysJune 10, 2009 at 10:33 am
I agree with you on Ricky Gervais, up to a point. My love for him is purely platonic, though I suppose I do get a bit squishy for men who make me laugh. Was that TMI? My apologies.
MomZombie saysJune 10, 2009 at 10:34 am
I don’t know about a tooth fetish, but I do know all about the sickness that is renting a stack of TV show DVDs from the library and watching them while a perfectly beautiful day drifts away outside.
MariaV saysJune 10, 2009 at 10:38 am
I think Bowie used to create the eyeteeth and now he has gone natural.
I chalk the eyeteeth fetish to survival of the fittest. 😉
km saysJune 10, 2009 at 10:43 am
Pick up some Blackadder while you’re at the library.
Will never forget the speaker job RG gets in The Office and he enters complete with mood music.
Grandma J saysJune 10, 2009 at 10:54 am
Bossy, please, eat some chocolate!
Either Bossy’s cleansing experiment has gone haywire, or Grandma J has officially entered Stage II.
I’m banking on the first.
Smoochiefrog saysJune 10, 2009 at 10:55 am
Forget the teeth. I’m trying to figure out why in the second picture of Bowie his pupils are different sizes. One is dilated and the other isn’t. Freaking weird!
BOSSY saysJune 10, 2009 at 11:00 am
Smoochiefrog: one of Bowie’s pupils became paralyzed when he was younger, after someone threw a bottle at him. Or something like that. Bowie played it up with a colored contact lens. Or something like that.
Lizzy saysJune 10, 2009 at 11:00 am
I’m a little concerned about David Bowie’s blown left pupil. He is either on drugs, blind or suffering a horrendous head injury. But his teeth are great.
Lizzy saysJune 10, 2009 at 11:01 am
Ok, maybe I should actually read the informative responses from Bossy before I diagnose him. Perhaps I need to re-think that cleansing thing.
Linda saysJune 10, 2009 at 11:24 am
I’ll tell you someone else who has killer sexy eye-teeth: On that show Million Dollar Listing (?) or something like that, that show with the three young realtors in Malibu and Beverly Hills on HGTV. The one named Madison….. OMG…. I don’t care if he does like guys, I’d do him in a heartbeat with those vampire fangs of his.
zelzee saysJune 10, 2009 at 11:33 am
I couldn’t get past the round thing on Bowie’s forehead to even think of his teeth!!
Doesn’t it look like a hole with something oozing out of it?
Just my observation……………….
Cactus Petunia saysJune 10, 2009 at 11:38 am
I’m concerned that next Bossy and Martha are going to start renting vampire movies in their protein-deprived state, and it’s freakin’ me out!
Amber Star saysJune 10, 2009 at 11:39 am
I like Ricky Gervais a lot and think he is funny as everything, but I’m sure he wouldn’t like (luv) any of us girls. I don’t care…I got my guy.
I’m wondering what the deal is with the vampire love. I’ve always thought David Bowie was sexy, but because he is just so him. Having a hot sweaty get together with a vampire just wouldn’t work. They are dead..or undead as some say, but they are cold and I’m just not up for that whole icicle parts entering any part of me.
I’m devastated that MI 5 isn’t showing anymore on PBS or BBC. I found it on Netflix and may just join so I can get that
spy fix. It is horrendously expensive to buy and I’m just not going there.
Little Miss Sunshine State saysJune 10, 2009 at 11:55 am
Is it possible that Bossy is so fixated on teeth because she needs to CHEW some real food?
I always thought David Bowie was at least 6’5″ tall. Same way that I thought that my Not-So-Secret-Boyfriend, Steven Tyler was tall. My husband met him and came home to tell me the guy is the size of a 12 year old boy.
joeinvegas saysJune 10, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Wow, I am impressed at Bossy’s mind, and how she can jump from DVDs to Ricky to Aimee. Nice corelations there. (PS: please, have a glass of wine for me?)
Debby saysJune 10, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Suggestion (if you’re bored of movies): Google “celebrity canine teeth”. Fascinating
Blog Princess G saysJune 10, 2009 at 12:08 pm
I think the eyeteeth is a bit of a vampirical thing. Well, it is for me, and that’s the story I’m sticking too.
Can you have some soy milk? Protein in that!
The Domestic Goddess saysJune 10, 2009 at 12:23 pm
I have fangs. I mean, pointy eye teeth. What does this mean?
deanie saysJune 10, 2009 at 12:28 pm
i thought I was the only person with that weird eyetooth fetish thingy. good to know there are others out there…..
Deb on the Rocks saysJune 10, 2009 at 12:37 pm
I am so with you on the eyetooth appeal or a slight overbite like Amy Sedaris.
Judy saysJune 10, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Love, love, love the orignal “Office” and Gervais’ brilliant humor! Also love how you can put “English” subtitles on to translate from the English English.
foolery saysJune 10, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Nice puffy shirt, Mr. Gervais.
chrissy saysJune 10, 2009 at 1:34 pm
I’m the same with the eyeteeth! Imperfect teeth are so much sexier than perfectly white, straight, Beverly Hills teeth. Yuck.
Michelle in SF saysJune 10, 2009 at 1:49 pm
I have always had a thing for pointy eyeteeth! Thought I was the only one 🙂 Hubby thinks it’s VERY odd (he won’t admit it but he is terrified of vampires – can’t even watch movies about them).
To Amber Star – it is so worth joining netflix, just to watch all those episodes of MI5!
Yo saysJune 10, 2009 at 2:02 pm
what’s with bowie’s pupils? those are contacts, right? they’re totally rock star contacts. one looks like a saucer. they have to be contacts.
oh gah. do you think he’s okay??
and bill clinton is like 8 feet tall. or 6 feet tall. i’d still do bowie.
Maria saysJune 10, 2009 at 2:14 pm
I have fangs. Seriously. I don’t have the teeth in between and my fangs are obvious. i have always hated it. It looks witchy, but now that I’ve seen David and Ameeeeee, I feel better. Since bossy and martha like fangs, come visit Maine already.
Franca Bollo saysJune 10, 2009 at 2:48 pm
Call me sadistic but I’m curious to read the blogs Bossy creates after, say, 10 days of detox. Just a thought …
Think I’ll go put some Aimee Mann on. Thanks for the reminder.
Audubon Ron saysJune 10, 2009 at 3:03 pm
I don’t see it.
bossy's friend amy saysJune 10, 2009 at 5:38 pm
two of my all time favorite people/singers (david bowie and amiee mann) in one post – how is this even possible… thank you bossy, thank you!
vuboq saysJune 10, 2009 at 6:50 pm
vuboq wonders if BOSSY is all into the vampire movies as well then?
Also, if you haven’t seen Extras, you totally should. I liked it more than the Office. totes funny. and it explains Ricky Gervais’ comment at the Golden Globes re: Kate Winslet and Holocaust movies.
Dara saysJune 10, 2009 at 6:52 pm
Gah…I love Amiee Mann!! I once saw her live in a smallish venue in Sag Harbor, NY. I tried to get backstage, alas, could not.
kd saysJune 10, 2009 at 6:56 pm
Two words: Protein bar.
pam saysJune 10, 2009 at 7:27 pm
I’ve always loved Patricia Arquette’s quirky eye teeth.
Ellie saysJune 10, 2009 at 9:58 pm
My friend Jennie has no eyeteeth and I have *never* trusted her, the rat. And now I know why. I shake my fist at that tiny adorable tattooed pierced eyetoothless thing.
I am *so* into this eyetooth thing, but had never articulated it in my mind. Now? Articulated. And, yes. Matriculated.
Ellie saysJune 10, 2009 at 10:01 pm
p.s. Smoochiefrog — that’s what MAKES David Bowie such a sexy superstar studly dude — the 2 different eyecolors, 2 different pupil-sized thing.
Oh, and the eyeteeth.
Chesapeake Bay Woman saysJune 10, 2009 at 11:00 pm
A few random if/then statements:
If David Bowie is married to supermodel Iman, then he *ought* to be tall–at least not terribly short.
If David Bowie is reasonably tall, and Clinton is towering that high above him, then Clinton must be REALLY tall.
If a tall man who used to be President appears to be able to palm the head of another celebrity who is presumed to be tall, then I believe I might have a new boyfriend.
Come to Mama, Bill.
p.s. I might have a tall man/big hand fetish.
p.p.s. Kevin Bacon is still my husband, regardless of the size of his Anything.
lazey saysJune 11, 2009 at 12:11 am
Ok, so hot Bowie will win every time with that smile. Any chic will win with that smile… Well not any chic, possibly Meryl Streep…!!! I don’t understand why Bowie would ruin somthing so close to perfection. go Meryl
Avitable saysJune 11, 2009 at 7:50 am
You should watch Ghost Town. Ricky Gervais is great in that. And Extras.
Ungirdled saysJune 11, 2009 at 7:58 am
Bossy, please eat. You are thin and beautiful – cuter than a speckled puppy – and it was said by Dr. Oz on Oprah that fasts aren’t necessary for cleansing. Of course, thanks to the last Newsweek, we know right on her medical advice is. Ricky is cute – it’s his sense of humor. For me, Harry Connick Jr. is all that and a dozen hot Krispy Kremes!
blackbird saysJune 11, 2009 at 8:57 am
Blackbird is really into the eyeteeth too – but she hadn’t realized it. That’s why she reads Bossy.
Well Read Hostess saysJune 11, 2009 at 9:22 pm
My husband has poky eyeteeth.
And I like Ricky Gervais.
Aimee Mann looks like she needs a cookie.
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Frimmy saysJune 23, 2014 at 8:30 pm
You’ve nailed the reason I think Ricky is hot and why, up until I noticed he got his teeth fixed, David Bowie was hot. Because of those teeth, I was willing to forgive Bowie’s short stature and tall is in the top three (above breathing) on Frimmy’s list of hot qualties in a man. How does one even explain this to the other people who don’t get it?! It’s nice to know I’m not alone.