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How To Waste The Morning Googling Some Girl Who Sort Of Used To Date The Musician Guy You Went Out With One Million Years Ago.

Wake up with this girl’s name in your head. Except: was it two ‘L’s or one? Remember the last time you saw her — it was 1984 and she was wearing her Olivia Newton John headband and a pair of jazz shoes. Also: legwarmers were a distinct possibility.

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Remember that she was four years older than you and already living in a college dorm. Remember that she was a film student and remember how jealous you used to get at the notion that before you met him, this musician guy you were totally in love with used to crash in this girl’s dorm room following Classic Film Night in the Student Activity Center.

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Meanwhile all you could offer your musician boyfriend at the time were after school Brady Bunch reruns on Channel 48. While your Dollhouse family looked on from their Center Hall Colonial.

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Remember that this girl — this girl whose name had two ‘L’s, maybe one — used British words for everything even though she only lived in London for like six months. “Phone me at my flat,” she once whispered to your musician boyfriend — your musician boyfriend — while you stood close by in the middle of the rock club that only allowed your underage ass through the door because you were like 5-foot-a-million, and obviously only drinking-age people were that tall.

“Why do you still talk to her?” you remember asking your musician boyfriend in his Mercury Capri later that night. “Because she’s scheduled for major surgery,” he said, looking all mournful.

“She’s having her wisdom teeth removed,” you cluck, watching him visibly hunker down inside his Member’s Only jacket.

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Remember that this girl always carried her camera, and remember that in her world she didn’t take pictures she Made Photographs. Remember that it was this girl’s camera that allowed her entrée backstage to meet your boyfriend in the first place. And even though you never saw any of those band photos, remember that you still have the following photo she took of you and your boyfriend in the aisle of a music store:

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So you wake up and Google this girl using her maiden name because you’re pretty sure she’s the type of girl to pursue cinematic success using her maiden name while you’re clearly the type of girl to pursue the skid marks on your husband’s underwear using your married name.

Except you can’t find any trace of her on Google! You hold a small party inside your mouth until you realize you misspelled her name and in fact it is
only one L.

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And there she is. She’s the one writing articles about film scripts, the one hawking her Independent Film in the Yahoo Movie Group Forum. The one who ends all her comments with, “Cheerio!” You take small solace in the fact that she is still Ha! four years older than you.

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Comments

  2. oh my gah… did you play Blair in that long (thankfully) forgotten t.v. show the Facts of Life…

  4. Bossy made Howard laugh with that one. Especially since we have an 18-year-old intern in the office this summer who DOESN’T KNOW WHO THE HUMAN LEAGUE IS! Ugh.

    I need to find a walker that matches the gray Members Only jacket I used to have.

    Hey, I have a question? Why do guys in the 50’s and 60’s STILL wear Members Only?

  6. Adorable Girlfriend,
    The same goes for wearing polo shirts with the collar up. Sorry only us Breakfast Club kids can do that!

  9. I myself had a dove gray pair of those flats. But I always thought the Members Only jacket was something less than cool. Bet the guys who wore them totally dug my rainbow shirt and my Calvin Klein jeans.

  10. HA! Channel 48 and Brady Bunch Re-runs.

    I think we were watching them at the same time. Cue Twilight Zone music.

    Ever see Top Secret? The meaning of Hilary? “She whose bosoms defy gravity…”

  15. I love it. You have detailed what we ALL have done.

    Two months ago, I decided to google the girl that told everyone in my 6th grade class that I stuffed my bra. (I didn’t!) I remember her petite stature, the monumental decision that she had to make between cheerleading and gymnastics, as well as how every boy wanted to go out with her. It took a lot of looking to find her … and, it’s NOT because she’s petite like she used to be.

    QUITE the contrary!

  16. I went to middle school with a girl whose name also started with an “H” and she was one of those midly weird types with whom most of us didn’t want to be friends, you know those types with “cooties”. One day in the lunch line, she walked up to me and pinched my upper arm and said in a whiney voice while wiping her nose, “You know, I’m going to grow up and be an ACTRESS.” And you know what? One day I turned on the television and by gah, there she was. So . . . yeah.

  18. Google: part never-ending trail of bread crumbs . . . part Rorschach Test . . . part Orgasmatron.

  19. lol

    thanks for the smile…

    my ex had a members only jacket

    I had the leg warmers
    & feathered hair

    gawd

  20. What a funny post! Blue Girl is vertically challenged, so she got into bars with a *fake I.D.* I think it said I was something like 38. 🙂

    Great post, Bossy! You look pretty in that photo, too, btw.

    I never think to use Teh Google to find old flames. I think you just gave me an idea!

    If I find any dirt on that dirty rotten scoundrel, I’ll be back with the scoop!

  23. I was the first in my school to wear the legwarmers. I also had the Farrah Flip with the roach clip headband:o

  24. hey! my brother had a leather Members Only Jacket.

    in 1984 im pretty sure i was watching Fraggle Rock or You Can’t Do That On Television.

    Come to think of it. did you ever watch Small Wonder? Or Silver Spoons? Or….or…THE LOVE BOAT???

  26. Okay, she may have the independent film and the articles on scripts, but you got… us? Okay, you got a wicked killer sense of humor and you’ll probably outlive this chick by like, four years at least. Go Bossy!

  31. I just saw the comment about the roach clip headband and it brought back a fond memory.

    Back-story: I was raised by hippies and had a pretty much constant contact buzz until I left home.

    Anyhow, I was about 8 and my grandma had a “roach clip” on her desk. I was very curious why she had it. I knew what it was for, I mean, the only thing that I’d ever seen them used for. I said, “what is that?” She called them *insert real name here* and told me that they were for *whatever they are for besides holding roaches* I said, “are you sure?” She said, “it’s not a roach clip.”

    That was a lot funnier and more nostalgic left in my head and not typed out in a comment section.