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Things That Make You Want To Drink Gin Straight From The Cat Bowl.

airport-security

Dear Terrorists,

So did you read the news today about how undercover investigators smuggled bomb-making components through security checkpoints at 19 different airports throughout the United States?

Right? Just in case you’re still a bit unclear about how exactly you can pull this off yourself, the Government Are-You-Trying-To-Get-Us-All-Killed? Accountability Office put together this report of helpful tips:

  • The bomb-making components used by the investigators are widely available at local stores! And online! And cost less than $150!

  • The bomb-making components can be smuggled in your luggage and on your body. Even the obligatory security checkpoint hand-wand and pat-down won’t detect the items!

  • A simple Internet search will provide all the instructions you need to assemble these smuggled components into two different types of devices once onboard the aircraft! One bomb can be fashioned of liquid explosives, and one bomb by combining everyday products contained in your carry-on bag!

Easy peasy, huh? Although the Government Accountability Office issues one word of caution: don’t even dream of packing an unlabeled container of medicated shampoo, because that will be removed from your luggage at the security checkpoint and may arouse suspicion.

All set? You can probably learn more later today when officials testify before the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform. Oversight, indeed.

Love, Bossy.

Read The Article Here. Although Bossy Thinks This Is Probably Just A Ploy To Get Us All Nervous Again Right Before The Elections.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  6. I think it’s time for old Loudon Wainwright III to write another verse to Hard Day On The Planet.

    I can find out how to make a bomb and take down a planeload of people just in time for the Thanksgiving rush, and yet I can’t find nonsensical instructions for how to put together my flippin’ IKEA coffee table.

    Reply

  9. We hate it when the government keeps information from us….we don’t want them keeping secrets…FULL DISCLOSURE (said tongue in cheek).

    I’m a frequent flyer and I quit smoking two years ago (YEAH JANICE!!) but before that I hated the fact of arriving at my destination and not having a way to light that smoke, so….I decided I would travel with a lighter in my carry-on and take my chances on having it confiscated. No one EVER took my lighter. Scarey that the screeners took my lip gloss but didn’t see my lighter.

    Now, please pass the cat bowl.

    Reply

  11. The fact that it hasn’t happened yet can only mean a few things 1) Terrorists are even dumber than security screeners or 2)They are waiting for some special moment that will only make sense to them.

    I often wondered why we didn’t make the TSA a part of the military so at least the people at the metal detectors could actually take down the would-be terrorists instead of looking like they just got done winning a Krisoy Kreme eating contest- oh wait, that’s right, a few of Cheney’s friends wanted some government contracts.

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  12. Our all-seeing government knew that Bossy was about to make a bunch of snarky anti-government comments, and THAT’S why she didn’t win the Funniest Blog award. We must all band together now to protect our Bossy before she disappears in the middle of the night. We will know she did not go voluntarily because the gin will be left behind.

    Reply

  14. Crap. And I am flying next month and I already enjoy it all so much (sarcasm). Now I’m going to be looking at people for bulges in their pants. Uh yeah…You know what I mean.

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  15. I am curious how people are able to get out of their seats, into the overhead compartment, dig out all the “ingredients”, and assemble said bomb in their seats.

    I can barely balance my soda and peanuts.

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  19. Amazing how these things *always* happen when things are looking bad for the conservatives? Doesn’t anyone remember the story of the boy who cried wolf?

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  21. I think the whole security screening thing is like the Arizona horse inspectors, a way for a government employee to get their friend a job, or a higher level guy getting their friend a big contract. Just back from flying, and I consider those checkpoints worthless, a big time waster, and something that helps take the fun out of flying, not discussing those tiny seats.

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  25. My cats take a stand over their cat bowl every time I break out the gin, so I may need another plan.

    Oh, and the government is just trying to be helpful since MacGyver reruns are so hard to find.

    Reply

  30. I’d rather die today than live a long life afraid every day that I was going to die. What ever happened to the government protecting us without telling us every little detail along the way? Oh yeah, when they needed to scare us to get the votes.

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  34. I heard this on the news this morning. First I cursed the stupid committee for making this public knowledge, then I cursed the media for sharing it world-wide. Idiots…the whole bunch of them.

    Bossy for President!!!

    Reply

  39. Ah you are blissful escapism personified. Next time you have to go to the airport, just admit defeat. There is only one way to defeat the terrorists and make the custom/ security personnel’s jog easier. Don’t worry about removing your shoes, wearing socks and sandals, the only solution is for us all to submit to the ultimate, turn up naked.

    Cheers and by by to queues [or should that be lines?]

    Reply

  45. My friend inadvertently carried a boxcutter in her purse from DC to Las Vegas, and back, undetected. Of course they threw away all of her Clinique the trip before that because the containers were bigger than 3 oz. UGH.

    Reply

  49. We’ll skip the fly option over Thanksgiving but we’ll just have to bite the bullet over the ‘holidays.’ On second thoughts I’ll bite something else other than a bullet as that might delay or derail our transit through customs.
    Cheers

    Reply

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