ADVICE OF THE DAY - Who’s on the Chopping Block?

Tune into Top Chef, Bravo’s newest reality show about a handful of working chefs who compete with flame, oven, and microwave to become the next, um, hottest thing.

Each episode features a Quick Fire Challenge, which consists of surprise ingredients and a limited amount of time to transform them. And each episode features an Elimination Round, which also consists of surprise ingredients and a limited amount of time to transform them. There’s not really much to this show, actually. I suppose you could read a good book instead. Or scrub the vegetable bin of your refrigerator. But if you decide to check it out, here’s everything you need to know:

This is the ass that left the first week, so we won’t worry about him.

This is Andrea, a holistic counselor who cooks things that make her clients have decent BMs but meanwhile Bossy gets the impression her food tastes like shit. She got eliminated early on but then was asked back when one of the other cast members quit due to an ailing father. Then she was voted out a second time.

Then this guy went. Wait, was he on the show?

This is Candice. She was, like, a model? And so, like, no one took her seriously as a chef because, like, also? She was, like, twenty-three. She went next.

Then Lisa went. They said it was because one time she arrived at a challenge without the Jicama but I think it’s because she arrived on the show without drama.

Then Miguel the big goofball went. Of course the audience saw it coming because Lou Costello may be appealing on First but he isn’t all that appealing in the kitchen.

And so these five finalists remain. One’s an annoying sommelier, one’s the strong silent type, one is gay, no two are gay, one Bossy has no idea – can you guess which is which? Who will be the Top Chef?