You are looking at a delicious body lotion courtesy of Trader Joe’s, where courtesy equals no it wasn’t free — but Bossy is celebrating the fact Trader Joe’s has the wit to carry this bit of lusciousness.
According to the bottle it is lavender-scented, but Bossy has to tell you she has never liked anything that claims to be lavender-scented, with the small exception of lavender.
Typically everything that claims to be lavender-scented actually smells more reminiscent of a different sort of flower, the kind of sickeningly sweet flower one might find propped in a vase, against a casket, in a funeral home.
Maybe now would be a good time to disclose the following regarding Bossy’s sensitive olfactory system: when Bossy was in her late teens she got a job spraying perfume in an upscale department store.
It was fine, except for a few small issues:
The first issue was Bossy didn’t have any clothes befitting this upscale department store. So every workday she would assemble the usual ill-fitting outfit, which left her feeling like the Beast in a theatrical production with a stage full of Beauties.
The next issue was the fact that, in this same production, Bossy’s eight-hour workday was playing the part of a 92-hour workday. To combat this lag in the passing of time, Bossy had a few tricks up her sleeve. The sleeve that was attached to a shoulder pad.
First Bossy would organize all of the perfumes on display, which would kill a few minutes. Then Bossy would grab a sample bottle of whatever she was endorsing that day, and head down that long aisle over there, which would kill 93 seconds, followed by the 112 seconds she would kill walking down this long aisle here.
Sometimes a customer would have a product question, or if Bossy was really lucky, she would be asked directions to the escalator — and before she knew it, lookee there! Only seven hours and 53 minutes remaining until Bossy could walk to her 1977 Honda Civic in the dark labyrinth of a parking garage, first passing through the maze of hosiery.
Or sometimes Bossy would get lost in the checkerboard pattern on the marble floor of the perfume department. Bossy would move herself around the game board, always diagonally, avoiding cracks and knocking off imaginary opponents.
The final issue was with the perfume itself. Bossy never had an opinion about perfume one way or the other before taking this job, but it took her approximately a day minus twenty-three-and-a-half hours to become miserably offended by the smell of almost everything. Bossy doesn’t believe in hell per se, except if there is one she’s pretty sure it involves the scent of Giorgio.
Bossy can sum up her job spraying perfume in this way: Think they’ll notice if Bossy stays in this bathroom stall?
Which is what today’s Ten-Word Challenge is all about. In exactly ten words, can you tell Bossy about a job you couldn’t stand?
And be sure to check back later today for the ickiest jobs on all the web.
Also, Bossy would like to announce the winner of her customized notecard giveaway: Congratulations Claire from Arizona! Bossy sent you an email.
Bobbie says
October 6, 2009 at 9:51 amWaitress at a hoity-toity country club that discouraged tipping.
Debby says
October 6, 2009 at 9:57 amBowling alley, recruiting leagues, should of flung self down lane
(PS – I lasted a week, salesgirl I am not)
MidLifeMama says
October 6, 2009 at 10:05 amTelemarketer for clubs to buy big ticket items like boats.
Carrie says
October 6, 2009 at 10:06 amOh lord… I hate the perfume ladies!!! ha ha. I always try to swerve to avoid them… yet they are on you like glue!?.
Working at Claire’s jewelry store in college was pretty much hell. Piercing baby ears and peddling sweatshop esque cheapy junk.
I will say though, my friend and I “borrowed” the piercing gun one night and set up shop at a fraternity party. It was the 90’s and time of 2-3 piercings in an ear. We were super popular… 😉
Tara says
October 6, 2009 at 10:08 amSeventeen -daycare – 7 babies under the age of 1. Yikes!
Karen says
October 6, 2009 at 10:11 amPassed due bill collector at Sears, sob stories abound daily
Natalie says
October 6, 2009 at 10:17 amlifeguard for senior’s water aerobics…imminent heart attack or death.
Jill says
October 6, 2009 at 10:18 amJust me and 6 middle school boy-delinquents. Total. Misery.
Leslie B says
October 6, 2009 at 10:19 amRed Lobster waitress…smelled of cigarettes, fish and hushpuppies
BOSSY says
October 6, 2009 at 10:24 amChambermaid. Not so bad if you like weird stains. Ick!
RuthWells says
October 6, 2009 at 10:24 amWorked for crazy theater lady. Oy, the tsuris. Plus, CRAZY.
BOSSY says
October 6, 2009 at 10:25 amCat-sat for a neighbor. Could smell the kitty litter from elevator.
BOSSY says
October 6, 2009 at 10:26 amCocktail waitress, shoulder-to-shoulder crowded nightclub with live music.
Linda says
October 6, 2009 at 10:27 amschool cafeteria: spoiled, obnoxious brats who wouldn’t eat their food
Momish says
October 6, 2009 at 10:35 amExterminator’s office. Photos of dead rodents everywhere. But no bugs.
Lizzy says
October 6, 2009 at 10:36 amMade sub sandwiches all day. Clothes smelled like genoa salami.
Lisa says
October 6, 2009 at 10:39 amHousekeeping at awesome historic lake resort in Olympic National Forest..long long days of making beds and cleaning toilets…
BT says
October 6, 2009 at 10:40 amHotel maid complete with maid caddy and overbearing head housekeeper.
Heather T says
October 6, 2009 at 10:41 am“Can I check the visitor stats on my blog again?”
(I was a perfume model at Lord & Taylor once. I sympathize with you, Bossy. But did you have to do it on pink marble floors? Because that was the straw that broke the camel’s back.)
Owengirl79 says
October 6, 2009 at 10:41 amDental assistant for sadist who was mean to children daily.
Ronda says
October 6, 2009 at 10:43 amOh heavens, this guy won’t stop screaming. Apartment Managing Sucks!
Miss Spoken says
October 6, 2009 at 10:43 amOkay, this wasn’t my job but it was Miss Led’s and since we’re sisters, I think I’ll borrow it for this writing assignment…..
Garters, milky thighs, back seam stockings, stilettos, cigars, cigarettes, yo-yos
K says
October 6, 2009 at 10:46 amCandy/Ice Cream Store: little money, gained weight, sleazy bosses.
corrie says
October 6, 2009 at 10:53 amChambermaid in 3rd rate motel @Moody Beach, ME… stains, smells, ‘n more!
Veronica says
October 6, 2009 at 10:55 amCandy store. Must clean floor with putty knife. Owner leered.
Laura says
October 6, 2009 at 11:02 am“Stones’ TV Repair……Sorry, no your set isn’t ready yet.”
NellyFrittata says
October 6, 2009 at 11:04 amRecruited at age 16 by fly-by-night telemarketer. Lasted one day.
SnowWhite says
October 6, 2009 at 11:04 amSnowWhite shared the same horrible job as Bossy!
Hours of misery!
karen l says
October 6, 2009 at 11:05 amcashier. old women pulling sweaty bills from aged bosoms – ARGGGHHHHHHH
chocolatechic says
October 6, 2009 at 11:06 amMoping the floor at McDonalds. No amount of anything could get grease off that floor.
GK in MI says
October 6, 2009 at 11:08 amdog license checker. Knock , ask to see license, give ticket.
The Domestic Goddess says
October 6, 2009 at 11:08 amBowling Alley Counter Girl. Drunk men, Need I say more?
Little Miss Sunshine State says
October 6, 2009 at 11:10 amRich Women take tennis lessons. I babysit their kids. BORING.
Manic Mommy says
October 6, 2009 at 11:10 amBad bank teller. Never balanced. Always anxiety attacks re: balancing.
Little Miss Sunshine State says
October 6, 2009 at 11:13 amINSIDE the A&W Root Bear Costume in HORRIBLE summer heat.
Kristina says
October 6, 2009 at 11:14 amTelemarketer selling cable. People hated me the minute they answered.
Lin says
October 6, 2009 at 11:14 amFour months delinquent credit card — balances now due in full!
Kristina says
October 6, 2009 at 11:16 amTeaching. Years of college for nothing –I don’t like kids.
FL Liz says
October 6, 2009 at 11:21 amOne hour photo dark room- lost film in developer-oops
Joie says
October 6, 2009 at 11:24 amChecker. Customer yelled at disabled bagger. I yelled at customer.
anne marie in philly says
October 6, 2009 at 11:29 amoffice manager; boss was male chauvinist pig; quit VERY quickly.
Tina says
October 6, 2009 at 11:37 amCleaning out garbage cans and wiping bird poop off tables. At a zoo. In the summer.
Trinity2 says
October 6, 2009 at 11:38 amFood prep at a taco joint -I kept getting yelled at for not putting the toppings on in a particular order.
Most recently, working in a dirty job trailer with no heat or air conditioning and using a porta potty every day for a year.
Meg says
October 6, 2009 at 11:43 amWe called Michelle on sophomore floor the “Walking Wall of Giorgio.”
Meribon says
October 6, 2009 at 11:44 amDistributing flyers on streets of Tokyo. Take one damn it!
Meg says
October 6, 2009 at 11:45 amBoss required sharp pencil tips up, dull ones eraser up.
[in his pencil cup on his desk. That’s how I knew which ones I had to sharpen each day.]
Michelle says
October 6, 2009 at 11:52 amWendy. From Wendy’s. Bloomers, hideous dress, red braids and all.
sugarpie says
October 6, 2009 at 11:52 amNothing good ever happens after midnight at an answering service.
Rorrington the Fireman says
October 6, 2009 at 11:54 amTransporting bodies with mortician; lasted one night. The stiff moaned!
Rorrington the Fireman says
October 6, 2009 at 11:54 am(The previous = True Story, but takes more than ten words to tell.) Tommy the mortician is a fellow volunteer firefighter and Funeral Home director. Came by Fire HQ late one night (early ‘70s) looking for help moving a body from Long Island to the Bronx. Promised $10, plus free beer to drink on the way. (It WAS the ‘70s, after all.) “Sure,” Stupid Me said. (C’mon: FREE beer.) Got the stiff loaded in the back of the hearse, and off we went. Hit a bumpy patch on the Throgs Neck Bridge, and stiff goes “O-o-o-o-h-h.” “Jesus CHRIST, what the #%*@ was THAT?” I screamed. (Yeah. Screamed. Like a girly-girl.) “Oh,” he said casually, “Sometimes they still have air in their lungs, and it comes out on the bumps.” Information I would have appreciated earlier. Last time for THAT job. Brrrr…
V. says
October 6, 2009 at 11:55 amReporter at newspaper where editor rewrote everything.
Have the T-shirt says
October 6, 2009 at 11:55 amMarketing research call center…*I* was the idiot interrupting dinner
cartoongoddess says
October 6, 2009 at 12:01 pmI wish I had worn latex gloves every damn day.
birdie23 says
October 6, 2009 at 12:04 pmBowling alley snackbar attendant,too loud for hangovers!
Amy in NJ says
October 6, 2009 at 12:08 pmCollege where bossman said I looked like a porn star
Trenches of Mommyhood says
October 6, 2009 at 12:08 pmMy current job – but just gave my 2-week notice!
andrea says
October 6, 2009 at 12:10 pmsewing factory + neil diamond records all day every day = HELL
jane says
October 6, 2009 at 12:14 pmCurrent job: unjamming Xerox w/ my Masters in gene splicing.
Summertime says
October 6, 2009 at 12:14 pmTanning salon receptionist / attendant, cleaned up wrinkled people’s body grease.
Stacey Ball says
October 6, 2009 at 12:15 pmStrawberries On A Stick at the California State Fair. Sticks!
Mindy says
October 6, 2009 at 12:17 pmHotel laundry. Wash, dry, fold until hell freezes over twice.
APeetsMom says
October 6, 2009 at 12:18 pmOne month of calling CSULB alumni and begging for money!
Angel says
October 6, 2009 at 12:18 pmOne hour photo- hairy butts, sexual escapades, and more! Awkward….
Summertime says
October 6, 2009 at 12:19 pmChambermaid = cleaning ass prints off ceiling high mirror + other fluids.
Liz says
October 6, 2009 at 12:28 pmSlaving away for cruel wealthy people in an upscale hotel.
Jamie says
October 6, 2009 at 12:30 pmRetirement Home: bodily Fluids, etc. I shall say no more.
Adorable Girlfriend says
October 6, 2009 at 12:31 pmLocked psych unit, egomania Jewish medical students, AG in heaven!
E says
October 6, 2009 at 12:33 pmBabysat 5 kids with abusive physcho step-mother for $50/week.
(Being a “numbers person” I should have seen the HUGE lack of proper compensation)
linlah says
October 6, 2009 at 12:36 pmWaitress at Chinese restaurant. All the dishes look the same.
jewelrymuffin says
October 6, 2009 at 12:48 pm$8.00/hr. grocery store heavy lifting; work faster, faster, faster
cynthiagirl says
October 6, 2009 at 12:57 pm“Management trainee” at the Gap, ceaselessly cleaned out fitting rooms.
p/f says
October 6, 2009 at 1:00 pmUpscale retail. Prada and Chanel won’t make it all better.
BOSSY says
October 6, 2009 at 1:11 pmCold-calling. Bossy still can’t use phone without icy sweat.
Maria says
October 6, 2009 at 1:13 pmCPA firm Secretary. Doors slammed, feelings hurt, grossly underpaid slavery.
adria says
October 6, 2009 at 1:19 pmNannying two adolescent boys… more like two 2 year olds.
Lance says
October 6, 2009 at 1:30 pmCesspool digger. A very Sh#@$^&tty job indeed.
Mimi says
October 6, 2009 at 1:31 pmFront Desk. upscale hotel. Strange people. Bigtime boss->no manners. (love housekeeping ladies!)
Jenn says
October 6, 2009 at 1:45 pmDonut Girl – flirty old men, fill the donuts, always sticky
Tami says
October 6, 2009 at 1:46 pmI’m a vegitarian. Worked at McDonalds. You do the math.
Domestic Goddess (in training) says
October 6, 2009 at 1:50 pmHR for chain hemorrhoid clinics… employees were asses (pun indended).
BH says
October 6, 2009 at 1:53 pmCheese Shop at Mall. Cutting cheese. Handing out samples. Blllllouggghhhh…
BH
cloudy says
October 6, 2009 at 2:00 pmCold calling terminal cancer patients for insidious drug company.
Tuli says
October 6, 2009 at 2:02 pmAll of my jobs have had a level of ickiness.
(Joie’s comment – #40 – made me smile. Good lookin’ out, Joie!)
POD says
October 6, 2009 at 2:03 pmWorked with a Bitch Florist who hated small furry animals.
deedle says
October 6, 2009 at 2:12 pmSlaving for mouse-eared drones nearly killed my very soul.
jan says
October 6, 2009 at 2:23 pmFrozen yogurt stand – yo the burns from making the dang waffle cones. And the smell of them. yucko
Coco-cokes says
October 6, 2009 at 2:34 pmSmelling like a fried chicken tender at Burger King – ICK!
Sewmouse says
October 6, 2009 at 2:36 pmHired as Bookkeeper. Office Manager was insecure Female Peter Principle stereotype.
(she wrote me up because I tore the tractor-feed strips off the checks before I separated them from one another….)
Erin says
October 6, 2009 at 2:50 pmWe have this lotion. Husband has forbidden; makes him nauseated.
Gina says
October 6, 2009 at 3:02 pmBody parts courier for medical pathology lab… a midsummer nightmare!
Scottsdale Girl says
October 6, 2009 at 3:30 pmHousekeeper for one summer – nudist male clients – not good looking.
Dawn says
October 6, 2009 at 3:31 pmSeafood deli. My cousin said steamed shrimp smelled like me. NOT GOOD.
Tootles says
October 6, 2009 at 3:33 pmCleaning up poo fingerpainting projects created by quick Autistic patient
Sylvia says
October 6, 2009 at 3:34 pmRepackaged crappy cheap toys, hot summer factory, boss drank whiskey…
dobes says
October 6, 2009 at 3:53 pmInserting needles for spinal taps. No need for 10 words.
Reeb says
October 6, 2009 at 4:12 pmTedious, tedious drafting job with boring architects. Yawn. Sigh.
Fired two hours before I quit. So got severance + unemployment.
leslie says
October 6, 2009 at 4:22 pm#50–same experience
young nursing student-patient died-Assisted nurse to roll patient over and the patient FARTED!–
Got the hysterical giggles and could not quit–hated myself for not being compassionate.
km says
October 6, 2009 at 4:29 pmcop-a-feel Greek dinerowner meets 16yro Irishwoman unafraid to wave breadknife.
km says
October 6, 2009 at 4:33 pmnurseaid 90yro millionaire, She rationed my food. I hid muffins.Lived.
km says
October 6, 2009 at 4:37 pmkm now realizes she had a lot of crap jobs. Hey i graduated grad school without debt!!!!
waitress ,Irish pub, Times square,pre-Giuliani, country girl. Eyes opened
Amelia says
October 6, 2009 at 4:59 pmLadie’s dept., JCPenney. Dirty diapers, used condoms in fitting room. *puke*
laurellee says
October 6, 2009 at 5:01 pmcleaning rooms at the days inn–three bucks a room.
**
I lasted two days.
Catherine McP says
October 6, 2009 at 5:35 pmVending Company: Gross things put in little capsules. Bad Boys!
KarinGal says
October 6, 2009 at 6:06 pmBraids, dirndl and anal, high-strung frau boss. Nein, danke!
Bush Babe says
October 6, 2009 at 6:36 pmLast Sunday: helped clean up 1-week-old cow afterbirth.
Lorraine says
October 6, 2009 at 6:50 pmHoHo Cafe – black polyester, white shoes, hairnet – for $1.10 hour.
wendy says
October 6, 2009 at 6:55 pmworked for a short, arrogant, belittleing ass for 6 months.
Rebekah says
October 6, 2009 at 7:51 pmCurrent job – trapped in a paper pushing bureaucracy. NEED MATCHES!
confused says
October 6, 2009 at 8:19 pmskinned, cut, de-boned, wrapped elk meat during hunting season. gag!
Gretchen says
October 6, 2009 at 8:28 pmPefume girl at Gucci, went home smelling beautiful, tired feet.
helenel says
October 6, 2009 at 8:43 pmCrazy woman boss, made life hell, I lasted six months.
(I saw her on Jeopardy years later, and couldn’t stop shaking; she lasted 4 nights.)
(Also, can’t stand the smell of lavender since reading “Outlander”)
Kathy from NJ says
October 6, 2009 at 8:45 pmProduction line -red powder baked became metal. Red boogers everyday.
Sue V. says
October 6, 2009 at 8:45 pmLate night Taco Bell, college town, boss says no tips. ( I could have made a killing!)
jeri says
October 6, 2009 at 9:02 pmmy very first job – in high school, one I don’t admit to to just anyone, was a telephone solicitor. I was given pages of a phone book (yes this dates me) and was told to call people on the page trying to sell magazines. I actually knew someone on the page that I had to call! Can you believe it? Anyway, I sold nary a subscription, was hung up on numerous times, and when I took my very first lunch break of my very first job on the first day of work, I didn’t return. I called them and told them I wouldn’t be back.
jeri says
October 6, 2009 at 9:03 pmoops, more thanten words on #114. Sorry – I’m a bad direction follower
Chesapeake Bay Woman says
October 6, 2009 at 9:59 pmDon’t ever be a customer service rep for US Sprint.
Chesapeake Bay Woman says
October 6, 2009 at 10:00 pmNext, steer clear of Complaint Department Rep at Busch Gardens.
Chesapeake Bay Woman says
October 6, 2009 at 10:01 pmHuman Resources is customer service plus complaint department. No good.
Lorien says
October 6, 2009 at 10:01 pmSlicing meat behind a deli counter. Maggots. Head Cheese.
Cupcake Murphy says
October 6, 2009 at 10:33 pmSambo’s waitress, graveyard shift, served country fried steak to drunks.
Cupcake Murphy says
October 6, 2009 at 10:38 pmNumero Uno: carried pizza that outweighed my 1980 overheating Monza.
amy says
October 6, 2009 at 10:42 pmFrying fucking chicken for $3.00/ hour for 12 hour shifts.
(meanwhile my coworkers were making double and I knew it, ahh to be naive and 16 again, NOT!!!)
WebSavyMom says
October 6, 2009 at 10:44 pm–>Human paper shredder for days and days as a temp.
Mo says
October 6, 2009 at 11:09 pmHealth food restaurant, picked mouse turds out of organic rice.
sugarpie says
October 6, 2009 at 11:18 pmSelling Sears maintenance agreements on the phone. Going to hell.
sugarpie says
October 6, 2009 at 11:24 pmScraping aluminum paint from oilfield manifolds. Apply new paint. Sartre.
Amber says
October 6, 2009 at 11:54 pmCouldn’t hack the corporate catwalk at Lehman or Polo.
Cristina says
October 6, 2009 at 11:55 pmTelemarketer for the Los Angeles Times – selling it to people who freaking didn’t live in Los Angeles!
dexter says
October 7, 2009 at 12:06 amThrew bologna onto bread coming down conveyor belt
I know its only 8 words but that job sucked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bread was coming down a conveyor belt and my job was to toss the bologna onto the bread. We made thousands of sandwiches a day that got packaged into vending machines. It sucked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kelly S. says
October 7, 2009 at 1:33 amAll my temp jobs through Apple. Ugh.
britni says
October 7, 2009 at 5:52 amYeah, but the lotion, right? It totally smells like lavender and I dig it, do you not?
Meghan Rosenstengel says
October 7, 2009 at 8:31 amCold calling out of phone book to sell replacement windows.
(I lasted one day)
Sandy_Shoes says
October 7, 2009 at 10:00 amThigh deep in slimey water supervising kiddie (<5) bumper boats.
Sandy_Shoes says
October 7, 2009 at 10:06 amOh, I see me and #111 worked for the same boss!
Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING says
October 7, 2009 at 10:07 amFactory line worker – put bottles on constantly malfunctioning conveyor belt.
Sandy_Shoes says
October 7, 2009 at 10:54 amHanding out miniature golf clubs at 3rd rate amusement park.
Teri says
October 7, 2009 at 10:56 amNow. Nurse in GI Lab. Need I say anything else?
Grace says
October 7, 2009 at 1:20 pmScrubbing kids’ piss off locker room floors. Four fucking AM.
runnergirl says
October 7, 2009 at 7:57 pmPhotographer GlamourShots; fat bitches in boa’s. Old men in drag!!
BossysMom says
October 9, 2009 at 9:38 amand they say there are no good jobs out there…