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Can We Talk? Excellent Road Trip Updates: Version 2.0

Bossy has been very busy worrying over her latest illness updating her Google Road Trip map and she has a few things she’d like to point out:

road-trip-pins

So then last night Google divided Bossy’s Road Trip map into two pages. Yes way. Because apparently there is a limit to the number of pins that can be represented on one page. Who knew Google had such stringent rules when it comes to Halcion days well-planned Road Trips?

Google took one look at Bossy’s pushpin page and said Hellza No You Are Not Driving To All Of These Places. At least not on one page. And so they threw the latest entries on a lonely Page 2 which naturally made Bossy yell at her husband brainstorm a solution. Here’s what she came up with—and when she says she, she means her husband:

orlando

Oh readers reader. Bossy has received hundreds and hundreds of sweet Road Trip emails. Every day her inbox is brimming with very encouraging messages such as the following:

she man hsing jui ya ron tiger apple winnie kitty kuang kh jj js mh matthew sh betty ou karen kim cho frank adam pieh xyz ken mao stanley e martin mo

Aww.

Next update: Bossy still has a low-grade fever and heart palpitations. There’s also a little bit of a breathing issue, meaning she isn’t, much. Just small fluttery breathes so as not to wake The Palpitations.

Bossy has narrowed her diagnosis down to two because we all know how mellow Bossy is about her own health issues. It’s either:

  • Pulmonary Embolism or

  • Cardiomyopathy

beaches

Although come to think of it Bossy hasn’t altogether ruled-out Adult Onset Diabetes, which is why she’s been on the hypochondriac hypoglycemic diet for a few days. This means Bossy eats six times a day and sometimes even more. Wholegrain bread and nuts and egg whites and lean meat and then puffy white toast slabbed with butter and sugary preserves.

And speaking of eating, Bossy saw this sitting on the counter of her dark kitchen early this morning:

ufo

At first she thought it was a piece of hardboiled egg. And then she thought maybe it was an orthodontic Night Guard. Bossy was afraid to prod this UFO thing. Do you know what it is? Because if you answer correctly, chances are you don’t have Cardiomyopathy.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  7. It looks like an ice cube – with a tiny KILLER DINOSAUR embryo in it. RUN RUN RUN! Or maybe it’s just my sick headache / brain tumor talkin’.

    Reply

  9. I was going to venture that it was a slug, perhaps? But then I cheated and read the previous comments and now know that it’s an ice cube.
    Now that I look at it again, though, it kinda reminds me of the goop that comes out of my children’s noses.
    Aren’t you soooo excited to visit me??

    Reply

  16. Okay, I knew it was ice before I opened the comments — but what I don’t know is how did it manage to stay alive on your counter all night? Maybe it’s an Alien Ice Cube?

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  17. If it’s an ice cube, it’s the most menacing, other-worldly ice cube that’s ever been or will ever be. I thought it was some gelatinous deep-sea creature.

    Perhaps Bossy’s illness is a delayed reaction to the incredibly stressful events of her holiday season? Feel better and call the doctor about those damn heart flutters.

    Reply

  19. ice cube. Which reminds me – don’t put a bag of frozen grapes in the tray of the ice maker – it will eat the plastic bag and you will get grapes in your drink.

    Also… note to self – I need to fix this mess before husband finds it…

    Reply

  25. I’m making an appointment with my doctor to discuss a treatment plan for my cardiomyopothy.

    That’s the scariest de-tentacled jellyfish I’ve ever seen.

    Reply

  28. First I thought it was an icecube. Then I decided it was a saline bag from someone’s boob job.

    But it could just be the top of a lightbulb, too.

    Reply

  31. she man hsing jui ya ron tiger apple winnie kitty kuang kh jj js mh matthew sh betty ou karen kim cho frank adam pieh xyz ken mao stanley e martin mo

    Bossy, that would make sense to you if you didn’t have Mad Cow Disease.

    Reply

  32. Who left their silicone breast implant on your kitchen counter? That has to be awfully unsanitary if they want to use it again. I would put some Germex on it to be safe.

    Reply

  33. I think you should start your 2008 roadtrip in before Valentine’s Day. Then, you *might* be home by 2013.

    Also, that’s clearly and alien testicle. Ice cube, my ass.

    Reply

  37. But, what about South Dakota and Montana? Those poor states are being left out too.
    Even with your pushpin accumulations it still seems there will soon be too many. Is the man up for shifting to a pin per state perhaps?

    Reply

  43. If you fall into a coma, I am willing to wheel you around to finish your roadtrip, and I will put a turban on your hair and administer chapstick to keep you fresh-looking.

    Bossy, I think your illness and the thing are related, and I’m concerned aliens have been entering your home at night and leaving their replicant pods. Could your heart symptoms be the aftermath of probing? That’s how they roll, you know. It’s a good time to get out of town.

    Reply

  44. Having had a pulmonary embolism – I offer the following non-medically sanctioned self-test…

    When you take a deep breath, does it feel like someone is popping bubble-wrap in your lung?

    It does if you have a pulmonary embolism.

    Reply

  45. It’s an ice cube from your ice maker? It’s a street lamp?

    Seriously, Cardio-whatcha-macallit? Maybe it’s Pneumonia. Or allergies or Asthma. I can tell you that since we are currently having SPRING IN PENNSYLVANIA with it being all 60 degrees and stuff, my allergies are a wreck and I’m having breathing issues. Time to get my inhaler script refilled, methinks.

    Reply

  48. It’s a tumor. Your kitchen counter has a tumor. Have you in your fever neglected it??? Perhaps it is a very very sad tumor. I don’t see a good outcome for that counter… :-((

    Reply

  49. Looks like ice from the refrigerator ice maker. Thought I’d better add this comment since no one has thought of this yet.

    Reply

  51. If that’s ice (and boy, it sure looks like ice), and it was on bossy’s counter all night, then the explanation for bossy’s illness is simple: bossy’s husband keeps the thermostat set way too freaking low and everyone in the house is slowly freezing to death.

    Reply

  52. My first thought was breast implant, but Since those are more likely to be found inside the breast than on the counter, I’m going to have to go with the group and say it looks like ice.

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  57. I say ice but that seems too obvious. From one hypochondriac to another, NEVER go online to self-diagnose. Or else you end up having five brain tumors, stomach cancer, and MS within an one week period and that sucks.

    Reply

  58. At first i thought it looked like a breast implant! But since i frequently find those on my counters, i know better. It’s an ice cube. Sweet, I don’t have cardiomyopathy now!

    Reply

  64. Here’s a thought: go to a doctor. I know the endless guessing and worrying are a relaxing past time, but why not actually find out and even ~gasp~ get some medical attention?

    I know, me and my pie-in-the-sky dreams.

    Reply

  67. Okay, fine. I am in New Mexico. I didn’t register because I have NO IDEA what a sap like me could talk about with a goddess like you. And I don’t have a guest room or even a proper couch. Or a coffeemaker. Or a car to meet you anywhere. But if you want to see the wonders of Albuquerque, I would be happy to step up to the plate, just let me know.

    Reply

  69. It is an ice cube, although it is not in the shape of a cube. Either that or someone’s breast implant fell out on Bossy’s counter, in which case you should probably put it on ice and find the owner immediately.

    Reply

  70. so my immediate thought was that it looked a lot like my grandmother’s prosthetic boob. but knowing how creative bossy is with proportion, i’m gonna have to say it’s an ice cube. or my grandmother’s prosthetic boob.

    has bossy maybe…oh…i dunno…gone to the doc?

    Reply

  71. I’m slightly disturbed by how many people know what breast implants look like. I mean, I see them all the time at the neighborhood pool, but they’re concealed inside breasts, not strewn about on the pool deck.

    Reply

  75. Momi Fali says:

    she man hsing jui ya ron tiger apple winnie kitty kuang kh jj js mh matthew sh betty ou karen kim cho frank adam pieh xyz ken mao stanley e martin mo

    Bossy, that would make sense to you if you didn’t have Mad Cow Disease.

    Oh, how I died reading that!

    And the rest of these comments are a riot as well. Where do you find these commenters? And are you sure you want to visit these highly disturbed comical people?

    Reply

  83. In your house, on your counter….

    it’s an ice cube.

    If you come to my house on the road trip, you can meet all the ladies that would answer;

    “it’s my silicone breast implant”

    Get well Bossy!

    Reply

  85. I don’t know what it is, but I wouldn’t touch it. It looks gelatinous.

    I hope BOSSY doesn’t really think that all her readers expect her to visit each and every house…this could lead to an illness of the mental kind. I view this as more of a metaphoricle BOSSY odyssey. Feel better

    Reply

  87. It’s a melting ice cube. Or a boob implant. Or one of the suppositories they gave me for my nausea. How did you get that?

    And did you ever know that you’re my hero? I would be the Bette to your Barbara and I would bring you to the beach and sing “You are my sunshine” to you, even the sad part. But I’m not keeping your kids after you die because I don’t need the extra college bills.

    *smooches*

    Reply

  88. I know it’s a hunk o’ice and I DO have cardiomyopathy. A specific kind (and no, not the good kind, the genetic kind) called hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. If you want to know anything about symptoms, just ask. I’ve got the all!

    If you are having breathing issues and feel like your lungs are full, have your husband put his ear up to your back and listen carefully while you breathe. If he can hear crackling sounds or wheezing, it’s time to visit ye olde doctor. With a fever, I’d bet pneumonia or bronchitis, and not cardimyopathy. If your lungs feel REALLY full, try some lasix or other diuretic and see if it improves. If it does, voila, you’re cured. If not, again, see ye old doctor.

    Feel better!

    Reply

  90. ice cube? breast implant? slug?

    See, three original answers!

    Okay, one original answer:

    I have no idea but it scares me…a lot…

    Reply

  92. Hey, actually for a moment I thought it was my mother-in-law’s fake boob (or prosthesis). When was she visiting you? She has a habit of leaving that thing laying around because she says “it just won’t stay where I put it”. Well perhaps it’s because she puts it everywhere but her bra.

    I agree…ice baby, ice.

    Reply

  95. I am thinking your ovary. Aww how nice of you to extract it for our viewing pleasure…

    And if you froze it first it would look spectacular in my drink…

    I have a large playhouse in my yard you can come and stay in. Not much of a swim over to Australia. Might let you share the rabbit’s left over lettuce if you are really good.

    Reply

  97. Considering your wild popularity, I think you should pick ONE stop in each city to grace with your presence. Those who live in designated city will have to bid to host you (hey, gas is expensive and this in an election year!).

    Reply

  98. Thank God for your husband/mad google map skillz because I totally would hate to be all by myself on the dreaded page 2. As for the unidentified object, well, I would just stay out of that room and see if it goes away.

    Reply

  100. Hey Scottsdale Girl, you might be having PACs or PVCs (not the plastic), which could be just a benign problem with the electrical system. Except when it’s not. So if you periodically feel like there’s a squirrel loose in your chest and when you take your pulse you can feel it skip, head to your doc’s office for a nice little monitoring session. And Bossy? I’ve been watching a lot of Masterpiece Theatre lately: you are afflicted with the dreaded consumption.

    Reply

  106. HA! You very funny lady, bossy lady.

    Hey bossy, come check out my new digs!! I showed Ree and she told me I could wear pull ups now because I’m officially a big girl!

    And bossy. That is so an ice cube. Nancypants thinks you maybe need laser eye surgery.

    Reply

  107. It’s an icecube.

    You are not having a heart attack. It’s called delayed mom stress syndrome. We keep our shit together till everyone is in the all clear. Then the panic attacks come on.

    I like your Alpha column.

    Reply

  110. Could the palpitations be caused by stress…related to the overwhelming response…by a bunch of potentially crazy loonballs…that reqested to be on your road trip…that you are now reconsidering!?

    Reply

  112. It’s a piece of ice. That’s too bad about New Mexico. I am so wanting to visit Taos and Santa Fe! I’ll meet you there if you want to visit on the way to California.

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  116. oo, oo, I know,it’s ice. is your kitchen as cold as mine? I don’t even have to use the refrigerator anymore!!! woohoo!

    Reply

  117. At first I thought: jellyfish? Apparently I spend to much time at the ocean, and do not own an ice maker. Since my second thought was: glob of phlegm?, I’m assuming I spend to much time cleaning up bodily fluids, and not enough time drinking well-iced beverages. Eventually though, I did think: ice! Yeah me!!!

    Reply

  120. It looks like us Bossy fans in St. Lou are going to have to mount a full scale campaign in order to woo you over here. Will consult with the chicks in “the lou” and get back to you….

    Reply

  124. I didn’t look at anyones answers and I am guessing ice. And I am guessing I am right. And I eat 6+ times a day as well. Mostly because I am a heffer. And according to the red line under heffer I can’t spell heffer and I even tried adding i’s in various places.

    Reply

  125. Bossy, duh. The clue to the object on your counter clearly lies in this e-mail:

    she man hsing jui ya ron tiger apple winnie kitty kuang kh jj js mh matthew sh betty ou karen kim cho frank adam pieh xyz ken mao stanley e martin mo

    Reply

  127. You are much more calm about illness than I am. As soon as I get either a pain in my left arm or a pain around my ribs, I am certain that I WILL DIE. Thankfully you actually have the ability to reason things through, which is why I should never have children.

    “Oh God, is that a rash/temperature/cough? HE’S GOING TO DIE.” etc etc

    Reply

  129. Instead of hopping around all over and giving yourself The Heart Condition, why not have the folks from each city throw you a SURPRISE PARTY? Yay! It’s Chili’s, which, you know, errg, but there might be balloons! And people you don’t know yelling “Surprise!” and maybe throwing streamers! And then you all eat sheet cake and then – yay! You get to go back to your little Motel 6 room and try to get wireless.

    Reply

  134. 1) That totally looks like a piece of ice that didn’t get properly crushed up when making Margaritas.

    2) I’d invite you over to ever exciting Upstate New York. But then you’d get here and want to leave about 20 minutes later. For real, yo.

    Reply

  135. Say it isn’t so; you’re coming to visit me in South Mississippi? I just noticed a pin in South Mississippi. YEAH, EVRYBODY! Bossy’s coming to see us.

    Dang, got to paint the house, dump the beer cans somewhere, take the couch off the porch and have it cleaned, load the coke machine on the porch with beer and what-nots, burn the trash, man so many things to do, oh and paint the tires in the yard.

    Reply

  137. It looks just like the ice cubes that I step on in the middle of the night when I get up to let the dog out and my husband has gotten a glass of water before bed and spilled ice on the floor but does not pick it up.

    Reply

  140. “?????(??????????
    she man hsing jui ya ron tiger apple winnie kitty kuang kh jj js mh matthew sh betty ou karen kim cho frank adam pieh xyz ken mao stanley e martin mo”

    HA HA HA HA…I get that same email!!

    Reply

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