In honor of Bossy’s close and personal friend Ree, Bossy decided that today was the day to learn how to use her newly
pilfered purchased Adobe Photoshop, which she didn’t in any way steal buy from her Mac Genius friend Ydna.
First Bossy opens the
Next she follows the link to Learn The Basics and finds a few options:
So Bossy settles on Learning Photoshop CS.
Next she pushes the link to Working With Photoshop. Or maybe she pressed Get Help You Sick Fook but anyway it led her to this helpful page of options:
After Bossy decides she needs Working With Photoshop she clicks on that link and prepares for all of the mysteries of the universe to unravel at her feet. Turns out it’s going to be a long wait:
Hmmm. Bossy thinks she’s in the category of Work With Digital Photos, even though Bossy’s
readers reader would argue that although ‘butchering’ is technically a type of work it doesn’t usually apply to photographs.
Anyway, Bossy presses that link which leads her directly
into the gas chamber to another list:
Basic Steps For Correcting Images sounds simple and quick to Bossy. Maybe it’s their use of the word ‘Basic’ but anyway she gives it a whirl:
Turns out Adobe Photoshop puts the Sic in Basic.
Looking over that list of options Bossy decides she better get the whole What In Feck’s Feck Is A Histogram? thing out of the way. And so she clicks on that:
OK, Bossy will bite. She’ll press on Related Subtopics. She’ll massage the link to Reading A Histogram:
Who needs a drink?
stella saysJune 20, 2007 at 1:13 pm
thats about how i feel every time i open my photoshop or illustrator. i close it and think, i am better off being a Microsoft Word MASTER. Employers hardly recognize the value of a good cutandpaste’er.
i know these programs could unleash pandoras secret to me…and propel me into a 6 figure income, but whatever. i think WORD is where its at.
photoshop gives too many options.
keep it simple bossy. don’t fall for it. step away from the photoshop and go have a mojito.
Biddy saysJune 20, 2007 at 1:21 pm
hmmm maybe I don’t want photoshop after all…of course if I could get it for free…that might be another story…
The Domestic Goddess saysJune 20, 2007 at 1:34 pm
That’s about how I feel about it, too. I do all these flipping tutorials and I still stink. But sometimes is comes in handy, like when I take two pics of my kids and in one they have their eyes closed or one of them has chapped lips…
maggie saysJune 20, 2007 at 1:44 pm
Ree made it sound so easy. Now I’m scared. All I need is another program that reminds me that just because I went to college, doesn’t mean I can actually do anything.
Kristi saysJune 20, 2007 at 1:44 pm
I’ll take you up on that drink right after I get my ability to breathe back. That was frickin’ hilarious!
Came over from Ree’s site when I glanced at your comment today. Glad I took the bait!
Jennifer saysJune 20, 2007 at 2:00 pm
You’ve exhausted me. Too hard.
Must go nap.
Rita saysJune 20, 2007 at 2:19 pm
Bossy, I love your posts without Photoshop. That’s what makes them so funny! Don’t go getting all professional on us now.
margalit saysJune 20, 2007 at 2:19 pm
I’ve used photoshop for at least 8 years now and I still have no clue how to do most of what a good designer should know. Lucky I’m not a good designer! I had to take a short class in order to learn the little I know. Their documentation sucks, and their online help is worse. Trying to correct red eye? Don’t even bother looking up red eye. It’s not in help. Ugh
Phoenix saysJune 20, 2007 at 2:27 pm
Bossy, do you teach harrassment training too? I have to do that online for work and I think you’d make it so much more interesting. 😉
Oh, The Joys saysJune 20, 2007 at 2:33 pm
BOSSY might want to try photoshop elements as as starter program.
Seattle Mamacita saysJune 20, 2007 at 2:53 pm
bossy your photoshopping always inspires me to dink around with it thanks for the “greek tutorials” link 🙂
soNOTcool saysJune 20, 2007 at 3:02 pm
I have attempted to use Photoshop, but I just don’t have the time/energy for it. I use it for one thing … watermarking my photos and resizing them. I mean two things.
Kevin Wolf saysJune 20, 2007 at 3:10 pm
What you need is Adobe’s Photoshop “Classroom In a Book” book. It comes with a disc of exercises that will help make sense of about 25% of Photoshop.
I understand no one has mastered more than 35% of Photoshop — not the “experts” and not even the folks who created it.
Hayes saysJune 20, 2007 at 4:41 pm
I do love me some time in photoshop! 🙂 You know what I love more? You’re It! 🙂 http://www.qplog.net/2007/06/20/randomness-of-8/
Scott-O-Rama saysJune 20, 2007 at 5:00 pm
Stick with Photoshop Elements. It’s much better for the simple minded like you and me.
P.S. If you’re really nice to me, I may just help you get a copy for the Mac.
RobsCat saysJune 20, 2007 at 5:02 pm
I can relate. You are cracking me up! I guess we will never learn!
Cee saysJune 20, 2007 at 5:39 pm
histograms are hysterical!! Dont you know?
Anyways, I ROCK the photoshop 24/7. Just ask me anything.. or fuck it send the pic o me and I will just fix it for you cause it’ll take aLOT less time.
alli saysJune 20, 2007 at 5:58 pm
I have to tell you I am impressed by your ability to write so well in MS Paint. I can’t do that at all. It looks like my two year old took over.
CableGirl saysJune 20, 2007 at 6:20 pm
Stereo instructions.. worse than freaking stereo instructions. I always dread software tutorials. yeah right. Sure they’re helpful…. if you already know what you’re doing that is.
*pixie* saysJune 20, 2007 at 6:53 pm
As a Photoshop instructor I find this hilarious. Great tutorial.
Sparx saysJune 20, 2007 at 7:14 pm
Oh My God. I have such an ancient version of photoshop that when it opens up I have to feed a mouse to get it to run on a wheel that opens the image with a creak. It only does about 20 things and I understand about 4 of them.
maggie saysJune 20, 2007 at 7:22 pm
LOL – all I can do in Photoshop is crop.
The Queen saysJune 20, 2007 at 7:38 pm
I love Photoshop. I downloaded a free 30-day trial of the CS3 version and it’s great. I’m considering purchasing it, but the price is too hefty. Would Bossy be willing to hook me up with her techno friend? (I had to try?)
mothergoosemouse saysJune 20, 2007 at 8:16 pm
No tutorials for me. I just get in there and fook around and the next thing I know, I’m making obnoxious buttons with ducks on them for my friend, The Thief.
I would be willing to sit through a Bossy-authored tutorial though.
moi saysJune 20, 2007 at 10:18 pm
I worked for nearly ten years as a graphic designer and STILL I never managed to crack the Photoshop code. It laughs at us all . . .
surcie saysJune 20, 2007 at 11:03 pm
Hilarious! This is precisely why I don’t. even. bother.
I guess those Mac geniuses can’t be friendly because all of those brain cells are too busy being supersmart. What is up with that?
EE saysJune 20, 2007 at 11:48 pm
I’ve had it 4 months. I can auto fix and crop my photos. That’s it:o
flutter saysJune 21, 2007 at 12:10 am
Flutter hearts photoshop, although her knowledge is as rudimentary as BOSSY’s.
thejunebug saysJune 21, 2007 at 2:30 am
I 2nd the Classroom in a Book. Great illustrations (in color!), step by step instructions, handily indexed. Worth the money.
girlplease saysJune 21, 2007 at 6:43 am
histogram sounds like hysterectomy so i just leave that setting alone.
don’t you think “histogram” should be followed by “my ass”?
Bon saysJune 21, 2007 at 8:26 am
Bossy hurt my brain. bad, bad Bossy.
now that Bossy knows photoshop, Bossy will come and fix/entertain/diddle MY histogram, right? 🙂
Tongue in Cheek saysJune 21, 2007 at 11:14 am
Now…imagine photoshop in French.
Tongue in Cheek saysJune 21, 2007 at 11:14 am
Now…imagine photoshop in French.
Another Jennifer saysJune 22, 2007 at 2:21 am
As a web professional, that posting was the funniest thing I have read yet. It makes total sense of the craziness I do every day.
The Uncanny Canadian saysJune 22, 2007 at 4:57 pm
I have to live by Photoshop, but it is usually the beast that defeats me. Try making a hollow box with a dashed line. It is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Seriously. This takes approximately 250 millseconds to do in say Powerpoint. Cruel cruel Photoshop.
whymommy saysJune 24, 2007 at 9:43 pm
Oh, Bossy, you make me laugh. Don’t ever stop!