Behold Exhibit A: the object Bossy’s blue blood Oreck XL vacuum could not suck up through its 12” Microsweep base plate into its top-loading
self-sealing bag if its plastic ass depended on it:
This is not a new problem. Bossy has always hated her vacuum, as detailed in Exhibit B: the letter that Bossy wrote to Oreck in 1999:
Back to the item Bossy’s Oreck won’t inhale: it’s a leaf. It’s not even a leaf—it’s the schmutzy corner of the midrib of a very insignificant leaf. And despite Bossy’s attempt to roll over this item
a few million several times, the schmutzy leaf corner remained for all eternity—on the very hardwood floor that Bossy once sanded and whitewashed and polyurethaned until she lost the six years she would have spent playing Mah Jung at the Senior Center.
And just in case you think Bossy is exaggerating the size of her foliate phlegm, Bossy posed the subject next to a paperclip:
And just in case you think this is one of those ginormous paperclips that are all the rage these days, Bossy posed the partial petiole next to a pebble:
And just in case you think the pebble is actually a boulder that fell from the side of Mount Olympus, Bossy posed the stubby stipule next to the paperclip next to the pebble next to Godzilla: