Who remembers Bossy’s friend, that ridiculous Rachel Zoe? She’s the celebrity stylist whose life is documented in the Bravo series The Rachel Zoe Project, but sister mercy she also has a newsletter.
This newsletter, delivered by email, highlights the items Rachel Zoe thinks you should have in your own closet. But just in case you don’t have a hangdog husband Rodger who waits back in the hotel room while you go on a shopping spree with the Gay du Jour and then attempt to hide your exorbitant purchases, Rachel Zoe also gives you a parallel universe option which costs less, where less equals:
Shall we?
Rachel Zoe thinks you need this dress:
It’s Alexander Wang‘s Asymmetrical Sweatshirt Dress, but Rachel Zoe refers to it as a Gym Class Hero Dress, probably because it looks like something you could wear to the gym, which is why it costs $650.
But just in case you can’t afford the designer version, Rachel Zoe offers this as her parallel universe option:
Also by Alexander Wang, this parallel universe dress retails for $95. Which is why Bossy scoured the internet and would like to offer you the following Gym Class Hero Dress option:
Next, Rachel Zoe wants you to invest in this:
It’s Phillip Lim‘s Double Breasted Blazer and Guru Pants and it costs $870. But if you can’t afford a mortgage payment to look like you’re wearing your Uncle Henry’s clothes, Rachel Zoe offers the following parallel universe option:
Next Rachel Zoe wants you to have this:
It’s Oscar de la Renta‘s Crystal Bolero which costs $7990, which Rachel Zoe thinks is worth it because don’t you know layers are good any time of year? even though Bossy didn’t realize tulle with crystals amounts to a layer. But if you can’t afford it, Rachel Zoe offers this parallel universe item:
But in case you don’t feel you can afford this $68 parallel universe sequined cardigan, Bossy offers the following parallel universe’s parallel universe option:
Kathleen says
February 17, 2010 at 10:49 amYou are a funny, funny girl. Love your sense of humor and everything about your blog. Dooce has nothing on you.
sherry says
February 17, 2010 at 11:03 amAwesome! And in a parallel universe, Phillip Lim’s blazer and pants are the new fashion designer prison jumpsuit…
Jim says
February 17, 2010 at 11:06 amBEt you love WANG the best !
km says
February 17, 2010 at 11:20 amI think the oscar de la renta model might have made off with some kaiser rolls.Forgive her, she’s starving
Meg at the Members Lounge says
February 17, 2010 at 11:23 amTin foil, fashion’s new hot accessory!
rockle says
February 17, 2010 at 11:34 ami get the rachel zoe newsletter, because sometimes it makes me feel good about myself to point and laugh. that fugly-ass oscar de la renta bolero costs MORE THAN MY CAR. haha! that rachel zoe, she is so crazy! (i am not a nice person.)
RuthWells says
February 17, 2010 at 11:50 amDoes is have to be the heavy-duty aluminum foil? ‘Cause you know that’s gonna chafe! I shall stick with the regular strength.
The Domestic Goddess says
February 17, 2010 at 12:06 pmZoe is sooooo in touch with the little people, isn’t she?
MidLifeMama says
February 17, 2010 at 12:38 pmIt appears to be 1986 in Rachel Zoe’s universe, parallel or otherwise. And has anyone reported a missing guitar playing babe in a black dress having escaped from that Robert Palmer video?
Meg says
February 17, 2010 at 12:42 pmLove. It.
Little Miss Sunshine State says
February 17, 2010 at 12:44 pmIn the Parallel Universe, the little people can’t afford the Tanning Salon either. They can wrap a piece of cardboard in some of the foil and sit in the backyard and point it at the sun.
This also qualifies as a Poverty Party.
David says
February 17, 2010 at 12:48 pmAnyone who suggests I need an article of clothing that costs more than my rent loses all of my respect.
Tootsie Farklepants says
February 17, 2010 at 12:53 pmI don’t know what it says about me but the Kmart dress is my favorite out of all the options. Now where’s my beer and pretzels!?
Well Read Hostess says
February 17, 2010 at 12:58 pmI think we need Rahm Emmanuel’s opinion on this subject.
Reeb says
February 17, 2010 at 1:45 pmEverything I know about fashion I learned from Bossy’s reports on fashion. Which is why I look like this.
foolery says
February 17, 2010 at 3:13 pmThese are Barbie clothes, right?
jen says
February 17, 2010 at 3:30 pmAnd THIS. Is why I love you.
carma says
February 17, 2010 at 3:43 pmI’ve already got the crystal bolero in my collection – phew!
La Suzette says
February 17, 2010 at 5:04 pmOh dear gah. Laughed out loud at work, so totally love ya Bossy!
Ann says
February 17, 2010 at 6:14 pmCan I get that tin foil in a short sleeve style?
linlah says
February 17, 2010 at 6:38 pmOh my god I could die, did you die? I died….I love RZ no matter how out of touch she might be.
Bush Babe (of Granite Glen) says
February 17, 2010 at 6:40 pmCan somebody PLEASE explain to me what is attractive about that Phillip Lim orange number? Are these people on eye-altering drugs?
And Rachel Zoe I know only because I saw her in a women’s mag and there was a caption… and I still don’t really GET it… are we hard up for celebs these days?
Lucky we have Bossy… my kinda celeb!
BB
Ain't Miss-behavin says
February 17, 2010 at 7:25 pm1st commenter said it all: Bossy is way better than dooce!
I love the Reynolds wrap look – it’s all about wrapping!
Cupcake Murphy says
February 17, 2010 at 9:23 pmI keep some bail money stuffed under my mattress just in case I ever run into Rachel Zo-ass because I’m tellin you that human bobbypin deserves a punch in the kisser.
Kate@And Then I Was a Mom says
February 17, 2010 at 11:11 pmPoor Rodger. Tasked with the hardship of a name with an unnecessary “d,” I too would hide in a hotel room.
Michelle M. says
February 17, 2010 at 11:31 pmHer show is ridiculous (yes, I watch it. Apparently I’ll watch anything). She and Rodger say “literally” every other word. I’m liking Bossy’s versions of the ridiculous.
judy says
February 17, 2010 at 11:34 pmI. Die.
Baby Favorite says
February 18, 2010 at 12:15 amI never thought I’d prefer Kmart over designer duds, but suddenly, I do.
Bossy can shop for me any day of the week.
The Mister says
February 18, 2010 at 1:45 amGym Class Heroes is a rock/hip-hop fusion band that is TOTALLY worth a listen. Their song Taxi Driver is comprised completely of the names of other bands.
bossy's friend martha's sister says
February 18, 2010 at 9:22 amTry it on …..come on Bossy!
GrandeMocha says
February 18, 2010 at 10:49 amBossy should totally shop at Target. I miss Isaac Mizrahi!
kathleen says
February 18, 2010 at 12:45 pmI. DIE! Could you just die? Rachael always looks like she just got out of bed after a binge.Add in the freakazoid assisstants and the head aka Rodger and you’ve got a totally fun trainwreck to watch!!
Sissy in Texas says
February 18, 2010 at 12:58 pmAny one of those fashion must-haves weighs more than Ms. Zoe.
Also, the de la Renta model has some weird boobs above her elbows.
The Cheap Chick says
February 18, 2010 at 2:20 pmSigh. And this is why I stopped paying attention to all stylists that aren’t Clinton and Stacey. And stylists who don’t weigh more than a bagel. And stylists who look like they’re about to play shuffleboard on the lido deck.
Gail K. says
February 19, 2010 at 9:22 amBossy and Dooce should never be in the same sentence – nor are they to be compared as there is no comparison. BOSSY is the one setting the new world standard, not that other person!!
As for Rachel-I-LITERALLY-Die-Zoe, Bossy, beefed her up in her picture and I take anything she says with a 16 oz steak, baked potato and chocolate fudge cake. Which is why I shop at stores where I think the clothes are made out of parchment paper as they fall apart in a month.
Ashley says
February 19, 2010 at 9:08 pmI went to her website, and her clothes don’t even pretend to look good. I wonder when fashion turned into wearing fabric carelessly frocked around your body and pretending to be hot stuff…
I could do that when I was 4!
Kaz next door says
September 15, 2010 at 3:13 pmYou made me laugh out loud…..so i was wondering if you could parcel up and send me that lovely kmart number.
Jennifer @keepitsimplefoods says
September 20, 2010 at 1:29 pmHere, here! I’m glad to know there’s someone else out there who finds RZ as ridiculous as I do.
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