In approximately one week Bossy will undergo a surgical procedure, and so yesterday she had a pre-operative appointment with her doctor. During her office visit, Bossy was directed to cease several things which could interfere with the surgery or recovery process.
- Stop smoking. No problem, Bossy doesn’t smoke!
- Discontinue all homeopathic herbs. No problem, Bossy doesn’t smoke homeopathic herbs!
- Stop taking the baby aspirin you take once a day because you are old as a grandmother. Will do. Check.
- No alcohol especially red wine. Um, yeah, sure, no problem, problem, uh.
As it turns out, red wine is a natural blood thinner, where natural equals people step on fermented grapes and throw them in a bottle with sulfites.
So for the next two-hundred-and-sixteen hours, Bossy can’t drink her red wine. This is no problem, really, since there are so many other things Bossy can do with her time.
For example, Bossy can breathe lots of air. Bossy can also go to bed early, for instance at half past nine in the morning.
Or perhaps Bossy can sit around and contemplate the other counterintuitive things she learned about the mechanics of a body — for instance did you know that many things like garlic boost the immune system, but that one doesn’t always want a boosted immune system before undergoing an operation, because an overambitious immune system leads to more inflammation.
Oh, look at that, it’s taken Bossy fifteen minutes to write this post! That means she only has two-hundred-and-fifteen hours and forty-five minutes left to kill!
Muskrat saysDecember 8, 2010 at 10:45 am
Hope the procedure goes well, Bossy!
Bossy without red wine is a lot like Ron Jeremy with no balls.
Thatgirl saysDecember 8, 2010 at 10:46 am
I will drink for you Bossy. Probably a Cabernet. Because I care.
The Domestic Goddess saysDecember 8, 2010 at 10:48 am
I don’t like red wine so I’m going to abstain with you because I”m nice like that.
Claire in AZ saysDecember 8, 2010 at 10:49 am
I’ll be thinking of you, Bossy. I, and the rest of your council, wish you success and a speedy recovery … And red wine soon enough! (umm … Is white off limits, too?).
Marinka saysDecember 8, 2010 at 10:51 am
maybe Bossy should get a second-third-kazillionth opinion?
I’m pretty sure that “red wine is a blood thinner” is just a white wine propagated myth.
LOD saysDecember 8, 2010 at 10:57 am
Jesus. I never knew our immune systems comprised so many Trix balls.
GrandeMocha saysDecember 8, 2010 at 11:01 am
Feel better soon! How long after the procedure can you drink?
magpie saysDecember 8, 2010 at 11:05 am
This must be why Marinka & I had that third glass of wine last night. It was for you.
Corey James saysDecember 8, 2010 at 11:13 am
Oh, I think you will need plenty of red wine AFTER the surgery. (Along with a bazillion drugs for the pain.)
Lori saysDecember 8, 2010 at 11:25 am
Oh Bossy! I feel your pain as I have been there myself. Hope the surgery goes well. P.S. Jigsaw puzzles are the best cure for killing time.
Louise saysDecember 8, 2010 at 11:34 am
Might I suggest substituting red wine with caffeinated beverages? You’d be amazed how much you can accomplish while on a cappuccino binge.
Heide saysDecember 8, 2010 at 11:52 am
Hope it goes very well. And fast.
Scottsdale Girl saysDecember 8, 2010 at 11:54 am
Do you also have to FAST for an entire day while taking OTC things like DULCOLAX? No? Just me then?
pvz saysDecember 8, 2010 at 11:55 am
I don’t see anything about cutting out small glasses of whiskey…. Good luck!
Sandra saysDecember 8, 2010 at 12:59 pm
Bossy just thought me something. I’m a third year nursing student, I had no idea that a crappy immune system was more desirable before surgery. Thanks for that!
Judy saysDecember 8, 2010 at 1:00 pm
Wow, Bossy, this has been a rough year for you. Good thoughts to you and you’ll feel better in no time!
joeinvegas saysDecember 8, 2010 at 1:38 pm
Good luck. I’ll join Marinka and open an extra bottle (or two) in your name.
Jami saysDecember 8, 2010 at 1:40 pm
Since we’re all drinking a little extra red (to take up your slack) while thinking about you, I’m sure you’ll get a little buzz by psychic osmosis – or something. And I have found that naps help to pass the time.
Good luck with the surgery!
kathleen saysDecember 8, 2010 at 2:12 pm
Bossy, this will be over quickly. I hope you aren’t getting a trout pout or anything! Sorry, that wasn’t funny. I disagree with # 10 Lori- jigsaw puzzles make me want to drink ALOT! Sending good thoughts your way.
km saysDecember 8, 2010 at 2:17 pm
have a Guinness.
Seriously, best advice ever, ever. Drink an absolute ton of water in the week ahead. It’ll get you through the anaesthesia jetlag really easily.
Also you’ll be well hydrated for the ensuing red wine SESSION!!!!!!!!!
meg duerksen saysDecember 8, 2010 at 2:28 pm
YOU CAN DO IT!!
i know you can…..but it sounds really hard.
KathyB saysDecember 8, 2010 at 2:29 pm
Best wishes for smooth surgery and a speedy Bossy recovery. Let yourself be pampered.
The red wine will be there waiting for you, smiling.
BossysMom saysDecember 8, 2010 at 2:49 pm
Oh good. Maybe now I can lift up and carry the recylcled can. Way too heavy with Bossy bottles.
Half Assed Kitchen saysDecember 8, 2010 at 2:56 pm
I’m very sorry, Bossy. And now, of course, I’m wondering what sort of surgical procedure you’re having.
ruth saysDecember 8, 2010 at 3:18 pm
ugh the injustice of having medical procedures in the calendar year for insurance deductibles. Ugh. Hope it all goes swimmingly and you’re back to “Your office on the web” soon!
Cactus Petunia saysDecember 8, 2010 at 3:49 pm
Hope all goes well with Bossy’s procedure. I heard somewhere long ago, that drinking gin out of the cat bowl works wonders for passing the time. Sending healing thoughts from all of us here at Camp Cactus.
LegalMist saysDecember 8, 2010 at 4:14 pm
I’ll join the others in drinking a special glass of red whine… I mean, *wine*, on your behalf!
Hang in there!
karla porter saysDecember 8, 2010 at 4:32 pm
do itty-bitty sips count?
Franca Bollo saysDecember 8, 2010 at 4:48 pm
Isn’t there a blood thickener you can take to counteract the blood thinning caused by red wine? Maybe try eating a lot of corn starch?
Birdbrain saysDecember 8, 2010 at 4:57 pm
Get in the holiday spirit or spirits and have a Hot Buttered Rum or a Tom & Jerry, perhaps some Wassail. Whatever that is!
Kirsty saysDecember 8, 2010 at 5:18 pm
I believe fried food narrows your blood vessels… Although that might not exactly counteract the red-wine-blood-thinning, I would think it woud slow things down – and it would mean you could eat something like apple fritters while drinking your red wine. ALL ROUND WIN!
Jenn @ Juggling LIfe saysDecember 8, 2010 at 5:23 pm
Hopefully the recovery period will allow for lots of red wine consumption–something to look forward to too, perhaps?
I hope it all goes smoothly.
Caroline saysDecember 8, 2010 at 7:17 pm
You’ll just have to drink twice as much AS SOON AS YOU ARE ABLE.
Am thinking warm and healing thoughts in your general direction, and hoping all goes well.
rory saysDecember 8, 2010 at 11:10 pm
Drink vodka instead?
Jacquie saysDecember 9, 2010 at 12:27 am
You okay, buddy?
Just think how smart you’re about to get. Plus.. painkillers! Yay!
CS saysDecember 9, 2010 at 2:20 am
Can Bossy have a Manhattan? Wishing you a successful procedure, a speedy recovery, and that you didn’t need to have the procedure in the first place!
Doug saysDecember 9, 2010 at 7:33 am
Does this “surgical procedure” mean that there will be a longer-than-usual pause between posts?
It IS all about me, you know.
Seriously: I hope all goes well.
Olivia saysDecember 9, 2010 at 9:00 am
Hmmm . . . seems to me that I remember my Dad telling me that when he was on a ship during the war they had to remove his tonsils and, having no anaesthetic, they would give the patient several generous slugs of whiskey beforehand. Could Bossy suggest that sort of more natural procedure?
justjuli saysDecember 9, 2010 at 11:38 am
Oh no! Is this for your sexy legs again? Maybe just try putting some 2010 vintage OceanSpray Cran-Grape in a wine glass and pretend 🙂 And dream of those amazing post-surgical socks (Unless you can now substitute jeggings for them??)
v8grrl saysDecember 9, 2010 at 3:29 pm
save all the red wine, switch to Tequiza (gag) and when you get home from surgery with your percocet 5/325’s have yourself a tupperware no shatter tumbler of red wine and a pain pill…
it will all seem so far away then
love your blog
tracy saysDecember 9, 2010 at 4:19 pm
I am so so sorry and will drink an extra bottle for you everyday.
Julie saysDecember 9, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Can you resume red wine as soon as you wake up? Maybe they can start a drip?
I will also have some wine for you while you can’t – speedy recovery!!
Biddy saysDecember 9, 2010 at 6:46 pm
NYC and no booze? that ain’t right…
foolery saysDecember 14, 2010 at 2:54 pm
I’m typing very quietly because I know you’re napping . . . if my calculations are correct, and they never are, this should be the last day of *@$#!! doctor-induced tee-totalerhood. You’ve pretty much made it. Only one more day and you’re back to your beloved baby aspirins.
All my best!
runnergirl saysDecember 14, 2010 at 8:58 pm
Good luck with the procedure, Bossy!!! I’ll be thinking (or drinking) of you!!!!
MOV saysDecember 15, 2010 at 12:43 am
This EXACT same thing happened to me, but instead of “surgical procedure” substitute the words “got pregnant” and instead of “216 hours” substitute “9 longest months of hell” and instead of “red wine” substitute “white wine” (now there? I’m not talking about me anymore. I’m making a suggestion for you: subsitute white).
(Bossy–I think you are my long-lost twin. Are you Virgo?)
Sparx saysDecember 27, 2010 at 8:59 pm
I hope the procedure went well, Boss!