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Oh Quit Whining, Bossy

wine-glass-fire

In approximately one week Bossy will undergo a surgical procedure, and so yesterday she had a pre-operative appointment with her doctor. During her office visit, Bossy was directed to cease several things which could interfere with the surgery or recovery process.

  • Stop smoking. No problem, Bossy doesn’t smoke!
  • Discontinue all homeopathic herbs. No problem, Bossy doesn’t smoke homeopathic herbs!
  • Stop taking the baby aspirin you take once a day because you are old as a grandmother. Will do. Check.
  • No alcohol especially red wine. Um, yeah, sure, no problem, problem, uh.

As it turns out, red wine is a natural blood thinner, where natural equals people step on fermented grapes and throw them in a bottle with sulfites.

So for the next two-hundred-and-sixteen hours, Bossy can’t drink her red wine. This is no problem, really, since there are so many other things Bossy can do with her time.

For example, Bossy can breathe lots of air. Bossy can also go to bed early, for instance at half past nine in the morning.

Or perhaps Bossy can sit around and contemplate the other counterintuitive things she learned about the mechanics of a body — for instance did you know that many things like garlic boost the immune system, but that one doesn’t always want a boosted immune system before undergoing an operation, because an overambitious immune system leads to more inflammation.

immune-system-inflammation

Oh, look at that, it’s taken Bossy fifteen minutes to write this post! That means she only has two-hundred-and-fifteen hours and forty-five minutes left to kill!

Reader Interactions

Comments

  4. I’ll be thinking of you, Bossy. I, and the rest of your council, wish you success and a speedy recovery … And red wine soon enough! (umm … Is white off limits, too?).

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  5. maybe Bossy should get a second-third-kazillionth opinion?

    I’m pretty sure that “red wine is a blood thinner” is just a white wine propagated myth.

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  10. Oh Bossy! I feel your pain as I have been there myself. Hope the surgery goes well. P.S. Jigsaw puzzles are the best cure for killing time.

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  15. Bossy just thought me something. I’m a third year nursing student, I had no idea that a crappy immune system was more desirable before surgery. Thanks for that!

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  18. Since we’re all drinking a little extra red (to take up your slack) while thinking about you, I’m sure you’ll get a little buzz by psychic osmosis – or something. And I have found that naps help to pass the time.

    Good luck with the surgery!

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  19. Bossy, this will be over quickly. I hope you aren’t getting a trout pout or anything! Sorry, that wasn’t funny. I disagree with # 10 Lori- jigsaw puzzles make me want to drink ALOT! Sending good thoughts your way.

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  20. have a Guinness.
    XX
    Seriously, best advice ever, ever. Drink an absolute ton of water in the week ahead. It’ll get you through the anaesthesia jetlag really easily.
    Also you’ll be well hydrated for the ensuing red wine SESSION!!!!!!!!!

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  22. Best wishes for smooth surgery and a speedy Bossy recovery. Let yourself be pampered.

    The red wine will be there waiting for you, smiling.

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  25. ugh the injustice of having medical procedures in the calendar year for insurance deductibles. Ugh. Hope it all goes swimmingly and you’re back to “Your office on the web” soon!
    Ruth

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  26. Hope all goes well with Bossy’s procedure. I heard somewhere long ago, that drinking gin out of the cat bowl works wonders for passing the time. Sending healing thoughts from all of us here at Camp Cactus.

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  30. Get in the holiday spirit or spirits and have a Hot Buttered Rum or a Tom & Jerry, perhaps some Wassail. Whatever that is!

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  31. I believe fried food narrows your blood vessels… Although that might not exactly counteract the red-wine-blood-thinning, I would think it woud slow things down – and it would mean you could eat something like apple fritters while drinking your red wine. ALL ROUND WIN!

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  33. You’ll just have to drink twice as much AS SOON AS YOU ARE ABLE.

    Am thinking warm and healing thoughts in your general direction, and hoping all goes well.

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  36. Can Bossy have a Manhattan? Wishing you a successful procedure, a speedy recovery, and that you didn’t need to have the procedure in the first place!

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  37. Does this “surgical procedure” mean that there will be a longer-than-usual pause between posts?

    It IS all about me, you know.

    Seriously: I hope all goes well.

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  38. Hmmm . . . seems to me that I remember my Dad telling me that when he was on a ship during the war they had to remove his tonsils and, having no anaesthetic, they would give the patient several generous slugs of whiskey beforehand. Could Bossy suggest that sort of more natural procedure?

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  39. Oh no! Is this for your sexy legs again? Maybe just try putting some 2010 vintage OceanSpray Cran-Grape in a wine glass and pretend 🙂 And dream of those amazing post-surgical socks (Unless you can now substitute jeggings for them??)

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  40. Bossy…
    save all the red wine, switch to Tequiza (gag) and when you get home from surgery with your percocet 5/325’s have yourself a tupperware no shatter tumbler of red wine and a pain pill…
    it will all seem so far away then
    🙂
    love your blog
    v8

    Reply

  42. Hi BossyWino,
    Can you resume red wine as soon as you wake up? Maybe they can start a drip?
    I will also have some wine for you while you can’t – speedy recovery!!
    Julie

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  44. I’m typing very quietly because I know you’re napping . . . if my calculations are correct, and they never are, this should be the last day of *@$#!! doctor-induced tee-totalerhood. You’ve pretty much made it. Only one more day and you’re back to your beloved baby aspirins.

    All my best!

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  46. This EXACT same thing happened to me, but instead of “surgical procedure” substitute the words “got pregnant” and instead of “216 hours” substitute “9 longest months of hell” and instead of “red wine” substitute “white wine” (now there? I’m not talking about me anymore. I’m making a suggestion for you: subsitute white).
    http://mothersofbrothersblog.blogspot.com
    MOV
    (Bossy–I think you are my long-lost twin. Are you Virgo?)

    Reply

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