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i am bossy

Bossy’s Brief Life As A Pediatric Nurse.

Bossy’s day as a Pediatric Nurse begins at 10 pm when she goes to bed. Bossy likes to lie in the bed she shares with her daughter and worry incessantly meditate. Feel your head, heavy on the pillow, your forehead and eyebrows relaxed, your eyes calm against the day and did somebody remember to turn down the heat? Your neck is relaxed and pressing into the mattress, feel your shoulders uncurl while the very top of your back releases and what about the Christmas lights on the porch?

At approximately 5:30 am, Bossy falls into a deep merciful sleep which is why it’s so thrilling to wake up just a couple of hours later when her REMs are finally remming-er-mmmingzzzz.

Just like her usual morning routine, Bossy first stumbles into the adjacent bathroom to make sure she didn’t accidentally swallow her head:

close-up

And then she admires her sexy negligee nurse’s uniform:

sweatshirt

Sadly it gets worse:

sweatpants

Next Bossy falls down a flight of steps in order to measure out that morning’s pain medication for her daughter:

medicine

Next she fastidiously arranges the new bandage dressings on a sterile medical tray:

towel

And then it’s time for bed breakfast. Bossy’s daughter gets to eat whatever she wants. As long as it’s soft. But not too soft that it requires a spoon. And as long as it can be diced into one-inch quadrilaterals or maybe obtuse triangles. And as long as it’s not too sugary, or hot, or spicy, or salty, or crunchy. That leaves eggs:

eggs

Bossy’s daughter still needs help with eating since she can’t quite feel her mouth’s edges. And she’s not supposed to talk, so she writes her complex instructions on a White Board. Bossy is supposed to deliver her daughter’s food in the sequence she enumerates—where 2 = bread, and 1 = eggs, and 1,2 = bread dipped in egg, and 7 = Bossy’s brain stem slathered in hypothalamus.

white-board

While Bossy and her daughter sit at the table, the family cow dog tabulates the number of days until her sister-mommy can play:

lost-dog

Next Bossy’s daughter does some schoolwork:

home-school

After torture session number two lunch, Bossy and her daughter tackle a seasonal project, such as making fudge. This is Bossy and her daughter in their holiday aprons bent over the stove’s flame, stirring crushed walnuts into chocolatey velvet:

collage

Then it’s time for TV, bandage change, TV, dinner, bandage change, TV, TV, TV:

TV

That’s Bossy’s day as a Pediatric Nurse in a nutshell, emphasis on nut.

Bossy’s daughter wants you to know that she went to her Plastic Surgeon appointment and she fell in love with her doctor and married him the end. The good news is her graft is right on track—but it will still be a couple of weeks before the family can exhale.

In the meantime, Bossy’s daughter thought you might be curious to see her injury, so she modestly posed for the following clinical photograph:

ellie-giddy

Reader Interactions

Comments

  2. Bossy’s daughter is amazingly brave and sweet and seems to have her Mom’s wonderful sense of humor.
    And Bossy is amazing.
    Lots more good wishes being sent.

    Reply

  3. It’s a no brainer that Bossy’s husband won’t have a hard time deciding what to get Bossy for Christmas……Victoria’s Secret gift card….or maybe just Target so she can get matching jammies like Bossy’s daughter.

    Stella wants to be a nurse-dog, or maybe she just wants that cut up food more than a playmate..

    Bossy’s daughter’s collage an indication that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree…..that would be the stalking tree.

    Get well, little Bossy girl, you have the best nurse there is.

    Reply

  5. Okay, so hope all is well and better for Bossy’s daughter. Surgery at Xmas is a real bummer.

    Now observation from Audubon Ron on Bossy’s picture holding camera in bathroom. First blush, looked like Bossy was pointing a gun to her head. I went “WHOA, PUT THAT DOWN!” Don’t scare Audubon Ron like that, it ruffles his feathers. Nothing bad for Bossy. Nothing bad.

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  6. Happy for the good news so far, but will continue holding my breath until Bossy says everything’s okay.

    I like Bossy’s daughter’s liberal education: health, meal, math (geometry & numerical patterns), meal, art, meal, drama (cool costume!) Is this the Columbia-track?

    And I LOVE Bossy’s theory on shot glasses.

    Reply

  9. I am SOOO glad to hear that things are so far going well with little bossys healing! your amazing bossy, such an example to me on how to handle something like this. keep up the great work, shots of pain meds and vodka and us your loyal readers posted on little bossys healing!

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  11. Yay for the graft being on track. Yay for Nurse Bossy. Yay for the Bossy family holding it all together.

    Um… oh, yeah, Yay Stella for being such a good dog and not eating Little Bossy’s breakfast when no one is looking (because my dog won’t even wait until you look away, she’ll just snarf it down right in front of you).

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  14. Very glad to hear that Bossy’s girl is on the mend! Looks like her momma is taking very good care of her, and letting herself go in the process (but that is what moms do, its all about the family, not us)

    Hugs to all of you and congrats to Bossy’s son!

    Reply

  15. bossy is such a good nurse! I think we might have the same couture designer doing our wardrobes, although I did notice bossy’s slippers are a lovely shade of peppy orange – much more festive than my tired old Minnetonkas in their dirt brown leather.
    Sending Get Well Soon wishes to bossy’s darling little girl – xoxo
    PS – what a lovely miniature cow you have- and so expressive!

    Reply

  16. It sounds so, um, cozy…and, I think, after the swelling goes down, Bossy’s daughter will be as gorgeous as ever. Plus she is apparently gorgeous on the inside too – so that’s a bonus.

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  17. Bossy dresses just like DG does for bed. Lucky husbands, indeed. Except Bossy looks WAAAAAY better than DG does when she wakes up.

    Stella looks like so much fun. I want a dog like Stella!

    Glad to hear Bossy’s daughter is healing so nicely! YEAH!

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  19. I believe the more abstruse “Griddle Girls” should become the nome de boobs. The original just lacks the necessary flattery for which Teh Bossy is eminently deserving.

    Fingers, toes, and arms & legs are crossed that your pediatric ministrations and the Graft Doc’s Skillz are Wonderfully Effective!!! Thusly should y’all have the Happiest of Holidays!

    Oh yah: I wish you both “a deep merciful sleep” each night until you know. Take care!

    Reply

  21. Very happy to hear that Bossy’s daughter is doing well. BTW, I think Bossy’s night attire is stylish yet practical…I choose to wear something quite similar the minute I get in the door from work on weekdays, and all weekend if I’m lucky…just add crocs to bossy’s outfit and you have my home uniform.

    Reply

  22. Griddle Girls is the best new word I’ve read this year.

    I am glad that the graft is on track. I hope it continues to progress that way and her life can return to normal soon.

    It is amazing that you and your family have handled this with such strength and humor. Bossy, you have a remarkable group under your roof, and that includes you.

    Reply

  24. Excuse me, but I think you still need some work on those puffs … they’re amateur compared to mine.

    I’m glad to see Mini Bossy eating, cooking, and stalking Jason.

    I’m praying everyday for you lil’Bos, until your mom exhales.

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  25. Yep… nothing that a house full of love and patience (and a daily shot glass or two of humor) won’t cure. Enjoy each moment together. [Sounds like time for another quirky 80’s tribute song. Try:
    Just replace “making love to you” with “being in love with you” and VIOLA!! a beautiful mom/daughter healing song.

    Reply

  29. Just found your blog and read about your daughter. I am so so sorry. I wanted to mention that as a teenager my husband was involved in a very serious ski accident. The end of his nose was cut off, his entire mouth area was sliced open in several places and he almost lost his tongue entirely. Due to a snow storm he wasnt able to see a plastic surgeon for something like 12 hours. He received a skin graft from his shoulder to reconstruct his nose. Most people have no idea that anything ever happened to his face. His scars are hairline thin and only visible when he puckers his lips on purpose so you can see them. His nose has a slightly different texture than the rest of his face, but looks totally fine (thats partly because the graft was from the shoulder and not the face). This all happened 15 years ago and I’m positive grafting has come a long way since then, it also wasnt exactly at a great hospital. I’m sure your daughter’s surgery will be even more successful. Just wanted to give you a personal story of face grafting success.
    I am thinking of her and your entire family.
    H

    Reply

  33. She looks so jaunty in that hat. Merry Pigmas.

    Hang in there, Bossy. Give yourself space to not be the perfect nurse/cheerleader/mom 24/7. A fractured Bossy does no one any good. I’m sure genius-son and hubby are more than happy to serve as relief pitchers when your arm needs a rest. Take care of all of you.

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  35. I can’t believe you waited until practically the END to say that Bossy’s girl’s graft is right on track! We’re HANGING on your every word over here – even the huz is reading up.

    Seriously, you must be so very proud of the way your daughter is handling this very real crisis in her young life. I’m proud of you too. You’ve taught her well.

    Reply

  36. Happy to hear the skin graft is looking well.

    I am praying for you and your daughter.

    I wake up in the night. And think of you.
    And pray.

    You are the thought that comes to my drowsey mind.

    Your sense of humor is a balm.

    Reply

  37. I have been wondering about Bossy’s daughter. I like your perspective – I bet you are an incredibly soothing force for your daughter right now.

    My best to Bossy’s daughter!

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  38. ” . . . to make sure she didn’t accidentally swallow her head.” This one put me on the floor. Now I can’t get up, and I can’t reach my LifeCall alarm.

    Please try not to make Daisy Daughter laugh too hard during her recovery. Humor is great but laughing until your cheeks hurt would be tough for her right now.

    My thoughts are with you all as the news gets better and better.

    — Laurie

    Reply

  39. oh bossy. I was a pediatric nurse to my son over the summer when he had surgery in a delicate area *ahem*. much sympathy for the glamorous life of a pediatric nurse mother. hugs to the girl, too 🙂

    Reply

  40. Hey there,
    I’m just catching up on a literal month off the internet and felt my heart sink as I read your last few entries. I hope that your wonderful and beautiful daughter is doing well, as well as her hilarious “pediatric nurse”.
    I can only say that I understand what you are all going through. When I was nine, I had a dogbite to the face; a dog jumped up and literally took my face in it’s jaws. I had bites on both sides of my face; on my right cheek the tear literally went all the accross and through my face.
    After it happened, it was inceivable to think of a time when I wouldn’t be physically or emotionally scarred, but time healed both my body and my spirit. I went on to have (and continue to have) many great adventures with my friends and family, and have grown into a life I love with my amazing husband and kids.
    I’m glad you have such a loving, funny family to help get through a hard time.
    Much love,
    Beta Mom

    Reply

  41. Sense of humor (check)
    Ability to cook and then cut eggs in uniform shapes (check)
    Bossy and her griddle girls (check)
    Stella on guard (check)
    Bossy’s lil baby girl with skin graft taking! (PRICELESS!!)

    Lots of love and prayers comin’ from Vegas, girl!

    Reply

  43. Man, I cannot imagine having an injury like that. Then, I can’t imagine having an injury like that in a family that is any less loving or funny as yours. Thank you for satisfying my morbid curiosity to look at injuries. If you’d like, I’ll pay you back by emailing you a picture of mine. (ew.)

    Reply

  44. Poor puppy…missing his sister/mommy…
    Love Bossy’s Daugheters egg/bread/hot chocoate routine..VERY creative!
    Bossy’s daughter has some very stylish jammies, her mom..not so much
    🙂
    STILL praying for you!

    Reply

  45. Bossy looks so tired. I will take a nap for her. Also, regarding the “griddle girls”: Sometimes when I sleep in the wrong position I have waffles in the morning. I hope that made Bossy laugh.

    Reply

  46. I am so dang relieve to hear that things are going well but honestly, there seems to be some swelling you might want to be concerned with.

    Also some furring.

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  49. Yay! The graft is good! Still sending positive graft vibes your way.

    Poor Daisy, she can’t talk?

    That pain med cocktail looked yummy.

    I wish I had griddle girls. Mine are, well, not so much big, but…um, big. Oh, well.

    Oh and I love your doggy.

    Reply

  50. I’m glad you both seem to be on the mend. It’s tough duty being the nurse!

    Thank you so much for the phrase Griddle Girls! I shall use it often and with glee. 😀

    Reply

  51. Griddle girls! LOL That is too funny!

    So glad to see that Bossy’s daughter is on the right track. You all have been in my thoughts since I read about the incident.

    Looking forward to more updates!

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  52. Nursing looks good on you. And your daughter’s pants rock. A stylish sickie.

    My husband, who is NOT a blog reader or commenter, has even been asking about your daughter. Lots of positive thoughts coming your way from lots of people.

    Reply

  58. Have been traveling here on the Mainland, through the arrhythmic beating heart of Dixie, working on a book I might get finished by oh, about 2017, and the first thing I do each day, no matter where I am, is fetch my laptop for good news about The Bossy Angel. You’re the coolest family I’ve never met. Warmest aloha to all y’all.

    Reply

  59. That was so clever-glad the graft is looking good. Love the pj’s from Target-my daughter has the same ones. As for pancake boobs, I call them 2 fried eggs!

    Reply

  64. glad everyone seems mostly ok so far! i’ve been thinking about your family nonstop (and so has my boyfriend, after i told him why i couldn’t sleep last week when i read your first post..)

    lots more internet hugs and well wishes!

    Reply

  65. I see the Bossy-daughter is taking in some Suite Life of Zack & Cody. I bet she’s watching lots of Hannah Montana too, and I bet Bossy loves Miley Cyrus’s voice almost as much as I do.

    Know what’s even more fun than being a Pede RN at home? Sitting by your son’s bedside while he is in the PICU, and you may sit by his side all night if you want, but you MAY NOT SLEEP, because they will kick you OUT! Fortunately, the beeping heart monitors and nurses skitter around are so fascinating, that sleep is impossible anyway. But the worst thing is, you’re “in public” so you don’t feel quite right wearing a comfy ensemble such as the one Bossy is sporting in the photos. You have to wear something resembling Real Clothes. Oh yeah, baby. Good times!

    The good news I can confirm to Bossy is THIS TOO SHALL PASS. You will never be the same, but you’ll get back to “Normal” eventually. I promise; if I did, I know you can too. And by the way – the sense of humor is KEY! Fortunately, Bossy has that locked up in spades.

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  68. Just imagine, people actually get paid to be a pediatric nurse! Glad to hear your daughter’s recovery is right on track … sending more well wishes your way.

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  69. I like Griddle Girls. When/if Little Bean arrives, and when I’m done breastfeeding, I am going to call the girls that.

    Glad she’s feeling better. You look awesome.

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  70. To: Bossy’s Daughter
    -You look fantastic! You can hardly even tell your face was half bitten off by a mangy old dog. The santa hat goes nicely with your pink complection!
    but seriously, keep your chin up. You’re doing fabulously.
    :o)

    Reply

  73. What better way to heal than have your Bossy at your side with a pain med shot and a Tiger Beat Magazine…….

    Way to go Bossy Girl!!

    Reply

  74. Thanks for the update. Amazing how everything ‘else’ kinda stops being a ‘thing you must do’ when you have a medical issue to balance. You are lucky you can spend the time you need to on your daughter’s recovery and assemble some sort of coherent thoughts! Thanks for the insight to the tiring schedule. More positive thoughts headed your way.

    Reply

  78. Even after all that you’ve been through you still find humor in it. You are the COOLEST BLOGGER EVER but if I spend too much time on your blog I start beating myself up that mine isn’t cool like yours…

    Get well little one!

    Reply

  83. Geez, Bossy… if you don’t like your flapjacks, just ask Little Bossy’s plastic surgeon for a two-fer special and go under the knife at the same time! Personally I like my flapjacks, aptly named “Flopsy” and “Mopsy”… and Little Bossy should surely set her sights on that surgeon, every family needs one. Uh, maybe she should just become one herself!

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  85. So glad miss daisy is doing well…

    please tell me I read wrong that you fell down a flight of stairs…

    If I ever need a nurse, I want you…

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  86. Glad to know that nobody’s sense of humor was injured!! Been praying for Bossy’s daughter’s full recovery and I must say… she’s looking mighty porcine good!

    Nan (who is hoping that strike throughs work in comments but is thinking maybe not.)

    Reply

  88. Bossy’s daughter is in good hands.

    I’m delurking to send good thoughts your family’s way. And congrats to your son on getting his first choice, that’s wonderful!

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  90. Your sleep schedule looks much the same as mine. I too have spent much time developing delicate puffs (puff pastries?) on my face as well.

    Hooray for so far so good!

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  94. I’m so inspired by your ability to maintain your sense of humor through this, Bossy. I think I would be an anxious mass of anxiety. (My son is only four, so I still have lots to learn.)

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  97. Poor tired mom.. your daughter is a brave, sweet darling. I’m so glad to hear that it’s on track. She’s been in my best thoughts many times throughout the days.

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  98. Absofeckinglutely amazing you and your precious daughter are keeping your sense of humor. Had a beautiful healing chant for her tonight. I am certain she will make a full recovery. And I send Stella a pet on the head and best wishes from my two dogs who weigh about as much as her eyeball.

    Reply

  104. after sniffling away the last of the tears, as i caught up with you and sweet little bossy’s daughter, i applaud your photo.

    though the swelling looks a bit out of control…to me….

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  106. Your daughter’s instructions for feeding (and subsequent smiley face, to butter you up) killed me. You all sound like you share the sense sense of humor and smartypantsness. Bless you guys.

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  107. you are such an amazing mother.

    I dont know how you have kept such a brilliant sense of humor though all of this.

    I am thrilled to hear the graft is RIGHT ON TRACK.

    whew. (well almost whew.)

    I guess the bandages havent been too tight or too loose.

    (she is a total sport for taking that picture.)

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  108. Still holding steady with the prayers…. but glad everybody can smile even if it is on a white board. Get some sleep, Bossy…. You will need it tomorrow when pediatric nurse day starts all over again….

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  109. My God woman! – you are incredible! How do you do it all AND find the time/strength to write a hilarious post too? I am in awe. I dont even know you, but your daughter has been on my mind ever since I read of her horrific accident. God bless you and your little girl…I am so happy she is healing well. You are a terrific, awesome mom/woman & keep up the good work!

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  111. I just found your blog this morning. You are amazing — finding humour (regardless of how black or bleak) in this awful situation makes you number 1 in my book. If anything like this happened to the sweetness that is my 11-year-old daughter, I would have to be scraped simultaneously from the floor and the ceiling. Godspeed to you and your daughter!

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  112. That white board is just the BEST and the little smile on there makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time.

    She’s really something to still be smiling.

    Holding a place for all of you in my heart.

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  114. Hey, you should feel lucky to have Griddle Girls. Mine are more like silver dollar pancakes. *rimshot*

    Thanks for the updates on Lil Bossy, and lots of wishes for continued healing from across the pond.

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  116. Bossy’s daughter rocks!

    And so does Bossy. But Bossy needs a nap. And a spa day. And a week on a nice warm beach with lots of trashy magazines and umbrella drinks.

    I have the same under-eye bags AFTER A FULL NIGHT’S SLEEP. My eye-bags are just like Bert Lahr’s, the Cowardly Lion in the WOZ. And I also have pancake boobs, but I use the medically preferred term, “perky”. Hey, girlfriend, we’ll never sag!!

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  118. Glad to hear things are going well. Yeah, never too early to marry a plastic surgeon I guess. The other day on BoingBoing they featured a 40yo Afgani man with his 14yo bride! EEEEWWW!

    Remember that difficult challenges are for growth in new ways, like Bossy as ped. nurse and BossyGrrl as fearless graft warrior.

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  121. I admire your wonderful sense of humour in the face of all these challenges. Glad the beautiful daughter is doing better. Surely it helps if she likes the doctor??!!

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  123. You are AMAZING! And, WOW! Bossy’s daughter looks BEAUTIFUL! 😉 I’m SO happy everything’s on the right track. Can’t wait till it’s all done and we can all breathe a sigh of relief. 🙂 ((Hugs))

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  124. Good morning, bossy! Don’t worry. The pediatric nurse costume is way hot. 😉

    Oh no! Graft has turned bossy’s daughter head bulbous! (Somewhere there are grammar mistakes. But drinking the rum while making rum balls…gives you that).

    Merry Christmas and hope she gets well soon! And save you from the lunch code misery, haha!

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  126. I just had to check back and see how everything’s going – and I’m glad to see that at least everyone’s sense of humor is still thriving. Hope you all have aa merry a Christmas as possible!

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  127. #5 Nutella?
    Chocolate spread to eat on bread? Do you have any?

    I am glad to hear “so far so good…” It is inspiring to see you finding humor in this matter, it helps doesn’t it, and heals!

    Good medicine you have go going there.

    I bet my panckes are flatter than yours 😉

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  128. #5 Nutella?
    Chocolate spread to eat on bread? Do you have any?

    I am glad to hear “so far so good…” It is inspiring to see you finding humor in this matter, it helps doesn’t it, and heals!

    Good medicine you have go going there.

    I bet my pancakes are flatter than yours ;)in France we call them crepes!

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  129. When I was in middle school, I got the name Mosquito McD (my maiden name) because of my flat chest. I’m now 37 and I’m still waiting for boobs:(
    Griddle Girls…love the new name!!!!
    PS Did you mention the head swelling to the doctor? Could be imperative to Bossy’s Daughter’s recovery;)

    Reply

  131. Awwwwwwwww, I’m so glad you both can still be funny. What a gift that really is, at a time like this.

    Lots of good thoughts coming your way. To both of you.

    ^_^

    Mari-Nanci

    Reply

  136. I’m just now learning about your daughter’s emergency. How unfreakingbelievable. I will hold her and your family in my prayers and I wish you all the best. You and her (and the rest of your family) have handled this extremely difficult and delicate situation with amazing grace and dignity.

    Thank you for sharing this with us internet peeps.

    And griddle girls…nice. I, myself, sport a pair of beaver tails.

    Reply

  138. That is absolutely horrific what you’re all going through. Mind-blowingly painful. The hope from these posts I guess is that people will read this and think about the kind of dogs they own. I feel steadily angrier and angrier about that dog that bit your daughter, accidents happen is not good enough as an excuse, aggressive dogs shouldn’t be kept as pets, end of story.

    You have such a beautiful dark humour and it shows how much this is truly excrutiating for you as a mother. My heart goes out to you.

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  139. Wow! You guys are so brave! Your daughter is healing and doing great because of your positive attitude and great sense of humor. Giving you lots and lots of good thoughts your way!

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  140. Lord, this is making my stomach lurch – I can’t bear the thought of you lying in bed worrying… sounds like all is doing well however as gauged by the pancake jokes… someone once described her post-breastfeeding boobs as ‘a tennis ball in a sock’ and that’s where I’ll leave this comment, after just wishing you both well one more belated time…

    Reply

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