First: Excavate a center part from the crown to the nape of the neck. Divide the sections into two ponytails the approximate length of your desired bob. Keep in mind the center part should always remain divided with absolute precision as shown in the following photo:
Using your scissors, remove these two ponytails just like a scene from one of those movies where the family is in the Federal Witness Protection Program and they’ve just been recognized at Dairy Queen and need to begin life anew. Hand these ponytails to your mournful client.
Now take the remaining hair and once again carve a center part, drawing this line from the crown to the nape of the neck. Also create a part crosswise from ear to ear. Play a short round of Tic Tac Toe while sucking on your cocktail.
Now take all of your sections and carefully clip them up out of the way, which should look like this:
Or, um, this:
Take a few seconds to slug down the rest of your Bloody Mary.
Now according to the directions, “release a small section of hair on each side one inch thick.” A small section on each side of what? Exactly. Mix a second Bloody Mary.
Now comb down the one-inch section of hair, pulling fingers on a 90-degree angle away from the nape of the neck until the tension is tight. Cut.
Finish your Bloody Mary and hair remaining back fingers comb section clips required guide repeat nape cut obtain straight ear point across feathered inch downward first fringe show textured side equally shortest toward require layered face hair.
This Cool Site Gives You Hairstyle Ideas And How To Cut It Yourself
Dawn saysJune 12, 2007 at 8:19 am
You gave me a headache with that.
Or maybe it was the vodka.
Thanks for reminding me to NEVER attempt to cut my daughter’s hair.
Loved your post, though 🙂
vuboq saysJune 12, 2007 at 8:38 am
This is great! I’m going to try it at home. All I need is a Bossy Tutorial on color [I’m a “warm blonde”) and I won’t even need to visit Leah, the Colornatrix anymore 🙂
Mat Thompson/BrysonMC saysJune 12, 2007 at 8:43 am
I need a haircut but trusting my very limited Chinese in getting exactly what I want over here is going to be hard. I haven’t cut it for over eight months now. So, I’m going to try your instructions.
Was it part your bangs like a Sodoku puzzle?
Shave anything the clips don’t hold?
Excavate your crown from the chamber of the Holy Grail?
Forget it, I’m going in for another Caesar (Canadian Bloody Mary) and leaving the really funky ponytails in my hair.
Noelle saysJune 12, 2007 at 9:08 am
Wow, you’re brave. I tried cutting my own bangs recently. After a month of ugly, I tried again, and came up with a way to do it that made them look great. It went like this:
Make an appointment with Edgar.
Drive to Edgar’s.
Have Edgar cut my bangs.
Viola! My hair looks good again!
Hug Edgar, maybe a moment or two longer than is appropriate.
I never really thought to add bloody Marys to the mix. That was a stroke of genius.
Lauren saysJune 12, 2007 at 9:28 am
Oh, but BOSSY has to go to NEW YORK to have HERS done.
Oh, The Joys saysJune 12, 2007 at 9:29 am
You are more talented than I even suspected!
EE saysJune 12, 2007 at 10:13 am
We had an “incident” with scissors, and I am no longer allowed near my kids’ hair with scissors;o
Bossy did a good job, though. I suspect it was the Vodka!
Nancy saysJune 12, 2007 at 10:16 am
My daughter is a hair stylist, so I don’t have to attempt that … but I will remember to include the Bloody Mary next time.
Brave Bossy … or should I say Brave Bossy’s Daughter
maggie saysJune 12, 2007 at 10:50 am
My mother once cut my brother’s ear while cutting his hair. Do you know how much ears bleed?
X saysJune 12, 2007 at 11:11 am
For nearly 15 years, I have lived vicariously through my daughter. She has the waist-length hair that my own head has never been able to manufacture. (Stupid head.) I recently gave her the okay to get it cut … most likely like a manga character. That aside, her style will require the use of a razor. Any directions out there for that, Bossy? Should I do it myself?
Yeah, I didn’t think so. I’ll take a bloody mary instead.
Jodi saysJune 12, 2007 at 11:14 am
Oh, damn. I was signed in as my daughter. What in the hell?!
Hey, I never claimed to have an eye for detail.
Domestic Goddess saysJune 12, 2007 at 11:52 am
I am impressed.
I have boys, clipper cuts are easier. It doesn’t matter if they are uneven because their hair is only 1/8 of an inch long.
mcewen saysJune 12, 2007 at 12:17 pm
Now there is a minor in need of a good lawyer!
psychomom saysJune 12, 2007 at 12:25 pm
Psychomom was a big fan of Bravo’s ‘Shear Genius’ (sad it is over for this season) and has always enjoyed cutting her brother and sons hair and she cuts her own bangs regularly. Bossy did a great job and your model is a real trooper. Psychomom may have found her next career calling.
P.S. Writing in the 3rd person is not as easy as it looks.
Les~ saysJune 12, 2007 at 12:39 pm
I never have been good at “instructions” per se. BUT! You did great! Whew, right?
Mrs. Chicky saysJune 12, 2007 at 1:01 pm
I think I’ll stick to cutting Barbie’s hair. Um, not that I do that anymore. No I haven’t done that in 25 years. Um…
Phoenix saysJune 12, 2007 at 2:31 pm
Oh so the bloody mary was what was missing when my aunt used to cut my hair. Good to know why I’m in therapy. 😉
I think you did a great job.
moi saysJune 12, 2007 at 2:56 pm
I’ve been MIA on the blog scene due to vacation for nearly five whole days (no free Internet service in the middle of the Mojave, go figure) and missed Bossy almost as much as I missed my spousal unit and my dog. But, I can at least catch up. And, as always, learn something nifty. Like the key to a great cut, apparently, is a state of total inebriation. I am on the phone to my stylist now . . .
shayera saysJune 12, 2007 at 2:59 pm
I once cut (on her orders) a college room-mate hair. She didn’t speak to me for the rest of the school year.
maggie saysJune 12, 2007 at 3:08 pm
I always feel more confident giving myself a haircut after a few drinks. My husband turned very pale when he noticed me looking at the hair cutting instructions — he is very afraid.
Andrea saysJune 12, 2007 at 3:45 pm
Forget the $30 haircut tonight! I’m going to do it myself! After a few drinks!
Or not. I’ll stick to cutting my husband’s hair which involves the #4 and #3 guide on the clippers.
orangeblossoms saysJune 12, 2007 at 7:29 pm
Orangeblossoms has been cutting her own hair for years. So far so good. No alcohol necessary…. but there’s always the NEXT time.
flutter saysJune 12, 2007 at 9:29 pm
Braver woman than I.
Jason saysJune 12, 2007 at 10:12 pm
Is that a rats nest??
Deb Abramson saysJune 12, 2007 at 10:53 pm
So is her hair short ‘n’ shy now? Is she?
Adorable Girlfriend saysJune 12, 2007 at 11:50 pm
Did you donate the hair to locks of love?
Ms Robinson saysJune 13, 2007 at 2:03 am
Ms Robinson will not be doing this. She cut her only dolly’s hair at age 6 and is still waiting for it to grow back.
Mr. Fabulous saysJune 13, 2007 at 6:32 am
I am totally going to drink the next time I shave my head.
nutmeg saysJune 13, 2007 at 10:31 am
I’ll be stopping by later today with three ratty-haired kids!
goblinbox saysJune 13, 2007 at 10:53 pm
Bossy is both drunk and brave. My favorite combo.
girlplease saysJune 14, 2007 at 7:23 pm
yea. i followed that site once and this is what i got:
Mrs. Chicken saysJune 17, 2007 at 10:27 am
Oh. My. God.
Woman, you have balls of steel. I’m definitely coming back here.
How have I not seen you before??
tica saysJune 19, 2007 at 6:42 am
Wigs are available for those of us who mess up.
Sparx saysJune 20, 2007 at 7:24 pm
I personally prefer a martini while murdering my own locks – two when murdering someone elses…
Brad saysAugust 20, 2007 at 5:04 am
Great comments 🙂
I’ve cut my own hair for 2 years and yep it looks great!
Have you heard of Robocut Vacuum Clippers?
I just dial in the length I want and then vacuum my head.
No mess, no clippings, yes a foolproof haircut : )
take care all,