Don’t get Bossy wrong, she’s never been a big fan of Food Network’s host of 30 Minute Meals, Rachael Ray, who talks to the food she’s preparing as if she is a teamster and the ingredients are fellow iron workers, sitting on adjacent barstools.
But at least she used to be a perky jovial thing. But then she wrote a few cookbooks and inherited a few other shows to host. And now? Well, now… shall we?
On today’s episode, Rachael Ray revamps an old classic, Grilled Chicken Caesar. She begins by filling a pasta pot with water, grabbing a plastic cutting board, and collecting a few ingredients from the refrigerator:
Rachael Ray begins the cooking process by toasting some pistachios. She explains that she keeps her nuts in the freezer because they contain a lot of oil which can spoil — except Rachael Ray, who’s had a family of muskrats nesting in her vocal cords for the past year, explains it like this, “Psssss oil hhhhhh spoil psssss freezer.”
Next Rachael Ray prepares garlic for browning.
As Rachael Ray peels the skin from the garlic, she spins a sweet yarn about why she chose to prepare Grilled Chicken Caesar in the first place:
Next Rachael Ray prepares to pound her chicken on the aptly named
chicken board meat board:
And then we go to commercial break, which features the non-Grilled-Chicken-Caesar-100-calorie-Fruit Crisps:
When we return from the break, Mary Sunshine is pulverizing her pistachios and grabbing some arugala from the fridge and then — “Oh you know what?” says Rachael Ray. “I’m going to need to turn my stove on.” As Bossy marveled at her culinary prowess, Rachael Ray tossed the arugula in the food processor along with the nuts, some lemon juice, and olive oil for a new spin on pesto.
See how Bossy did that? Created a food processor pun right here in the middle of this post? Sister Mercy, Friday, just in time.
Next she slathers the pesto all over her breasts, and Bossy is sorry but are we still talking about Grilled Chicken Caesar?
Then Rachael Ray drops some anchovies into her heated Eee Vee Ooo Ooo:
Rachael Ray then suggests we take another commercial break while she babysits the anchovies:
Then chicken sautéing garlic browning spaghetti boiling escarole tossing Bossy lost interest in the show.