You are looking at a delicious body lotion courtesy of Trader Joe’s, where courtesy equals no it wasn’t free — but Bossy is celebrating the fact Trader Joe’s has the wit to carry this bit of lusciousness.
According to the bottle it is lavender-scented, but Bossy has to tell you she has never liked anything that claims to be lavender-scented, with the small exception of lavender.
Typically everything that claims to be lavender-scented actually smells more reminiscent of a different sort of flower, the kind of sickeningly sweet flower one might find propped in a vase, against a casket, in a funeral home.
Maybe now would be a good time to disclose the following regarding Bossy’s sensitive olfactory system: when Bossy was in her late teens she got a job spraying perfume in an upscale department store.
It was fine, except for a few small issues:
The first issue was Bossy didn’t have any clothes befitting this upscale department store. So every workday she would assemble the usual ill-fitting outfit, which left her feeling like the Beast in a theatrical production with a stage full of Beauties.
The next issue was the fact that, in this same production, Bossy’s eight-hour workday was playing the part of a 92-hour workday. To combat this lag in the passing of time, Bossy had a few tricks up her sleeve. The sleeve that was attached to a shoulder pad.
First Bossy would organize all of the perfumes on display, which would kill a few minutes. Then Bossy would grab a sample bottle of whatever she was endorsing that day, and head down that long aisle over there, which would kill 93 seconds, followed by the 112 seconds she would kill walking down this long aisle here.
Sometimes a customer would have a product question, or if Bossy was really lucky, she would be asked directions to the escalator — and before she knew it, lookee there! Only seven hours and 53 minutes remaining until Bossy could walk to her 1977 Honda Civic in the dark labyrinth of a parking garage, first passing through the maze of hosiery.
Or sometimes Bossy would get lost in the checkerboard pattern on the marble floor of the perfume department. Bossy would move herself around the game board, always diagonally, avoiding cracks and knocking off imaginary opponents.
The final issue was with the perfume itself. Bossy never had an opinion about perfume one way or the other before taking this job, but it took her approximately a day minus twenty-three-and-a-half hours to become miserably offended by the smell of almost everything. Bossy doesn’t believe in hell per se, except if there is one she’s pretty sure it involves the scent of Giorgio.
Bossy can sum up her job spraying perfume in this way: Think they’ll notice if Bossy stays in this bathroom stall?
Which is what today’s Ten-Word Challenge is all about. In exactly ten words, can you tell Bossy about a job you couldn’t stand?
And be sure to check back later today for the ickiest jobs on all the web.
Also, Bossy would like to announce the winner of her customized notecard giveaway: Congratulations Claire from Arizona! Bossy sent you an email.