It goes like this: Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year, a day when God sits on a throne and contemplates a person’s deeds, and considers that person’s fate for the coming year, utilizing all of the scribblings in his big record book:
Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement, which is when God seals the fate of each person based on these contemplations and considerations of deed.
But get this: in between the deciding of the fate, on Rosh Hashanah, and the sealing of the fate, on Yom Kippur, there are ten days in which to amend behaviors and seek forgiveness.
Here’s how Bossy spent her ten days:
Day One: can’t remember
Day Two: can’t remember
Day Three: something about trying not to curse as much, but really — who the fook can remember
Day Four: resolving not to lean on the crutch of alcohol, Bossy goes out with her brother and enjoys a glass of wine. Followed by two more glasses of wine
Day Five: determined to be a more dedicated mother, Bossy attends her daughter’s marching band event. Oh never mind, no she didn’t — she blew it off for Netflix
Day Six: disavowing the temptation of frivolous things, Bossy went to a Free People store and purchased a pair of jeans off the sale rack. Because cheap is not frivolous.
Day Seven: Bossy gave to charity, and that charity was watching sports when Bossy actually wanted to watch Project Runway
Day Eight: something something and then frying onions something
Day Nine: practiced compassion by going to a series of art galleries while not saying things like, “That looks like my cat stepped in paint and walked across the canvas.”
Day Ten: who could remember. It’s not as if that day was yesterday. Oh, wait.