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i am bossy

Oops, Bossy Did It Again.

funky-hair2

Yesterday Bossy’s day ended up in the toilet and Exhibit A represents the Why.

It’s the hair. It’s been 114 days since Bossy’s last haircut—and do you know how one day your hair is perfectly fine, but the very next day your haircut is over? Completely over—and there’s no hair product in the world to save this hair because. Over!

Well that was Bossy’s hair 64 days ago.

But on the 65th day Bossy decided to make a hair appointment. Since Bossy can’t afford her Italian boyfriend, she decided to go to a local salon.
No, crazy—not that local salon! Because, pffft, ruined hair.

Also: Bossy tried that salon but they didn’t have any available appointments.

So Bossy booked an appointment with her second choice, and she decided the appointment would be for highlights only, figuring she could evaluate the stylist’s competency to cut frizzy mops hair once she was inside the door. Optimistic Bossy prepared for her appointment by assembling photos of her desired hair color.

green-belt-2

The stylist was very nice and she readily accepted the task of transforming Bossy’s roots with the help of appropriately placed highlights and six tons of aluminum foil.

salon-view

There was some talk about applying additional lowlights, but Bossy scoffed at the idea and warned that above all else, she didn’t want to look ashy.

Well. In no time at all Bossy was settled into her salon chair while the stylist applied the highlights. After the highlights were rinsed from her hair, a deep conditioner was applied, and then Bossy was stuck under a dryer to blah blah activate the something blah.

under-dryer

When the timer chimed, Bossy’s hair was once again rinsed—but all during the process Bossy was purposefully kept from the large mirrors that flank every wall. And so it was at this point that Bossy asked to go to the ladies’ room so she could pee study the damages.

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Bossy didn’t like what she saw because she saw Ashy. Tons and tons of ashy with a side of ashy. So Bossy’s stylist told Bossy she could apply a few more blonde highlights to counteract the effect of the lowlights she applied. Lowlights. She applied. Oh yes she did.

And so Bossy climbed back in the chair while the stylist applied a few more highlights. And then the hair was rinsed, which was when Bossy realized a total of four hours had lapsed, and also a week and a year and a lifetime.

So Bossy decided to depart the salon with wringing wet hair so she could see her husband one last time before they both died of old age.

salon-desk2

Once in the car, Bossy decided to look in the rearview mirror so she could evaluate the final color. Unfortunately the only person peering back in that rearview mirror was a country music singer. Because apparently the stylist’s idea of “applying a few more highlights” is dipping Bossy’s head in a bucket of bleach.

Here is the proof:

foggy-girl2

It may delight you to know that the reason the above picture is foggy is because the camera couldn’t adjust between the arctic temperature of the salon and the hellacious temperature of the car.

And because you probably think Bossy is exaggerating about her new hair disaster, she is providing the following non-foggy photographic evidence taken a few moments later:

new-haircut

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Like I used to tell my kids when I would cut their hair – “at least you still have your personality!”. No, seriously, Bossy looks fabulous in that last picture – although admittedly, it is a tad light.

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  2. I feel your pain!! I hate salons and haven’t had my hair cut in ages…I wonder if bangs are still going to be all the rage when I finally decide to succumb to the hair gods!!

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  3. Ooo Bossy does a great Warhol!

    Poor you!!! The trials you endure, just to go to NYC with a clear conscience!

    I know of what you speak, color-wise. I have been in a salon when the stylist disagreed with me and said, “no, it doesn’t look green!” when she asked a passing co-worker, she immediately gagged and yelled “it’s green!”. And this is about my hair they’re speaking, a transluscent green-flaxen color.

    It does make one gun-shy when it comes to getting a coloring!

    P.S. I can’t believe you left your credit card @home!! Not quite the huffy departure from you that your “stylist” deserved!!

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  4. vuboq thinks that no matter what bossy’s hair looks like, she is still SuperPurty!

    vuboq also thinks that bossy might want to come to DC to visit Leah, the Colornatrix.
    vuboq *hearts* Leah.

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  5. This is why Moi refuses to have any processes done to her hair. Moi thinks she is being very Bossy by talking about herself in the third person.

    Best of luck combating the hair demons. You are a better woman than I for paying after what the “stylist” did. I would have been less than courteous at that point.

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  7. This is why I just wear a ponytail everyday and use a mascara looking thingee to mask the gray strands.

    I love the Holly Golightly print at the salon!

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  8. Bossy, I’m so sorry about your head, but thank you, thank you, thank you. For what? For saving me from disaster. You see I called my trusty stylist yesterday to find out she will be on vacation. Which means I won’t be getting my hair done until the end of the month – my hair that also needed to be done 65 days ago. I was toying with the idea of trying another salon. Now, I won’t. I will simply wrap a scarf around my head. Whew!

    At least your belt looks great.

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  9. My hair has been “over” for the better part of a year now. Mainly because I trust no one in my new city. Sigh. I feel you.

    Los Angeles hair prices will knock you sideways. But the color technicians generally rock, so all is forgiven. I miss them.

    Go to NYC. Hurry.

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  11. I live in your area and have been going to the same person, Anna, for years with happy results. My coloring appears to be similar to yours and I also get highlights a few times a year. Anna is very sweet and she really listens. You can email me if you want info.

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  12. My goodness! The only thing that could be worse is if you’d let her cut your hair and then AFTERWARDS found out that she belongs to the underground give-everyone-a-mullet cult of which my FORMER stylist is the satanic, baby-eating, puppy-killing, hair-assassin leader.

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  13. …Judging from the lipstick and the haircolor on that last photo, you now use AquaNet?

    …And what do you do, walk into a salon and say, “I’m Bossy” and everyone knows that is why you are taking pictures and such? It’s like no one is looking at you wonderin’ what are you doing taking pictures. I’m the only one wonderin’ this aren’t I? (*sigh*)…

    …I dunno Bossy, I thought you looked perfectly fine before! You’re so dadgum cute it’s actually rather depressing…lol ;o)

    …Blessings…

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  14. After the trials and tribulations that are each and every haircut/style/color, I can’t believe Bossy’s sexy husband isn’t driving you to New York himself.

    Love the Warhol!

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  15. Oh Bossy .. you obviously havent visited the MadLands recently .. where Madness used store bought $10 “Bleach Blonde” hair dye in an attempt to lighten CHOCOLATE VELVET hair in order to later dye it BURGUNDY. Bleach Blonde store bought hair dye + Chocolate brown hair = ORANGE any way you look at it.
    Ahem.
    With that said .. Madness has NO sympathy for you and cannot WAIT to see an actual photo of the new HIGHlights!!!
    (PS .. Madness hair REMAINS orange because now Madness is SCARED CRAZY to apply anything else to her hair. Ever.)
    (and she’s been told its kinda hot and it makes hubby follow her around panting and drooling .. so .. yeah, it works)

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  16. additionally ..
    Madness was wondering if you used the same “Im just learning how to use my new camera .. never mind me” trick again? Did you even take your Manual with you!??!
    Clever sh*t right thar!

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  19. I was hooker blond in May- It kinda grows on you. I also am going to tackle to roots before blogher and this b hate the ash too! xo feel better- you would be sexy bald.

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  22. Bossy, I’m worried I’ll no longer be able to recognize you at BlogHer. I’ll have to go around asking people if I can see their belts, and I’ll be shunned as ‘that weird, crotch obsessed girl’. Can you please post a “now” photo? Or are you, at this very moment, on your way to visit your Italian Boyfriend in the City?

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  23. Okay, I learned this the hard way, as apparently, you did too, ask for “golden”, did you hear me? “golden”, even caramel if you want it a bit warmer. I look HORRIBLE with blonde highlights, it adds twenty years to my age. Stay away from ashy and make sure you say, golden, golden, warm, golden. Oh, and lowlights, lowlights, lowlights, and maybe a highlight or two. It’s worked for me. That and bringing picture after picture of Jennifer Aniston.

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  26. This is precisely why I am petrified to go to a salon for coloring. If and when I do it, I use a home product because (I’m nuts and a control freak) I know exactly how it will turn out. Bad.
    No, seriously, I’ve even gone to the same stylist for over ten years. She’s never colored me. Ever. Even though I trust her. I just don’t wanna come out with stripes or looking like a skunk.

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  28. I am blonde. Naturally. In the summer my hair goes WHITE from the sun and I look like a bimbo. So I have gotten “low-lights” before. NEVER, EVER, let a stranger do low-lights! Mine came out GREEN once! HUNTER GREEN!! OMG – I am still not over it …!! Which is why I pay entirely too much to go to the SAME person over and over now just because I trust her and she has never turned my hair GREEN

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  29. This is officially your meanest post ever, Bossy. I NEED a CLEAR Exhibit C. This one made me nuts! How high are the highlights?

    All of which makes me think, all this grey (“white” as little kids call it) on my head is more relaxing….

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  31. I haven’t had a hair cut in 13 months, because I’m I’m afraid the stylist will screw it up and I’ll leave with an afro, which would look awfully silly on a pale blonde chick.

    I sympathize!

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  32. As soon as I saw that the salon didn’t have a ceiling, I knew Bossy was in trouble…deep trouble!

    After four different salons, with tabs over $100, I finally decided to do my own hair. Yep, cut and all. Because if I’m gonna have a bad cut, it’s not gonna cost me an arm and a leg and a good steak dinner.

    Maybe if women went on strike and quit coloring their hair? It’s an option I’m considering.

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  33. this is how i found someone new to take care of my hair after my hairdresser of 30+ years moved to florida, BASTARD! I saw two people I knew that had great cuts and colors and said ‘who does your hair?’ turns out the same person did their hair! it took me two years but i am very happy! so…keep your eyes peeled out for that great look and then ask them, who does it? I am sure they won’t mind and it would probably make their day!

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  36. Aw, sorry Bossy! ::stupid hairstylists::
    And once again, we see how very thoughtful Bossy’s son is: he’s going to college where? NYC! So his home can visit/get her hair done where she likes.

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  38. 1) I would still be Bossy’s friend even with bad hair.
    2) It looks to me like Bossy now has the perfect shade of hair for “Step one” of going pink! 🙂

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  44. C’mon!!! We want to see the goods!

    My hairdressers are stymied by me because I have brown hair and I don’t want to go blond. They all keep looking at me with their heads tilted to the side, as if I’m speaking a foreign language.

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  48. My hair salon rocks….and they are inexpensive….you should so drive to Cleveland to get your hair done right. Because hair is totally worth the drive, right? right?!!!?

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  50. But Bossy, you do know that what it looks like wet and raggedy in the bathroom has absolutely no bearing on what it will look like dry. Right?

    Of course it will look ashy when wet.

    And then, before you saw it dried and blown out, you told her to make it blonder and less ashy. But you didn’t really know what it looked like dry and blown out, right?

    And then you complain because it’s too light now.

    Also, what were you thinking leaving the salon with wet hair, and not letting the stylist DRY AND STYLE YOUR HAIR to check the color? Tsk task. That’s part of the job that you are paying for, and it also is very helpful in making sure the color is right before you leave.

    I love Bossy, but Bossy is a very passive-aggressive, uncooperative highlightee, me thinks.

    I’m fussy about highlights too, but you can’t complain or tell them to change something until you see it dry and styled. Then if you hate it, fine. Have them change something.

    I’ve seen my hair wet and snarly in the bathroom and been horrified too…it’s too dark, it’s too light, etc. Then it dries and looks perfectly beautiful.

    I’ve even seen it dry and been fussy about color, but then when it’s smoothed out and styled, it looks beautiful.

    Give your stylist a chance, Bossy.

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  52. OH.
    Dear.

    Poor Bossy.

    I have colored my own hair ever since I lived in a remote place with no hair stylist unless I wanted to fly an our and spend $550 to get there. I have it down to a science, a SCIENCE I tell you!!! (except this month I couldn;t find my usual dye and bought one like ti and thought “well how different could it be?” OH let me tell you. I am BUH0LONDE with brassy roots. it’s pwiddy

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  53. Aychihuahua. You poor thing.

    This is why I go for 4 months at a time with grown-out roots so I can see someone at THE. ONLY. SALON. I. TRUST.

    The Coulour Authority in Portland, OR.

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  55. Having seen your totally kick a$$ hair in person, I will not give in to this “bad” hair post. I will say, though, that I’m concerned about your eyebrows in that last photo. Surely someone in the salon can do a little lightening?

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  56. Oh dear, memories resurfacing of bad bleach, orange hair, dyed emo black to hide it. Severe hair cut to get rid of it.
    Last salon appearance and hair cut January 14 2007.
    Probably should do something about that soon. Like see a therapist. Then a stylist.

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  57. Next time, do it at home. It’ll be fun to read when you get the little cap stuck on your head like I did once! But, hey, it wasn’t ashy. 😉

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  58. Have you ever tried Swarthmore Hair Studio? I have always been very pleased with the results. They know color.

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  59. Get your rather shapely arse down here to Australia and Sebastian the Wonder Hairdresser will fix you up babe. However he is booked out until FEBRUARY!

    And guess who forgot to make another appointment when she was in 2 months ago… yeah. Dammit.

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  60. Now I’m all nervous because my hair has reached that point where it is screaming out FIX ME! FIX ME! And I made an appointment today and this reminded me of the last time I went and asked for subtle red highlight and left with huge streaks of fire engine red hair. Horrible. I’m gonna have to rethink this.

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  61. Okay, that does it. MY hair is way overdue for its own little adventure into the salon, but I’m putting it off for even longer because maybe the stars are lined up in a weird, don’t-do-anything-to-your-hair kind of way, and I am not as confident as Bossy & would have to hide out somewhere until the mistakes grew out, which would take a year at least. It’s summertime, so that means a ponytail every day will be just fine, thank you.

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  63. At least you don’t look like Hilary (Clinton). That’s what I looked like a few haircuts ago. Not pretty, not pretty at all.

    And Bossy? I don’t think Cleveland is the place for you to get your next color job. Just a hunch.

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  65. I am building the courage to dye my hair black black black. I used to dye it different colors all the time.. from 7th grade until a year before I got married. But now it is finally 100% natural again and I’m hesitant to make such a long-lasting change. Eek!

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  66. OFERKRYENOWTLOWD

    Please, show us a real picture, and….what exactly did you say when you decided to just leave with wet hair?

    and

    when you were then waiting in their lobby with wet hair, while hubby was on his way, did they say anything to you?? did people stare and mumble,

    “she is going home and is peeeeveed and doesnt like her hair and is refusing to let anyone cut or style…but forgot her credit card.”

    did they whisper that?

    you should have done your hair in CA, and then you could ask Saturn to send you back every few months, or, maybe your blog could get you a famous stylist, if you promise to blog about it.

    I dunno, just ideas.

    sorry.

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  67. Hair? It was about hair? Because all I noticed was how stinking CUTE and FLAT-LOOKING BOSSY’S STOMACH WAS with the no-front belt.

    I was distracted. But I’ve been drinking just a little, and that’s what happens.

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  68. I like Patty’s advice of asking people who have good looking hair “Who does your hair?” That’s gotta be the best way to find a stylist. Unless of course, the people you ask are visiting from NYC and happen to see the one that you love. Then, well, that just sucks.

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  70. Everytime we move towns I cry because that means I have to find someone new to cut the mess of curls on my head. It’s taken me a year or so, but have found someone in my little Indiana town. The person I had in our last little Indiana town moved, so I did too. I refuse to let this one go.

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  75. Oh, Bossy! How bad can it really be? Show us the real result. Let us reassure you.
    On another note, this post is HILAR and my favorite kind of Bossy post.

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  77. it’s not that bad come on,how bad can a blonde highlighting job be, i mean i am a brunette beauty, ahem, ahem, so like seriously what could possibly go wrong.
    wait, i remember amy from work, ok, it’s all coming back to me now…

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  79. Oh Bossy. I once had a stylist put highlights in my hair and upon removing them say, “Uh oh.” He then said he could work me into his schedule the following week to fix it. I refused to move from the chair until he did something, anything, to fix it right then and there. Which he did. Sort of. And then I paid him. And tipped him. Because I was younger and stupider.

    I’m sorry. Hair troubles suck. You’ve got the best hair on the planet, so I’m sure it is now only the second-best hair on the planet and after a visit to a proper stylist it will return to its former first-place status.

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  81. Man, what you go through to amuse your readers! But next time, BEFORE you reach the depths of despair, like maybe way before day 114, ask for recommendations from people you see out and about, find several stylists – preferably the owners of salons and make appointments to just get your hail styled. No cut, no color. Just a wash and dry. It will cost you about $25 or so and if you do this 4 or 5 times it will be cheaper and way less painful than getting another mistake done. Though I must add a lot less interesting for your readers.

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  82. Hey, I didn’t know Andy Warhol made guest appearances from the dead to do hair. You look just like Sigourney Weaver in Working Girl. Now get your bony ass out of my sight and get that color corrected!

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  83. I am disgusted by my hair. I won’t go to the beauty shop (I’m too hillbilly to say salon) b/c I’m afraid they’ll screw it up even more.

    I personally think only Bossy could look sexy sitting under the dryer – being looked down upon by some enormously large sunglasses on the wall. And I like it when you say ashy.

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  85. Bossy should suck it up and pay for her Italian boyfriend once every 114 days. That’s only a few times a year, Bossy, and it would save you a lot of sorrow.

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  87. When my stylist screws up the color, I can’t post funny things about her using Photoshop because she has NO sense of humor AT ALL and because she thinks that if she only paid $8 for Clairol Herbal Essences, she should be grateful that nothing fell out and no large dollars were lost…and this whole she/me thing is way too confusing by now, and I’m sure Bossy has stopped reading. Anyway, at least the cheap drugstore stuff doesn’t require a credit card.

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  92. See I *onll* let me hair dresser do my hair, because I am *way* too picky and I wouldn’t like what anyone else did. I already told Caspian if we move I have to come back every six weeks to see my hairdresser. It is that important.

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  95. How did you see the color when it’s wet? It always looks different when it’s wet, right? I think the lesson here is to never leave the salon w/o having them dry your hair first. You look pretty no matter what though anyway:)

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  96. Oh, ouch ouch ouch!! Coincidentally, I just got my own hair cut last night after going more than 65 days (“When were you last here? March?” frowned my stylist, checking her file).

    But I actually got lucky because she had just completed a 5-day course with Vidal Sassoon and was inspired by what she learned. I got a great cut!

    Of course, it’s kind of a no-brainer when you hair is only 2 inches long at the most!

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  98. Flowbee
    Wine
    Hair accessories
    More wine
    Lemon juice
    L’Oreal home highlight kit
    All of the wine you have
    Head scarves
    Very dark sunglasses

    . . . these are a few of my favorite things
    Tragedy + time + still more wine = BOSSY

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  100. Yeah … I haven’t done a salon is a vvvvveerrryryryry long time.

    I lost my girl several years ago and I just can’t do it all again … I CAN’T. I’m just too old for all of the drama!

    So … do what I’ve done these past few years. Let it grow and grow and grow and say things like, “i’m donating my hair – this is my excuse” … then when you absolutely can’t take it anymore (and you have 10 inches or more) – get it cut for free (for locks of love) – then you still get the chop job, but you care less b/c it didn’t cost you 1/2 of your life savings.

    As for the gray’s – I totally refuse to have the salons die my hair … (for as you know, you tell them PLEASE DON’T … and they DO …) so MOM does it for me from the bottle in the stores (dyes are less harmful therefore harder to do really bad things).

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  101. Bossy I’m sorry for your bad hair experience, but your post had me laughing out loud! I recently had a bad experience getting highlights, but that was because I had the brilliant idea to bring my kids with me when I couldn’t find a sitter. Yeah, I have no idea what I was thinking.

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  106. this is one of the many reasons that Suz has decided (for now) to stop dying her hair. mostly cause i’m too lazy to deal with it on my own and i barely trust strangers with scissors near my head. the thought of the random chemical smear?

    Colorist: “oh, you wanted a nice, natural, deep brown? well, what if we just put a few highlights in there to, uh, brighten it a little?” then Suz walks out looking like bozo the clown! except not funny at all!

    Can’t wait for the real clear picture. I fear I spyed some platinum hightlights in the fog. I’m sure Bossy looks lovely as always…either way, you have your fabulous hat.
    I couldn’t afford Bossy’s Italian boyfriend either and I sure can’t afford my “curl specialist” at Ouidad, but I think I’m going to literally collect my change so I can see her twice a year. Not ideal, but it will have to do.
    (wow, that was a REALLY long post for me! byee!)

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  107. I disagree with the commenters that think you should give the stylist another chance. I think that you could CONSIDER giving the salon’s OWNER a chance to fix it, but other than that, I’d consider the whole salon fired.

    The last person I fired was the woman who did my eyebrows, leaving one a full INCH SHORTER than the other. When I expressed my dismay, she pretended that they were the same.

    I don’t understand salon blindness.

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  108. i just color mine myself. there were too many grays for me…i am too young to be sporting gray hair! at least i think so! the last pic of you is fabulous though!

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  112. Seriously, I hate it when someone else tries to tell me what I want…HATE IT! Most especially when it comes to my hair.

    Although your hair trials and tribulations probably rankle you, it’s served a huge purpose here at Casa Barking Mad..tis time for my quarterly 100 mile round trip down east for my own “touch ups.”

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  116. Oh thank GAWD I won’t be the only country music crooner there.

    (Is it wrong of me to be relieved we will be blonde bobsy twins due to highlight horrors inflicted upon us????)

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  119. I feel your pain, Bossy – my stylist just up and quit (something about having a baby or something) and I’ve been bouncing between Miss Ashy and Mr. Ashy and Mrs. Ashy ever since. It stinks. I think it’s worth it to go to NYC to not have bad hair. Cuz life is hard enough without having bad hair, too!

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  120. Bossy… did you drive to the nearest store and buy your own highlights. I bet you were huddled in your bathroom that night BLOBBING your hair. Tell us the truth. 😉

    Show us a REAL picture the one BEFORE you redid the highlights yourself. *laughing*

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  122. Your looks got far better after u got out of the dresser. btw, didn’t u know the hairdresser well enough to credit their service charge rather than wait for ur husband to pay the dues?

    anyway cheers and way to go.

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  123. I think commenter (commentor?) Laura Hamilton needs to back up off the Bossy. Geesh! I’m right there with ya…..sometimes it feels like they are holding you hostage for hours so eventually you just gotta spring yourself outta there.

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  124. I feel your pain. I had a stylist several years back that did not instill confidence in me before I even sat in her chair. What was I thinking??? Always go with your gut! Yet, I did not. During the cut she was asking me my opinion much too often about how straight the cut was, etc. My hair was butchered. I was devestated.

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