Bossy has written before about her habit of jogging most mornings, even if her version of jogging is the athletic equivalent of a paralyzing stutter. Neither Bossy’s jog nor the paralyzing stutter are any good in public.
Bossy is not very sporty and wastes a lot of movement when jogging, expending random energy on things like gasping for the air that is trapped in her collapsing windpipe. So Bossy decided to do some research on jogging to acquire a few tips on becoming more fluid and efficient.
As luck would have it, Bossy zeroed right in on an instructional jogging video on YouTube, where zeroed in equals first she watched a video of Gwen Stefani jogging past the paparazzi and then a video of Gwen and bassist Tony Kanal in a bathroom and then a video of Gwen leaving a rehearsal studio and then it was time for Bossy to celebrate her 80th birthday.
Shall we begin?
The main piece of advice offered on the instructional jogging video is to perform a thorough body scan every time you run, from the top of your head to your feet, to make sure you are keeping good form.
The head must be up with your eyes looking straight ahead. If you don’t follow this form, you will begin to lean forward.
Moving down, make sure the shoulders are back and relaxed and are not hunched, which creates tension.
According to the instructional video, the abdominal region needs to be strong in order to create a solid platform for your legs.
In order to achieve a strong abdominal region you need to switch your core muscles on, and gah why didn’t anyone tell Bossy that region had a switch? That information could have saved Bossy
hours minutes of doing this.
After you have flipped the switch for a strong abdominal region, make sure your hips are up, because if your hips are down you tend to lean forward.
The arms are critical when it comes to generating forward movement. Avoid arms that swing across the body — make sure the arms move back and forth in a straight motion, with the elbows almost brushing against the body, bent at a 90-degree angle.
Speaking of arms, the hands should not be clenched, so Instructional Boyfriend says you should imagine a large crisp, and imagine holding that large crisp, and then, if you’re Bossy, imagine you’re eating that large crisp.
Of course the primary area of concern when jogging are the legs, and to ensure a proper running technique with the legs, the instructor suggests you have a nice hiney. At least that’s what Bossy thought he said until she realized he was saying a nice high knee.
The instructional video also suggests landing on the heel while the toes push off on the opposing foot. According to Instructional Boyfriend, this maneuver powers you forward even though Bossy is pretty sure she’s never powered anywhere in her whole life.
Instructional Boyfriend then runs around a parking lot super fast, where Instructional Boyfriend equals a blur of a glow stick.
Finally, the instructional video offers suggestions on various techniques for running uphill. Those specific tips are as follows: sister mercy who runs uphill?
If you enjoyed this post from last summer, you’ll find more Bossy summer archives here.
kristin @ going country saysJuly 7, 2010 at 8:45 am
I run uphill. Hard not to when you live by a lake and moving anywhere away from said lake means moving uphill. Sucks, yes.
I am not a pretty runner, but since I’m doing it for calorie burning purposes, rather than speed (HAHA–no, no speed), I figure the uglier and less efficient my running, the more calories I’m burning in a minute. Works for me.
NaysWay saysJuly 7, 2010 at 8:54 am
I don’t know why, but I got the distinct impression your Instructional Boyfriend sounds like Hugh Grant.
WebSavvyMom saysJuly 7, 2010 at 8:57 am
–>I told my husband that I ONLY run when it’s Last Call for Alcohol.
Cat saysJuly 7, 2010 at 9:07 am
What do I do if I’m of the no-penis persuasion?
DawnA saysJuly 7, 2010 at 9:42 am
I think I got out of breath just reading this. Treadmill, indoors, a/c is the only way to go. Plus, for me, not as many people are subjected to the torture of watching me run. Of course, I’m always a little afraid of getting a cramp and shooting off the back of the treadmill.
Gramps saysJuly 7, 2010 at 11:02 am
Yeah, you got me. Laughs early in the AM
Mel saysJuly 7, 2010 at 11:05 am
Instructional Boyfriend is heel striking. Bad biomechanical form.
I have to run uphill in either direction from my house. After I run down the hill from the house to the road.
GrandeMocha saysJuly 7, 2010 at 11:11 am
If I had a nice hiney, I wouldn’t need to run. Thanks for the giggle.
Deb saysJuly 7, 2010 at 11:51 am
My shoulders are all hunched and tense just THINKING about jogging.
Plus also, I once saw on the news where a jogger was bitten by a rattlesnake. That’s pretty much all I need to know.
Maria saysJuly 7, 2010 at 1:35 pm
OH, I DO recall this post. It’s still sheer hilarity. But speaking of jogging, bossy, you need to check out the hype around BAREFOOT jogging and Vibrim Five Fingers. I think the name alone intrigues you, does it not??? I have a pair. Highly recommended for bossy!
Red Hamster saysJuly 7, 2010 at 3:11 pm
I loves the hilarious Brit-com instructional videos! Nothing discourages me more from exercising than seeing someone with a perfect body exercising. I do my treadmill walking in private, so no one can see that I sometimes eat crisps while walking on the treadmill.
BossysMom saysJuly 7, 2010 at 3:36 pm
This tickled me no end.
katymcc saysJuly 7, 2010 at 6:07 pm
It’s been 6 weeks since I broke my collarbone – 6 weeks of not running. Can’t wait to be healed so I can run again and use this handy advice. Soon I’ll be flipping my switch and holding my crisps. Thanks Bossy!
Gail K. saysJuly 7, 2010 at 9:02 pm
Ahhh, summer reruns.
I prefer to do my jogging to the fridge and the cubby looking for my lost pint and chips. Heel, toe, heel, toe….
Cupcake Murphy saysJuly 7, 2010 at 9:55 pm
I’m not sure what this means but the ENTIRE time I was reading this I was thinking “no.” Than I poured myself some Proseco.
Amber saysJuly 10, 2010 at 10:03 pm
BTW, ran 2 days ago and today…totally looked straight ahead, by my heinie still won’t let me do High-Knees 🙂
runnergirl saysJuly 12, 2010 at 8:37 pm
as a runner…..LOVE YOU, BOSSY!!!! Love instructional boyfriend comments (didn’t actually watch the vid, got the message from your commentary, which left me more breathless from laughing than any cardiovascular benefits from my own personal “jogging” efforts). My last instructional video viewing by brits was how to do the moonwalk. I can moonwalk better than most 40 somethings my age, just wanted to see the brits break it down for me.