Last night Bossy couldn’t sleep if her life depended on it, which is rather inconvenient considering life does depend on sleeping.
Bossy’s only defense was to crack open her latest New Yorker magazine and read and read and read — sometimes even through Bossy’s closed eyelids — in order to report to Bossy’s council the following critical information:
- The new Fiat is really cute, but in the world where Bossy isn’t afraid of slipping under a tractor trailer, Bossy still prefers the Mini Cooper.
- Legend Bar & Restaurant in Chelsea received great reviews for its fermented bean paste and succulent Chengu Duck, but it doesn’t matter because Bossy was in Chelsea last week, not this week.
- Jacob Kassay is a twenty-seven year-old artist who makes hundreds of thousands of dollars applying a simple silver solution to canvases, while Bossy cashes out the loose change found under her refrigerator.
- Nandan Nilekani is a software billionaire who is attempting to establish a biometric database in India that would include every single citizen, which would create zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
- Mindy Kaling has Bossy’s career. Mindy Kaling is a writer for the television series The Office, and Mindy Kaling also occasionally writes humorous pieces for the New Yorker about stuff she’s noticed, which The New Yorker readily publishes on pages such as 36 and 37. This is that lucky penny Mindy Haling:
- There are people who sit in an office all day and this is their job: to name products. The Blackberry is called the Blackberry because Strawberry is too slow. Strawwwwwwberry. And Swiffer is a combination of sweeping and swift. Also Bossy wants this job. Or at least she wants an office she can sit in all day.
- Medical correspondent Atul Gawande asks the question: If there are coaches for sports and voice, why aren’t there coaches for surgeons? Meanwhile Bossy asks the question: How can Atul Gawande have a thriving medical practice and still have time to write for the New Yorker? This is Atul Gawande:
- Ingvar Kamprad, who founded the Ikea furniture store on Sweden’s southern peninsula in 1953, may or may not have been active in the Swedish Nazi movement, to which Bossy responds, “I didn’t even know there was a Nazi movement in Sweden. I thought that was the whole point of Sweden!”
Miss Britt saysOctober 3, 2011 at 12:50 pm
I am embarrassed at how different our 3am insomniac activities are.
Mine usually involve less New Yorker and more spray-tanned reality TV stars.
Alexandra saysOctober 3, 2011 at 12:51 pm
I am so jealous of Mindy.
she has everything I want.
BossysMom saysOctober 3, 2011 at 12:57 pm
hahaha….whole point of Sweden.
and I still want the New Yorker handmedown.
KathyB saysOctober 3, 2011 at 1:06 pm
Bossy has the most productive insomnia. Weekly magazines pile up too fast and glare at me. But I do love The New Yorker. Thank you for reading it for me, Bossy. I am still backlogged on Vanity Fair.
The Dragon Tattoo books and movies talk about Nazi connections in Sweden.
Sharyn saysOctober 3, 2011 at 1:27 pm
Maybe that was the whole point of Denmark?
Rebecca Regnier saysOctober 3, 2011 at 1:34 pm
Wait, I thought it was the whole point of Switzerland. Which is a combination of swift and zerland.
joeinvegas saysOctober 3, 2011 at 1:50 pm
You are reading the new New Yorker? How do you keep up? We have a stack, and I think I just got to one from March.
dgm saysOctober 3, 2011 at 2:11 pm
Dangit! I spent a couple of hours reading that yesterday, and today you post the Cliffs Notes. I thought it was a good issue until I got to the IKEA article. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Meg at the Members Lounge saysOctober 3, 2011 at 3:39 pm
BOSSY really uses her powers for good at that time of night. All I could ponder was the Genie Bra.
Jourdan saysOctober 3, 2011 at 4:02 pm
Just finding your blog – Love. It. Also, my first experience with New Yorker magazine was that the covers were used as wallpaper in my aunt and uncle’s basement bathroom in Colorado Springs. Probably circa 1960s. Thank you for the summary!
Lovelyn saysOctober 3, 2011 at 4:29 pm
At least Bossy finds something interesting to do with her insomnia time, I just lay in bed thinking, “Sleep! Sleep! Please please sleep!” Reading the New Yorker would probably do a better job of making me sleepy.
Emily saysOctober 3, 2011 at 4:49 pm
Thanks for reminding me to renew my subscription! I will read anything Atul Gawande writes, and I will also admit to a writerly crush on James Surowiecki.
V saysOctober 3, 2011 at 5:10 pm
omg I was reading the Mindy Kaling piece in bed last night too, and it was so boring I fell asleep.
La Suzette saysOctober 3, 2011 at 8:13 pm
Oh, @rebecca, you got my vote! Swift – zerland. Killing me.
Craftwhack saysOctober 3, 2011 at 8:49 pm
Well wow, that’s a nice, concise summary of the New Yorker. And slightly more fun than reading it- The job I want is the artist’s and I still want Christy Turlington’s pants, so now I’m going back to that post to see if anything was cleared up on that front.
Liz Dulacki saysOctober 3, 2011 at 8:55 pm
I want the job of naming paint colors – now that’s got to be fun!
Suburban Kamikaze saysOctober 3, 2011 at 9:35 pm
Love the New Yorker. But could not get into the Ikea piece. Too many funny words. It was just like being in Ikea. Except for the part where I go home with a bag full of brightly colored scrub brushes and a false sense of “things are going to be different around here from now on.”
Jenn @ Juggling Life saysOctober 3, 2011 at 9:43 pm
You know where this piece would fit really well? Vanity Fair.
Little Miss Sunshine State saysOctober 3, 2011 at 9:46 pm
My 3am insomnia usually turns into marathons of online MahJong. Not as productive or informative as Bossy’s 3am insomnia.
Aunt Snow (g) saysOctober 3, 2011 at 10:23 pm
I just read old Whodunnits at 3 am. I don’t even bring new information into my brain!!
Why can’t I get a job like Mindy, Jacob, or those blackberry people? Why do I have to do stupid memos and budget and invoices and shit?
I’ve see a lot of those Fiats around town. Bossy – how about another road trip in one?
Erika saysOctober 4, 2011 at 3:07 am
Ja ja, Ingvar was probably a Nazi, do not know how big the party was back in the day, unfortunately there are still people in Sweden who leans this way today. A minority but it would be nice if this was the point of Sweden, not bookcases with men´s names and shop´s built like a maze. Now living in Hong Kong where you always see people sleeping in the Ikea living rooms.
km saysOctober 4, 2011 at 10:06 am
I read Complications – Atul Gawande’s book. It’s good.
I did not have insomnia as I stayed babysitting the Yankees through their loss to the Tigers. Bah!!!!
I would like the job of assessing yoga escapes. That would be very nice.
Beth saysOctober 4, 2011 at 12:33 pm
Nice summary. Can we expect one New Yorker review each month?
Olivia saysOctober 4, 2011 at 12:40 pm
A coach for surgeons???????? What does that mean? Is it simply a guy standing in the OR, waving his hands and yelling “Hip, hip, hay, hay – Go, Atul, go! Awesome lobotomy!” or is it more along the lines of “The hip bone’s connected to the . . . c’mon Atul . . .THINK . . . !!”
Evelyn Blair saysOctober 4, 2011 at 12:57 pm
I used to be addicted to Mindy’s blog. She has a new website that has a linky thing: http://theconcernsofmindykaling.com/ongoing-concerns
No fair that she can make money writing the same kind of things that I say to myself, or under my breath. Thinking of starting my own blog called iamjealous.com
Gail K. saysOctober 4, 2011 at 4:49 pm
Good. Now I am, apparantly, caught up on all the news that is fit to read at 3 am. I like when Bossy takes on for the council and does this job for us. She is my hero.
Jami saysOctober 4, 2011 at 5:18 pm
I think I see Bossy’s problem. When Bossy goes to bed, she should go to sleep. When Bossy gets a new New Yorker, she should stay awake and read it. Mixing the two is obviously not working for Bossy.
Local LIT saysOctober 4, 2011 at 10:14 pm
Wait: that’s a FIAT? Looks nothing like the one my boyfriend-now-husband had in the ’70s …
rory saysOctober 4, 2011 at 10:39 pm
Insomnia has it’s positives.
While Miss Carol and I were sillily sleeping you were being productive.
Mary Steele Lawler saysOctober 4, 2011 at 11:37 pm
Because of Bossy, I am finally erudite.
Wacky Mommy saysOctober 5, 2011 at 1:38 am
Thanks for the interpretation on that issue, cuz I just was *not* getting it. xoxoxoxo nancy
Rockyann saysOctober 5, 2011 at 9:39 am
I couldn’t sleep either but I listened to the Fresh Air podcast whereby Terri Gross interviewed someone from the Dominionists. It was the weirdest freaking thing I’ve ever heard. And then I really couldn’t sleep. And now I’m tired.
Suzy saysOctober 5, 2011 at 2:34 pm
#3 and #5. Thanks for ruining my day.
Marinka saysOctober 5, 2011 at 11:21 pm
Doesn’t Mindy also star on The Office? As though we weren’t jealous enough of her already.
Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food saysOctober 7, 2011 at 8:11 am
I heard Gawande talking about the coaches piece on NPR. He’s such a rockstar.
Allegra saysOctober 8, 2011 at 1:58 pm
Coaching for surgeons? Isn’t that the point of residancy?
I had no idea that Mindy not only acted, but wrote. That is hilarious. I wonder how her parents accepted the idea?