Known for its ancient civilization that gave us timeless relics such as the Pyramids, the Great Sphinx, the Abu Simbel Temples, and the Bangles’ Walk Like An Egyptian, Egypt is an arid transcontinental country spanning North Africa and Southwest Asia.
Egypt is one of the most populated countries in the Middle East, but because of the whole warm and dry thing, 99% of the population crowds along the Nile River, utilizing only 5% of the total land mass.
It may thrill you to learn Egypt has been traced back to the beginning of the Mesolithic and Epipaleolithic period, as well as the first part of the Holocene epoch!
Good old pharaoh King Menes was the first to unite the two distinct Egyptian settlements, known as Upper and Lower Egypt, into one kingdom in 3100 BC.
And King Menes ushered in a series of dynasties that ruled Egypt over the next three millennia.
And speaking of Pharaohs, Egypt was involved with that whole keeping the Jews as slaves thing. According to the story of Passover, the Jews escaped slavery in Egypt after God inflicted the nation with ten plagues.
Egypt then entered the Hellenistic period, which means it became Greek-influenced. There were many civil rebellions during this period due to unwanted regimes.
One of the most famous rulers from this era was Cleopatra, who ended this period of Ptolemaic rulers when she committed suicide with her lover.
Then Egypt entered the Byzantine era, where Byzantine equals the Romans y’all. The Romans governed the Egyptian province that flourished due to the Nile Valley’s rich harvests and the advanced craftsmanship producing glass and other luxury items — but culturally Egypt remains very Greek, and Christianity is rife.
Then in the year 639, Muslim Arabs conquered Egypt.
And these Muslim Arabs brought an orthodox version of their religion to Egypt, known as Sunni Islam. Over the next six centuries, The Islamic government nominated their Egyptian Muslim rulers.
Then Egypt fell on hard times. First because the country was invaded by the Ottoman Empire, where Ottoman equals the Turkish y’all. And then because Egypt was hit by a plague that killed nearly half the population.
And then all kinds of hell broke lose, as the French came into power and then fell, followed by anarchical conditions while various factions vied for power.
Ultimately an Albanian tax collector named Muhammad Ali became Egypt’s leader and established a dynasty that ruled until the 1950s, kicking off the period known as Modern Egypt.
And then, from the 1950s on, Egypt became an Egyptian Republic with an actual President — but in the 1960s the troubled country declared Emergency Law, a condition under which Egypt has operated ever since.
Speaking of Egypt — and sister mercy, Bossy has been writing this eye crossing tutorial for two days and there’s no end in sight when Bossy can cease speaking of Egypt — the Egyptians and the French entered into an agreement to dig out the waterway which would connect Europe and Asia without the need to travel all the way around Africa. This became known as the Suez Canal.
But then England and the United States began to worry over Egypt’s burgeoning relationship with both Russia and China, and so the U.S. and England withdrew their funding of a dam project, which led Egypt to declare that the Suez Canal was all their own — and before you could count to This is so Middle School, England and France and Israel invaded Egypt in what would become known as the Suez Crisis.
And then ten years later there was this thing called the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel and other neighbors, which basically confirmed Israel’s prominence as the area’s military power.
Then Anwar el-Sadat becomes President of Egypt and he does some warring with Israel until eventually becoming pals with Israel’s Menachem Begin and the two sign a peace treaty at Camp David in the 1970s.
The assassinated Anwar el-Sadat is succeeded by his Vice-President — and just guess who that is? It’s Hosni Mubarak.
For thirty years Mubarak follows Sadat’s diplomatic footsteps, although Mubarak’s primary goal is Egypt’s development and growth. The Muslim fundamentalist aren’t crazy about Mubarak either, and as a result, during the 1990s terrorism became more of a concern in Egypt, which staggers tourism, which threatened Egypt’s economy, which led to some martial law stuff and the squashing of human rights, which angered Egypt’s citizenry.
Mubarak’s largest organized fundamentalist opposition is the Muslim Brotherhood, which, although fragmented in their concerns, has largely become a mainstream movement comprised of all different types of people.
The main grievances against President Mubarak are the various forms of human rights brutality and corruption surrounding the current regime, including the inability to vote someone else into office when Mubarak himself set the guidelines for who can run against him.
The latest round of very effectual citizen protests came on the heels of the Tunisian protests. Despite the fact it is a political overthrow, some reports of Egypt’s protests have underlined the peaceful nature of the uprising.
The problem, of course, is that the crowd isn’t unified under one concern, and there have been factions, looters, and other aggressors that have resulted in attempts to quell these situations. Egypt’s police force has been replaced by military troops.
Recently Mubarak dissolved his government and is trying to buy time until September’s election so he can be involved with the country’s transition to a new regime. Barack O’Boyfriend agrees that a slow and careful transition is in order — Obama believes Mubarak’s Vice President should transition the country into September’s election — but since Mubarak always considered the United States an ally, Egypt’s citizenry doesn’t currently hold the U.S. opinion in such high esteem.
It’s always threatening when a powerful country becomes unstable — especially considering Egypt’s tenuous relationship with its Middle East neighbors — but Mubarak’s opposition is for the most part rallying behind the law scholar, diplomat, and Nobel Peace Prize winner Mohamed ElBaradei, as someone who can lead negotiations toward a new government.
The next few days and weeks should reveal a lot. Unless, wait, Bossy has been writing this post for so long, is it still the year 2011?
Robin says
February 4, 2011 at 12:00 pmBossy, this is amazing. And hard. Thank you for this Egyptian Tutorial. Will you put Anderson Cooper in part 2? Please?
WebSavvyMom says
February 4, 2011 at 12:06 pm–>If you do a part 2 about Anderson Cooper, can you mention that Gloria Vanderbilt is his mother please?
Oh crap, I guess I just did.
Teri says
February 4, 2011 at 12:10 pmthis post must have been interesting because I read the whole thing. I say we put the Hooters in charge. Then it can be one big party and everyone will forget about the politics.
David says
February 4, 2011 at 12:28 pmBut where does the Sphinx fit in and what about the 40 thieves?
Kirsty says
February 4, 2011 at 12:39 pmFirst, this was great and I learned a lot (more than I knew before, anyway), though I actually remember when Sadat was assassinated, which shows how OLD I am (though I’m definitely younger than the Sphinx).
Just one little detail – it wasn’t ENGLAND and anyone who did anything, it was GREAT BRITAIN, or just BRITAIN, or even just THE UK… I know that’s a lot of names for what is a very small country, but really, it’s not that complicated (England isn’t an “official” name, it’s just a component part of a whole): Great Britain is England + Scotland + Wales, the UK = Great Britain + Northern Ireland. I know this must sound pedantic, but it really bugs me (I live in France and even though we’re neighbours they can’t get it either).
Sorry for being such a geek – this tutorial really is great!
Stephanie says
February 4, 2011 at 12:48 pmSadly, this post puts into perspective what is going on in Egypt better than any news outlet has been able to do so far. Bravo Bossy!
feefifoto says
February 4, 2011 at 12:53 pmWhoa, Bossy! This was the Mother of All Tutorials!
bossy's friend, martha says
February 4, 2011 at 12:57 pmThanks, Bossy. Now I can continue to not watch the news.
corrie says
February 4, 2011 at 1:07 pmThank you Bossy! Amazing how you can hold someone’s attention through alot of boring stuff and make it fun &interesting too! If you can count politicial strife, slavery, assassignations and polictical unrest fun! As with Martha, I too, will continue to not watch the news. But at least now I do know what’s going on.
Suzanne says
February 4, 2011 at 1:13 pmWow. I wish you had been my history teacher, but that would have been weird,because I am pretty sure you would have been younger than your students.
Meg at the Members Lounge says
February 4, 2011 at 1:20 pmI love how you wove in a Real Housewife as part of history. That makes it SOOO much fun! Now go rest, you must be exhausted.
Scottsdale Girl says
February 4, 2011 at 1:30 pmThis Egypt thing has me up at nights…honestly. Thank you for the tutorial, I would have set my computer on fire halfway through, you rock!
KathyB says
February 4, 2011 at 1:36 pmAnd not one tiny mention of BFE. Or maybe that was a local vulgarism. Excellent tutorial, Bossy. Much hard work on your part.
I’ve been peeking through my fingers at news reports, worried about local kidney doc until saw him back here safely and interviewed in the paper.
Sarah says
February 4, 2011 at 1:44 pmYou wouldn’t believe how much I just learned.
I’m thinking that this should be the first in a series of tutorials. Working title: Teaching Sarah Stuff She Doesn’t Know, Not Least Because She’s Currently Only Up To 16th October 2010 In Her Backlog Of “The Week” Magazines.
Krystyn says
February 4, 2011 at 2:12 pmI say we get James Purfoy, who played Marc Antony in the series ROME, to run Egypt. And I can be his Cleopatra. And we can rollerskate together to this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjFs9CPGhts
Liz says
February 4, 2011 at 6:23 pmThis is fantastic! it is information yet witty and held my attention the entire time (something Anderson Cooper has not been able to, even with his ‘secret broadcasts’) thank you so much!
joeinvegas says
February 4, 2011 at 2:39 pmThanks for another history lesson Bossy. Good stuff.
GrandeMocha says
February 4, 2011 at 2:45 pmThat was impressive!
Little Miss Sunshine State says
February 4, 2011 at 2:48 pmI’m thinking J-Lo looks a teeny bit like Cleopatra.
They need to find Bossy a gig at the Rachel Maddow Show.
Piper says
February 4, 2011 at 2:49 pmI love you, Bossy. But not in a funny stalking way. I wish you had thrown a magic lantern and a genie in there. But what the hell do I know? Pathetic. That’s probably a different country altogether.
km says
February 4, 2011 at 3:07 pma new column. Bossy explains Current Affairs in ways her Council can understand (some even without coffee!!!)
dgm says
February 4, 2011 at 3:27 pmI’m still waiting for the part where King Tut was born in Arizona, moved to Babylonia.
Gramps says
February 4, 2011 at 3:31 pmHoly Moses—now I know!!!!!!!
Actually I have been engrossed in all of this. Last night I went to bed wondering about how today) Friday) would play out. Would it be bloody, would it be fine, “Here’s what my Mother said. Que sera—-” No wrong thing.
Anyway, as I write this things are calm in the square—and I am happy. Let Egypt disappear from the news and melt into a happy place.
Annie McGreggor says
February 4, 2011 at 3:47 pmMy dear Bossy, you have been elevated to Hero(ine) Of The Highest Order Status with today’s Egypt Tutorial blog-post. Incredible! If I had waited just one more day after surfing the Net for hours & hours past two weeks, trying to get a handle on what is threatening to swamp a country so critical to the world if only for its link back into the prehistory of man, I could have gotten up to speed in 10 minutes, instead of dozens of hours!!! You are The Best. I know this wasn’t nearly as easy-breezy as you try to make it appear. I’m sending the link to your site to EVERY person in my Address Book today with plea that they read this entry. Major good on ya’, Bossy. Job well done. I totally second that you should get a spot on Rachel Maddow; I’m sending her an e.mail to suggest same.
the mrs says
February 4, 2011 at 4:16 pmHas bossy considered a career with NBC? Now that the kid who posted the “what’s the internet” video got fired, there may be an opening.
Also, kudos on appearing above the actual definition for bossy when I did my Google search for “bossy.”
Cha Cha says
February 4, 2011 at 4:41 pmI think of The Hooters whenever I think about Egypt.
I’m not proud of this. They’re just a totally underrated band.
Bush Babe (of Granite Glen) says
February 4, 2011 at 5:32 pmBossy’s History of Egypt 101 was most excellent.
I think you should expect a call from the American equivalent of the Education Department any day now. Offering you a job. If not, I think you should come and homeschool my kids for me.
🙂
BB
Dara says
February 4, 2011 at 5:37 pmMother of God, that was some tutorial! Thanks for the info, now I can go back to not watching the news like bossy’s friend Martha.
Angela@beggingtheanswer says
February 4, 2011 at 6:14 pmGood gracious, that was quite the tutorial! I think this earns Bossy a degree in Egyptian Studies. And a degree in Awesome.
Janet says
February 4, 2011 at 8:21 pmThanks! Now I totally get it!
Cupcake Murphy says
February 4, 2011 at 8:43 pmElbaradai is Al Roker in disguise.
Gail K says
February 4, 2011 at 9:15 pmthanks Bossy! Now I understand what the Holy Sphinx is going on!
Hey! In case you are in the neighborhood, as soon as I kick out the 8 and 9 year old girls that are currently invading my house, you have a place to stay and it just so happens that Cleo (as in “patra”) is in the neighborhood too! She brought her whole travelling caravan to the museum so we could stop by for a cup of wine with the little minx – if you are so inclined.
chook says
February 4, 2011 at 9:20 pmawesome, bossy. thank you for compacting all that annoying history and time stuff into one, easy-to-digest post.
Pamela says
February 4, 2011 at 10:30 pmI feel so much smarter already.
Beth says
February 4, 2011 at 10:32 pmExcept for the part you forgot, that Mubarak loosed violent thugs on a peaceful crowd, not bad. “Factions, looters, and other aggressors that have resulted in attempts to quell these situations” is straight off of Fox news. I’ll take Rachel Maddow’s analysis instead, thanks.
rory says
February 4, 2011 at 11:14 pmHoly crap.
I’m exhausted and I’m not sure why.
Jenn @ Juggling LIfe says
February 4, 2011 at 11:26 pmBossy is a genius.
Also, Bossy should check out the memoir, “Infidel,” by Ayaan Hirsi Ali if she wants to hear more about the Muslim Brotherhood.
BossysMom says
February 4, 2011 at 11:31 pmbrilliant…end of story.
Cactus Petunia says
February 5, 2011 at 2:10 amFantastic tutorial. I do believe Bossy has a shot at becoming a reporter for The Daily Show.
Olivia says
February 5, 2011 at 11:45 amWhew, Bossy.
Actually, Olivia finds history and politics very boring but she LOVES words and Bossy intro’d her to a new one, “effectual.” At first Olivia thought that Bossy made that one up, too, but she checked “Dictionary” and whoa . . . it IS a real word.
Olivia will have to find a way to work that word into casual conversation while avoiding the whole Egypt thing because she’ll never remember and she’ll probably blather on about Pharaoh Marc Antony and Cleopatra shooting the rabble rousers while Jimmy Carter looks on or something.
kathleen says
February 5, 2011 at 5:54 pmCould Bossy do a weekly news wrap up? You would be the female David Frost! Only easier to understand! With better pictures.
Mr Farty says
February 5, 2011 at 6:45 pmBossy has been doing her homework so we don’t have to. Keep up the good work.
MommyTime says
February 5, 2011 at 7:33 pmFun Fact: Upper and Lower Egypt are counter-intuitively located like this: Upper Egypt is in the South and Lower Egypt is in the North, because the “Upper” refers to the upper part of the Nile River and the “Lower” refers to the lower part of the Nile River, and since that river runs South to North, downstream = North.
foolery says
February 5, 2011 at 10:56 pmI was going to say I like the camel, but that felt very juvenile.
High fives for a HIGHLY entertaining history wrap-up.
Darcie says
February 5, 2011 at 11:21 pmBossy, you make news and history and pretty much everything sound so much more interesting.
JaneK says
February 6, 2011 at 10:34 pmI am duly impressed…..and now informed 🙂
Liz in Virginia says
February 7, 2011 at 3:16 amWait. Did you say “King Menses?” How awesome would that be?
Wendy says
February 7, 2011 at 2:56 pmHaving spent at ton of time in Cairo- I now better understand some of the crazy proverbs Egyptians used when talking politics. 2 favorites: Dress up a stick and it’ll be a beautiful wife. (Don’t be fooled by appearances; look deeper) and He who couldn’t overcome the donkey took on the saddle. (said of “people” who don’t face their match and pick on the weak instead).
.
Suburban Kamikaze says
February 7, 2011 at 3:53 pmFinally. I’ve been waiting all week for the New York Times to do this story…
SK
Aimee says
February 7, 2011 at 6:21 pmI know how Bossy’s children got so smart! Oh and thanks for the pictures because that was hard!
Babybloomr says
February 7, 2011 at 10:16 pmI just love you.
Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy says
February 8, 2011 at 1:32 pmIf only the news had explained it so well!
PS- Happy Birthday!
Steam Me Up, Kid says
February 8, 2011 at 1:37 pmDramatic standing slow clap for you, woman. Wow.
ThePeachy1 says
February 8, 2011 at 2:11 pmAwesome! I hate when I work endless hours on a post with graphics to help explain stuff and then I am so exhausted I can’t lift a butterscotch to my mouth. Of course yours is real mine is usually about myan budget cuts or lady gaga. WTG I feel enlightened.
Reeb says
February 8, 2011 at 3:17 pmBossy’s Son is pretty smart, huh, advising you to not go into Egypt tutorial land. It just kept going and going and going (I”ll bet you thought) rather like, oh, a dynasty that lasts for three millenia. But you did it. Congrats.
My eyes didn’t glaze over til the final three paragraphs of text so that’s pretty darned good for the known history of humankind.
Reeb says
February 8, 2011 at 3:18 pmmy favorite part was the Village People photo. I don’t know anyone else who could have wedged that into Egypt 101.
Bains says
February 10, 2011 at 9:00 pmAwesome synopsification, Bossy! Reminded of things I’d forgotten. Thanks!
Laura says
February 17, 2011 at 9:32 pmThat was just amazing. Really, really amazing. Thank you.
zidia says
March 14, 2013 at 8:45 pmI never saw this in 2011 when it was written—I commend you highly for a most brilliant historical presentation and summary of a complicated and elusive era.
Thanks for your brilliance!!!