Who remembers Geraldo Rivera and his crazy-arse exposés, like the time he pried open Al Capone’s vault on live TV to find nothing but an old stop sign and a few empty gin bottles?
Well Bossy’s exposé is just like that, except it’s about gas grills. And while it’s true Bossy’s exposé doesn’t feature a vault, perhaps gin can be blamed?
Let’s get started.
The other day Bossy’s husband phoned Bossy and she answered! The end.
So there was Bossy answering her phone, and Bossy’s husband, on the other end, was saying something along the lines of, Our gas grill rusted like a ’67 Chevy and soon it will explode so we need a new one and it costs $700 — black, espresso, or stainless?
This rusted through business made no sense to Bossy since the last time she checked, Bossy’s grill still looked exactly like this:
OK, Bossy admits maybe her grill looked more like this:
Bossy’s point is that only last week the grill was producing grilled shrimp — and suddenly it could only produce grilled grill? So Bossy made her husband prove it, because: $700. First Bossy’s husband showed her the underside of the lid:
Bossy could see the rusted bits, but frankly she was unimpressed. Until Bossy’s husband pointed out that the rusted bits were flaking off into the food:
Still, it seemed unlikely this was happening at the rate Bossy’s husband suggested. At which point Bossy’s husband said, Just look at the burners!
And Bossy did look at the burners, but all she saw was one little burnt section! Until Bossy’s husband pointed out those aren’t the burners, goof, those are the cooking grates! These are the burners:
Even then Bossy was all, How many burners does one man need, can’t one burner be collapsed? And that’s when Bossy’s husband showed her the splintered crossover tube which delivers gas between the burners:
And then Bossy’s husband showed Bossy the corroded igniter:
Yeah, so that sound you hear is the sound of a case being closed.
While Bossy’s husband is off somewhere obsessing over which color grill to purchase and whether that grill should have an additional side burner, Bossy wants you to know that your very own gas grill might be an explosive dressed as an appliance!
So check the underside of your grill’s lid, remove those cooking grates, and check the condition of your burners. The life you save could be Geraldo Rivera‘s.
In other news, congratulations to Runnergirl who won the Kodak pocket video camera playing Bossy’s latest Match Game contest. For those still curious, Wendy broke her fingers goofing around her dorm, Eric broke his shoulder skiing, and Amy broke her wrist at a Huey Lewis concert.
Thanks to everyone for playing along!