Only a few hours remain until tonight’s Academy Awards festivities, unless you live on the West Coast in which case you have a few hours longer to wait, or no, you watch at the same time but earlier, and what was Bossy saying?
Right! Time to review this year’s nominees for Best Picture! Which Bossy is uniquely qualified to do, having not seen the movies. Shall we?
First up is Inception. In this movie, which stars Leonardo DiCaprio, everyone stands on the glassy side of buildings. Except the women. They hang upside down.
Next up is The Social Network, which is yiddish for The Facebook Movie. In this movie, Facebook is invented. Oops! Bossy gave away the ending.
In this movie, Natalie Portman applies drastic makeup in order to become
The King’s Speech is about a King and a Queen so it will win. And the Best Special Effects award goes to Helena Bonham Carter for appearing matronly.
And now for the next nominee for Best Picture:
127 Hours is the story of a guy who sister mercy Bossy cannot even talk about it without breaking into a cold sweat.
This movie is about a woman who doesn’t mind other guys dancing with his girl — it’s fine because she knows them all pretty well. And she knows sometimes she must get out in the light, and leave her behind with the kids, because the kids are alright.
And for our next nominee:
The Fighter is about… who cares? Because, lordy, Marky Mark without a shirt.
And then there’s True Winter’s Toy Bone Grit Story 3. Meh.