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i am bossy

Where Bossy Wakes With Renewed Enthusiasm.

In honor of Bossy’s close and personal friend Ree, Bossy decided that today was the day to learn how to use her newly pilfered purchased Adobe Photoshop, which she didn’t in any way steal buy from her Mac Genius friend Ydna.

First Bossy opens the pogrom program:
Welcome_3

Next she follows the link to Learn The Basics and finds a few options:
Options

So Bossy settles on Learning Photoshop CS.
Learning_3

Next she pushes the link to Working With Photoshop. Or maybe she pressed Get Help You Sick Fook but anyway it led her to this helpful page of options:
Try_this_2

After Bossy decides she needs Working With Photoshop she clicks on that link and prepares for all of the mysteries of the universe to unravel at her feet. Turns out it’s going to be a long wait:
Working_with_4

Hmmm. Bossy thinks she’s in the category of Work With Digital Photos, even though Bossy’s readers reader would argue that although ‘butchering’ is technically a type of work it doesn’t usually apply to photographs.

Anyway, Bossy presses that link which leads her directly into the gas chamber to another list:
Dig_photos_2

Basic Steps For Correcting Images sounds simple and quick to Bossy. Maybe it’s their use of the word ‘Basic’ but anyway she gives it a whirl:
Correcting_2

Turns out Adobe Photoshop puts the Sic in Basic.

Looking over that list of options Bossy decides she better get the whole What In Feck’s Feck Is A Histogram? thing out of the way. And so she clicks on that:
Histogram_4

OK, Bossy will bite. She’ll press on Related Subtopics. She’ll massage the link to Reading A Histogram:
Ror_2

Who needs a drink?

Oh Good – More Greek Tutorials.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. thats about how i feel every time i open my photoshop or illustrator. i close it and think, i am better off being a Microsoft Word MASTER. Employers hardly recognize the value of a good cutandpaste’er.

    i know these programs could unleash pandoras secret to me…and propel me into a 6 figure income, but whatever. i think WORD is where its at.

    photoshop gives too many options.

    keep it simple bossy. don’t fall for it. step away from the photoshop and go have a mojito.

    -stella

  2. hmmm maybe I don’t want photoshop after all…of course if I could get it for free…that might be another story…

  3. That’s about how I feel about it, too. I do all these flipping tutorials and I still stink. But sometimes is comes in handy, like when I take two pics of my kids and in one they have their eyes closed or one of them has chapped lips…

  4. Ree made it sound so easy. Now I’m scared. All I need is another program that reminds me that just because I went to college, doesn’t mean I can actually do anything.

  5. I’ll take you up on that drink right after I get my ability to breathe back. That was frickin’ hilarious!

    Came over from Ree’s site when I glanced at your comment today. Glad I took the bait!

  7. Bossy, I love your posts without Photoshop. That’s what makes them so funny! Don’t go getting all professional on us now.

  8. I’ve used photoshop for at least 8 years now and I still have no clue how to do most of what a good designer should know. Lucky I’m not a good designer! I had to take a short class in order to learn the little I know. Their documentation sucks, and their online help is worse. Trying to correct red eye? Don’t even bother looking up red eye. It’s not in help. Ugh

  9. Bossy, do you teach harrassment training too? I have to do that online for work and I think you’d make it so much more interesting. 😉

  12. I have attempted to use Photoshop, but I just don’t have the time/energy for it. I use it for one thing … watermarking my photos and resizing them. I mean two things.

  13. What you need is Adobe’s Photoshop “Classroom In a Book” book. It comes with a disc of exercises that will help make sense of about 25% of Photoshop.

    I understand no one has mastered more than 35% of Photoshop — not the “experts” and not even the folks who created it.

  15. Stick with Photoshop Elements. It’s much better for the simple minded like you and me.

    P.S. If you’re really nice to me, I may just help you get a copy for the Mac.

  17. histograms are hysterical!! Dont you know?
    Anyways, I ROCK the photoshop 24/7. Just ask me anything.. or fuck it send the pic o me and I will just fix it for you cause it’ll take aLOT less time.

  18. I have to tell you I am impressed by your ability to write so well in MS Paint. I can’t do that at all. It looks like my two year old took over.

  19. Stereo instructions.. worse than freaking stereo instructions. I always dread software tutorials. yeah right. Sure they’re helpful…. if you already know what you’re doing that is.

  21. Oh My God. I have such an ancient version of photoshop that when it opens up I have to feed a mouse to get it to run on a wheel that opens the image with a creak. It only does about 20 things and I understand about 4 of them.

  23. I love Photoshop. I downloaded a free 30-day trial of the CS3 version and it’s great. I’m considering purchasing it, but the price is too hefty. Would Bossy be willing to hook me up with her techno friend? (I had to try?)

  24. No tutorials for me. I just get in there and fook around and the next thing I know, I’m making obnoxious buttons with ducks on them for my friend, The Thief.

    I would be willing to sit through a Bossy-authored tutorial though.

  25. I worked for nearly ten years as a graphic designer and STILL I never managed to crack the Photoshop code. It laughs at us all . . .

  26. Hilarious! This is precisely why I don’t. even. bother.

    I guess those Mac geniuses can’t be friendly because all of those brain cells are too busy being supersmart. What is up with that?

  29. I 2nd the Classroom in a Book. Great illustrations (in color!), step by step instructions, handily indexed. Worth the money.

  30. histogram sounds like hysterectomy so i just leave that setting alone.

    don’t you think “histogram” should be followed by “my ass”?

  31. Bossy hurt my brain. bad, bad Bossy.

    now that Bossy knows photoshop, Bossy will come and fix/entertain/diddle MY histogram, right? 🙂

  35. I have to live by Photoshop, but it is usually the beast that defeats me. Try making a hollow box with a dashed line. It is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Seriously. This takes approximately 250 millseconds to do in say Powerpoint. Cruel cruel Photoshop.