You are looking at a delicious body lotion courtesy of Trader Joe’s, where courtesy equals no it wasn’t free — but Bossy is celebrating the fact Trader Joe’s has the wit to carry this bit of lusciousness.
According to the bottle it is lavender-scented, but Bossy has to tell you she has never liked anything that claims to be lavender-scented, with the small exception of lavender.
Typically everything that claims to be lavender-scented actually smells more reminiscent of a different sort of flower, the kind of sickeningly sweet flower one might find propped in a vase, against a casket, in a funeral home.
Maybe now would be a good time to disclose the following regarding Bossy’s sensitive olfactory system: when Bossy was in her late teens she got a job spraying perfume in an upscale department store.
It was fine, except for a few small issues:
The first issue was Bossy didn’t have any clothes befitting this upscale department store. So every workday she would assemble the usual ill-fitting outfit, which left her feeling like the Beast in a theatrical production with a stage full of Beauties.
The next issue was the fact that, in this same production, Bossy’s eight-hour workday was playing the part of a 92-hour workday. To combat this lag in the passing of time, Bossy had a few tricks up her sleeve. The sleeve that was attached to a shoulder pad.
First Bossy would organize all of the perfumes on display, which would kill a few minutes. Then Bossy would grab a sample bottle of whatever she was endorsing that day, and head down that long aisle over there, which would kill 93 seconds, followed by the 112 seconds she would kill walking down this long aisle here.
Sometimes a customer would have a product question, or if Bossy was really lucky, she would be asked directions to the escalator — and before she knew it, lookee there! Only seven hours and 53 minutes remaining until Bossy could walk to her 1977 Honda Civic in the dark labyrinth of a parking garage, first passing through the maze of hosiery.
Or sometimes Bossy would get lost in the checkerboard pattern on the marble floor of the perfume department. Bossy would move herself around the game board, always diagonally, avoiding cracks and knocking off imaginary opponents.
The final issue was with the perfume itself. Bossy never had an opinion about perfume one way or the other before taking this job, but it took her approximately a day minus twenty-three-and-a-half hours to become miserably offended by the smell of almost everything. Bossy doesn’t believe in hell per se, except if there is one she’s pretty sure it involves the scent of Giorgio.
Bossy can sum up her job spraying perfume in this way: Think they’ll notice if Bossy stays in this bathroom stall?
Which is what today’s Ten-Word Challenge is all about. In exactly ten words, can you tell Bossy about a job you couldn’t stand?
And be sure to check back later today for the ickiest jobs on all the web.
Also, Bossy would like to announce the winner of her customized notecard giveaway: Congratulations Claire from Arizona! Bossy sent you an email.
Waitress at a hoity-toity country club that discouraged tipping.
Bowling alley, recruiting leagues, should of flung self down lane
(PS – I lasted a week, salesgirl I am not)
Telemarketer for clubs to buy big ticket items like boats.
Oh lord… I hate the perfume ladies!!! ha ha. I always try to swerve to avoid them… yet they are on you like glue!?.
Working at Claire’s jewelry store in college was pretty much hell. Piercing baby ears and peddling sweatshop esque cheapy junk.
I will say though, my friend and I “borrowed” the piercing gun one night and set up shop at a fraternity party. It was the 90’s and time of 2-3 piercings in an ear. We were super popular… 😉
Seventeen -daycare – 7 babies under the age of 1. Yikes!
Passed due bill collector at Sears, sob stories abound daily
lifeguard for senior’s water aerobics…imminent heart attack or death.
Just me and 6 middle school boy-delinquents. Total. Misery.
Red Lobster waitress…smelled of cigarettes, fish and hushpuppies
Chambermaid. Not so bad if you like weird stains. Ick!
Worked for crazy theater lady. Oy, the tsuris. Plus, CRAZY.
Cat-sat for a neighbor. Could smell the kitty litter from elevator.
Cocktail waitress, shoulder-to-shoulder crowded nightclub with live music.
school cafeteria: spoiled, obnoxious brats who wouldn’t eat their food
Exterminator’s office. Photos of dead rodents everywhere. But no bugs.
Made sub sandwiches all day. Clothes smelled like genoa salami.
Housekeeping at awesome historic lake resort in Olympic National Forest..long long days of making beds and cleaning toilets…
Hotel maid complete with maid caddy and overbearing head housekeeper.
“Can I check the visitor stats on my blog again?”
(I was a perfume model at Lord & Taylor once. I sympathize with you, Bossy. But did you have to do it on pink marble floors? Because that was the straw that broke the camel’s back.)
Dental assistant for sadist who was mean to children daily.
Oh heavens, this guy won’t stop screaming. Apartment Managing Sucks!
Okay, this wasn’t my job but it was Miss Led’s and since we’re sisters, I think I’ll borrow it for this writing assignment…..
Garters, milky thighs, back seam stockings, stilettos, cigars, cigarettes, yo-yos
Candy/Ice Cream Store: little money, gained weight, sleazy bosses.
Chambermaid in 3rd rate motel @Moody Beach, ME… stains, smells, ‘n more!
Candy store. Must clean floor with putty knife. Owner leered.
“Stones’ TV Repair……Sorry, no your set isn’t ready yet.”
Recruited at age 16 by fly-by-night telemarketer. Lasted one day.
SnowWhite shared the same horrible job as Bossy!
Hours of misery!
cashier. old women pulling sweaty bills from aged bosoms – ARGGGHHHHHHH
Moping the floor at McDonalds. No amount of anything could get grease off that floor.
dog license checker. Knock , ask to see license, give ticket.
Bowling Alley Counter Girl. Drunk men, Need I say more?
Rich Women take tennis lessons. I babysit their kids. BORING.
Bad bank teller. Never balanced. Always anxiety attacks re: balancing.
INSIDE the A&W Root Bear Costume in HORRIBLE summer heat.
Telemarketer selling cable. People hated me the minute they answered.
Four months delinquent credit card — balances now due in full!
Teaching. Years of college for nothing –I don’t like kids.
One hour photo dark room- lost film in developer-oops
Checker. Customer yelled at disabled bagger. I yelled at customer.
office manager; boss was male chauvinist pig; quit VERY quickly.
Cleaning out garbage cans and wiping bird poop off tables. At a zoo. In the summer.
Food prep at a taco joint -I kept getting yelled at for not putting the toppings on in a particular order.
Most recently, working in a dirty job trailer with no heat or air conditioning and using a porta potty every day for a year.
We called Michelle on sophomore floor the “Walking Wall of Giorgio.”
Distributing flyers on streets of Tokyo. Take one damn it!
Boss required sharp pencil tips up, dull ones eraser up.
[in his pencil cup on his desk. That’s how I knew which ones I had to sharpen each day.]
Wendy. From Wendy’s. Bloomers, hideous dress, red braids and all.
Nothing good ever happens after midnight at an answering service.
Transporting bodies with mortician; lasted one night. The stiff moaned!
(The previous = True Story, but takes more than ten words to tell.) Tommy the mortician is a fellow volunteer firefighter and Funeral Home director. Came by Fire HQ late one night (early ‘70s) looking for help moving a body from Long Island to the Bronx. Promised $10, plus free beer to drink on the way. (It WAS the ‘70s, after all.) “Sure,” Stupid Me said. (C’mon: FREE beer.) Got the stiff loaded in the back of the hearse, and off we went. Hit a bumpy patch on the Throgs Neck Bridge, and stiff goes “O-o-o-o-h-h.” “Jesus CHRIST, what the #%*@ was THAT?” I screamed. (Yeah. Screamed. Like a girly-girl.) “Oh,” he said casually, “Sometimes they still have air in their lungs, and it comes out on the bumps.” Information I would have appreciated earlier. Last time for THAT job. Brrrr…
Reporter at newspaper where editor rewrote everything.
Marketing research call center…*I* was the idiot interrupting dinner
I wish I had worn latex gloves every damn day.
Bowling alley snackbar attendant,too loud for hangovers!
College where bossman said I looked like a porn star
My current job – but just gave my 2-week notice!
sewing factory + neil diamond records all day every day = HELL
Current job: unjamming Xerox w/ my Masters in gene splicing.
Tanning salon receptionist / attendant, cleaned up wrinkled people’s body grease.
Strawberries On A Stick at the California State Fair. Sticks!
Hotel laundry. Wash, dry, fold until hell freezes over twice.
One month of calling CSULB alumni and begging for money!
One hour photo- hairy butts, sexual escapades, and more! Awkward….
Chambermaid = cleaning ass prints off ceiling high mirror + other fluids.
Slaving away for cruel wealthy people in an upscale hotel.
Retirement Home: bodily Fluids, etc. I shall say no more.
Locked psych unit, egomania Jewish medical students, AG in heaven!
Babysat 5 kids with abusive physcho step-mother for $50/week.
(Being a “numbers person” I should have seen the HUGE lack of proper compensation)
Waitress at Chinese restaurant. All the dishes look the same.
$8.00/hr. grocery store heavy lifting; work faster, faster, faster
“Management trainee” at the Gap, ceaselessly cleaned out fitting rooms.
Upscale retail. Prada and Chanel won’t make it all better.
Cold-calling. Bossy still can’t use phone without icy sweat.
CPA firm Secretary. Doors slammed, feelings hurt, grossly underpaid slavery.
Nannying two adolescent boys… more like two 2 year olds.
Cesspool digger. A very Sh#@$^&tty job indeed.
Front Desk. upscale hotel. Strange people. Bigtime boss->no manners. (love housekeeping ladies!)
Donut Girl – flirty old men, fill the donuts, always sticky
I’m a vegitarian. Worked at McDonalds. You do the math.
HR for chain hemorrhoid clinics… employees were asses (pun indended).
Cheese Shop at Mall. Cutting cheese. Handing out samples. Blllllouggghhhh…
BH
Cold calling terminal cancer patients for insidious drug company.
All of my jobs have had a level of ickiness.
(Joie’s comment – #40 – made me smile. Good lookin’ out, Joie!)
Worked with a Bitch Florist who hated small furry animals.
Slaving for mouse-eared drones nearly killed my very soul.
Frozen yogurt stand – yo the burns from making the dang waffle cones. And the smell of them. yucko
Smelling like a fried chicken tender at Burger King – ICK!
Hired as Bookkeeper. Office Manager was insecure Female Peter Principle stereotype.
(she wrote me up because I tore the tractor-feed strips off the checks before I separated them from one another….)
We have this lotion. Husband has forbidden; makes him nauseated.
Body parts courier for medical pathology lab… a midsummer nightmare!
Housekeeper for one summer – nudist male clients – not good looking.
Seafood deli. My cousin said steamed shrimp smelled like me. NOT GOOD.
Cleaning up poo fingerpainting projects created by quick Autistic patient
Repackaged crappy cheap toys, hot summer factory, boss drank whiskey…
Inserting needles for spinal taps. No need for 10 words.
Tedious, tedious drafting job with boring architects. Yawn. Sigh.
Fired two hours before I quit. So got severance + unemployment.
#50–same experience
young nursing student-patient died-Assisted nurse to roll patient over and the patient FARTED!–
Got the hysterical giggles and could not quit–hated myself for not being compassionate.
cop-a-feel Greek dinerowner meets 16yro Irishwoman unafraid to wave breadknife.
nurseaid 90yro millionaire, She rationed my food. I hid muffins.Lived.
km now realizes she had a lot of crap jobs. Hey i graduated grad school without debt!!!!
waitress ,Irish pub, Times square,pre-Giuliani, country girl. Eyes opened
Ladie’s dept., JCPenney. Dirty diapers, used condoms in fitting room. *puke*
cleaning rooms at the days inn–three bucks a room.
**
I lasted two days.
Vending Company: Gross things put in little capsules. Bad Boys!
Braids, dirndl and anal, high-strung frau boss. Nein, danke!
Last Sunday: helped clean up 1-week-old cow afterbirth.
HoHo Cafe – black polyester, white shoes, hairnet – for $1.10 hour.
worked for a short, arrogant, belittleing ass for 6 months.
Current job – trapped in a paper pushing bureaucracy. NEED MATCHES!
skinned, cut, de-boned, wrapped elk meat during hunting season. gag!
Pefume girl at Gucci, went home smelling beautiful, tired feet.
Crazy woman boss, made life hell, I lasted six months.
(I saw her on Jeopardy years later, and couldn’t stop shaking; she lasted 4 nights.)
(Also, can’t stand the smell of lavender since reading “Outlander”)
Production line -red powder baked became metal. Red boogers everyday.
Late night Taco Bell, college town, boss says no tips. ( I could have made a killing!)
my very first job – in high school, one I don’t admit to to just anyone, was a telephone solicitor. I was given pages of a phone book (yes this dates me) and was told to call people on the page trying to sell magazines. I actually knew someone on the page that I had to call! Can you believe it? Anyway, I sold nary a subscription, was hung up on numerous times, and when I took my very first lunch break of my very first job on the first day of work, I didn’t return. I called them and told them I wouldn’t be back.
oops, more thanten words on #114. Sorry – I’m a bad direction follower
Don’t ever be a customer service rep for US Sprint.
Next, steer clear of Complaint Department Rep at Busch Gardens.
Human Resources is customer service plus complaint department. No good.
Slicing meat behind a deli counter. Maggots. Head Cheese.
Sambo’s waitress, graveyard shift, served country fried steak to drunks.
Numero Uno: carried pizza that outweighed my 1980 overheating Monza.
Frying fucking chicken for $3.00/ hour for 12 hour shifts.
(meanwhile my coworkers were making double and I knew it, ahh to be naive and 16 again, NOT!!!)
–>Human paper shredder for days and days as a temp.
Health food restaurant, picked mouse turds out of organic rice.
Selling Sears maintenance agreements on the phone. Going to hell.
Scraping aluminum paint from oilfield manifolds. Apply new paint. Sartre.
Couldn’t hack the corporate catwalk at Lehman or Polo.
Telemarketer for the Los Angeles Times – selling it to people who freaking didn’t live in Los Angeles!
Threw bologna onto bread coming down conveyor belt
I know its only 8 words but that job sucked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bread was coming down a conveyor belt and my job was to toss the bologna onto the bread. We made thousands of sandwiches a day that got packaged into vending machines. It sucked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All my temp jobs through Apple. Ugh.
Yeah, but the lotion, right? It totally smells like lavender and I dig it, do you not?
Cold calling out of phone book to sell replacement windows.
(I lasted one day)
Thigh deep in slimey water supervising kiddie (<5) bumper boats.
Oh, I see me and #111 worked for the same boss!
Factory line worker – put bottles on constantly malfunctioning conveyor belt.
Handing out miniature golf clubs at 3rd rate amusement park.
Now. Nurse in GI Lab. Need I say anything else?
Scrubbing kids’ piss off locker room floors. Four fucking AM.
Photographer GlamourShots; fat bitches in boa’s. Old men in drag!!
and they say there are no good jobs out there…