Who remembers the bedtime story of Bossy’s Boyfriend jeans, hold the boyfriend?
For those of you who never heard the story, and for those of you who hate to follow links to other posts, like the one above, Bossy will tell you exactly what happened. Here’s what happened: follow this link.
It all began while Bossy was on her 2010 (No) Book Tour — specifically on the day Bossy was staying with her friend Wendy in Arizona –- because on that particular day, Bossy and her friend Wendy decided to go shopping, where shopping equals drink.
But after Bossy and her friend Wendy were properly lubricated, they fell into an adjacent shopping center, where Bossy and Wendy tried on the same pair of Boyfriend jeans. Well, they weren’t the very same pair of Boyfriend jeans, because that would have been something of a circus trick. But they were the same style of pant. Pants. Pant.
When Bossy’s friend Wendy emerged from the dressing room with her rejected Boyfriend jeans under her arm, Wendy said, “They fit weird.” That’s when Bossy said, “Mine fit weird too, but I like how they look all baggy in the front like they’re not my size.”
This would be considered Mistake Number One.
Because not only did those boyfriend jeans fit baggy in the front, they fit baggy in the rear. Baggy in the front is Madonna in the Papa Don’t Preach video. Baggy in the rear is the sound technician running cables on the shoot of the Papa Don’t Preach video.
Are we all clear on the difference?
Which is why Bossy posted photos of her Boyfriend jeans, and asked her esteemed council if she should return them. The answer was a resounding yes.
And so Bossy did what any responsible blogger would do who agreed with her readers. Bossy took those jeans, she threw them back in their shopping bag, she nestled the receipt next to those jeans, and then she promptly forgot about them.
This would be considered Mistake Number Two.
Bossy forgot about those jeans — until yesterday, that is, when Bossy collected that shopping bag containing those pants and that receipt and she scurried to her local mall to, finally, make the return.
That’s when the nice salesgirl informed Bossy the store has a two-month return policy, and — imagine the nerve — it has been two months since the purchase!
But luckily, the nice salesgirl informed Bossy it wasn’t too late to exchange the jeans for store credit!
Which is precisely when the nice salesgirl informed Bossy she’d only be able to credit the jeans for the lowest clearance price on the item.
As Bossy stood at the counter imagining all the different ways she would spend her store credit, eyeing up the flirty summer blouses and the dapper sailor shorts, the nice salesgirl cheerfully entered the Boyfriend jeans’ serial number into the register and announced exactly how much store credit Bossy would have:
And so Bossy tucked those jeans back into their shopping bag and took them home to live among the other items in Bossy’s closet which, when worn, turn Bossy instantly into a teamster.
Bossy can sum up her experience with her Boyfriend jeans store return that never happened in this way: Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid. Also dumb.
Which is what today’s Ten-Word Challenge is all about. In exactly ten words, can you tell Bossy about something you should return, but for whatever reason, don’t?
And be sure to check back later today for the least returned items on the web.
Lynda M O saysMarch 1, 2011 at 2:29 am
Six pairs cords.
Getting too small.
Never say “size twelve”.
Jean saysMarch 1, 2011 at 7:16 am
AT&T horrible DSL/phone service. Very expensive. MUST motivate to cancel.
GreatAunt saysMarch 1, 2011 at 8:57 am
Christmas gifts – turquoise, black and white blouse and turquoise jacket.
Sue saysMarch 1, 2011 at 9:16 am
GreatAunt, we must have the same Aunt. She gave me turquoise, black and white blouse and turquoise pants. Neither fit, plus turquoise??
Katia / Crazy for trying saysMarch 1, 2011 at 9:16 am
sippy cups: they’re for babies, not 6 year-olds.
Jennifer saysMarch 1, 2011 at 9:23 am
Spatula from MIL after 12 years of marriage & cooking.
bossy's friend, martha saysMarch 1, 2011 at 10:28 am
Can’t concentrate…Bossy’s body too cute….keep the jeans…geesh.
Kate saysMarch 1, 2011 at 10:43 am
ridiculous paisley platforms. go with nothing. ps – those jeans look great on you, wear them! I don’t see the aforementioned unfortunate bagginess.
Kate saysMarch 1, 2011 at 10:44 am
I mean they’re SUPPOSED to be baggy, people! 🙂
Teeny Tina saysMarch 1, 2011 at 10:45 am
Expensive Egyptian cotton sheets that are wake-the-dead noisy.
Meg at the Members Lounge saysMarch 1, 2011 at 11:06 am
No returns here, but Bossy’s jeans make me think spring!
BossysMom saysMarch 1, 2011 at 11:18 am
Comcast. I believe I will return Comcast when contract is up.
pkzcass saysMarch 1, 2011 at 11:47 am
I don’t have anything I need to return, but I must say that those jeans look fabulous on you! Really. Wear them for a bit and see if you don’t fall in love with them.
kathy saysMarch 1, 2011 at 12:11 pm
Christmas pajamas with pants long enough for professional basketball player
Lizzie saysMarch 1, 2011 at 12:13 pm
Blackberry mail-in rebate. $150. Forgot to send it in. Shit.
BOSSY saysMarch 1, 2011 at 12:16 pm
The Guess earrings which are silver but look bubblegum machine.
BOSSY saysMarch 1, 2011 at 12:17 pm
The black Michael Kors pants from Marshalls, cut all wrong.
BOSSY saysMarch 1, 2011 at 12:18 pm
Is it ethical to tape pricetag back ON if never worn?
Wendy in AZ saysMarch 1, 2011 at 12:26 pm
boyfriend jeans are the new sweatpants
All Adither saysMarch 1, 2011 at 12:27 pm
They’re super cute. And your boobs look great too.
CS saysMarch 1, 2011 at 12:44 pm
Garnet Hill green pants, clearance: size 4 (not bloody likely).
Gramps saysMarch 1, 2011 at 12:47 pm
My second wife!!!!!!!!
Little Miss Sunshine State saysMarch 1, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Cute shoes from long ago. Worn twice. Hurt like hell.
Amy in NJ saysMarch 1, 2011 at 12:51 pm
Must cancel weight watchers monthly pass-am 6 months pregnant.
@gramps: too funny!
KathyB saysMarch 1, 2011 at 1:48 pm
If you donate jeans you refuse to wear, tape tag!
KathyB saysMarch 1, 2011 at 1:49 pm
Oh, and moi, most of the closet contents …just couldn’t.
Maggie saysMarch 1, 2011 at 1:51 pm
sample floor tiles taking up closet space- went with bamboo.
joeinvegas saysMarch 1, 2011 at 2:36 pm
No ten words, but you look pretty good in those jeans Bossy. Keep them out of the bag and wear them.
Ruth saysMarch 1, 2011 at 2:37 pm
Shoes shoes shoes fit great in store. At home OUCH!
Robin saysMarch 1, 2011 at 2:49 pm
Gift from husband. Behind the head earmuffs. No, just no,
Julz saysMarch 1, 2011 at 3:24 pm
wetsuit one size to big for triathlons, diapers size too small.
heidig saysMarch 1, 2011 at 3:25 pm
Lovin those jeans on you Bossy. Wear them, wash them, dry them – you might decide you like them!
Jean saysMarch 1, 2011 at 3:51 pm
So, so many rejected after purchase bargains that it’s embarassing.
And thank you for this post, Bossy. I thought I was the only one with month (read years) old returns.
Cincy saysMarch 1, 2011 at 3:59 pm
2 pair (!) Teva platform flip-flops. Size 9. Sigh.
pvz saysMarch 1, 2011 at 4:19 pm
I voted “keep them.”
I’d still vote the same way!
Janine saysMarch 1, 2011 at 4:26 pm
I’m in line with Gramps, my second husband. Anyway, I say wear the jeans, they are cute!
Scottsdale Girl saysMarch 1, 2011 at 4:31 pm
Skyhighheel shoes (many), too small sundresses (it says SIZE 12 but it AIN’T!)
Summer saysMarch 1, 2011 at 6:38 pm
Everything my well-intentioned mother-in-law ever bought me.
Cupcake Murphy saysMarch 1, 2011 at 6:42 pm
Dumb designer shirt from Fred Segal sale…why oh why?
Angela@beggingtheanswer saysMarch 1, 2011 at 9:04 pm
Sweatpants. Apparently I’m not a XXL after all.
Beth saysMarch 1, 2011 at 10:43 pm
“Sell on Ebay closet” getting really full. I’ll procrastinate tomorrow.
Deb saysMarch 2, 2011 at 12:24 am
If it’s any consolation-they look better fitting in this pic…
Deidre saysMarch 2, 2011 at 1:44 am
Business dress. Big boobs, Small waist. I have not both
Julia Falci saysMarch 2, 2011 at 2:05 am
Reading this was so funny! hahaha I loved the “Yay”, “Boo”, and the “$9,98 she said”! lol
To be honest I like the first pic, the jeans looks good, that’s how is supposed to fit.
When I buy something I’m not too sure about it I go online and research for the item and see how people put the outfit together. Like a leather fringe vest (yes, cowboy style) I bought last year.. man……that was tough!
foolery saysMarch 2, 2011 at 1:20 pm
Too many to mention, too boring and embarrassing to list.
BEST BOSSY POST IN A HEN’S AGE! — Love YAY, BOO and OH BOSSY’S GAH especially.
AngAK saysMarch 2, 2011 at 5:00 pm
closet full of “wishful” sizes. incentive? give up? gah.
AngAK saysMarch 2, 2011 at 5:01 pm
and, I think Bossy looks great. youthful and great.
Jennifer saysMarch 2, 2011 at 8:47 pm
What would be the perfect accessory for the “Un-divorced”?
The “boyfriend” jean! Naturally!
Lori in MN saysMarch 3, 2011 at 2:59 pm
“Fit weird” but in closet two years; finally donated yesterday!
janny226 saysMarch 4, 2011 at 6:58 pm
not sure “husband” is a politically correct answer. But sometimes…