Once upon a time Bossy’s bicycle lived free range in a bucolic suburb. The small town grocery store, community pool, public library, these were the happy places Bossy’s bicycle visited on a routine basis, untethered:
But then Bossy moved back to the city of her youth:
Bossy’s city has become quite the bicycle town in the intervening years since Bossy left to live in a place where she could ride on the sidewalks without fear of prosecution for Violation of Regulations and Penalties Chapter 12-800.
When Bossy was a girl, very few cyclists braved the car-addled Philadelphia streets — and when those cyclists were inevitably injured, there were even fewer cyclists.
But for the past decade, the Mayor’s Office of Transportation and Utilities has transformed the dangerous streets of Bossy’s childhood into 200 miles of dangerous bike lanes!
Before moving to the city, Bossy spent a day locating Bossy’s long ago purchased rusty dusty bike lock, and the accompanying rusty dusty bike lock key. This was because Bossy decided she was going to begin her new city life with new healthy habits, such as riding her bike to the liquor store! And she would need to lock the bike once there.
And that first time, as Bossy pulled onto the sidewalk she never left, it occurred to Bossy she didn’t even know how to use her bike lock for optimal protection!
So she looked it up. Here are those instructions:
- Place your bike against an object with the chain facing out
- It helps if the object is a fixed, immovable object
- Remove the front wheel and lock it near the rear wheel
- Remain married so you have a man to remove the front wheel and lock it near the rear wheel
The end.
If you liked this post about Bossy’s bicycle, read this post about the time Bossy and her son fought during a camping trip over a wet bike seat.
Or click on this photo Bossy took of a typical city veranda.
Or click this link for Bossy’s post about the wonderful horrible no good very bad Philadelphia City Hall.
Charlie says
September 17, 2013 at 2:01 pmThankfully the bicycle is the only vehicle that must be partially dismantled to be secured from theft. Can’t imagine having to remove my car’s steering wheel each time I park. And while train crews say they “tie down” their locomotive for the night, turns out that’s a figure of speech. Here’s to the hope that Bossy’s bike survives the trauma of urban life.
bossysMom says
September 17, 2013 at 2:23 pmI absolutely CAN NOT figure out how these bike lanes can be safe. Every one turning right at a rapid speed (trying to make a light, etc.) and not having time to check bike lane.
I’d be curious to know how many of these exact accidents have happened.
I’d rather ride right IN the traffic lane and take my chances there (like motorcycle).
bossysMom says
September 17, 2013 at 2:25 pmAnd oh my god, Copenhagen. If only the world could be Copenhagen.
joeinvegas says
September 17, 2013 at 3:02 pmDo you have a pretty little basket on the front of the bike to hold all of your purchases?
Olivia says
September 17, 2013 at 3:34 pmHoly Mother of Bicycles – Olivia cannot imagine having to navigate bike lanes, remove wheels or figure out what the other strange lane is – although she wonders if it is some strange version of giant hopscotch?
Olivia lives on a tiny island with bike trails that meander through fields, woods and ocean vistas – and still end up at the liquor store!
Susan says
September 17, 2013 at 5:52 pm‘Remain married’ appears in two out of six steps in the instructions…
Mona (Moxie-Dude) says
September 17, 2013 at 8:23 pmI read this somewhere but can’t remember where so please don’t quote me on it:
“Remaining married is sometimes more work than removing a bicycle tire.”
Mona (Moxie-Dude) says
September 17, 2013 at 8:24 pmPS. It maybe have been from Confucius.
Chesapeake Bay Woman says
September 17, 2013 at 9:58 pmOh, Bossy, I have so many things to add in the Remain Married So You Can______category. Although most days I’m quite content with my situation, there are just as many when I wish I didn’t have to do everything. Or anything, quite honestly. But mostly it’s the everything part.
Is Cowboy Josh still available? (Was he ever or did I wish/make that up?)
Els says
September 18, 2013 at 1:24 amGood on you. You’ll get the hang of it. This is my town:
https://www.google.nl/search?gs_rn=26&gs_ri=psy-ab&tok=cHVdCtok3_lZnRqhKC_E_g&cp=14&gs_id=1i&xhr=t&q=transportfiets&bav=on.2,or.r_qf.&bvm=bv.52288139,d.d2k&biw=1120&bih=613&dpr=1&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hl=nl&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&ei=xzg5UvDyCY6y7Ab0-YGYDQ#hl=nl&q=fietsen+amsterdam&tbm=isch&um=1
I’m sure my bike is among them!
x
Els from Amsterdam
Ami says
September 18, 2013 at 10:54 amPlan C: Bring two locks and lock up both tires? Perhaps not as bad as remaining in a bad marriage? In college, a lot of people just took the seat off their bike and carried it with them; it made the bike less desirable to steal, though not impossible, and was easier to mess with than a tire.
TanyaK says
September 18, 2013 at 10:59 amCowboy Josh just got married this past summer.
We need to find a new looker!
bossysMom says
September 18, 2013 at 4:27 pmMy dear darling Els. These are the greatest bike pictures ever. My heart longs to be there, where life is so sensible and doable.
Els says
September 19, 2013 at 2:35 am@ bossysMom: you are most welcome anytime!
Els
Doug says
September 20, 2013 at 5:10 pmGod Georgia, i love this…..i admit i don’t come on here a lot cause it’s not a manly thing to do…..but men can be full of shit sometimes…..and your outlook is Soooo refreshing.
Good luck in your place!!!!!
Love Doug
L says
September 20, 2013 at 9:20 pmThey also have bike lanes in Chicago. Drivers seem to think they are just part of the road.
KathyB says
September 21, 2013 at 2:10 pmBike lanes look scary as hell most of the time. We have many curvy twisty roads labeled as “scenic byways.” Fine if there are shoulders (berms in some vernaculars) and other small issues (like giant trucks that could probably blow a cyclist off the road). Downtown is okay because a small town and semi deserted. Picturesque. Maybe bike locks are why cities are getting into those – here, take this bike and ride it for free – things.
zidia says
September 21, 2013 at 10:43 pmI think Bossy may have forgotten that her daddy was a bicyclist even before she was born—she grew up in one of those silly little seats behind mine as we “tooled”around Philly; as I think about it now, I’m not sure that I was such a good parent to have exposed us to the dangers of bad and angry drivers—I eventually gave up the bicycle in favor of running when I realized that there were drivers out there who wanted to push me off the road! BUT——the bike trails near her new home are very safe and without much risk—and she can always keep on running,too.
Go get ‘im,girl!!
Els says
September 22, 2013 at 2:21 amEven the Guardian agrees with you:
https://witness.theguardian.com/assignment/5237ef4be4b0bdcddbf1fcf2
Meg says
September 22, 2013 at 9:36 pmWe have that same faulty bike lane design in DC. It’s great until a car has to turn across said lane.
Nancy says
September 23, 2013 at 12:52 pmI too noticed the “remain married” comments appeared way tooooo much in your post…..
Kate says
October 12, 2013 at 12:03 amShut this blog down. No one cares anymore. You never post anything even remotely interesting
Farrah | Funny Pictures Website says
October 14, 2013 at 1:28 amUh-oh and there goes trouble! Heard about killer roads? What where they thinking when they planned this?!
anonymous says
October 17, 2013 at 6:16 pmDidn’t Bossy say she was back?