Don’t get Bossy wrong, she’s never been a big fan of Food Network’s host of 30 Minute Meals, Rachael Ray, who talks to the food she’s preparing as if she is a teamster and the ingredients are fellow iron workers, sitting on adjacent barstools.
But at least she used to be a perky jovial thing. But then she wrote a few cookbooks and inherited a few other shows to host. And now? Well, now… shall we?
On today’s episode, Rachael Ray revamps an old classic, Grilled Chicken Caesar. She begins by filling a pasta pot with water, grabbing a plastic cutting board, and collecting a few ingredients from the refrigerator:
Rachael Ray begins the cooking process by toasting some pistachios. She explains that she keeps her nuts in the freezer because they contain a lot of oil which can spoil — except Rachael Ray, who’s had a family of muskrats nesting in her vocal cords for the past year, explains it like this, “Psssss oil hhhhhh spoil psssss freezer.”
Next Rachael Ray prepares garlic for browning.
As Rachael Ray peels the skin from the garlic, she spins a sweet yarn about why she chose to prepare Grilled Chicken Caesar in the first place:
Next Rachael Ray prepares to pound her chicken on the aptly named
chicken board meat board:
And then we go to commercial break, which features the non-Grilled-Chicken-Caesar-100-calorie-Fruit Crisps:
When we return from the break, Mary Sunshine is pulverizing her pistachios and grabbing some arugala from the fridge and then — “Oh you know what?” says Rachael Ray. “I’m going to need to turn my stove on.” As Bossy marveled at her culinary prowess, Rachael Ray tossed the arugula in the food processor along with the nuts, some lemon juice, and olive oil for a new spin on pesto.
See how Bossy did that? Created a food processor pun right here in the middle of this post? Sister Mercy, Friday, just in time.
Next she slathers the pesto all over her breasts, and Bossy is sorry but are we still talking about Grilled Chicken Caesar?
Then Rachael Ray drops some anchovies into her heated Eee Vee Ooo Ooo:
Rachael Ray then suggests we take another commercial break while she babysits the anchovies:
Then chicken sautéing garlic browning spaghetti boiling escarole tossing Bossy lost interest in the show.
Blog Princess saysMarch 5, 2010 at 11:16 am
Rachel Ray might be a doll in real life, I have no idea – but yes, she does seem a little down. Might it be that her recipes don’t warrant entire half-hours on the television? The recipes her shows feature belong on the side of “add ‘n’ stir” food container packages.
Z. Mulls saysMarch 5, 2010 at 11:23 am
Marcella Hazan’s recipes often include a little surreptitious anchovy action for that secret “Wow, this is good, Daddy” flavor.
(Note: That’s my kids saying “Daddy” not my wife, she doesn’t roll that way)
Pamela saysMarch 5, 2010 at 11:30 am
I think People magazine was reporting that somebody forgot to brine her anchovies properly.
Kris saysMarch 5, 2010 at 11:31 am
I never could stand her. Sorry, but I find her completely annoying.
Charlie saysMarch 5, 2010 at 11:35 am
I heard she has an insane shooting schedule, and that was *before* she inherited other shows. I think she’s developing understandable stress fractures in her perkiness. A hiatus seems in order. Ya know, let someone else do the cooking for awhile. Frankly I don’t know how she stayed chipper this long.
Leslie saysMarch 5, 2010 at 11:37 am
You hid anchovies from your kid? For shame! Actually, my mother hid the ingredients to my family’s favorite high protein pancakes until I was in high school because it contains cottage cheese. To this day, the only time I have ever purchased the stuff is to make those very pancakes. What we don’t know won’t hurt us right?
Meg at the Members Lounge saysMarch 5, 2010 at 11:46 am
Don’t even get me started on the “Eating $40 a day with Rachel Ray” show she does. My drinks would add up to more than that. No wonder she is super cranky,
karen saysMarch 5, 2010 at 11:55 am
blah blah blah BLAH BLAH … BOSSY! Now I want pistachios. Where are you going with this post? I was on the edge of my seat, waiting for anchovies to hit the ceiling. I liked the very early on Ra-Ra. Roving streets and new cities for meal deals. You know, when it was all Blair Witch Project low budget w/just a camera, a gal, and her $40 a day.
Dharmamama saysMarch 5, 2010 at 11:59 am
I hadn’t watched her show in quite some time, then watched the other day, and I, too, was all WTF, Rachel? Different episode, but yep, she hardly looked into the camera at all and she hardly smiled. Not that I expect her to be more-than-human (though she has apparently been for a few years, now) – I hope everything’s OK in her world, or will be. I hadn’t watched in so long because of the over-perkiness, but she went too far in the other direction!
birdie saysMarch 5, 2010 at 12:16 pm
LOL. I haven’t watched Rachel Ray in FOREVER but my husband hates her with a burning, murderous passion. I always liked $40 a day more than 30 min. meals…
Half Assed Kitchen saysMarch 5, 2010 at 12:20 pm
I just don’t get why someone would want to take over the world like she has. Who needs that kind of pressure?
Jim saysMarch 5, 2010 at 12:21 pm
Rachel’s “Chicken Beasts” needs more then anchovies. Ya think?
Lisa Rae @ smacksy saysMarch 5, 2010 at 12:24 pm
“Welcome back… to Hades”
(The real name of the show.)
ScottsdaleGirl saysMarch 5, 2010 at 12:26 pm
My only real issue with Ms Ray is her complete abandonment from reality when she tries to push off these meals as taking only 30 minutes. Uh yeah when you have the food network prepping half your shit before you start cooking? Definitely only 30 minutes. Ugh.
madtexter saysMarch 5, 2010 at 12:43 pm
You are CRAZY funny! And I’m glad you made mention of the anchovie thing. I never liked eating salads until I was 24 years old, and the first and only salad at that time that I would eat was a chicken ceasar salad. It wasn’t until I was in South Beach eating at a restaurant that I was presented with a salad that had anchovies draped over it. ICK! I HATE SEAFOOD!
The friend I was with at the time mentioned, “Don’t you know that anchovies are in the dressing?” NO I DIDN’T! I Well, I never ate a ceasar salad again.
I usually tell people I’m allergic to seafood, so they shut up about it, and so they don’t ask me if I’ve tried lobster, crab, salmon, etc. Such a bore.
Connie Harbor saysMarch 5, 2010 at 12:52 pm
Saw one of her episodes last weekend (not the chick/ceasar salad thing-y) and – SHE FORGOT TO TURN ON HER OVEN TO CRISP THE PITA CHIPS! I agree with Charlie – she seems to have put The Peter Principle in action. While she was never one of my faves (it’s that gah-awful laugh that scrapes fingernails over my blackboard), she does seem headed at full speed for the wall…
Amy in NJ saysMarch 5, 2010 at 12:54 pm
I think she’s just SUPER tired. She needs to cut back and take a vacation without a camera crew following her around. .
Ms. Cranky Pants saysMarch 5, 2010 at 1:09 pm
Teamsters and Iron Workers!! BWAHAHAHAH!! You hit the nail on the head, Bossy! Rachel is a short order frycook!
Ms. Cranky Pants saysMarch 5, 2010 at 1:15 pm
As annoying as Rachel is, DON’T get me started on that toothy Giada DeLaurentis. Aside from Kelly Ripa, Giada’s the single most annoying person on the planet. Her wide jaw, 7-year old plastic grin makes me want to stab my eyes out.
V. saysMarch 5, 2010 at 1:25 pm
She does more whacking than Tony Soprano.
Molly saysMarch 5, 2010 at 1:35 pm
Yup, I never really got the appeal either. So this was even funnier than it already would have been.
Audubon Ron saysMarch 5, 2010 at 1:35 pm
Now you went and did it again. First it’s Nancy Pelosi and now it Rachel Ray, two of my top squeezes. Is there anybody I like that you like?
Sissy in Texas saysMarch 5, 2010 at 1:48 pm
I just have to say it. Her name is spelled Rachael. It’s right there in your first photo.
And, she had surgery for some cyst thing on her vocal cords which might explain the voice.
Kristin saysMarch 5, 2010 at 2:01 pm
Merciful heavens but I *loathe* Rachel Ray. Cannot. Stand. Her. It became very clear to me that Food Network was going off the deep end the day Rachel Ray *and* Sandra “Just Rip Open the Bag, Pour it in a Bowl, Add a Mint Leaf and Call it Homemade” Lee got cooking shows! If they can cook? I’m a NASA engineer.
(Hint: I’m not)
Kelly saysMarch 5, 2010 at 2:13 pm
You have to do a post on Down Home With the Neelys. Those two have some serious bedroom banter going on. I half expect them to throw down those ribs and go at it on the kitchen floor.
foolery saysMarch 5, 2010 at 2:15 pm
I’s be cranky in a mint-green-and-Pepto-Bismol-pink kitchen, too.
foolery saysMarch 5, 2010 at 2:16 pm
That should read “I’D be cranky…” Sound like Buckwheat.
Surcie saysMarch 5, 2010 at 2:18 pm
I’ve made 2 of her entree recipes recently and they were aw-ful. When I see her, I hang my head and shake it. It’s reflexive.
Suzanne saysMarch 5, 2010 at 2:21 pm
Ms Ray was here in Chattanooga several years back for her $40 a day show. She was filming at Aretha Frankensteins that morning which is where my husband and I and a couple of friends were having breakfast. After she finished filming they cleared the table and I swear, they brought her one of everything on the menu, took T’shirts off the wall to give her and maybe even gave her the dishes too. She was very much the diva that morning- wouldn’t make eye contact with folks or speak. But my husband’s elbow was on that show and he was very excited. 🙂
APeetsMom saysMarch 5, 2010 at 2:45 pm
oh bossy – i am rolling over here – i have watched RR so many times and this is just hysterical! very funny friday fodder! sigh – now i can go clean my house with a smile. perfect. thank you!
The Zadge saysMarch 5, 2010 at 2:49 pm
This post is a classic!! Everytime she says “EVOO,” I want to hurl my own bottle of olive oil at the TV.
jp saysMarch 5, 2010 at 2:57 pm
I don’t mind her so much, but everytime I see her, I scream at the TV……………”Who dresses you woman?!??!”
Seriously……………she looks like she gets dressed with whatever was on the floor of her closet!
Wendy saysMarch 5, 2010 at 2:59 pm
well, the woman IS working at least 2 or 3 shows, a magazine and cooking line and what else? she’s probly pooped. and besides how chipper can a person be forever? i always like to see real grumbling. i say MORE grumbling! let it OUT, Rach! that’d be a fun show!!
gailann saysMarch 5, 2010 at 4:26 pm
Her over perkiness does manage to wear me out to the point I’m always too tired to cook after watching her program. She did look happy throwing beads in the Argus parade Mardi Gras day, though. Oh, I hid oysters from my ex. Hates oyster, but brags to my kids about that particular dish…little does he know.
Sandi saysMarch 5, 2010 at 4:48 pm
This is greatness. I had to mute her recently because she sounded so tired and raspy – it hurt to hear her talk. It has seemed that she has been very bored with the show since she got married.
sandi @ the whistlestop cafe saysMarch 5, 2010 at 5:32 pm
I made a Rachel Ray dish the other night… and needed a commercial break to catch my breath. Her recipes are just like she talks.
(I will have to admit the ossobuco soup was very good tho!)
Caroline saysMarch 5, 2010 at 7:56 pm
She grew up in Lake George, NY, and now owns property in my old Adirondack hometown, about 15 miles from Lake George. A year or so ago, she filmed a segment on O`ahu, where I live now. She’s had interactions with restaurant people–friends of mine–in both places. And let me put this gently: though my friends may have been her fans before meeting Ms. Ray, they are fans no more.
mia saysMarch 5, 2010 at 8:03 pm
yeah, I’ve seen that same thing happen to a lot of blogs I used to read. They write a book, or live on a giant ranch with a bazillion dollars, or they’re somehow fantastically gifted…or give away a billion mixers just to get you to come to their site – but they just don’t quit. Forever more the blog lives to advertise. I’m so over that.
Camille saysMarch 5, 2010 at 8:39 pm
So glad that ended when it did. You were right: MAJOR DOWNER.
Mary @ Holy Mackerel saysMarch 5, 2010 at 9:10 pm
I wish I could watch her, but I cannot stand her voice. It’s too grating. Sounds like hard cheese on a grater. And her mouth is too wide for her face, making her look somewhat like a Muppet. I’m sure she’s a very nice person, though.
Margie saysMarch 5, 2010 at 9:40 pm
I am really glad I don’t know any of you. Wow!
Cupcake Murphy saysMarch 5, 2010 at 10:56 pm
OH MY GOOD GOD LORD. This was the funniest thing I have EVER! Eh. Ver. read. Rachel Ray needs to either drink more tea with honey or buy NON Lee jeans that are 900 sizes too small or just shut the poop up.
Ginger saysMarch 5, 2010 at 11:15 pm
PleasePleasePlease do Kelly Ripa next. A Rip on Ripa. hehe
L saysMarch 5, 2010 at 11:25 pm
I would rather watch RR over Giada any day.
L saysMarch 5, 2010 at 11:30 pm
The best– Ina
The worst– Giada
Someplace in the middle–Rachel
Doug saysMarch 6, 2010 at 12:35 am
Leslie, dear (comment #6): What kind of pervert puts cottage cheese in their pancakes?
So very, very wrong…
michelle saysMarch 6, 2010 at 2:53 am
@Foolery….cracked me up…I’s still laughin’
The Domestic Goddess saysMarch 6, 2010 at 6:55 am
Ew. Just ew.
Maybe she’s pissed because she doesn’t actually know how to cook.
Ms. Tart saysMarch 6, 2010 at 10:03 am
For all you Food Network not-so-much-fans….
Martie saysMarch 6, 2010 at 10:25 am
I have a 9 year old who is IN LOVE with Rachael Ray. Watches all her shows (the 30 min cooking one that is). Rachel was getting on my nerves back when she was nice, perky and mildly entertaining. Her only redeeming quality is that is was soooooo cute to hear a 6 year old say “Momma, we need to get more EVOO and then we can make THIS”.
Junebug saysMarch 6, 2010 at 10:53 am
Oh gosh! I laughed and laughed at this post. Thanks! I had heard that Rachel got a divorce but she still talks about her husband so I don’t know. Maybe that’s what makes her unhappy. That and her up and down weight gain? It seems all the food network chefs have their little sayings that are irritating after hearing them so much. EVOO. Giada says, “Just like that” all the time.
Junebug saysMarch 6, 2010 at 11:05 am
Speaking of Rachel here’s a shot of her bootie:
My husband showed me a photo of her that was obviously photoshopped:
Serg saysMarch 6, 2010 at 2:10 pm
Thank you very much for the Tips with fresh flowers presented on your site! I did as it is written there and the flowers that my beloved presented me are still alive! And besides now I know the meaning of all the flowers! And I am even thinking of becoming a florist myself! Thank you, studioflorist.com!
josh saysMarch 6, 2010 at 3:59 pm
Funny you should post this. I was watching Rachel Ray last week and I too noticed how BLAH she looked throughout the entire episode. She’s totez over cooking and now just wants to become the new Oprah, only white and with a much manlier voice.
Catherine McP saysMarch 6, 2010 at 6:35 pm
I’s too is still laughing at Foolery…At least I forgot about Rachel Ray annoying voice and am thinking about Eddie Murphy as Buckwheat!
Strizz saysMarch 6, 2010 at 11:41 pm
All I can say is posts like this make me think I FLIPPIN LOVE BOSSY!!!!!
Chesapeake Bay Woman saysMarch 7, 2010 at 12:59 am
Thirty Minute Meals are only thirty minutes if you have the ingredients on hand and you know the recipe like the back of your hand, where on hand and back of your hand equals way too many hands in one sentence .
I’ve not seen the show in a while, but based on what Bossy reports, maybe for the time being Rachel Ray should call the show Thirty Minute Ordeals.
jeanne Greenwald saysMarch 7, 2010 at 3:49 am
I don’t even watch Rachel Ray, ever, and I’ve got tears in my eyes from laughing so hard over this recap. Oh Bossy. Fun-ny.
Baby Favorite saysMarch 7, 2010 at 12:40 pm
I’ve noticed the same. I think she is tired, cranky, and burned out.
I totally agree w/the other poster who says you must post on Down Home with the Neelys. Those two make me want to hurl. They CANNOT be real. Also, my husband has wondered aloud how long it takes for Mr. More Manicured Than Most Women Neely to get ready each day.
Jason saysMarch 7, 2010 at 8:20 pm
But people like Grilled Chicken Caesar.
I have never once watched her, she’s never really caught my attention. Until she slathered pesto on her breasts!
carma saysMarch 7, 2010 at 10:14 pm
Gotta agree. Seems like she is running on autopilot lately. Slathering pesto on breasts??? Which Rachael Ray has Jason been watching 😉
Amber saysMarch 8, 2010 at 12:22 am
Rachael Ray’s stuff is normally too complicated for me. I once tried to make a chicken dish of hers and the recipe list was nearly a page long!
DawnA saysMarch 8, 2010 at 3:12 pm
Umm, yeah she kind of gets on my nerves.
meleah rebeccah saysMarch 8, 2010 at 3:16 pm
Meleah thinks Rachel Ray might very well be the devil
Meg saysMarch 8, 2010 at 3:44 pm
The thing about that show is, the food ideas are good but she grates – not only cheese, but also my nerves. She looks rather dour in your pictures. Maybe it’s because she was having a really bad hair day.
chuck saysMarch 8, 2010 at 5:54 pm
Kate@And Then I Was a Mom saysMarch 8, 2010 at 10:52 pm
But wait. The yarn around the salad had to do with her grandfather, right? Every time I see Rachel’s show, the recipe connects to her memories of her grandfather, who has been, in no particular order, Italian, French, Greek, a fisherman, a whimsical novelist, and a culinary whiz of a shipman.
localneighbortodrummondranch saysMarch 9, 2010 at 1:26 am
#38 mia–you are so right! I like that she was on an “interview” with Good morning Tulsa or some local “news” show but in reality she paid $450.00 for her three minute segment> A friend that works there laughed so hard because she said people try and pass this show off as a “news program” and all it is is cheap paid advertisement to propmote their goods in disguise of interest programming. Also if you google her fatherinlaw and brotherinlaw you will find where the local townspeople complain about the way the local sheriffs codle them and let the “drunk driving” and speeding tickets get swept under the carpet. She should “keep it real” and blog about that.
Patricia saysMarch 9, 2010 at 2:03 am
I like well-written, intelligent and yes–sometimes snarky–posts. I also enjoy perusing the comments. I’m rather appalled at this one. Perhaps I’m living in another universe where the people around me try to be thankful for what they have and not take every opportunity to rip others apart in such an unseemly way. Everyone, please put your intelligence and efforts to more worthy endeavors.
Becky saysMarch 9, 2010 at 11:15 am
My thoughts exactly, Patricia!
Allie saysMarch 9, 2010 at 10:50 pm
Oh, the Teamster comment. Hilarious; you had me in tears. I *do* like Rachael Ray and her teamster-ish ways (could be my Michigan upbringing) but, I must admit, I don’t watch TV so I don’t know what the hey is up with her. But I will agree with the commenter about Giada DeLaurentiis: That chick annoys the piss out of me. The end.
AngAk saysMarch 10, 2010 at 7:25 pm
Yes Patricia, well said. some ugly comments here.
Amy saysMarch 14, 2010 at 8:09 pm
I read this post awhile back and recently caught a bit of RR’s show. And you are right, she does seem a tad subdued compared to how she used to be. Like big time..
If I were her and not enjoying doing the show I would pack it in and do the stuff I ENJOY doing! She must have lots of money by now.. Just my 2 cents 🙂
Audrey at Barking Mad saysMarch 16, 2010 at 12:27 pm
RR is *THE* most annoying woman on the planet. I can’t even buy a bottle of Extra Virgin Olive Oil without hearing her in my head, call it, Eee Vee O-O. Oiy!
auntie saysMarch 16, 2010 at 11:35 pm
Rachael Ray and her EVOO (which she says as if it’s so much faster to just say the letters, but then EVERY FREAKING TIME she explains what it means!) make me stabby.
Jim Swarthout saysDecember 16, 2010 at 4:08 pm
The funniest part is reading an angry, bitter blog from someone ranting about another person not being chipper. Get a life.
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