You see we have these things called clocks and no one looks at them because we have phones. Yes phones are for talking to people who aren’t there, but they’re also for telling time. No you don’t actually tell time anything, but rather telling time is the process of knowing what time it is. And you know what time it is because you look at a clock. Shall we begin?
Clocks have numbers on them. Except sometimes they don’t:
And each number represents an hour which is one hour long. An hour takes an hour, which is also sixty minutes. A minute takes a minute and is made up of sixty seconds which are a second long. That’s like bah-duh. That’s a second. One Mississippi is also a second. Two Mississippi is two seconds. And 3600 Mississippi is one hour. Or you could just look at a clock.
Time is arranged in the hours it takes to get from midnight to midday and back again. There are twenty-four of them. The first twelve hours are described with the numbers one to twelve, and so are the second twelve hours because we’re not as smart as Europeans. From midnight to midday is referred to as AM, which stands for after morning. No, wait. AM stands for before noon but BN was already taken. No, wait. That’s BM.
We need to know what time it is because we need to go to work to make the money we will deposit in the bank where people work to make the money to spend in Forever 21. When we arrive at the proper hour, we are said to be on time. When we get something done, it is often in time. When we refer to something that already happened, we say it was at the time. When we repeat something, we say it is all the time, and arguably the best song ever written is Time After Time.
In addition there is a hard time, a matter of time, a set time, a point in time, big time, from time to time, to make time, borrowed time, one more time, killing time, give it time, in spare time, and it’s about time — which this post was!
Stay tuned for more episodes of Alien School: Explaining Stuff to Aliens.
If you liked this post, read Once Upon A Time Bossy tried to find cute espadrilles.
Or read Now It’s Time For Art Appreciation With Bossy.
Olivia saysMay 22, 2014 at 4:20 pm
And there is “once upon a time” which suggests that “time” is a thing that “once” got onto which further suggests something lewd. Or “time waits for no man” which makes one question whether it might wait for a woman? And how about “time flies” which makes one wonder if it takes a plane or has its own wings?
Olivia thinks maybe she needs a “time out” here . . .
Somebody saysMay 23, 2014 at 9:45 am
Might be “time for me to fly”.
Ally saysMay 24, 2014 at 8:27 pm
susan saysMay 25, 2014 at 8:37 am
They are aliens, much smarter than us, let them know how they explain time
Rachel saysMay 28, 2014 at 8:12 am
Hurrah, another Bossy post!!!
Also, I *need* that first clock – the now clock! I’ve seen other clocks like that online but they aren’t as pretty. Anyone know where to find that exact one???
TracyontheRocks saysMay 31, 2014 at 5:25 pm
haha now I have Time After Time stuck in my head (Cue Romy and Michele dancing)
Funny stuff, Bossy!
Mrs. Tuna saysJune 5, 2014 at 10:35 pm
I’m pretty sure it’s wine-30.
Nikita Arora saysJune 25, 2014 at 8:46 am
Yes you are right Susan that they are aliens, much smarter than us.
growing wild on waverly lane saysJune 28, 2014 at 9:51 am
Time is a human construct to explain our experience. It does not exist to the rest of reality, but is our crutch through existence.
Lynn saysJuly 26, 2014 at 12:57 am
So here it is nearly AUGUST. Bossy, where do you go?? I try to be loyal and true and read your blog … but you disappear and it’s very disappointing. Where ARE you??
jeremy saysAugust 5, 2014 at 11:20 am
These World Facts Sound So Bizarre, They Seem Fake. All Of This Is Crazy.
After watching an episode of Jeopardy, it’s easy enough to accept that you probably don’t know everything. This world is just far too big to know it all. You win some, you lose some. At the very least, you’d probably be able to identify whether a “fact” is true or false, right?
Hil saysAugust 27, 2014 at 12:38 pm
Whoa. I didn’t know that I might have to explain to an alien our sense of time, but now if I do, I will absolutely know where to begin.